You even had a nice conversation with her. There was a spark and you knew that she was definitely someone you wanted to see again! How to text a girl you just met? That’s the question!
You felt over the moon after exchanging numbers with her, but now the hard work begins. You’re left alone with your phone with her number inside, thinking about her, wondering:
How to Text a Girl you Just Met?
Attracting women is always a challenge, especially when words are your only tools. In communication, body language, tone of voice and facial expressions play important roles. With texting, you’re not conveying any of these subtle visual messages. Your expressiveness and personality are relegated to the 160 characters available from your cellphone keypad.
How many times have you gotten her number and sent her a message but never received a reply? Or even if she did reply, after a while somehow the conversation went stale and you never met in person again. That just shows how powerful texting is! Simple texts can discourage a girl from meeting you, or step by step accelerate her interest in getting to know you better.
The seduction game becomes more challenging but it’s definitely possible to peak her interest if you know how to text her correctly. It’s especially crucial to use message space wisely and convey your whole message to her. Messaging can break the ice build intimacy and positive tension between her and you. Intrigue her with your personality and she won’t be able to resist going out with you!
Curious? Let me show you some examples of great messages to send girls and explain why I use them myself.
Forget about sending her simple and boring messages like: “What’s up?” ” How are you doing?” or “Anything new?” If you want to maximize your chances for a reply try and be creative and come up with something interesting. Keep in mind the rules, which I’ll briefly explain below.
Whether she’s flat out ghosting you, or just doesn’t seem too interested in your advances, if you had chemistry in person, but not over text, your problem is with text game.
Text game is the ability to get a girl attracted to you, and eventually to go out on a date with you, using nothing but your phone… and in this article, we’re going to teach you how.
4 Phases of Texting A Girl
Most guys don’t know it, but there’s actually four distinct phases you’ll go through when you’re texting a girl.
Understanding each and everyone of these is very important.
If you send a text that should be sent in “Phase 4,” when you’re actually in “Phase 2,” for example, she’s probably going to end up flaking on you or ghosting you.
Most of your issues with texting a girl
stem from not understanding these four phases:
Once you begin to understand these four phases of texting a girl, your text game will be solid, and better yet, you’ll have more dates than you know what to do with.
So, with that in mind, let’s cover each of these phases in-depth.
Phase 1: Silence
This is the awkward phase where you either haven’t sent a text message yet, or even worse, you have, and she’s ignoring you. This is the hardest phase for guys to get over.
Most of the time, if you’re getting silence from a girl, it’s because you didn’t have a good interaction in person.
Guys often ask me about text game, confused why a girl doesn’t text them back… and I’ll always ask them: “What was your interaction like in person?”
No doubt, it was awkward, unsexual, and flat-out weird. If this was the case, your issue isn’t text game. It’s learning to flirt with women and have good game in the first place.
Even so, there’s a million reasons why she might not text you back. Guys often freak out when a girl doesn’t get back to them for just a few hours, but you really shouldn’t worry.
Maybe she’s at the DMV. Maybe she’s walking her dog. Maybe she’s just plain busy. You don’t know! So, don’t lose your cool if she doesn’t text you back.
The #1 mistake guys make during this phase, is they panic and text her a bunch of random messages, because they’re worried that they’ve lost her.
This is the worst thing you can do for attraction, because it reeks of desperation and neediness.
Instead, keep your cool, wait for her to get back to you, and if she doesn’t, try sending the following “recovery” text in a week if she still hasn’t texted you back:
“Hey, I met this cute girl and we seemed to hit it
off… I haven’t heard from her in a week, though and I’m kind of worried that’s
she’s been kidnapped. Should I call the cops?”
If she responds to this, then great – move onto Phase 2. If not, she probably gave you her number out of pity, so it’s not worth your time to chase her and expend energy on her.
Phase 2: Shit Testing You
Ah, at last – you’ve made it past the infamous “ghosting” phase, and she’s finally starting to text you back. This will usually take the form of her testing your frame, to see how strong you
We’ve already covered how to pass shit tests before, but here’s a brief recap. A shit test is when a girl tests you, to see how confident you are. It can take many forms.
Over text, it can often take the form of playing hard to get. Funny enough, you can even interpret Phase 1 as a shit test. She’s testing to see if you can keep your cool.
Some common forms of text shit testing might be if she sends you the following:
- “How many girls are you texting right now?”
- “Do you say that to every girl?”
- “So, what makes me different than the other girls?”
If she does shit test you, it’s a good sign. Girls only test men they’re interested in, so you should welcome the shit test, and be glad that she sent it.
