Why Am I Still Single? How To Get a Girlfriend By Tweaking Your Mindset

why am i still single

I often hear “Why can’t I find a good relationship” ? The reason why you can’t find a good relationship is actually based around a very simple concept.  So many people out there have over complicated this topic that people do not know what to believe anymore.

In order to to find the right person for you, you have to be happy being totally alone and step on your path to a path to enlightenment, before letting someone else seriously into your life. The number one way to find the right person for you, is to come from a place of abundance, and not scarcity.

Here are some shocking statistics:

  • There are 100 divorces every hour in the United States.
  • One in seven divorces are resulted are granted as a result of adultery
  • Einstein’s Nobel Price Money went to his Ex-Wife as a divorce settlement.

So what’s the problem? Why are so many marriages not working out? Even relationships among the younger generations are not working out as much too. People cannot seem to keep a relationship. WHY??

There have been so many reasons as to why this is the case, but experts claim that the biggest reason is social media and online dating services like dating websites and dating apps. They say this is the answer because it is so easy to reach out and connect with a new potential sexual partner. But this explanation is not getting to the root of the problem, which is simply that people are ending up with the wrong partner.

I don’t believe anyone out there (male or female, but I am writing from the perspective of the male) should be actively seeking out a relationship, or just seeking out fun. I think it is important to simply be present in the moment and be open to anything that comes along your way.

When I was actively trying to seek out a relationship, I found myself trying to start relationships up with the wrong people. I was in the mind frame of “this could work, I will try and make this work”. These words are very dangerous. This is what I refer to as, coming from a place of scarcity, and NEEDING to make a relationship work in order to be happy.

You need to come from a place of abundance, the point when you are seeing a bunch of different girls (or guys), and then you finally meet that one girl who is special. When you start hanging out with this one girl, you don’t want to spend time with those other girls, you just want her. This is a true sign of something special. Most people get into a relationship with someone who they simply get along with, they know deep down they are not really the right person for them. But he or she is nice, they are stable, they are a good person in their minds. And I’m sure they are, but this does mean they are right for you. There are a ton of nice people out there who I get along with, but I don’t passionately love them. Also, girls are attracted to guys who sleep with a lot of girls. They will never admit to this, but they are attracted to the qualities and behaviors that are associated with being a guy who has lots of girls on the go.

Here is what I mean, pretend this a girl saying these things

  • “I don’t want him to be needy” – Answer: date lots of girls.
  • “I want him to be really good in bed” – Answer: date lots of girls and get experience.
  • “I want him to totally confident with himself, and not scared of me at all” – Answer: date  a lot of girls and get confident with women.
  • “I want him to know how to handle all of my emotions and desires, emotionally and sexually” – Answer: date  lots of girls.
  • “I just want a guy who knows what he wants” (Probably the most common one) – Answer: the best way to any guy to discover what kind of girl he likes, is to be with girls who he DOESN’T like. How did you find your favourite flavour ice cream? BY TRYING ALL THE DAUMN FLAVOURS!! Some people never venture past the basic flavours, and miss out on what their REAL favourite flavour is. But hey, Vanilla is nice, and we are comfortable with it.

I’m not saying you should sleep around when you are officially in a monogamous relationship with a girl, but beforehand seeing multiple girls will actually make you more attractive, just based on how it will make you behave. If you tell a girl that “I am sleeping with other girls”, this will immediately turn the girl off. This is just like someone telling a girl “Hey I’m rich” Which will also turn the girl off.

Being rich is an attractive quality in a man, it shows success, power and leadership. Sleeping with other girls also shows success, power and leadership. But saying out loud will not get you anywhere. Guys who are rich behave differently, Guys who sleep with a lot of girls behave differently. it’s the behaviour and sub communications that girls are attracted to and respond to.

Let’s look at the other side, there are people out there who only want to have fun and to have sex a lot of people. The problem with this is that you may let someone who you really connect with fall through the cracks, someone special could enter your life, but you are so concerned with just having fun you let them go. This is actually what I have been most guilty of in the most recent past.

I feel the need to make a distinction here, there are times where people need to be on their own in order to find themselves, and get comfortable in their own skin again. This is very common after a breakup, and people do need time to go through this process. But I am talking about the people who are just only into sleeping with a different partner every weekend, and that’s all they care about. As someone who has been very much into this mind set, I can honestly tell you that it’s not really the best place to be.

But with that being said, something very interesting among my clients that I see, are the guys who tell me “I don’t ever see my self being in a relationship” Right after they say this, is generally the time when they meet that girl who they get into a relationship with. Why is this? It’s because when you get into this mindset, you are coming from a place of total abundance, you are totally comfortable and confident within yourself. The fact that you don’t need anyone to complete you, is a very attractive quality.

Both “I really just want a relationship” and “I just want to sleep with different girls every weekend” are very dangerous, but I think the most common side, is someone is just seeking out a relationship. By all means date, see people, but NEVER feel like you HAVE to be with someone. Forgot what is normal and what society thinks you SHOULD do.

About the author John Bolt

If you are interested in my journey with girls, or other trips, you can check out my book: Enlightenment. Feel free to send me emails at boltpublisher@gmail.com with any questions about anything, I love helping people! 


I do offer some coaching as to how to build attraction with women, however it is something I only do on the side and I only work with a very select number of clients (first Skype session is free :)