THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW : The Mysterious Case Of Friend-Zone.
Ok, friendship is great, but is not what you want from this pretty girl you can’t stop thinking about! Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened. Sometimes you feel afraid to make a move because you already feel that you are already in the “Friend Zone.” How to get out of the friend zone and why are the girls you like always the ones that just want to be friends?
From my observations, I can say that there are 2 reasons why women friend-zone men:
FIRST SCENARIO. (Unfortunate but not hopeless): She’s Not Into You.
It’s nobody’s fault. Like men, women have their own preferences. Believe me, most of the times a woman’s idea of the ‘perfect man’ is surprising even to her closest friends!
You can be the cutest guy on earth, smart, funny, with a good-paying job, and even be extremely attractive to other women, but sometimes THAT GIRL IS JUST NOT INTO YOU. She might be flattered that you are flirting with her and she may even respond to your attention in a flirtatious way.
If she is flirting, but only wants to stay friends, she probably just enjoys male attention. If you are not completely her type, she probably won’t go and take your relationship to the “next level.” You might seem nice, intelligent, and funny to her, but are simply not attractive enough. Sounds tough, I know. Fortunately, there are some tricks I will share with you that can use to change her mind.
First, some examples: My best friend is a totally gorgeous girl. She’s intelligent, has an amazing smile and long legs. She really could have any guy! But she was friend-zoning almost every man who approached her. Sometimes there were really hot guys showing interest in her, but she still wasn’t interested in any of them. The reason was simple: she liked only dark-skinned, muscular guys.
Whenever cute guys with a different kind of look approached her, she would be friendly – she would flash her big smile and bat her eyelashes, but she never went beyond that. She wouldn’t compromise her tastes in a guy that didn’t match her type.
If you are physically or mentally the opposite of her type, – for example, you are a cute, but quite a short man and she happens to like tall ‘Viking type’ guys – I am sorry, it more than likely will not work out. If you are bartender and she is into guys that work in finance or at fancy consultancy firms, it will be very difficult to get this girl.
This could happen for any number of reasons: You are obviously a playboy and she likes decent, shy guys. You are an accountant but she is only interested in artsy types.. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any exceptions, but usually, if you are not her type, it will be changing her mind no matter what you do.
Perhaps you feel that this is not the case? Did she used to date guys similar to you, and could she be into you, but there is something you are always doing wrong?
SECOND SCENARIO. You are doing something wrong, which made her begin to think of you only as a friend.
If this is the case, then there is good news. It’s possible to change her mind and I am going to tell you how.
You can change her mind with these six easy steps:
1. Keep your cool and accept the situation
Don’t beg for her to give you a chance, EVER. She made a conscious decision to not be anything more than friends with you. You must play with the irrational, illogical side of her personality. You’ll do much better if you start putting less focus on her and more focus on you.
2. Focus on self-improvement
Nobody is perfect, so there is always a huge amount of room for improvement. It gives us hope as well, right? Start looking your best. Go to the gym and keep up a healthy diet. Also, don’t forget about the intellectual side of things. Try to be a hot and interesting person. If you feel more confident about yourself, she will probably notice it. Girls love self-confidence and after all, the special girl you want is just another girl.
3. Spend time with her doing regular things
No candles, dinner, watching sunset, listening to CD’s at your place, etc. Just invite her out to do “friendly” things with you. After all, this is exactly what she wanted, right? Go out and do the things you would do yourself anyway, like going out to buy new clothes and stuff like that. Shopping is actually a good idea for 2 reasons. She will be happy to help you and you will have a good opportunity to ‘accidentally’ show her some of your finely worked out body (see number 2.)
Every situation that leaves some space for physical contact that leaves her thinking about you are helpful in this situation. Always try to emphasize your sexuality, but in a very polite, seemingly unconscious way.
4. Hang out with other people and have fun
A little dose of jealousy never hurt anyone. It’s like fueling her fire with desire. Without a little portion of it, any relationship can get boring, so flirt with other women! A lot. You can be the perfect guy, but she can’t know that she ‘has’ you. Ever.
Even If you have revealed your feelings to her directly or you have made it obvious to her, you should try to attract other women too! You will become more valuable in the mind of the girl you actually want. A twinge of jealousy that comes from knowing other people find you attractive is priceless.
