You’ve done some soul searching, kept your distance for some time, gone on to date some other women, but ended up coming to the stark realization that things are not getting any better than this. You simply made a huge mistake when you let her go, and now you want your ex back. Unlike what most people think, don’t assume it’s too late when it comes to rekindling love with your ex – just be cautious before making any moves.
You need to do this in the right way, and that means reasserting and re-engaging yourself with more confidence than ever. Here are some seven simple steps on how to get your ex back.
Step1: Start With No Contact
There is no doubt that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s obvious that after a breakup, most of us go out to seek out another person. Rule number one: don’t call her first. After breaking up, it’s advisable to avoid any form of contact with your ex for at least three weeks. By avoiding contact during this period, it will help you achieve three things:
- It will help you avoid looking insecure and needy. These two qualities are often the biggest attraction killers. Focus on your self-development by surrounding yourself with inspiring people, pursuing your passions, reading a lot of quality resources and meditating. Treat break up like the time you gain to become a better version of yourself.
What exactly does it mean to NOT be needy? It is such a good relationship with your own self that you don’t need other people to boost your self-time or improve your well being. It comes with a constant self-development work. If you feel that being needy sometimes may be your case, check our article about 4 highly attractive signs of male body language, which will make you appear more self-assured before you actually become such.
- It will develop the “the fear of loss” in your ex-girlfriend’s mind. By not contacting her, she’ll start wondering why you’re not interested in contacting her. Once she starts second-guessing herself, you have a better chance at getting her back.
- Most importantly, it gives you time to grind back into your normal life and reconsider your options. You either reconsider getting your ex back or move on.
Considering that women are experts at picking up non-verbal cues, it’s important to learn how to avoid showing those desperate and needy feelings after a breakup. Avoid offering any form of emotional support despite the feeling to do so. If she happens to contact you during these days on no-contact, you need to be smart in how you respond to her. Here’s what you should know:
- When you pick up her call, don’t be rude to her, don’t be angry or depressing
- Keep the conversation short and let her lead the conversation
- Act happy and calm and don’t be desperate
- Cut the conversation wisely if it prolongs and call her back after a day or two
- If you meet somewhere, act cheerful and don’t act like you’re pushing her away
Starting with no contact is a powerful technique to get your ex back. If you practice it, there’s a higher chance that your ex will call you back.
Step 2: Reconnect With a Simple Heartfelt Text
Reaching out to an ex-girlfriend requires real finesse. If you want to reconnect with a text and expect her to reply, then both how, and then decide to communicate with your ex is critical. In your efforts to win her back, think of something interesting that you both shared that could make her smile and text her about it. It could be a music concert that you both attended or anything fun. If you get a reply, she could be open to reconnecting and rekindling the spark.
Keep in mind that no matter how you feel, things are not like they used to be before you broke up. Maybe you have anger inside you or leftover passion, but all these factors could easily create a problem. Even though you still have her number, expect to handle her in a different way than you used to. Here are a few ways things to keep in mind when re-connecting via text:
- Have a goal in mind. Know why you’re texting her. If you’re thinking about anything negative or inflicting pain, you may have to consider putting down your phone and doing something else.
- Scrutinize your message for anything that could be misinterpreted. Start with a friendly opening tone to set the tone right. Give a clear reason for contacting your ex.
- Keep your text short. The longer you go, the more likely you’re going to mess up. Have your timing right and include your name at the end just in case they erased your contacts.
- After sending the message, keep yourself busy with something else. Should could ignore the text or reply back, so be ready for either scenario.
Step 3: Don’t Be in a Rush to Get Things Going
Getting back together with your ex-girlfriend isn’t easy. You broke up for a reason, but if there’s a chance you could get back together without falling back into old habits that didn’t work when you were together, then you can give it a try. It’s tempting to think of it as a new beginning, but you have to face the facts. This is a new chapter, so take your time before getting things going. Most second chances with exes fail because of the assumption that things will get back as they were before the breakup.
You already hurt her once after a nasty breakup, and that doesn’t mean that you have the leeway to handle things as usual. You need to take it slow and avoid being pushy or desperate. A good way to handle this is by apologizing sincerely after around three months of no contact and be respectful in the way you do it. But of course, it’s a personal choice. Follow your intuition and don’t let your emotions to cloud your vision. Focus or yourself and gaining a healthy distance to your relationship. If you have said or acted wrong, clean your act before you even go ahead to make any apologies or you’ll end up making the same mistakes again.
Step 4: Consider Calling Her
At this point, you should already be in the “go” zone. She should already be warming up to you by now. When you pick up the phone to call your ex-girlfriend, just be sure you know what you’re going to say. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Keep your conversation brief and be first to end the call. One or two minutes is ideal
- Keep your call calm and friendly and avoid bringing up any serious topics
- If you call her and she doesn’t pick up, don’t stress about it. Simply leave a voicemail
What you need to focus on when you consider calling your ex is to get her thinking about and how much fun it is to hang out with you or talk to you. Aiming for that is the right thing and will likely be a conversation builder, which is what you need to get your ex-girlfriend back. With some level of confidence, suggest a casual meet up by phone. Avoid doing so via email or text. Calling her will let her see that you’re serious about your efforts. Ask her if she would like to join you in a mutual activity that she’s naturally interested in. An online dating guide notes that this will give you both the chance to bond again in a relaxed environment.
Step 5: Let Her Know that You Miss Her
Once she accepts your date invite, it’s time to step up and ease back into her life. Get to know how she’s been, find out about her work life and other small interesting things about her personal life. If she starts warming up to your advances, tell her that you miss her and that you want her back. You’ll want to be honest and avoid bringing up any issues about your breakup. She already knows that, so keep things simple and straightforward.
Step 6: Own Up to Your Mistakes
When she’s readily open to get back with you, it’s time to acknowledge your mistakes as a way of letting go of the past. A real apology for something hurtful you did is a good place to start. It might be good to find out how best to sort out some issues. It’s important to check your motives when apologizing to your ex-girlfriend. Don’t do it just because someone told you it’s the right to do. Only apologize when you’re ready to take full responsibility for your actions. Start by clearly letting her know that what you did was wrong and that you’re aware that you’re not perfect.
Put yourself in her shoes and try and make amends. End your apology with some suggestions on how you might make it up to her. You should also keep in mind that apologizing alone does not guarantee you a second chance at a relationship with your ex-girlfriend. It’s all about taking responsibility for what you did and being willing to change. Once you’ve acknowledged your mistakes, look ahead, focus on positivity and avoid rehashing the past.
Step 7: Avoid Asking What Happened When You Were Apart
You both went your own ways when you broke up. What happened between that time and your reunion is basically something you should avoid talking about, unless your ex is willing to share it. In most cases, what happened during this period when you were apart is personal. Forget about anything that happened when you were separated, and look forward to creating a better and stronger bond once you get things going with your ex-girlfriend.
Do What Makes Her Feel Appreciated
It’s important to understand that a relationship cannot survive on its own, and the best way to keep your relationship thriving is by doing things that make her feel appreciated. Incorporate some positive gestures into your relationship to ensure that it keeps growing. Now go ahead and try these seven simple steps to get your ex back.