So many things can go through your mind when trying to figure out how to start planning a wedding. This can result in a lot of pressure and friction. Asides from decisions on the budget, family, venues, and guests, there are so many other things that can cause couples fights.
Fighting before marriage is no new phenomenon, and some people say that the couples who fight together, stay together. This is because sometimes, fighting is how people learn each other’s boundaries and get to understand each other better. However, it would be much better to be engaged and plan your wedding with a better understanding of each other achieved through communication and compromise that puts the other person first. So,do not fret and follow us as we give you tips on keeping these fights at bay as much as possible.
Top 10 Wedding Fights Engaged Couples Have (and How to Avoid Them)
1. The wedding
Top on the list of culprits that can cause fighting before wedding between a couple, is the wedding itself. There are so many decisions that need to be made before wedding date, and there is no assurance that you will agree on them all. One good step to take would be to create a wedding checklist together and decide on which things are important and need input from both of you, and which are not so important. It would also help to agree beforehand that you will keep the focus on you both and your wants over those of family and friends.
2. Your partner’s level of involvement
Another aspect that can bring up fighting during wedding planning, is the part each partner gets to play in the process. It is common for one partner to feel either left out, or feel like they are carrying the burden of the planning alone. It is important that you both put in an equal amount of work, and work together, not against each other.
Another great option would be to play to each other’s strengths. And so, the person with a good taste in music could handle the entertainment vendors, and the other person who is great with menus handle the caterers and you compare notes at the end of each day or week. At the end of the day, finding this balance and working together to achieve something, will bring you both even closer.
3. The prenup
Sometimes after an engagement, it is discovered that one partner desires a prenup and the other does not. This can be a source for relationship problems after engagement. It’s a good idea to keep in mind that a prenup can help you resolve a number of issues in your relationship before you jump the broom.
Money and finances are vital topics in marriage that can become a bone of contention in the future if not planned adequately. A prenup can help you sort out not just the financial issues, but emotional issues you might have had surrounding money in the relationship. And it would be best for both parties to move forward without the burden of unresolved issues.
4. Life goals
Goals are important because they help you decide a lot of things in your life. Where you would live, how many kids you would have if any, what type of businesses you might build, among other things. The engagement period is the time some couples get to know the most about each other, because they realize that they are taking a vital and final step to be together. This is when they find out certain topics that they see differently and how different some of their individual plans for the future might be.
It is important to take some time to talk about these issues and hash them out before the wedding. If they cause quite a bit of friction, you can employ the services of a therapist to help you both see things more clearly.
Money is one of the biggest relationship problems a couple can have. Bills, expenses, budgeting and purchasing. It is an ugly subject sometimes, but one that will need to be tackled in any relationship if it is to succeed. Finances can be quite the touchy subject and not everyone is willing to be open about where they stand. However, it is important to get on the same page about who will be responsible for what financially, if you would want a joint account for a percentage of or all of your money, daily expenses planning, and so much more. Working this out before the wedding is a preventive measure, which will save you a lot of headache in the future.
While a number of in-laws get over-involved in a couple’s relationship after the engagement, it is usually healthier to have some space. And so, even though in-laws on both sides would no doubt be involved in the wedding preparation, it is your duty as a couple to draw the line if and when this involvement goes too far.
It is important to actually discuss how you would manage both sets of parents and relatives. Set boundaries when necessary, and even discuss how much of their involvement you would allow after the wedding, even when you have children. Also, try your best to maintain a united front that helps you to achieve your goals without offending either party.
If you are a couple with different religious practices and beliefs, then this could be another source for fighting before marriage. Sometimes even with couples of the same faith, it is necessary to discuss how to avoid arguments before the wedding because expectations might not be the same. Each family and denomination have their own set of traditional practices that they expect to carry out during a wedding, and most parents expect their children to abide by these practices.
However, it is important that you both discuss this before hand and come up with an agreed upon plan for your special day. This before involving family and explaining your wish for your wedding to them. It would make for a much easier approach.
8. Wedding décor and theme
Most people have a picture in their minds of what they expect their wedding to look like, and sometimes the smallest things turn out to be the top reasons couples fight. Seemingly little things like the theme of the wedding and the decoration of the venue. It is normal to have different tastes, but it is vital to remember that a successful marriage will figure out a way to blend both tastes into one, and a wedding would make a great trial run. Some compromises would have to be made, but keeping each other in mind, it would be better to agree on aspects of the décor and the theme that would rely on either you or your partner’s tastes.
Friendships and peer pressure are just some other factors that can affect a wedding either positively or negatively. While not all friends might be likable to one’s partner, it is good to remember that these people mean something to your partner and your day would not feel the same without them. And so, if there is any dislike, it would be best to decide to tolerate these friends for the duration of the wedding. Keeping the love you have for your partner in mind, it should be much easier to tolerate and avoid wedding fights, than succumb to emotions which would potentially hurt your fiancé before the wedding.
10. The past
Whether it is your fiancé’s ex or a part of their history you do not particularly like, this would not be a good time to be jealous or judgemental.
If there are any unresolved issues surrounding the past, it would be best to discuss it with your wife before the wedding. Also if anyone would be inviting an ex to the wedding, it is important not to add their name to the guest list without consulting your partner. This should be top on the list of the guide on how to avoid fights before a wedding.
Express your feelings about the past as best you can and come to a resolution on how involved any of your ex’s would be in your lives going forward.
The engagement period is never as easy as it sounds, and couples fights are pretty normal, especially with all of the wedding planning underway. At this point in the relationship, a number of hot topics could come to the fore and trigger conflicts. However, with preventative conflict resolution, you could build a more healthy relationship through all the stress.