The old adage ‘never put all your eggs in one basket’ is very true, so take advantage of it. Start meeting other people. It will get her curious, but also help you get some practice flirting. The more women you meet, the better you become at playing the game and getting the girl you want.
5. Finally, the difficult part, which probably you are doing wrong: flirting
Never forget the importance of sexual attraction. Of course, it’s less significant of an issue for women than for men, but after all, we have certain needs. Start teasing her and giving her compliments, but avoid elaborate, sophisticated ones. For example, perfume is a safe subject. If she chooses to wear perfume, it means she liked the scent, so it’s safe. It’s also a very sensual compliment. Always avoid teasing or discussing her age or weight. It can only go wrong.
6. Use sensual tricks
Touch her from time to time. I don’t mean grab her ass. I’m talking about touching her arm casually. I know it’s difficult for shy people, but if you play it cool, almost as though it’s accidental, it can work. But always pay attention to how she responds and her body language. Moderation is the best solution for everything.
All in all, you have to be a great observer.
Pay attention to her and see if her attitude towards you has changed. If you see that she looks at you differently, touches you sometimes, starts flirting with you herself, notices that you work out, gets jealous when you are flirting with another woman, then these are all good signs! She will probably not make a move, so you must make it yourself. But she will give you hints to encourage you to kiss her or ask for a date.
The last resort: Leverage the friendship
If everything fails, accept the friendship with your crush. Try to banish your romantic feelings for her as much as you can and focus on being a good friend – and stand by your decision. That way you are “just” a friend by YOUR own choice, but by hers.
You might think “Why would I do that, I really want to be more than just friends with her”. If she absolutely doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, you just have to move on… and capitalize on the opportunity to hook up with one of her friends!
You are in the perfect position to pull that off because you have earned the trust and social proof of your crush. Getting to know one of her friends is a piece of cake from here. Just don’t end up in the friend zone again 😉
Take a free QUIZ – How deep are you stuck in the Friend zone
9 Ways To Make Your Dates Better and Avoid a Friendzone
“You’re a sweet, smart, sensitive guy. I just don’t have room in my life for that right now.”
It’s supposed to be a joke, but with the “nice guy” always seemingly being put last, it can hit a little close to home for many guys.
Dating can feel mysterious when everything you do goes nowhere. Try being nice – she disappears. Try being “cool” – she disappears…
I know what it feels like to see everything go nowhere because I’ve experienced it first hand. At one time I came to the conclusion that there was no pattern, it was all random. Then I figured out a better way to do things and learned that dating success isn’t random.
So what’s a guy to do? Continue reading for some easy to follow insights to make your dates better, instantly.
9 Ways To Make Your Dates Better Now
1. Choose the location and activity
It’s not fun for women when they meet indecisive guys who either can’t make up their minds, or they ask their date to make all of the decisions. Pick the location and activity to make it easier on both of you.
You’ll also show that you’re the kind of guy who leads, and takes charge.
2. Don’t go out for dinner on a first date
Or a second or third date for that matter. You’ll both be sitting across from each other with your mouths stuffed with food, which makes conversation difficult. You’ll also be spending money on someone you don’t know, and don’t know if you’ll be seeing again.
Choose a simple coffee or drink date, or even better be the cook and invite her over for dinner. It’s cheaper than going out, a much more intimate environment, and you can get a chance to show off your cooking skills. No cooking skills? YouTube will make you a master chef in no time flat.
3. Sit beside her or at a forty five degree angle
A great way to kill the interview mode setup is to avoid seating yourselves as if you were doing an interview.
Sit beside her or at an angle beside her for a more friendly feeling. This will make it easier to go for a kiss or get physical too.
4. Be physical
If you’re not going to be physical you may as well be out with friends or… join the other guys she’s already friendzoned. Start light, maybe a simple touch on her elbow or hand while you chat, and if she’s OK with that you can move it up progressively.
If she moves away from you it’s an obvious sign she’s not into it, or you’re coming on too strong too early. Just try again later if she becomes more comfortable.
Touch has multiple benefits, not just establishing a non platonic outing. One study showed that couples holding hands will actually sync their breathing, heartbeat, and even relieve pain.