As always, you pass them by either amplifying the frame, or re-framing it. If she asks you how many girls you’ve texted right now, tell her “You’re the 5,837,912th today. This is like a full time job, I swear.” Anything to keep the mood light and to tease her works.
Phase 3: Logistics Focus
This is finally where you’re starting to get somewhere – so be glad! Here, you’re beginning to talk about where a good date would be, where you live, where she goes to college, etc.
This is a sign that she’s into you.
Girls don’t divulge information to random people over text, unless they’re
interested in them, so take it as a good sign.
The biggest point to remember here, is that you want to get some basic logistical information:
- The Area She Lives In
- What She Likes To Do
- When She’s Free
This will help you plan a good first date. If she lives right next to a coffee shop you like, for example, this can serve as an excellent first date.
The best way to text a girl in this phase, is to answer her questions, with a slight bit of banter to keep things light. This phase won’t last long, but it’s important you learn this.
She might ask you where you work, when you’re free, and things of that nature. Respond by answering her questions, but by making a joke here and there to keep things flirtatious.
If you do this properly, you will eventually land into the “holy grail” of texting phases.
Phase 4: Sexual/Emotional
This is the best phase to be in, by far.
From here, it’s very obvious that she’s attracted to you. Just flirt with her back, keep the sexual tension rising, and most importantly, set up a time and date to meet up with her.
Remember that it’s your job, as the man, to make the date happen. She doesn’t have to do anything except show up. You need to carry the burden of the logistics.
The biggest thing to keep in mind here, is to not get too sexual right away. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but you want to keep sexual tension rising.
In rare cases, if she’s very interested in you, she will plan the logistics – but this usually only happens once you’ve been dating for a few weeks, and she’s starting to fall for you.
Girls are very emotional, and if they feel like they already know what’s going to happen, this removes all of the intrigue and curiosity they have for you.
The general rule is to be semi-sexual over text, and highly sexual in person. Don’t tell her what you’re going to do over text… just do it in person, and show her for herself.
Text Game: The Bottom Line
All in all, most men don’t understand how these four phases play out. It’s no wonder why so many dudes get ghosted and have no clue why!
Now that you understand these four phases, however, take the time to practice, and you will realize how much
better your text game will be.
Expert pickup artists have a saying, and it goes like this. Beginners focus on their own state, and advanced guys focus on the girl’s state.
In other words, when you’re texting her, ask yourself: “Which of these four phases is she in right now? What is her
current EXPERIENCE with me?”
Once you begin to ask this question, you will realize she’s either in phase one, two, three, or four with you, and you’ll be getting laid in no time – or falling in love – whatever you prefer right now!
How to Text a Girl You Just Met – General Rules
1. Grab her attention
Be original. No matter how hard it is to accept, most guys are similar and a hot girl likely has men pursuing her at all times. Imagine this girl just coming in from a long night out, taking off her skimpy dress, and finally lying down in bed. What do you think happens?
Her cellphone blows up with messages from all the other guys she’s recently met! Most likely, you won’t be the only one who’s texting her. Keep this in mind and do your best to be original.
Play it safe
Your texting approach depends on how your interaction went the moment before you took her number. Ideally, to start your conversation, you would refer to something from the conversation you had with her in real life.
If you don’t know anything about her other than the fact that she’s hot, play it safe, keep it simple and don’t overthink it too much. Start with a simple, friendly line that feels good to read. It leaves the conversation open and you’ll know if she’s free to chat.
“Hey, what are you doing young lady?”
If she’s busy, she’ll tell you or respond when she has time. There’s no way you can go wrong with that.
Use what you know about her
It can be a good starting point for differentiating yourself from the other guys and shows that you’ve actually paid attention to what she’s been saying. Did she say she likes some movie, or that she’s planning to do something? Ask her about it.
– “Hi Sarah, how was your retail therapy session? Did you find anything you couldn’t live without?”
When she replies you can continue:
– “Oh, a black dress!! Wow. You should wear it when we go out for drinks together!”
Keep it short
No matter how nostalgic you are for the times when men found it appropriate to write overly sentimental missives to their unrequited loves, they’re over.
How to text a girl you just met? Keep it rather short. Write something that will grab her attention but nothing too elaborate, sappy, or desperately needy. Keep your messages short. What girl wants to be with some guy she perceives as having nothing better to do than blow up the phone of some girl he’s just met? Talk about a high-level creep factor.
Make her curious but don’t overwhelm her with your messages. Try to keep your texts short and keep the conversation going. Your goal is to get her to focus on you when she’s texting. And to do that, you need to keep the texts going back and forth regularly. Lengthy texts can make her bored if she’s waiting a while for you to respond.
