You just don’t know what to say. It doesn’t feel natural. Maybe you force something out.
“So… uh… this wallpaper is cool, right?”
Two days later she responds to your texts half an hour late and has plans already with her friends for the weekend. This is code for: Goodbye forever. You might ask yourself what went wrong, why didn’t she want to hang out with me again? But in the back of your head, you know you could have done better.
You know you could have been more fun. Or at least appear funnier. But you tell your friends “It just didn’t feel natural. We didn’t have much in common. I just want to cut through the BS and talk for real.” I know. I’ve been there.
And then it happens again. God forbid it becomes a habit or a belief. “I’m just bad at small talk” or “I’m not a funny guy.”
The good news is that there’s a way out of this. You’re here, and you guessed it; it’s to make her laugh.
How to Become More Funny and Make Her Laugh
Before I start, I want to address a few things.
Each girl is different, and each will have her own style of humor. There is now universal reply to the the question how to be funny. Taking yourself and life in general with a bit of distance and in a playful way is a good start.
You obviously have your own unique voice and taste in what you think is funny, so, like the Pirate’s “Parlay”, these will be more of guidelines than rules.
To start, some girls will be more serious, and some topics are off limits to joke about. Depending on where you live, who you are with and how well you know the girl, I’m going to leave these rules of discretion up to you.
Hopefully, you realize that the traditional “Forbidden conversation topics”, like politics, religion, etc., might be good places not to touch in the beginning.
Two important points before we jump into the tactics:
Most advice out there is crap.
Let me repeat that a different way. A lot of the advice about “how to joke with girls” can be sleazy. People will say things like “give her silly nicknames” or “tease her by stereotyping her”. Maybe this works sometimes, but through the few times that I’ve heard of anyone doing this (especially from the beginning), it either makes most girls weirded out or angry.
Also, you may have heard a lot of girls say “I just want a guy that’s funny and makes me laugh”, but it’s important to recognize the conditions on that statement.
It’s easy to hear something like that and then want to be a comedian. And maybe you’re already hilarious (with your friends)! But are you hilarious to her? In general, being funny and witty obviously helps, but most girls don’t want to be with a clown. Certain types of humour usually do better than others.
Avoid Dad jokes, Rick and Morty humour, and canned lines.
Mindset > Everything
You might know the funniest joke in the world or have the perfect thing to say. But if it’s not coming in a fun tone, you stammer over your words, or you don’t say it with confidence, she’s not going to laugh.
How do you counter this, especially if you’ve always been the serious guy that likes deep conversations and shuns joking around like the plague? How to be funny? With your mindset.
Before you hang out with her, you should reflect on how you want to be, and how you want to make her feel. Most people either waltz into dates and wing it, or spend hours beforehand worrying about how they are going to come off and what the other person is going to be like. Obviously, you would like to be natural and authentic, but it can be of tremendous help to take a couple of minutes to think about how you want to be perceived.
Fake it until you make it! How to appear funny (and finally become authentically fun!)
So, if you’re going to be meeting a girl later today or sometime this week, take a minute to think about how you want the interaction to go. Do you want it to be playful? Warm and lighthearted? Fun and curious while you get to know each other more deeply? Stop and think about it, and remember the mood that you want to set, especially right before you hang out with her (and it helps to remind yourself while you’re hanging out as well)
Okay, so now onto some tactics and funny jokes to tell to a girl.
Tactic #1 – Inside jokes
Inside jokes are not only the best answer for the question how to be funny, but also the perfect way to create the sense of a private, playful intimate world between you two.
Sometimes referred to as “callback humour”. This might take some practice, but it is the easiest way to joke around and connect with the girl we’re with.
The idea is to reference something that you have previously talked about, either in another conversation or earlier in your conversation, in a joking way.
For example, say you were talking about how a tiger escaped from the zoo at some point earlier in the conversation. You leave the restaurant, turn the corner, and you jog ahead to look around the corner making sure it’s safe for her.
“No, there aren’t any tigers around here. It’s safe to go this way,” you say with a smile.
Or maybe she was just telling you how she likes to listen to music and sing in the shower.
Later in the conversation, she asks you what you’re up to the next few days, and you say something like
“I don’t know, but I’m definitely going to try annoying my neighbors by singing in the shower and see how it goes.”
When you reference an earlier part of the conversation it not only makes her laugh, but it also creates a little inside joke between the two of you. Have you ever had any friends who you had inside jokes with? It was like only the two of you know what is going on, right? That’s what this does.
Last note: inside jokes are all about the timing. Try remembering a few things that you talked about earlier in the conversation and wait for the right moment to use callback humor.
Tactic #2 – Exaggerate hypothetical scenarios
Some dating coaches out there say that role playing, or pretending to be in an outrageous situation (something that all improvise comedians do) can be a great way to make a girl laugh. While I’m not denying that this, if done well, can be a great way to make the conversation more fun, it can often feel unnatural.
