As a woman, using Tinder is like walking into a room of hot, shirtless men who haven’t had sex in a year and are all dying to be with me:
But as a guy, you’ve got a huge obstacle in front of you when you use Tinder:
Every other guy on there.
Today, more than ever, women have their pick of guys on Tinder. And that means you have to stand out if you want to get more dates.
So what’s the easiest way to stand out from every other guy?
Have an original first message.
Trust me, I know — this is harder than it seems. After all, there seems to be zero logic explaining why women respond to certain messages and not others.
She might never respond to “Hey” or “How are you?”…
But she’ll respond to a cheesy, ridiculous line that would cause most women to laugh in your face?!
What’s REALLY going on here?
The 3 Motivating Forces Driving Her to Respond
Before I show you the 3 Tinder openers she has to respond to, it’s important to understand why she responds to certain things and not others.
And that all comes down to her motivating forces — the deep, underlying emotions that drive her to think, “Message him back NOW!”
There are 3 motivating forces that drive women to respond on Tinder:
This one is the most obvious. If a woman desires you, she’s going to be motivated to reach out to you.
“Yeah, but if she swiped right, she obviously likes me, right?”
Not exactly. It’s possible she swiped right because she was on the fence about you…
And your first message could make all the difference between getting a response and being ignored yet again.
But if she’s truly attracted to you, then you’ve got it easy — it doesn’t really matter what you say because she already wants you. And in fact, she might even message you first!
Here’s the thing, though: It’s nearly impossible to determine her level of attraction or desire without messaging her first…
So to play it safe, your first message should stem from one of these next 2 motivating forces:
Spark a woman’s curiosity, and you’ve got her.
Think about what it means to be curious:
If you’re curious, then you want to know more.
And if you send her a message that makes her want to know more, then of course she’s going to message you to find out!
Women are so used to getting the same messages over and over…
So if you can make her feel something other than bored, then you’re already years ahead of your competition.
This is why women who don’t respond to “Hey” or “What’s up?” will always respond to cheesy, ridiculous lines.
So how exactly do you spark her curiosity?
I’ll show you in just a second, but first, let’s get to her final motivating force…
3) Surprise (But NOT Outrage)
Think about the last time you were truly surprised.
Your heart begins to race…
Your mind goes a million miles an hour…
And you feel compelled to do something in response.
Understanding the biology behind surprising a woman should help you understand why she responds to it so well.
If you can surprise her, it’s almost like her body automatically tells her to message you back!
Taking action (AKA responding) is the natural response to a surprising message.
Here’s the tricky thing about surprising a woman, though:
If you surprise her, you risk pissing her off. Piss off your Tinder match, and you can kiss any chance she’ll sleep with you goodbye.
But if you can make her feel good about your surprise, then your chances of getting a response (and an eventual date) skyrocket.
So how do you turn her motivating forces into lines you can use on your matches to get dates?
The 3 Tinder Openers She HAS to Respond To…
Earlier, I mentioned that if she’s motivated by attraction or desire, she’ll probably message YOU. So if you want to initiate the interaction, it’s best to send her a message that sparks her curiosity or surprises her.
And here’s how to do that:
The easiest way to spark her curiosity is to ask her opinion on something.
Here’s an example:
“Creamy or crunchy peanut butter?”
“Chocolate or vanilla?”
When you ask her for her opinion, she’s going to wonder two things:
- “Why is he asking me about peanut butter?…”
- “I want him to know that I”m a creamy girl all the way!”
You’re also leaving the focus off of her — and that’s going to make her wonder what exactly you’ll say when she gives you her answer.
When you ask for a woman’s opinion, you’re telling her that her thoughts matter more to you than your need to tell her how “hot” she is. And that’s a sign that you’re someone she might want to date!
It doesn’t matter what her response is — what matters is that she responds. And from there, you can start a real conversation.
And if that’s not your style, then you can try surprising her.
So how the f— do you surprise a woman without pissing her off?
Make it cute or funny!
A lot of guys think there’s a certain “line” they have to use to start a conversation with a woman…
But the truth is that sometimes, words are overrated. Tinder has a set of gifs you can use to message women — instead of saying something with words, you can say even more with an unexpected image.
Sending her a gif leaves a lot of room for her interpretation, so not only will you set yourself apart from the “Hey” and “What’s up?” guys…
But you’ll also spark her curiosity. It’s a win/win!
Beyond that, there is one more thing you can do to surprise her:
Use an “opposite” approach. This is a little more subtle, but if you can do it right it works on just about any type of TInder girl.
Basically, it’s all about fighting her inner assumptions about you.
Since you’re a guy on Tinder who swiped right on her, she’ll assume you’re interested in her.
Don’t let her have this assumption! Trust me, when a guy I KNOW should be interested in me hides it just a little…
It drives me f—ing crazy (in the best way possible).
So your first message should communicate that you’re “maybe” interested but you’re still qualifying her.
You could try something like,
“Got any deep-seated daddy issues you need to tell me about?”
“You’re cute, but your taste in beer is questionable — Blue Moon? Really?” (if one of her pictures is of her drinking a beer like a Blue Moon)
“Ew, cooties! Get away from me!”
Whether you’re playful or are just going for shock value, it’s important to include some element of a “joke” — daddy issues are funny because they’re stereotypical, the second line playfully lets her know you think she’s cute, and the last one is funny because it’s so insanely immature.
So now you’ve got your arsenal of lines and you understand why they work so well…
The last step is to use these lines to land a date.
The Final Frontier: How to Turn Your Matches Into Dates FAST
If she responds to your first message, you’re halfway there. The next step is to get her from online to offline.
And how you do that depends on the line you use.
If you use a curiosity line, for example, you could turn her response into an invitation. So if she says she likes creamy peanut butter, you could say,
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got a winner! Want to celebrate over some ice cream next Tuesday?”
Or let’s say you ask her about her daddy issues. She might respond, “Not since I killed him 3 years ago” (to continue the joke). If that’s the case, you want to continue the joke without getting too “caught up” in it.
You could say, “A fellow convict? Nice — want to quench your bloodthirst over a drink with me this Thursday?”
As a general rule, you shouldn’t send more than 5 or 6 messages without getting her number or asking her out.
And at the end of the day, if the opportunity presents itself, just do it.
Remember, this is a dating app! Every woman on there ultimately wants to go on a date. You just have to make her want to go on a date with you.
Armed with these openers and the knowledge of how to escalate your conversation, you can get almost any match you make on a date with you in no time. And that’s the true power you have when you use Tinder.