You know, the term ‘Alpha Male’ seems to have gathered a bit of a bad rep over the years. What should be a positive and self-affirming state of mind has been interpreted as a gruff, overly masculine, and sometimes overly aggressive outer façade. But I want to help men the world over reclaim the term and learn what it is to be a true alpha male.
You see a lot of people misinterpret the idea of being an alpha male as simply being ‘dominant’ over other men and women, when in reality; ‘dominance’ is just a tiny aspect of the bigger picture.
So in today’s article I’d like to break down and analyze the traits and characteristics that I believe contribute towards a true alpha male state of being. Starting off with…
The Alpha Male’s Body Language
Have you ever been out at a club or a pub and noticed how when some men walk into the venue, every woman in the joint automatically seems to scan them out? What it is about these men that stoke the curiosity of the opposite sex? Two words – body language.
Here’s a little experiment that I want you to try out – the next time that you’re out on the town and feeling insecure or anxious, I want you to pay attention to your body language. Are you hunched over with your shoulders slouched? Does it feel like you’re trying to shrink yourself so as not to take up too much space? This is exactly the opposite of what an alpha male would be doing.
The alpha male’s posture is as relaxed as it is assertive. Stand tall with your shoulders back and your chest out. Take up as much space as you need to be comfortable; without being a total slouch. Straighten your neck and back and hold your head high.
Either place your hands on your hips or put them in your pockets with your thumbs out; and never hold them across your chest. And as always remember, balance is key. You don’t want to overly exaggerate your posture. That just looks silly.
The next time you watch a Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt movie, pay attention to how their characters move on screen. The alpha male’s movements are always slow but deliberate; every action feels relaxed but purposeful. When you walk into a room, an office or a bar, walk in slowly but with purpose. If it helps, imagine yourself as the world’s greatest gladiator walking into the Coliseum to do battle.
One thing that I’ve noticed with men who are not alpha is that they always seem to speak really fucking fast. It’s as if they’re worried that if they stop talking people are going to stop paying attention to them. Alpha males on the other hand speak in a slow but deliberate manner. They aren’t afraid to include pauses in their conversation. They know that even if they let a moment of silence drag on for a minute, people are still going to be hanging onto whatever they say next.
This manner of speaking has a powerful effect on people, but it might take a little practice. So make a conscious effort to begin with. Imagine that you’re Marlon Brando from The Godfather if you need to. You wouldn’t worry about someone not hanging onto every word you say now would you?
The ability to hold strong eye contact is another integral part of being a true alpha male. People who are insecure or intimidated don’t hold strong eye contact. Their eyes always dart about as if searching for a more comfortable spot to rest on.
The alpha male, however, is present and his eye contact conveys that. So don’t be afraid of looking people in the eye when you talk to them. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but make a conscious effort and it’ll feel normal over time.
Let’s set the record straight, the notion that an alpha male is some overly serious, macho gruff-pot is a complete lie. Whenever you walk into a bar with a ‘tough’ or ‘serious’ look on your face, you’re not telling people that you’re alpha. You’re just telling them that you’re not very happy with your life and that you probably aren’t getting laid much. So don’t be afraid to have a nice, relaxed smile on your face at all times.
Now while there are a few exceptions (think Steve from The Tao of Steve) alpha males in general are well groomed. This doesn’t mean that you need to wear Tom Ford suits and designer eyewear. But paying attention to your wardrobe, your facial hair and overall grooming can go a long way. You wouldn’t ever see James Bond in an ill-fitting suit and bad hairdo would you?
The Alpha Male’s Personality
Now here’s where we get into the interesting stuff. While the alpha male’s body language is relatively easy to emulate, an alpha personality might take a little longer to cultivate. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor is a true alpha male.
Alpha males lead interesting lives
Who would you rather hang out with at a party – Wolverine or Scott Summers? Part of the allure of an alpha male is that they all seem to lead such interesting lives. There’s never a boring moment around one. Now you might ask yourself, “what if my life isn’t all that interesting?” Well for fuck’s sake, go out and make it interesting.