If you don’t do it just right, she may not even catch on to the fact that you are making a fake scene. Maybe you tell her that you’re getting married and going on a honeymoon to the Bahamas (or whatever role-play situation someone recommends), and she says “wait… what?”
The worst thing you can do is explain a joke. Something that she’ll understand much more easily but still has the spirit of role-playing is exaggerating hypothetical scenarios.
Think of it like this:
“When I (do something outrageous) then (continuation of the outrageous story)”
“When I become a millionaire then we won’t even have to eat out we can get dressed up fancy and have dinner at my place next time”
“When I start working out more, don’t be freaked out when you turn on your TV and see me on Ninja Warrior”
“When I go to Scotland I’m going to buy a castle. It’s okay, though, I’ll invite you if you want, but you’ll have to cross the crocodile moat.”
It might be easy to think of these now, the trick is to come up with them in the right moment of conversation. If you were planning to go to Scotland, then maybe the Scotland hypothetical situation would work wonderfully.
Also important is to keep the tone playful, and I mean obviously playful. It might be hilarious to your friends to say some of these ridiculous jokes deadpan, but a little enthusiasm and a smile that lets her know that you’re joking can go a long way.
Tactic #3 – Tell Hilarious Stories
This could be an entire guide within itself. Learning how to tell great stories is one of the most important things someone can do on their path to becoming more charismatic and is not a skill that you can really learn overnight.
There are two tricks that most incredible storytellers unconsciously do, though. These are easy to implement, and I guarantee that you will experience immediate results.
When screenwriters pitch movies to producers, the very first thing at the top of the page is the logline.
For a long time, one of my biggest problems was that I was saying the story as it came to me. I didn’t know where I was going with it, or really what I was saying next. They always came out flat, or I missed a punchline. That all changed the day I took a screenwriting class.
Loglines are one-sentence descriptions of movie scripts. They are the first thing producers look at to see if they want to make a movie. How does this help us? Firstly, it gives you the architecture for stories. When you get this down, you will be able to make a fascinating story out of anything. Second, it allows you to control the pacing. By knowing where you are going with the story and it’s final twist ahead of time, you can confidently build it up without having to worry about how to tie it together.
Let’s look at some loglines and break them down.
“The Godfather” Logline
“The ageing patriarch of an organized crime dynasty transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son.”
Right off the bat, we are hit with the character, “the aging patriarch” and context “of an organized crime dynasty.” Before you tell your story, you want to know who you are telling the story about. Who’s the character, and what’s the context? Is there already a paradox?
Then we go to the action. “(Patriarch) transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son”. Do you see the inherent tension? How would the reluctant son react?
Let’s look at another one.
“A small time boxer gets a once in a lifetime chance to fight the heavyweight champ in a bout in which he strives to go the distance for his self-respect.”
Again, two characters, two clear motivations, a clear context, and the stage is set.
Now, how do we use taglines to make our stories better? We start seeing stories in terms of taglines. At first, storytelling can seem complicated. But by thinking about the story in terms of a distinct character who has a clear motivation in a context that will result in some tension, we boil it down to the essentials.
So how would this work in real life? Let’s take an example.
Last weekend my friend went to Yosemite National Park, but there was a fire, and he didn’t get to do much hiking. Simple, not super eventful, and even kind of boring, right? Let’s look how I would look at this through the anatomy of a logline.
Character/Motivation: Nature-loving Nick is excited to go to Yosemite for the first time in 10 years!
Context/Tension: He gets there and there is a huge fire, so there is a ton of smoke and you can’t see any of the cool mountains.
Resolution/Twist: To make up for not hiking, he goes skinny dipping in a lake instead, and it’s all okay in the end.
Longines don’t typically include resolutions, but you will want to add one for your story.
Obviously, your story is going to be longer than this, but now that you know the skeleton of your story and what you are trying to do with it, it will be much easier to spice up the character, make the context dramatic, and wrap it all up cleanly to finish it.
Act out Characters
So easy, yet so effective. While the logline is a great way for immediately recognizing key elements of any story, acting out characters is one of the best ways to make a story more engaging and funny.
So what does this look like? When you’re telling your story, and you want to either voice out what someone says or thinks, pause. Make a facial expression that really exaggerates what the person looks like or felt like, and in your best “bad” impersonation (usually the less realistic, the better) of that person’s tone of voice and how they talk.
Impersonations are funny in and of themselves. Many comedians don’t even say jokes, they just do impersonations. In fact, you don’t even have to say anything objectively funny. Just by slowing down and acting out a character in the middle of your story can give it a hilarious context.
Tactic #4 – Tease Her (with tact)
This can easily go horribly wrong so let’s first take a look at what not to do.
