A lot of us want the same old-school love of the 70s and 80s. But none of us is willing to work like it.
We want to spank our woman but we also want to love and preach her, what’s aka the millennials dilemma of Dr. Jekyll and Hyde.
The truth is, most of us really don’t know what we want from our girl. If you know what you want from your relationship, you are pretty much on the right road; you are one lucky dawg then. Romantic relationships were so simple and easy in the past, weren’t they? You liked someone; you told them; and if both the individuals felt the same, they got together. But these days, for a millennial, things have become frustrating and a great deal complicated.
1. Strategic Approach to Responding
The biggest problem of millennials is that they think that if we respond to everything right away, we will be considered “always available” and “too desperate.” The thing is, even after being bestowed with the convenience and ease of instant communication, we prefer to use it with utmost care. Instant messaging is instant for a reason. So you can reply right away not to withhold your responses to show how unattached or busy you are.
2. We Rather ‘Ghost’ Than End Things Normally
Another annoying habit of almost all the millennials, be it men or women, is that we would rather choose to stop responding rather than admit that the spark is no longer there. We could tell in a civilized manner. But, no. As most of the conversations take place over text messages or chat, we think it’s perfectly fine. It’s NOT!
3. We are More Focused On Sex Rather Than Having an Actual Relationship
Nowadays, people rarely make an effort to get to know each other first before getting intimate with each other. Sex is available rather easily. Millennials are living in a generation that is not in love. We are knee-deep in the hookup culture where sex is of more value than love. We prefer temporary relationships are over life-long commitment such as marriage. Most of the time, sex does not lead to a relationship rather it leads to confusion, heartaches or just a one-night stand with someone new.
Everyone is hesitant and beyond scared to get close and open up to the person they are dating or sleeping with.
4. Option Overload
It’s been said that millennials do not really settle on anything. The reason? Because there is always a new option available; someone better looking, with better interests/hobbies, or more money.
We move from person to person and even if we find someone who makes us feel great, loved, and appreciated, we never stop searching. As a result, we screw things up for ourselves. This never-ending quest is more adventurous and exciting than the treasure of a loving relationship.
5. It Is A Competition Of Who Cares The Least
Showing your real emotions and telling exactly how you feel, is a big no-no. Because, if we tell how we truly feel and act like we are interested, the other person will run in the opposite direction because being in a committed relationship is not the goal. There is none or little appreciation for being honest nowadays.
6. We Don’t Want To Be Responsible
If we hurt someone’s feelings, it is not our problem but theirs. That’s the millennials’ present-day mantra. We don’t feel the tiniest bit of remorse or the need to apologize for hurting someone or making someone feel bad (not true for everyone, I agree. Many millennials still care and love). For us, it is not our problem to resolve someone’s emotions even if we were the cause behind it. We feel entitled to act that way because we do not want to take responsibility.
7. Unrealistic Expectations of Perfection
The thousands of dating profiles and social media “relationship goals” make us believe a fairytale that does not really exist. We watch people posting about their seemingly perfect love lives on Facebook and Instagram and believe that this is what defines a relationship. But well, it doesn’t! Not at all! We come across the smallest detail about someone which we may not like and then quickly reject the person for the next best thing. Nothing is ever good enough for millennials.
A balance of perfections and imperfections alike make a relationship, a reality we have forgotten.
8. Always Doubtful
The millennial version of commitment is a relationship with no strings attached sex. We have no idea where the relationship is going and we least care to find out whether the relationship has a future or it’s just a temporary stopover for sex and all. In some cases, both partners keep on wondering if it’s a real relationship or just two people having sex. No one is clear about their intentions while some lie just to boost their ego.
Currently, there is no trust in millennial dating culture that makes it all the more difficult to get into a relationship. The communication is nonexistent. Then, there is the constant nagging feeling: “What if the other person has an intimate relationship with someone else, too?” Our answer to this enigma is to simply out Xnspy or other monitoring apps on our partner’s phone and see if they are truly loyal or banging someone else.
