Let’s start by understanding this, there isn’t just one right person out there for you. There are multiply possibilities and whats right for you may not be right for your mates.
To step it up even more, the woman you think you want, you actually may not be able for. Their is a reason you haven’t dated her yet, it’s likely connected to things you are not yet aware of!
A big one men get caught with is that what you need, isn’t tied up in chemistry or humor or good looks. These three things trip a lot of men up as they are the most obvious and easiest to asses (often the most fun to asses as well).
If these were the foundation to the kind of relationship you wanted, then you wouldn’t be dating again.. but you are!
I have one rule that I work from with coaching any of my clients through dating or relationships. It is this:
Know who you are, which means know the strengths and development areas you bring to a relationship. Know where you get lead astray or lose a sense of yourself and know how you feel bonded or connected to people.
With out this stuff clear, you may find yourself settling, picking the wrong person or re-creating unhealthy patterns in relationships.
A good way to understand yourself in relation to dating is understanding what the breaking points were in your past relationships. These are your real non negotiables, these are the things that have proven to be so important you can’t continue a relationship without them present or with them present!
Start by making a list of why your past relationships didn’t work…
If you attempt to write she was crazy, then you need to swing that around and take ownership about why you accepted that and then why you could no longer. This is not an ex bashing exercise, this is a self awareness and personal responsibility exercise.
The reason this is important is to help you see your own patterns and behaviors and take responsibility for how you contributed to the dynamic, so you can go into a new relationship aware and alert to your own behaviors.
Then you need to get clear on what qualities you want in a woman and how these affect you. So first list out 5 qualities (these can be based on the non negotiables or not) beside each quality list out how that will gel with you and then what about that may challenge you.
Everything you think you want has a pro and a con to it, if you know the con then you can support yourself when you are triggered, instead of resorting to unhealthy behaviors!
A quality you want maybe friendly, a pro for you may be you find that sexy in a woman and a con maybe that it triggers your insecurity when she is friendly with others.
So having this awareness you can go into a relationship and instead of getting moody or reactive when she is friendly with others you can remind yourself this is what is sexy about her and that it is no reflection of her feelings for you and you know this is a sensitive area for you.
In this situation she remains herself, sexy to you and you get to take ownership over things that in the past may of affected relationships in an unhealthy way.
This type of list and awareness when you are dating helps you stay connected to whats a good fit for you and helps you asses situations in a helpful and effective way.
So to answer the question, the best way to find the right woman for you, is to ultimately to understand yourself better and use that awareness to make more effective choices when dating!