As we’ve gone over
Don’t give her a silly nickname
Don’t stereotype her
Don’t mimic or mock her directly
Good teasing is all about your tone, and like most of what we’ve already talked about here: being playful.
With this in mind, let’s take a look at what some of the best teasing looks like.
Reference something you’ve talked about
In light of talking about inside jokes and callback humor, sarcastically referencing something that you have previously talked about in a teasing way can be a great way to get her to laugh.
If earlier in the conversation she told you about how she doesn’t like shrimp, you can tell her that you are going to have a fancy dinner party at your house next Friday and she’ll be invited… but there is only going to be shrimp.
Maybe she told you that she’s afraid of spiders. You can say something like “I was thinking about inviting you over to watch Spiderman, but I don’t think that’s going to work out any more seeing that you’re a scardy-pants for spiders. Oh well.”
Chances are she’ll love this and laugh along.
Another way to tease her is:
Challenge her to a competition
Whether it’s arm wrestling, a race, a board game, or even a dance off, competition is an amazing way to tease a girl and introduce some sarcastic banter. Winner’s get infinite bragging rights (but make sure not to be annoying).
When you introduce the possibility of having a competition, again, make sure it’s fun and non-forceful. Obviously if she doesn’t want to participate, don’t force the matter.
Some tips: make the competition close. Be playful, and maybe lose at arm-wrestling. Go to a bar where you can play her at Connect Four, or see who can name more capitals of all of the states. This should be fun!
Some of the things that we’ve talked about you can start right now. You might even see immediate results if you start doing one or two of these things. I can promise you that even if you do two or three of any of these, your entire vibe around women will change. You’ll become more fun, playful, and attractive.
Other things are going to take more time. Saying the right joke at the right time is a skill that can’t be learned overnight, and making witty introductions, or inventing a hilarious hypothetical scenario might not come to you right away. So what do we do about this?
What I’ve found to be one of the best ways to be consistently funny (and have a great time in general) is to watch standup comedy. What’s really amazing about this is that, if you watch enough, you will slowly start to see the world around you as a comedian does. It’s like direct osmosis – it doesn’t happen overnight, but if you watch enough, you will find yourself cracking more jokes in general.
It’s important to watch comedy that you think is funny. Remember, we want to be authentic. This isn’t about changing your personality or sense of humor. It’s about letting yourself break out of your shell and not being afraid to crack jokes. Some comedians that I really love and resonate with are (old) Dave Chappelle, Hannibal Burress, and Chris D’elia.
Another Tip: This doesn’t start and end on dates! Service people offer some of the best people to practice with because they are nice, the stakes are low, and chances are you won’t ever see them again.
None of this does any good if we don’t do anything. If you’ve read this far and aren’t serious about implementing any of these tips, then it was just more brain food and intellectual stimulation. It’s not actually going to help you.
If you have any dates coming up, great. If not, friends work just as well for practice. Find the time when you are going to be hanging out or on a date, and write it in your calendar (yes, you need to do this part!)
2. Visualise the feelings
Before meeting up, think about how you want the people to feel and how you want the interaction to go. Do you want it to be playful? Fun? Do you want to have a deeper connection? Make that clear to yourself before the event.
3. choose your favorite technique
Choose 1 (yes, only 1!) technique that we’ve discussed, and think of five possible variations before meeting up. For example, think of five different stories that you might tell.
Now, think of five different characters that you could act out in those stories. Write those down, and visualize what you acting out those characters would look like.
Enjoy your date! (or hanging out). But before that happens, likely you will have to work on showing your great sense of humour and make her laugh over text.
How to Make Her Laugh Over Texts
A good sense of humor can help you get a lady of your dreams, but in the age of online dating and social networks, it can be really tough to convey your sense of humor – especially if you have never met the girl in person.
Of course, you could memorize a couple of jokes and repeat them to every new girl but learning how to charm her over text with your own jokes will help you make the connection and take your relationships to the next level.
Test The Waters First
We all have a different opinion on what is funny and what is boring and if you step out with jokes that she doesn’t get or doesn’t like, you will lose your allure. Ask her simple questions to give you an idea of what she likes – without looking like she is on a job interview.
For example, you can ask:
“Have you seen [the name of a Youtube video]?”
“What do you think about [the celebrity name] hosting a show?”
Does she like Star Wars, South Park and prefers to avoid political humor? This way, you will be a funny guy who knows how to build comfort and pays attention to little details she tells you.
Know Your Strong Sides
When you spend time with your friends, what do they say about you? What is the funniest thing? If you have female friends, ask what things make you charming. If they say that your biting sarcasm is amazing, try to convey this via text. The only thing, don’t direct your sarcastic jokes at her, especially if you don’t know her well. You could look aggressive if she doesn’t know your personality. But you can joke about your roommate or your boss.