If you’ve been texting each other back and forth for a few days, you really don’t need to look for reasons to text her again, nor do you need lengthy introductions. You should use exactly as many words as you need to
grab her attention and seem interesting.
No more. Adjust the length of your message to the style of her writing. If she responds in 2-3 words, you may not seem too appealing using 4 screens of text to reply. Got it?
Obvious, but not everyone does.
2. Focus on your real goals
Don’t forget that texting isn’t your main goal. Messaging with your cellphone or by any other communicator is used solely to get her out on a date with you. That’s all.
Minutes in real life are worth more than a thousand text messages. I advise trying to meet up with any girl your texting as soon as possible, to avoid wasting time on girls who only want to text for fun.
Encourage her to respond
Whenever you send her messages, check if they encourage her to respond.
Leave a question at the end of your text message that maintains the conversation, for example:
– “Ps. You know what this cool theatre on the corner of Baker Street is called?”
You see, now it’s easy to make a transition and go to this place together.
3. Make her laugh
Somebody once told me, “If you can make her laugh, you can make her love you.” It’s not far from being true! Women see a sense of humor as one of the most important qualities a man can have.
But be careful using too many jokes with a girl you just met. There’s a fine line between being funny and looking like a fool. If you weren’t able to get a feeling for her sense of humor when you took her number, play it safe and don’t experiment with too many jokes or sarcasm. But if you were already able to make her laugh during your conversation, try out a few jokes.
Funny things to text a girl:
Keep it playful:
– ” Just flew by private UFO and swear I saw your twin sister … or a clone. Is it possible??? “
– ” Today I’m about 4% more amazing than yesterday, What’s your daily level of amazing at? “,
– ” Just came from X (shop, sex shop, park etc.) and you won’t believe what I just saw! / And I was wondering if you were still alive? / And a strange thought came to me about you …”
Wait for the right moment and use it to tease her. For example, when she compliments herself or talks about how good she is at doing something. When you first message a girl, make your text funny or about something unique that happened to you. You met her at the supermarket driving a shopping cart? Ask if a bag lady smashed it ; ).
Flirt with her
Woman love when a man isn’t afraid of being a bit naughty and playful. Of course, it should never go beyond the scope of good taste. Flirt when you get the opportunity. A good way to initiate a naughty conversation is by telling her that you just stepped out of the shower, or by telling her that you’re trying on a few new clothes you picked up last week.
Come upon sexual topics carefully and with humor. Otherwise, she may interpret your text messages as feeble pickup attempts. When you see that she likes your playful tone, you can call her:
– little naughty girl ! 🙂 “
However, avoid flirting with every single text. It’ll just bore her if all you do is flirt with her. Text about everyday activities and let her see that you’re interested in knowing more about her and her life.
Use emoticons to make sure she knows that you’re joking with or teasing her. But don’t over use them; if you use emoticons in every sentence you’ll appear silly and uneducated. One per message is enough.
The same applies to exclamatory phrases such us LOL, WOW, and etc. They work well, but only when used in moderation.
4. When do you text a girl you like? Pick the right time!
Now, when you already know what you should write her, the crucial question arises:
Adjust it to how frequently she messages you. Personally, I’m against playing games and waiting a certain time, but if you see that she’s replying to you within an hour or even few hours, don’t reply to her messages immediately, as if you were doing nothing but waiting for her to text you a reply.
If you see a message, add 15 minutes before you respond. If you texted her at 4 PM and she texted you back at 5 PM, reply to her at 6 PM or 6:15 PM.
Don’t blow up her phone
This is a big one. Blowing up her phone will only make you unattractive. Whoever is putting the most effort into communicating is the one doing the chasing. So if you want to have any shot of getting a girl to chase you, then you must not over-text.
Instead, keep your text ratio close to 1:1 and text the girl about as frequently as she texts you.
Choose the right time to text her
Avoid texting or calling her when you know she’s busy. She needs to feel excited when she reads your text.
Text during the evening
The evening is the best time to text a girl. If the girl you like is comfortable texting late into the night, you’ve already got the edge you need. Start by texting her late in the evening and look for ways to keep the conversation going until she finally goes to bed. There’s something romantic about a quiet night that’ll work in your favor.
Do not send repeat messages
Do not send a girl two text messages without her replying back. If you don’t get an answer to your text messages but continue to send one after the other, your text messages are going straight to the drawer marked “desperate.”
Don’t panic if after a few hours the girl doesn’t respond. Many things can happen and text messages like “Hey, why did you write me off??” only show your desperation. You want to avoid that. Remember that you want her, but don’t need her. The sooner you understand that the more she’ll like you.