It can be hard to compliment a woman without feeling as though you were coming off as patronizing, insincere or down right creepy. You’ve probably been at a party or on a date when you fumble out what you think is a great compliment, only to wait in muted horror as she smiles, changes the subject, or simply walks away from you.
This guide gives you a quick lesson on how to compliment a woman and extending a conversation with compliments that you can use when interacting with women for professional even casual, but mostly romantic purposes.
How is more important than what
It is important to remember that how you say something is often more important than what you say. People pay attention to body language, how you make eye contact, the inflection in your voice and many other non-verbal cues to ascertain if you are confident in what you say.
Women, just like men, enjoy receiving witty or tasteful compliments from confident people, and feel uncomfortable receiving the same compliment from jittery, nervous, soft-spoken people who are completely unsure of themselves. Say it clearly, smoothly, with good volume, and solid eye contact.
Don’t be another generic dude
When giving a compliment, it’s not about making the compliment stand out with exaggeration (“You’re the most amazing person in the world). Stay away from generalities like “You’re a lovely person” or “You’ve got a great smile”. Such extreme compliments are harmful for attraction because she’s likely done nothing in the relationship to earn such praise and it puts you in a weak position of complimenting for approval rather than from a base of true appreciation.
Identify a unique feature or thing about the woman to compliment. It’s about being specific for even the simplest thing. “Thanks for asking about my day and meaning it. Not many people are genuine when they ask how you are. Do you find a similar thing?” A compliment can often be expanded on with a question for her to answer.
Believe what you say
Don’t give out compliments simply because you feel that you have to, or as a way to merely make conversation. Reserve them for the times that you are truly moved to give a compliment. There is no substitute for genuine sincerity when giving compliments.
Don’t be creepy, crass, or overly sexual
Especially if you are attempting to compliment a woman on some aspect of her physical appearance. Be confident, be witty, and avoid making crude comments that overtly refer to some sexual attraction or interaction. A good rule of thumb for safe compliments (if you’re unsure) is to ask yourself if the compliment could apply to a guy? If no, consider censorship.
You are not doing it for a favor
Be as non-chalant as possible when giving compliments. Don’t act as though you are doing the woman you are attempting to compliment any favors by complimenting them. Say it and let it be done, don’t dwell on it, and do not push for a “thank you” or a reciprocal compliment.
It is no secret that women love to be lavished with compliments, when they are delivered well and in a confident way. A well-timed compliment can help move your relationship forward, or simply help you get in the door with a woman in the first place. Now if you want to focus on her physical asset, here are some proven compliments that you can start with to make her day:
You look extra beautiful today!
Say this one as soon as you see her. This way it comes off as an immediate impression she made on you and is more sincere. Keep this one to women you’ve met at least once before, use the prior tips to deliver it with power, and use it rarely to have it pack a punch.
Women love to hear compliments on their physical appearance. So do men! A large portion of our self-esteem is derived from how we view ourselves physically, and it always pays to help reinforce a good body image.
You have pretty eyes
Eyes are windows to the soul, so says many a popular poet, and every woman alive wants to believe they beauty of their souls is reflected in the beauty of their eyes. This compliment can work for a couple of reasons. First, it means you pay attention and look her in the eyes when you speak to her. Second, it means to her that you look a little deeper into her being, trying to get beyond the superficialities of her physical appearance.
A compliment of a woman’s eyes is kind of a two-for-one deal, where you compliment both her physical and spiritual beauty at the same time. Having said that, if you fail to engage these qualities of knowing the woman and strong eye contact, you completely ignore what makes this compliment useful. Remember, it’s not about the words.
Personally, I only use this weeks or months into dating because it’s overused by others. I prefer to pick out physical attributes that go unnoticed – even to her. “You have a gorgeous walking style.” She will think about it for days.
Have you started to notice the trend that the best compliments come from recognition (that she earns it)?
Praise her for things you like
It’s not rocket science, it’s good human relations. A simple tip to make it valuable is to expand on why you appreciated it. She cooked you a meal? “Thanks babe, I love what you did with the potatoes.” She picked up a report for? “Thanks Jen for going out of your way to collect the report. I appreciate it.” She brought you a surprise bottle of whiskey for no reason? “Wow, you really surprised me. I love it. Thank you. I’m going to enjoy this.”
Focus on the ends, not the means
Some women have the habit of focusing on the merits of methodology, of assessing the value of a thing through the means in which it was made, rather than the results. Think of it as intent versus result. Try compliment a woman on the result then later her efforts. See which she most responds to. Some people love the attention and analysis on how a particular things turns out, rather than the efforts that created it.
Composure is a skill necessary for men as well as women. It bears repeating. This is one major attribute that most women look for in a man. Maintain your composure in every situation, and do not let your emotions get the better of you. Emotional outbursts inhibit communication and destroy any perception of you as powerful to her.
In deep relationships, it does not mean you cannot cry. You should. Composure means you can take her crap when appropriate but assertively put her in her place when she’s being inappropriate and have her love you one hour later for what you did. If she laughs at a compliment or calls you cheesy, composure means smiling back at her, looking at her eyes, and saying, “I mean it.” then kissing her check.
All these are skills that take practice. You will get them wrong occasionally and that’s okay. Conversation can be more than blathering on about the mundane trivialities of life when you take the time to understand another person. And it’s the understanding that leads to the best compliments and relationships.
For more help to grow as a men woman appreciate being around, check out my popular guide on what women want in men.