11 Thoughts She May Have Before Your First Date

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Congratulations – you asked her out and she said “yes,” or vice versa – and now you’re looking forward to going on your first date with a new girl.

But what is going on in her mind? What is she thinking? What does she expect?

Here are a few tips that can help you get into her mind and determine where her head’s at before you ever go out on that first nerve-wracking date:

1.  “Is he a happy man?”

Every woman wonders if her date is generally a happy man.

Why? Because in this world full of negativities, no one wants to date a man who is depressed, pessimistic or generally a downer. Of course, it’s perfectly normal to be sad from time to time, but as a grown-up adult taking care of your own happiness is your own responsibility and passing to much of negative thoughts to a newly met person isn’t the best idea!

On your first date, she wants to know that you have a lot of joy in your life and that if your happiness can add to hers. Talk about the good aspects of your life. A man who is confident, positive and hopeful is what every woman wants.

Enjoy our tips on how to be more confident around women and spread around some of your relaxed, positive energy!

2. “Does he have any manners?”

No modern woman wants to go on a date with a man she can’t take anywhere. If she’s embarrassed to take you to meet her friends or family down the road, you can make a sure bet the first will be the only date. She may not say that loud but surely she will pay attention to your table manners, how you treat the service staff, or if you fail to treat her like a lady, these can all be red flags for women.

Make sure you’re pulling out all the stops on this point because there’s never a second chance to make a first impression. Open the doors, at least offer to pay the bill and stand when she leaves the table to help her in and out of the chair. If she prefers you don’t do one of these things, she will let you know, but will still appreciate the effort in being chivalrous and gentlemanly. She doesn’t expect you to know her preferences yet, but the effort will go a long way.

3. “Am I safe with him?”

In today’s age of the #metoo movement and rampant cases of assaults and rape, one of the first things she’ll be wondering is if she can trust you to keep her safe. Don’t make a move that may make her feel trapped, and respect her wishes if she asks you not to touch her or do anything else that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Many women will take advantage of online resources to research your personal and criminal history before the date. Searching online profiles for information as well as public documents can offer past arrest information, addresses, aliases and even marriages and divorces. If there is anything shady in your past, there’s a good chance she’s found out about it, so be sure to own up to it if asked. And don’t ever, ever lie about your past when talking about it.

4. “Will he only talk about himself?”

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There is absolutely no point in going on a date if you don’t intend on learning more about the other person. If all you do is talk about past relationships, she will wonder why you aren’t in them anymore. If you trash other people in your life or past life, this will also reflect poorly on your character.

Make sure you don’t dominate the conversation and ask her a million questions about herself. Most people enjoy talking about things they’re passionate about, so if you learn what’s important to her you’ll find the most redeeming qualities about her will easily surface during conversation centred around them.

5. “Is he someone I can trust?”

Your date needs to know if you’re someone worth her time and attention. She needs to know if you’re just messing around or you’re really serious about getting to know her more. She has probably gone through your Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram profiles. She wants to know as much information about you – where you’re from, what your job is, whether you have many friends, and what your personality seems like in general. She will sure check out your online photos to get a feel of your vibe, learn about your hobbies and interests, and see how you get along with other people.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If she doesn’t trust you, you may no longer have a second or third date. You have to be transparent and assure her that you have no hidden agenda. More importantly, be careful about what you post on social media. Most people, including your date, will judge you by the way you showcase yourself online. Thus, you have to be responsible for everything you say and post. Never lie. She will soon find it out if you do.

6.  “What does he want?”

By the time she receives your message or call asking her out on a date, she has already asked this question – what does this guy want from me? Is he just after a one-night stand? Or did he find something interesting about me that he really wanted to know me more? Relieve her agony by telling her what made you ask her out on a date in the first instance.

Make yourself clear. Are you looking for a relationship? Or are just after a random hookup? Be honest about it. Otherwise, she’s going to break her head trying to overanalyze your gesture and everything you say on your first date. You have to give your intentions straight and not keep her hanging. She deserves to know.

7. “Will we have any chemistry?”

Another top complaint is men who force something that doesn’t exist. If she isn’t feeling it, she’ll let you know either directly or through her body language alone. Don’t force the issue. If it becomes apparent even early on in the date that there’s just no chemistry, no matter how well it looks on paper, have a sense of humor about it and just try to have fun. You may even end up with a good friend out of the whole deal by the end of the night.

If it goes utterly and horribly wrong, you can always offer to end the night early. Just don’t forget your manners while doing it, and she’ll leave feeling good about the experience anyway.

8.  “Is he a player?”

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Don’t blame her for thinking that you might be one. Most girls feel the same way over a gentleman they haven’t met before. It’s just that so many men looking for casual relationships play women looking for serious relationships. Remember that almost every woman has been played by a guy before. Thus, on your first date, she will sure look for signs that you are playing her.

Show her that you’re serious about figuring out whether the two of you have a potential to be in a relationship. Thus, during your date, you shouldn’t flirt with anyone else except her, look at other girls that walk by, talk about women like they’re just ‘objects’, or talk about how many women have come and gone. Also, avoid using cheesy lines just to win her over.

9.  “What about his exes?”

Surely, a dashing guy like you have had past relationships. But your date doesn’t want to know… just yet. She wants to know more about you, not your exes. Avoid talking so much about how your past relationships ended, how someone begged for you to stay, how you felt so in love with a girl, or how those many years of being with someone went by.

Of course, she wants to know these details too. But the first date certainly isn’t the best avenue. It will only make her feel anxious, insecure and uncomfortable when you talk about your past relationships. Remember that this date is not intended to talk about these women in your life before. It’s about establishing a rapport and connection with this woman you’re about to date. You will just make her think that hey, this man has yet to get over his past relationships.

10.  “What if He wouldn’t like How I Look?”

So guys, 90 out of 100 women would be insecure about her looks on her first date. We want to look stunning, confident and elegant but believe me we are in no way feeling confident on our first dates. Like you guys, we are also being nervous and in trying to look our best we can go a little over the boundary, alright, not a little but a lot.

So if you are going for a beach walk on your first date or just going to an attraction park, don’t be surprised that your date appears wearing high heels and looking like she just came out of the cover of the Vogue Magazine. Make her feel comfortable and compliment her looks. It will guarantee you a second date as well as make her ease around you enough so she can be herself the next time.

11. What if he will only want to sleep with me?

This is a tough one. If you are both not doing a one-timer then she’s set out for a serious relationship and will play this question around her brain a time or two or maybe three. Girls are worried guys would want to date them only to get into bed and once done would call an arrivederci.

Making her trust you will take some time but it’s very important to put a solid foundation on your first date. Don’t rush with making any moves on her yet, it’s important to find the perfect timing, too soon and you will scare her away too long and she will think you are not attracted to her.

Just watch her body language, if she leans towards you during the conversation, always smiles there’s a good chance she’s attracted to you as well. Start making the contact slowly, try to hold her hand when walking, giver her a speck on her cheek when saying goodbye. Again this is a case by case thing. Analyze the date as you go and rely on your 6th sense.

First dates are nearly always full of unknowns and are a source of at least some nerves for both parties. The more you relax and just be yourself, the better you’ll feel about first dates in general. Feeling comfortable will also portray confidence in yourself to your date, and that alone is almost guaranteed to make sure you land date number two.

About the author Emily Andrews

Emily Andrews is the marketing communications specialist at RecordsFinder, an online public records search company. Communications specialist by day and community volunteer at night, she believes in compassion and defending the defenceless.