How to Flirt With a Girl Over Text

By Patrick Banks

Posted 8 years agoDATING

Let’s face it; not all men are masters of the art of flirting. And even fewer have mastered the art of flirting over text.

Are you one of them?

Not to worry, we’re here to fix that.

You see, flirting with a woman over text isn’t any harder (or easier) than flirting with a woman in real life. It’s just different.

With that in mind, here are 6 tips to help you ensure maximum texting success when flirting with a girl.

1. Keep things light and fun

There is always a time and place to talk about your hopes, dreams, and ideologies with a woman you’re interested in. But a text message is not that place.

You see, most of us lead such hectic lives with a million different worries running through our head, that the last thing we want to do is have to put a lot of time and effort into replying to a text message.

And what’s more, an attractive girl’s phone is usually bombarded with texts from guys vying for attention throughout the day. These texts will often range from the boring to the down-right coma inducing. So set yourself apart from the throng. Be the guy who’s fun, interesting and easy to text with, and she’ll automatically gravitate towards you more.

2. Add value

Here’s what a lot of guys get wrong about flirting over text – They forget that in real life, everything they say has to add value to the conversation.  

This is why texts like “Hey what’s up?” or “What you up to?” do absolutely nothing for your chances with a woman. In fact, rather than add value to your interaction, they just leech energy from it.

So from now on, every time you text a girl, ask yourself what value your text brings to her day. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about change-her-life-epiphany kind of value. If your text does something as simple as put a smile on her face, you’re on the right track.

For example, instead of sending an initial text like “Hey what’s up?” try sending something along the lines of “I know you’re probably thinking about me, so we might as well text.”

3. Don’t over-text

So you met a girl at your local bookshop, hit it off and exchanged numbers. Now she’s the only thing that’s running through your mind. And that’s OK. However, letting her know this is not.

Remember, being non-needy and a little bit scarce is attractive. And you can convey this over text.

Never text her more than once until you get a reply, and if you don’t, wait at least a day before texting her again. I’ve seen so many guys ruining perfectly good chances just by getting too over-eager and needy with their texting habits.

4. Tease her

I remember reading somewhere that when it comes to flirting with girls, everything that was fun in kindergarten, becomes fun again. And this is doubly true when it comes to flirting over text.

You see, there are two key ingredients to any successful seduction: rapport and tension. And while rapport is what builds comfort, creates a deeper connection, it’s not going to get you any dates by itself.

To spark attraction you need to create tension. And one of the best ways to create this tension over text is through a bit of playful teasing.

So go ahead and bust a girl’s balls. Tease her mercilessly, but keep it light. And also let her know that it’s fair game for her to try tease you back.

For example, if a girl says something particularly bratty, you could say, “I don’t know who your last boyfriend was, but he clearly didn’t spank you enough.”

5. Use flirting questions to ask a girl

Another great way to build attraction and tension over text is by asking a girl flirty questions.

Timing, however, is everything, and you should ask a girl these types of flirtatious questions at certain escalation points in your interaction.

For example, whenever I make a girl laugh out loud, I like to say something along the lines of,  “God you look sexy when you laugh like that.”

And then before she has time to respond I’ll add, “Completely random question but, on a scale of 1-10, how good of a kisser are you?”

If you can make a girl laugh, blush or smile with these flirty questions, while holding a calm and confident frame, you’re doing it very right!

6. Build sexual tension

Another thing that a lot of men get wrong is that they think that they should wait until much later to build sexual tension with a girl. This is how approximately 43% of the world’s male population ends up in the friend-zone.

So when should you introduce an element of sexual tension to your conversation? Immediately!

The key here is to do it in a playful and fun way. Coming across as a guy who’s comfortable and in-tune with his sexuality is sexy. Coming across as a guy who’s creepy and desperate is not.

A great way to start adding an element of sexual tension to your texts is by deliberately misinterpreting what a girl says.

For example, if you’re supposed to meet a girl and she texts you saying “I’m coming.”

You can reply saying, “I’m breathing heavily too…”

7. Keep things moving forward

So here’s one of the most important lessons that I’ve learned through all my interactions with women – they get bored. Fast.

You see, over the course of a textual courtship, a lot of guys lose sight of the fact that they need to keep escalating things towards finally meeting a girl in real life. So when things are going great and they’ve got a girl laughing, they just keep doing what they’re doing. It’s almost as if they’re afraid of ruining what little they’ve got going on.

But sooner or later, a girl gets bored with this. So always remember to keep things moving forward. From text to phone conversation, from phone conversation to a date, from a date to sex, etc. etc. You get the picture.

8. Bonus tip: Flirting with girls online is an art for itself

Now I could write an entire separate article on the art of online flirting, but let me just give you a few useful tips here.

When it comes to flirting with a girl online, one of the most important things to have in your arsenal is a great profile. Be it on Facebook, a dating site or on Tinder, having a profile that builds curiosity and is congruent with who you are in real life is important.

A girl who takes the time to message you after seeing your profile is obviously interested in you, or at least mildly curious. So proceed to flirt with her as you would over text. Just keep in mind that women tend to get bored easily online so always try to escalate and keep things moving forward.

If you’ve been talking with her for a couple of days, tell her that you’d like to call/text her and get her number. Follow up and continue to build attraction over the phone, and try to set up a real life meet as soon as you can.


About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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