Alpha males don’t qualify themselves
One of the biggest differences between an alpha male and a so called “beta” is that the beta will forever be trying to prove something to himself and to others. Every time a guy brags about his car or his job, what he’s really conveying is that he’s terrified that people won’t like and accept him for who he truly is. The alpha male on the other hand doesn’t brag about the car he owns, the places he’s been to or the girls he’s been with. In fact, he doesn’t feel the need to. He is confident enough in himself to know that people will like him for him without him having to prove anything to anyone.
Alpha males are confident
Now confidence can be a bit of a tricky concept to understand. Think about it, what actually is confidence? Well I’m a firm believer that the only thing that creates true confidence is competence. For example, take the character Gannicus from the T.V series Spartacus (which you totally should watch, in case you haven’t). He’s supremely confident and forever cocky, but he backs this up with some mad skills with the sword.
So it doesn’t matter if you’re a software programmer or a rockstar, the key to embodying true alpha male confidence is in becoming the best at whatever it is you do. There’s a reason why the Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world probably get as much action as the Brad Pitts and Johnny Depps.
Alpha males live in their own reality
One of the most alluring things about the alpha male is that he’s in his own reality. For example, think about Marlon Brando from The Godfather. If an unknown man were to walk into his office with a gun, he’d probably pour two drinks and ask the man to sit down. This mindset will take time to cultivate, but once you do, you’ll realize that having your own strong reality can help you saunter through most of life’s situations with ease and grace.
Alpha males are bold
Most men go about life shying away from the unknown and the unfamiliar. Alpha males on the other hand embrace life’s challenges and are never afraid to take a risk. They’re forever ready to speak their mind and stand up for what they believe in.
Alpha males have a sense of humor
One of the most important characteristics of an alpha male is that they don’t themselves or the world around them too seriously. David Duchovny’s character Hank Moody from the T.V series Californication is one of the best examples of this that I can think of. Hank’s nonchalant, devil-may-care attitude not only gets him out of some pretty messy situations, but it also gets him into the pants of some pretty gorgeous women.
The Alpha Male’s Social Skills
At the end of the day, one of the most important aspects of an alpha male is in his ability to take control and lead whatever social situation or group he’s in.
They are able to be the center of conversation
Alpha males in general love being the center of attention and are able to hold the focus of one person or a hundred people with equal ease. When you’re out at a club or a pub, you’ll notice how some men seem to hold court over a large group of people. These alpha males will usually be the ones leading the conversation and the ones who everyone turns to for approval and guidance.
At the same time, true alpha males are also humble in nature. They aren’t afraid to compliment and appreciate others. They don’t feel as if this lowers their own value. Instead they know that they are a source of value and validation to others.
They are able to lead
All alpha males are natural leaders. And here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter if you’re the captain of a sports team or the CEO of a startup, the ability to lead and direct a group of people is a powerful alpha quality.
Alphas keep leading especially when it comes to interactions with girls. They behave gentle, confident and always make sure that women see then as sexual beings, not kind of another female friend… Practice makes the master! Approach new women, flirt often and kiss them properly whenever you feel that that is the right moment. You live only once, so there is no time for the fear of rejection.
They are at ease with uncomfortable situations
One of the most important aspects of an alpha male’s social skill set is that he’s unfazed by whatever situation he finds himself in. For example, I was once in a conversation with an attractive woman and two guys she was with at a bar when she mentioned that she’s always been curious about being with another woman. The other two men seemed terribly uncomfortable and were pretty much at a loss at what to say. However I simply laughed and said, “high five, me too.”
Now I’m not going to lie to you, there are some men who seem to be born with these alpha male traits and characteristics. These are usually the guys we refer to as ‘naturals’ who seem to have a shit-ton of luck with women without ever having to read a book on game or pickup. However, there’s no law that says that just because you weren’t born with these traits, or lucky enough to develop them at a younger age, you’re destined to a ‘beta’ existence for the rest of your life.
As with all skills in life, embodying the mindset and spirit of a true alpha male is something that you can cultivate, provided that you work hard at it. So go live the alpha lives that you were always meant to live!