Wise people judge others by their deeds, not words. Though it is the right thing to do, sometimes it is important to pay attention to words, too, as they can show truth if you read them correctly. In fact, often they show our real intentions.
Despite each of us has the unique vocabulary and care about the words differently, there are some template words that give your secrets away. Usually, they are the words that express your uncertainty, like “hope”, “doubt”, “afraid”, etc. These words show you’re not ready, you stuck and don’t want to move further. However, you can cope with these feelings just after having a nice talk with your close friend.
Yet, your real enemy has a stronger defense. It is protected by the illusion of being busy, planning, risk evaluation and has different faces. Sometimes, it seems impossible to get rid of it as it becomes the part of us. Nevertheless, if you do, your dreams will definitely come true. Do you think they are worth it? Then let’s deprive this word-habit any chances to survive.
There are five faces of this word you have to forget.
L is for Looking for the Leader
Sure, having someone to carry responsibility for your life is very comfortable as in case of failure you’ll never be the one who failed. And also, you’ll never have to make important decisions and solve problems. Many dreams about such a sweet life, but they forget one thing. This life won’t be theirs.
So, if you don’t want to live the life designed by others, stop looking for a leader. Having mentor was okay in high school or college. Now it is you who have to decide what to do next. Yes, responsibility is scary, but it is essential to learn to carry it if you aim to reach your goals.
Seymour Segnit, the curator of the Responsibility Fear Program, offers the anchor method. It says if you need to overcome the fear of responsibility you have to create a new connection in your mind. Every time when you feel anxious before making important decisions think about something that makes you thrilled. It can be the “I rule!” emotion, for instance. Think about a contest you won, or just having good cards playing poker. Think about it deeply and consciously and do it every time until the new connection in your mind will be created. It requires some time to change your way of thinking, but the results will be outstanding.
However, carrying responsibility on your own doesn’t mean you can’t have a partner. But it has to be a person who you can split responsibility with, not to give it away. Forget about the parent-child relationship. Trust and equality – that’s what you need.
A is for Ambitious Promises
History, literature and even fairy-tales teach us that making a promise is a sign of confidence and people who give them are responsible and reliable ones. There is nothing to argue about, right? Sure. But this statement is missing one important point. The person who easily promises something would be decent, just in case they fulfill it. Otherwise, their words mean nothing, and if so, they turn into an untrustworthy person nobody want to have business with.
This way, it is crucial to avoid promises as they rather will be harmful than useful. Just pay attention to how successful people talk. They never promise. Instead of talking, they prefer body language methods of persuading and keep the conversation short. People get what they want easier if they don’t use the grandiloquent words and show their power with the correct nonverbal behavior.
Avoiding promises you’ll be able to work with less stress and feel less obliged. Thus, always think ahead.
T is for Tiring Mess
Day after day minimalism way of life inspires more people. And this tendency has a simple explanation. The pace of our life gets faster every minute, so to keep focused we have to reduce the impact of insignificant distractions, like routine everyday choices.
It seems you don’t spend a lot of time on choosing what to have for breakfast or what to wear today. Yes, they don’t require much time separately, but in a bulk, they create the mess that doesn’t let you concentrate on the business.
Moreover, those choices require not only our time but inner resources. Thus, successful people do not burden themselves with these minor thoughts. They simplify it and learn to prioritize.
To start, organize your desktop and online work. How many folders do you have on your desktop? I bet, dozens. And there is probably another dozen inside the main ones. This mess makes you think you have a thousand things to do. Get rid of it. Leave 2 to 5 folders on your desktop with the files you need every day. Send everything else in the trash (or at least hide it). Then, organize your bookmarks. Choose which social media channel you will use for work and which one for the personal life. Try software that helps to work more efficient. Develop new good habits.
It’s as easy as that: the fewer choices you need to make every day, the more time and energy you’ll have to generate new ideas and make progress in your work.
E is for Expectations
They say never stop dreaming, and you’d better listen to them. However, do not dive into the dreams thoughtlessly too often. Dreams are the base for the goals we set and they keep us motivated. But they can trick our minds by making us expect our dreams to come true exactly the way we imagined. Unfortunately, they won’t.
Moreover, you’ve never imagined failure, right? But it is the inseparable part of every success story. And it can benefit you significantly. However, having inflated expectations, we refuse to believe in it and let them demotivate us. It’s a losing tactic. And do you want to be a loser?
Then, dream, but keep your expectations real. Do not underestimate the progress you make.
No one gets that life they were dreaming about. Sometimes, they get worse. But sometimes they get much better. All you need to do is keep working and let the magic happen.
R is for Ruinous Self-Pity
You can often read on the Internet “love yourself”, “take good care of yourself”, “do not let the circumstances make you forget about your needs”. They are all right words. Do love yourself. It is the shortest way to happiness and self-sufficiency. But be aware, the excess of love is as dangerous as the lack of it.
Excess of love is the main reason for self-pity. And self-pity makes you lazy, frivolous and shortsighted. Self-pitying you are turning into a person that never will succeed cause instead of taking chances to build the life of their dreams they choose the fleeting pleasures.
Those 20 extra minutes in bed every morning, or doing less work than you can do eventually will turn into dissatisfaction and regrets that won’t help you to move further, but will swamp you harder and make your attempts to succeed futile.
To prevent those things you have to recognize the tiniest signs of self-pitying in their infancy. And instead of concentrating on it, practice gratitude. Don’t think “I worked too much yesterday and deserve to sleep longer” or “I am so unlucky that I wasn’t born rich”. Think of what you’re grateful for. You have a warm bed to sleep in, you have the access to the Internet, and you can take a shower and go to the gym, etc. Change your focus and appreciate all the nice things you already have. It is impossible to pity yourself and feel thankful simultaneously. So, do the positive thinking to get rid of the ruinous one.
Love yourself, but be demanding. You can do much more than you think. You are way too stronger and talented than you can imagine. Use your inner resources to the fullest, and the success will follow.