Well it’s official. Everyone I know either has Tinder on their phone, has it installed and doesn’t want to admit it, or is a nun. Heck, even I have it, and I hate the concept of online dating. But I’ll admit that Tinder has its charms.
But how good are you with your Tinder charms? Are you able to ignite a little more than curiosity in your matches or are you the type of guy that gets featured on one of those “embarrassing Tinder stories” articles? Well, if you’re hanging your head in shame right now, don’t worry. In today’s article I’m going to be sharing a few thoughts on what it takes to master the art of the Tinder message.
Don’t be generic/ boring
So here’s the thing; some women might tell you that a simple “Hi, how are you doing?” will work. But in all honesty, unless you follow a generic message like this up with something mighty funny or mighty interesting the chances of you getting anything more than a couple of polite responses are slimmer than one of those Victoria Secret models. So set yourself apart from the throng.
One of my favorite ways to open on Tinder is with something funny. You see, at the end of the day the first message isn’t really about what you say. It’s more about what kind of vibe you convey. So if you can get a girl giggling from the get go you’re off to a great start.
“Hey how’s your day so far? I just got a haircut without running it by my mum. I feel like such a baddass.”
“Hey, what have you been up to today? I just saved a baby duck from drowning.”
I’m not saying that you should use these exact lines each and every time, but you get the idea.
Don’t be creepy
I’m really not sure if any guy ever has gotten anywhere with one of those creepy Tinder lines like “If I flipped a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?” but it still surprises me every time I read a Tinder horror story about some creepy guy going from 0-100 within the first few seconds. So seriously do yourself a favor and stay away from anything that you wouldn’t say out loud to a person in real life.
Instead try something cocky and flirty. Like:
“Hey. So when are friends ask us how we met, what are we going to tell them?”
“Hey so let’s just skip to the important stuff. What’s your favorite Spice Girls song?”
“Single, white male looking for a getaway driver for various crimes. Must like kittens.”
Don’t write an essay
Part of the fun of Tinder is that it’s just so damn fast. So don’t be the party pooper that sends a page-and-half long essay as your first message. Actually come to think of it, save the life story for when you’re on your fourth date. Writing twenty seven lines and getting a “that’s cool” in response is just embarrassing for both parties.
Don’t comment on her appearance straight away
Here’s the thing about good looking women – they know that they’re good looking. It’s literally the first thing, and sometimes the only thing they hear from most men. So every time you tell a complete stranger that she’s drop dead gorgeous or that her body is a 10, it just glides over her like a song she’s heard a thousand times. And by not commenting on her physical beauty straight off the bat you let her know that you’re not intimidated by her looks.
This might sound a bit hypocritical because at the end of the day Tinder is largely (if not entirely) based on a person’s looks. But this is just how the game works, so do yourself a favor and play it right.
That said, it can also work in your favor to OK for notice and comment on something unique about a woman’s style or beauty that most guys probably don’t pick up on.
For example, I once matched with a girl wearing a cute boater hat and I sent her a message saying, “Hey, I like the way you wear your hat. It makes you look like you’re plotting something. Want to help me kidnap three puppies?”
Don’t try too hard
If there’s one mistake that a lot of men make on Tinder it’s that they tried too damn hard. What they forget is that just the fact that they matched with a woman is an indicator that there is something about them that a woman finds curious, interesting or attractive. So instead of worrying about having to attract your Tinder matches, instead focus on finding things that you’re both into and can base a romantic adventure off.
In fact, sometimes if a girl seems into you right off the bat, you can actually end up shooting yourself in the foot by trying to “game her.” So if a girl is giving you a lot of indicators of interest straight away, simply cut to the chase and ask her out.
“So we’re 5kms apart. I’m pretty sure we can find a dingy old bar somewhere between us to watch old people get drunk off their pensions. What’s your number?”
Comment on things that interest you
OK, I’ll admit it. There are some pretty darn hilarious Tinder pickup lines out there, and even I use them after tweaking them around a bit. But here’s the thing. If you came across the line on a website for the funniest Tinder openers, the chances are that the girl you’re sending it to has either read it herself or has already heard it from someone else.
So instead of treating your Tinder matches like generic sales calls, personalize your approach. Go through a girl’s pictures and actually read her bio. Look out for things that fascinate you. And when you find something, comment on that. Makes for a much smoother interaction and seduction in my opinion.
For example, once I matched with a girl who had a picture of herself sitting on a balcony looking out at a beautiful sunset. So I sent her this message:
“Picture 3: Rachel gazed over the crimson sky as she silently wondered what she was going to have for dinner that night.”
Worked like a charm!
Or you could try something even goofier, like:
“So we both like Harry Potter. If we ever end up role-playing I want to be Dobby.”
Don’t take things too seriously
Getting matched with a gorgeous girl on Tinder is a pretty cool feeling. But always remember, a specific interaction not working out is not the end of the world. So start taking things a little lighter. Always be willing and ready to poke fun at yourself. Be accepting of all types of people you talk to. And above all, just focus on having a good time with whomever it is you’re talking to.