If you are clumsy or silly, it is a bit harder to convey. You can use funny Snapchat filters and send her cute but silly selfies to make her laugh. Works all the time! And if you’re a storyteller, share your funny moments. This will also help make the conversation more personal, and you will give a girl a chance to tell you her stories.
Know The Memes
Memes are lifesavers when you don’t know what to do. They are short, easy to understand and convey emotions, making the limited act of texting more elastic. And there are so many memes out there; you can definitely find one that is tailored to her interests. But don’t use too many memes because you still want to keep the conversation personal and make her curious about you, not about funny pictures you found online.
Show That You Are Paying Attention
If you have made it to this step, you have already found a lot about her and can use these things to make her laugh. Pay attention to her texts to create the connection, and she will be flattered. For example, if she had a bad day yesterday, tell her that everything is going to be fine and you are here to support her. Or, if she tells you that she likes red wine, ask her opinion on what you should get next time at the liquor store.
Most importantly, be genuine. Girls can tell when guys are lying or pretending to be someone else and the last thing you want is to meet up in person and all your charm flies away. Be yourself. When you connect on a genuine level, funny jokes come naturally.
If you have no idea how to start a conversation, here is a little guide for you. First and foremost, don’t be boring.
What to text a girl for the first time?
Have you ever wondered how single girls live? They have a barrage of men texting them every day, hoping to get their attention. And many of those men write the same thing: “How are you?” “Hey here” and so on. Don’t be one of them.
Instead, try texting her something like this:
“Stop thinking about me!”
The great thing about this short text is that it doesn’t require any commitment from the girl and it gets her curious.
Send Short Messages
You can send her amazing jokes, but if your message looks like an essay, she won’t even read it. Don’t over think things. Keep your texts short and interesting, for example: “You gave me cooties the other day.” This text is great because it gets the girl laughing and sets a positive tone for the rest of your conversation.
Come Up With A Nickname
Nicknames are an easy way to make your texts more personal. If there is something that came up naturally during your conversation, include it in your next text as it will make it fun and set the tone. If the girl does not have the nickname yet, you can always come up with one as you are writing her a message.
The best nicknames are those that the girl can consider personal – those that reflect her personality and the relationships that exist between two of you. If you want to make up a nickname, find something fun and playful (and make sure the girl would want to be called like that).
Use Emoticons To Set The Tone
The most common mistake that many guys make is trying to be too serious when texting a girl. This is where emoticons can help. They can show the girl your real feelings. They can improve the tone of your texts and a smile emoticon can make a girl smile as well.
They can also make your intentions clear. The girl will not have to guess the real emotions behind your texts. Using emotions when appropriate in the text will give the girl no second reason to guess about your intentions and they help avoid miscommunications. And you can make your jokes look funnier, too!
Tease A Girl A Little
Everyone knows that playful teasing is great for flirting in person, but it is also an effective way to make her laugh. Teasing creates intimacy between you without demanding serious actions. For example, you can use a nickname to make fun of a girl in a cute way without being offensive. Something like “freckles” is a good one.
You can tease her a little bit about things that she said in past. This is the call-back humor, which draws her attention to the time when you had a fun chat, making her think positively about you and your relationships. Remember: you shouldn’t cross the line into being offensive or rude, or your texting relationship will quickly die.
Keep Moving Forward With Your Texts
One of the main things you should know about ladies is that they get bored. And when it comes to texts, they get bored very fast. The fact is, over the course of textual relationships, a lot of guys don’t know what to do to keep moving forward to finally meeting a girl in person. So when everything is going great and the girl is laughing and having fun, they just keep doing the same thing. It’s like they are afraid to make the final step. That’s why it is important to keep things moving forward. Start moving from text to phone conversation, then from phone conversation to date, etc. If you have been talking to her for several days, tell her that you would like to go on a date with her. You know how it’s going.
Role Play With Her
Many girls really like to be imaginative when it comes to role-playing because it reduces tension and helps create an attraction by putting two of you in a fun and interesting adventure. Even though it is just texts, you will make her feel close to you.
If you start role-playing with a girl to create attraction, she might get curious about you. In the meanwhile, the girl will experience positive emotions which you have generated just for her. Just have fun and be genuine and you will make her smile as well.
Don’t Text Her Too Often
Let’s say you met a girl in a store, hit it off and got her number. Now you can’t stop thinking about her and want to send a message. And that’s totally fine. However, if she doesn’t respond, don’t send her one message after another.
Girls like guys that pretend to be a little bit scarce at the beginning. And you can convey this attitude over text. Never text her again until you get a reply, and if you don’t, wait a day before texting again. Don’t be one of the guys who ruin their chances by getting over excited and needy with their texts.
So there you have it, simple tricks that help you get a whole lot more dates. So go and use them and come up with your own amazing gags!