9. We Are Rather Content On Our Own
We are better off on our own and that is why we are not really ready to leave our comfort zones for anybody else. In all honesty, we are happy with things just the way they are. We have committed our lives to ourselves. And for us, it is both happy and rewarding even without getting into a romantic relationship. All of this makes it really hard to get romantically involved with someone and start a relationship.
All in all, dating as a millennial is not going as good as we had hoped. Most of us have lost all our trust in love and relationships because we constantly come across bad luck or disappointments. The behaviors have become rather predictable and, that is why a very small percentage of relationships today last for long or end up in marriage even. Hope the dating scenario changes for the better in future, but it calls for a change in the way we millennials do things.
Having said that, I guess we also should try to be particular about what we want from these relationships. When a person knows exactly he wants, he has more chances to have a healthy relationship. Yeah, it is cool to know your partner’s best feature and compliment them on it but do you know what is best in you? It takes guts to look at yourself in the mirror and understand what holds you back and what your strongest point is. So, if you really want to settle down now, and want to be happy, you got to learn to do that my friend.
It is that one key which is essential for both the parties. Honesty is the best policy. It’s time we remembered this age-old philosophy. It might do us some good! It all boils down to you really wanting to have a meaningful relationship. Research says that romantic relationships have better chances to long-term and fulfilling if one of them is an optimist. Seeing the glass is half-full rather than half-empty, optimists see their partners more supportive and, as a result, they try to be less needy and less supportive too. So, always look on the bright side of things. You never know how it can brighten up your love life in more than one ways.
Dr. John Gottman, a famous researcher, and psychologist who has been studying couples for the last four decades. Over the years, because of his extensive research, he has been able to understand why some relationships are literally like ticking time bombs. Lucky him! Dr. Gottman was able to find out that these kind of relationships are the norm today that lead to stress, constant unhappiness, and divorce in case the couple is married.
Although social scientists haven’t really been successful in predicting individual behavior so far, millennials have become quite predictable in their actions. If you know what to look for, then you can predict relationship behavior easily. Let’s have a look at the findings of Gottman’s research.
3 Key Steps to make your dating easier
I. Express Interest
Yeah, you are too busy doing our own thing, finding your true self, following your passion, building your business or career etc., but if you want to have a solid relationship in the future, you’d better start now. If you feel something special around the person you are with, don’ neglect that. Learn about what is going on in your partner’s life. Show some interest in their lives and ask questions. Everything is not, and cannot be about you. So try to check in with your partner and know what is going on in their lives.
If it’s someone you want to get to know better, don’t play it. Put your honest, best version on the table, if you are expecting to get the same.
II. Be Gentle
It is easy to blame others in conflicts, isn’t it? Focus on what you need. Do you need your partner’s help with the house chores? Ask nicely and that you would appreciate their help rather than taunting them that they don’t help ever. Be gentle in conflicts and avoid becoming defensive, critical or superior. Handle the conflicts with mutual respect and openness.
III. Repair the negativity
As mentioned above, millennials aren’t too good at taking responsibility. If you truly want to make a relationship work, then you must learn to take responsibility. You have to repair whatever the negativity your relationship is going through. It is one of the most important relationship skills. You cannot avoid conflicts. Having conflicts in a relationship is normal. And sometimes, it is healthy even. We are humans and, we are bound to make mistakes. When couples have any disagreements, it is important that they (or one of them) leaves behind a way to repair the relationship. In some cases, conflicts actually bring the couple closer and intensify the intimacy.
In order to do all of that mentioned above, it is necessary that the couple shares a strong friendship too. So, rather than just finding someone to call as your partner, see that they are your partners in the true sense. Couples with a friendship tend to work longer and have a healthy relationship because they feel accepted, safe, and close to each other.
May we find ourselves in fulfilling relationships in the future, amen!