It happens to all of us at some point. You’ve met someone you really like and you seem to be hitting it off. You’ve been talking for weeks and you enjoy a lot of the same things. All in all, you seem rather compatible and you want to take things to the next step. You want to ask them out on a date.
But wait. What if something goes wrong? What if you build yourself up to a point when your brave enough to ask them out and they say no?
It really is a scary prospect. After all, it takes a lot of courage to look at someone you really like and ask them if they want to go out with you. What if they say no? What if it ruins the friendship you’ve built up with them at this point? But, then again, what if they say yes?
These are probably just a handful of the questions running through your head when you start planning to ask someone out. Of course, there is a lot of doubt and fear of rejection but there is also the potential that the person you like will return your feelings and overcoming these fears to ask them out is completely worth it.
So, how do you do that? How can you move past fears of being rejected and take a chance? Luckily, we have some advice for you. Today, we are going to look at what you can do to overcome the fear of rejection when it comes to dating.
Give Yourself a Chance
Sometimes one of the biggest things that can get in your way when it comes to fear of rejection is you. How many times have you thought that “well this person won’t want me because no one does”?
If you have, you aren’t alone. This mindset is rather common, especially if you are struggling with self-esteem issues. However, by doing this, you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that if you never put yourself out on a limb, then you will never know if someone wants to be with you.
This fear works both ways too. For example, imagine the person you want to ask out is waiting for you to ask them out because they’re too nervous to do it. Then, if you don’t ask them out, they think that you don’t feel the same way about them and you’ve both missed out on an opportunity to be happy together. If just one of you had broken this cycle of fear of rejection, you could’ve had a great time!
The moral here is to not go into it sure that you’re going to be rejected. If you’ve been talking for this long, you obviously have some sort of chance. So, when you are trying to overcome your fear of rejection, remember that the door of opportunity isn’t shut before you start. Even if it ultimately doesn’t end the way you want, your chances aren’t over before they start.
Don’t Fear Vulnerability
When you look into a fear of rejection, a huge part of that is a fear of vulnerability. After all, just hearing someone say “no” when you ask them to do you a favor or anything other than go on a date isn’t scary. So, what makes it scary the minute you ask someone you like out for a drink?
The answer is vulnerability. It isn’t easy to bare your feelings in front of other people – especially those people who those feelings are about. It really isn’t about someone not wanting to grab that drink with you. Instead, the hurt and fear lies more in the fact that you went out on a limb, told someone you liked them, and you got shot down.
To get over this fear, trying being vulnerable in baby steps. You don’t have to start with a declaration that your attracted to them right off the bat.
When you are still in the “just talking” stage with someone, take the chance to try to be vulnerable with them in little ways. For example, if they ask you why a certain book means a lot to you, tell them the truth. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be over-dramatic or anything but a little honesty can help you get used to being a little more vulnerable with a person that you would otherwise be in your daily life.
Try Not to Fall Too Hard
When you want to ask someone out, start small. Just consider the date itself. This is absolutely difficult because when you like someone your mind automatically gravitates towards the future. What would we be like together? What would we do on our second date?
To lessen how hard rejection is if it comes, try to focus on one step at a time. After all, it’s much easier to accept that someone doesn’t want to go to dinner with you rather than a rejection of an entire relationship that you’ve built up in your head. It can be rather difficult but it can also be well-worth the time.
In the end, this is all about having realistic expectations when it comes to asking someone out. Being confident that they will want to grab dinner with you is one thing but if you expect it all to lead to marriage… well, then you might be getting a little ahead of yourself. Don’t keep your expectations low but keep them reasonable. This way, you aren’t expecting too much and if the blow of rejection does come, it’s far more manageable.
Don’t Compare Them
One thing that can really get you in a bad place when you are trying to psych yourself up to ask someone out is thinking about past rejections that you’ve had. It’s very easy to slip into the mindset that this person will reject you because the last person did.
This doesn’t just go for the last person who you asked out. It can be easy to think that someone new won’t go out with you because the last person you were with broke up with you for X reasons.
When you do this, though, you aren’t exactly being fair to yourself or this new person. The opinions that someone in your past held aren’t necessarily the opinions that someone new holds.
So, when you are about to go out with someone new or even if you are just asking them out for a drink, don’t assume that they will have the same hang ups as the previous people in your life. You might just find that the “flaws” that previous people in your life were unhappy with, this new person finds perfectly charming.
Rejection Paired with Anxiety or Depression
Rejection is hard enough on its own. However, it can be even more difficult if you are already suffering from anxiety or depression, both of which can make daily life more difficult even without the extra bearing of rejection.
The first thing to do is to be proactive. If you or those around you notice that you are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety for around two weeks or more, you should seek help. From here, you can access resources such as medications or therapies to get your symptoms under control so you can start to feel better and handle daily life better.
When it comes to rejection specifically, it’s important to continue your treatment course. If you stray from it, you are likely to have a harder time with the rejection and with daily life.
You should also remember that one rejection doesn’t mean forever. When your mindset is already negative due to mental illness, it’s easy to think that one rejection means that no one will ever be with you. What it usually means, though, is that you aren’t compatible with one person. Don’t allow one rejection to allow you to give up any potential future endeavors.
Accept Their Answer
If you get to the point that you need to face your fear of rejection, the best thing to do is to accept their answer with grace. If you start an argument or make a scene, then dealing with that rejection will be mixed up with feelings of regret and guilt for not respecting their wishes.
In your life, you will come across instances in which you have to deal with rejection. However, you can’t let this tamper your chances for something real and great. Throughout your life, you will have a hundred opportunities to go out on a limb and ask someone out.
If you don’t work to overcome your fear of rejection and instead allow it to control you, you’re going to miss a lot of chances in life. Once in a while, you are going to want to ask one of the people you’ve met out. In these moments, you potentially have a great opportunity. At this point, you will need to overcome your fear of rejection and take a chance. Remember the tips we have gone over here so you don’t miss out!