It is a whole new world when it comes to dating in the 21st century. If you have returned to the dating scene after an extended hiatus or have been dumped more times than you care to remember due to a misdirected text, it would behove you to brush up on your 21st-century dating etiquette.
At the top of that list is the list of new rules for dating that covers the sometimes mysterious world of texting. If you handle this brave new world in the same way that Marc Anthony can handle the Tango, then you will stay at the top of the dating game hierarchy.
One wrong move though and your digits will be dropped faster than you can check your Facebook status, as will your status on the playing field according to Michael Masters, author of Text Appeal: For Guys. Stay one step ahead of your competition by always being the bigger gentleman and sticking to the only rules you need for texting women today.
1. Be brief
Abbreviations are OK, and for her, are preferred over not hearing from you at all says digital dating gurus Olivia Baniuszewicz and Debra Golstein the authors of ‘She know’ this is a casual platform. That doesn’t mean you can let your spelling reach seventh-grade level though. She still wants you to be clever, even through phone text. Do away with the one-word responses, but master being brief while maintaining respect.
Here are two good and two not so good examples:
Mistake # 1: Hi Jennifer, this is John, we met at Club xyz last night. You were very gorgeous and I enjoyed talking to you. You had so much energy last night, I love women with a lot of energy. So, did you have fun? I kind of lost you after a while and I couldn’t find you anywhere. Anyways, I hope you had a good time, maybe we can go out for dinner some time, what do you say? – John The right way # 1: Hey Jennifer, how is the crazy emergency nurse doing? – John Mistake # 2: Waz up Serena! Its Eric from the bar last night. What r u doin? I wanna c u again what do u say? The right way # 2: Hey what’s up Serena! Had fun last night, did you still make it through the exam this morning?
2. Refrain from the mass text
There are men reading this who are asking:“Does this really need to be said?”
This has happened to every woman at least once, and that’s because the man sending the mass texts thinks he’s covered his tracks well. He hasn’t. They know, so avoid sending 15 girls the same message at the same time .Not only are you risking that some of the girls may know about each other and end up putting you as the butt of a joke but you’re also not being specific with your request.
Not being specific when asking a girl out just makes it much easier for a girl to say no to you if she isn’t that into you yet.
3. Be respectful if you want to be respected
Remember that everything you say can and will be used against you in the best friends court of law. If you don’t want to look like a jerk, don’t say or text things that will make you look a little less than sensitive.
Here is an example of what you want to avoid texting a girl you haven’t had sex with yet: “Hey there sexy? What do you say we get together and watch a movie tonight”
When you confuse her, as you will, she will refer to exhibits texts A, B and C with her own panel of judges, and they will hang you out to dry before you have even had an opportunity yourself to submit evidence or explanations.
Be a gentleman, respect her in the way you wish to be respected, and it will have her panel of judges crooning over how lucky she is to have such a great guy in her life.
Here is a good example of what you can text her:“What do you say you and I go to a great comedy club this Wednesday? Drinks afterwards. J I can pick you up at 6pm.”
4. Last-minute invites are OK
In the digital age, authors Golstein and Baniuszewicz say you just can’t think badly of a guy that reaches out by text. Women do not make it easy when it comes to getting asked out sometimes, and this is a good tool, especially for those shy guys.
Women don’t mind, and some even prefer this method of communication. Just remember that the rule of thumb for most women is that if you are texting a last-minute invitation after midnight, she thinks you want one thing only. If you don’t, be specific, or the assumption will be made otherwise.
Saying something like “Hey, my friends and I are going out for drinks at bar xyz in 30 minutes. I assume you’re still up right now, want to come along?” is a good last-minute invite. Or “I’m craving for some homemade cookies right now. I got all we need to make them I just need a helper. Want to come over and help me make them”?
Use the last example only after you know that the girl you’re asking would be fully comfortable being with you in private.
5. Be confident
If you are going to resort to what some may consider the less courageous form of talking to a girl you like, then at least be bold in your approach says Michael Masters. And she will like that. A lot.
Be the man with the plan. Texting back and forth “Hey, how you doin‘?”, “Whatcha up to?”, or “What’s up?” aren’t communicating you are into her directly. When you text:
“Hey, does Miss Pretty want to meet me at the bowling alley at noon for some drinks and fun?”
then she responds exactly the way you want her to. The last thing you want her doing is looking at her phone wondering, “Why is he texting? What does he mean?”
6. Don’t drink and dial
What was drinking and dialling for one era is drinking and texting for another. Just don’t do it. The reasons haven’t changed; it’s still just an all around bad idea.
7. Don’t crack text
Crack texting is a term coined from the very process of mastering the etiquette of texting in the dating world. Michael Masters says the general rule of thumb for quantity of texting time is one text received equals one text responded to. Crack texting occurs when you text multiple times to the same person rambling on and on by text, without an equal response.
Here is an example of crack texting you want to avoid:
Guy: “Hey Melissa, are we still going to the concert tomorrow?”
Girl: “Definitely, I look forward to it!”
Guy: “Great, they are my favorite band!”
Guy: “I got all their albums.”
Guy: “People say, they are not nearly as popular anymore but I still love them.”
Guy: “Last time I went to see them, I got to meet them in person and got to chill with them for a little bit.”
Girl: “Oh, that’s really cool. I don’t really know them.”
Guy: “You will like them.”
Guy: “I got several of their autographs in all kinds of stuff, I just can’t see myself loving any other band as much as I love this band.”
Girl: “Oh, ok.”
As you can see in this crack texting example, the guy is investing more than the girl. Seek to get an equal response.
The Bottom Line
When it comes to texting women today, the bottom line is use your common sense.
When in doubt, always text back, as that is exactly what she is waiting for. If you aren’t sure what to say to her but want to know where her head is at, a simple text checking in on her and saying hello will be all she needs to get right back on the same page with you.
Treat your texting manners in the same way that you would want to be treated, and you will always stay at the top of your game in the world of texting and dating.