How to Play Hard to Get with a Girl

By Patrick Banks

Posted 7 years agoDATING

“All the world is a stage, and all the men and women are merely players”

                                                                                                 William Shakespeare

Playing hard to get when dating a girl, as much as I seems “fake” or unfair, has been proven to be an effective way to attract and build strong interest in women.

In fact, women use this same tactic on men. To women, it even happens naturally – i.e. a woman might not even be aware that she’s playing with. And if you won’t be hard to get – she will be.

In this post, I will explain why playing hard to get with a girl is extremely effective, and I’ll give you the tips on how to actually do it.

Is Playing Hard to Get Effective?

I am a real believer in “being yourself” in general. I don’t like to manipulate or mislead people.

However, when it comes to dating, I believe it’s different. First, because there is an unwritten agreement between men and women – that dating is a game, and it’s considered legitimate to play a bit.

And second, because playing hard to get has been proven to be highly effective not only in my own experience and not only in the experience of millions of men – it was actually shown in scientific studies.


Here is an example of such a study:

A group of women was presented with several profiles of men. Each woman was told that these men also saw her picture and profile, and the researchers told every woman what the men’s impression of her was.

The first thing that the study has shown was that when a man showed interest in a woman, she tended to like him and feel attraction towards him than towards a man who showed no interest at all. First conclusion here: If you want a girl, you need to show some interest in her.

But that’s not all. The study also showed that was mostly attracted to these guys who showed both signals of interest and disinterest (for example, he liked her photo, but didn’t like what she wrote about herself).

Playing hard to get is exactly this – showing a woman both signals of interest and disinterest all together.

In fact, it’s easy to understand why it happens. Women (and men too, by the way) love challenges. And when she needs to work hard to get a guy, it’s not only a challenge, it’s also a signal that he’s an attractive guy who has many options.

Mix Interest and Disinterest

What we learned from the study above is exactly what you should do with a girl – mix both signals of interest and disinterest. Never be only positive or only negative with her.

You can tell her how much you enjoyed the date with her, and later not to answer some of her calls (“because you were busy”).

Or you can be late for a date, but then carefully listen to what she says and tells you. And you can cancel your date with her, but on the next date really be nice and good toward her.

Last example: you can give her a compliment for something she did, and then tell her that she got you a bit bored by talking too much about herself.

That’s what attracts women the most – when a guy is interested in her, but she needs to put efforts to impress him. It’s also the way to prevent the opposite thing –her playing with you .

Never Show that You Do It on Purpose

Another important element of playing hard to get, is that it has to seem real and sincere. Never tell her that you were late on purpose, or that you didn’t answer her phone because you “wanted her to miss you”.

If she gets to know that you’re doing it on purpose, then it seems lame and impolite.

Playing hard to get with a girl needs to seem authentic – you’re busy men, you have plenty of options in your life, and she needs to impress you, not vice versa.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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