“Scientists have long known that people subconsciously sync their footsteps with the person they’re walking with or adjust their posture to mirror a friend’s during conversation. Recent studies also show that when people watch an emotional movie or sing together, their heart rates and respiratory rhythms synchronize. When leaders and followers have a good rapport, their brainwaves fall into a similar pattern. And when romantic couples are simply in each other’s presence, their cardiorespiratory and brainwave patterns sync up, research has shown.”
Not only that, but touch is a stress reliever,
“The act of embracing floods our bodies with oxytocin, a “bonding hormone” that makes people feel secure and trusting toward each other, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces stress. Women who get more hugs from their partners have higher levels of oxytocin and lower blood pressure and heart rates,”
according to research done at the University of North Carolina. That doesn’t mean to invade her, you’ll have to read the situation, but don’t be afraid of getting physical.
5. Let her carry the conversation
Don’t be the one doing all of the talking. Instead, become a good listener. Learn how to get women to do the talking and you won’t have to worry about what to say at every moment.
It’s simple but takes some practice. Ask a couple questions focusing on her and then allow her to talk. Sit, listen, observe, and repeat what she said in your own words. That will show that you’re interested and help build a connection.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t converse, but keep it about 60/40 with her talking most of the time. Add your own personal anecdotes and opinions to what she says to keep it conversational.
Here’s how to make it a little smoother, “Accept your date’s pass, redirect it slightly, and then return the ball— all with warmth and genuine interest in his or her responses. This acceptance and redirection is the push and pull that creates smoothness.”
Important note: don’t rush when you’re speaking
When we get nervous or we feel like the other person is not interested in what we have to say, it’s easy to rush. Don’t rush what you’re saying, take your time and tell your story. Slowing down and pausing will make you look and feel more confident.
6. Keep the date short and sweet
One of my clients would take girls out for 6+ hours at a time…his dates didn’t go anywhere. Keep all first dates to about 1.5 hours or less. Long dates can become boring and feel like a drag when you’re sitting there with a stranger to get a feel for them.
Keep it short and it will be sweeter and more impact-full. Leave her wanting more by making yourself a bit of a mystery. You’re whole life story doesn’t need to be revealed the first time. One exception is when you have your date over at your place. When things get more heated the longer time period is often necessary, and fun.
7. Go for a kiss
One of the worst things that can happen on a date is that nothing happens. If you don’t go for it neither will she. It’s not a big deal, even if she rejects it. Just get close, lean in and try.
It doesn’t have to be at some special moment, but the better you get at the dating game the easier it will be to see opportunities.
8. Don’t try to impress her
Never try to impress your dates, you’ll have the opposite effect. When you try too hard you become a “try hard.” People who brag about what they have or have done come off insecure.
That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about accomplishments and even material wealth, but they should only come up if the conversation warrants it. If she ask you about something feel free to spill the beans, but your accomplishments should be presented matter of factly, not to impress her.
9. All eyes on her
Keep strong eye contact. If your eyes dart around or away from her when she’s talking to you, it will look insecure. Strong eye contact is one of the best things you can do on a date to create a sense of connection and chemistry. Not to mention sexual tension.
In one study, staring into a stranger’s eyes produced feelings of attraction after only a couple of minutes.
“Researchers Kellerman, Lewis, and Laird (1989) set out to explore the effects of mutual eye contact on participants’ feelings of romantic love. In two experiments, participants were randomly paired into opposite sex couples and given the instructions to either gaze at their partner’s hands, eyes, or count the number of eye blinks for two minutes.
After completing that task, participants filled out various questionnaires to assess their feelings about their assigned partner.
Results of the questionnaires indicated that couples who participated in mutual eye contact reported stronger feelings than any other group. Specifically, couples who both looked into each other’s eyes reported significantly higher feelings of affection, passionate love, dispositional love, and liking for their partner.
Thus, as the researchers note, “subjects induced to exchange mutual unbroken eye gaze for 2 min with a stranger of the opposite sex reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other”
If you’re tempted to avoid eye contact and stare at a wall instead, just remember that you’re missing an opportunity to create sparks.
These basics will make it easier to have great first dates that turn into second dates. Above all, have fun on your dates and more women will have fun with you. It’s easy to turn dates into dry science experiments if you forget that you’re there to enjoy yourself.