No Text Back? 15 Tips To Get A Response To Your Next Message

By Sarah Williams

Posted 8 years agoDATING

response to your text messages

People have become frustrated with online dating due to lack of response.  Mobile dating sites and apps (Tinder, LoveApp etc) help you by sharing your common likes but if they don’t respond what do you do? Many times this is because the person in the profile is not real or not active, but more often it is because the person didn’t feel the message was good enough for a response.

You’re probably wondering: “How do I write a message that gets a response?”

Well, today you’ll get your answer.

We’ve gathered advice from several online daters and compile a list of 15 tips that will help you write better first messages starting today.

All you have to do is review the advice below before you send your next message and wait for the response.

1. Grammer, Gramma; Grammar & Spell check

If you think grammar isn’t important THINK AGAIN! Kibin, a proofreading, and editing service did a study on participants from both sexes  asking if grammar was important in online dating.

  • 43% of participants stated bad grammar is a major turn-off.
  • 35% said good grammar is sexy!

The takeaway here is, check your grammar (and spelling, of course). If you have trouble with grammar, you can use Grammarly to check your grammar before you waste another introduction.

2. What made you want to talk to me?

Mention something interesting about their Profile or Personality.

  • People like to know that you’ve taken the time to read about them before approaching. Pointing out something you thought was funny, clever, or interesting shows you truly interested and have a genuine interest.
  • Pointing out something interesting proves that you are unique and not simply sending a mass copy paste message.

3. Yes No’s, are a No-No

Use Open-ended questions to start a conversation.

  • Sometimes you won’t get a response simply because you left nothing to elicit a response. By ending with a question, that must be answered with more than one word; you are engaging in a conversation rather than awkward small talk. Consider questioning something from their profile, asking an opinion, out-of-box questions or something cheeky.
  • The trick here is for the question to be interesting enough to evoke her response but easy enough for her to answer quickly.
  • Example: “So you mentioned you are adventurous, and your friends would agree, but I want to know what your enemies would say?”

4. Hi…..(*crickets*)

Avoid generic openers.

  • Hi, Hey, Hello, How are you, as a message is almost as bad as saying nothing at all. Chances are you are one of 20 other messages that look the exact same in their inbox. Stand Out!
  • In Western culture, we are a bit touch and go with our greetings, “How are you?” isn’t as personal as you might think, so it makes a bad opener.

5. Hey, nice elbows

Do not mention physical features

  • Just don’t do it. If the person you are messaging has physical traits that will likely garner attention you’re better off not leaving mention of them. Chances are they’ve heard it all before.

6. I wrote this poem for you: “The sun shines in the day, The moon shines in the night. You shine in my heart every day and night….”

KISS (Keep it Short Stupid)

  • Long messages caaaaan be useful if their super targeted. But know your audience. Does the person you’re talking to have time to read a long message?
  • You don’t know what the person is doing when they see your message. If they don’t have time to sit and read it all, it may never get read at all.

To Person A: “Hey which is better dogs or cats?” To Person B: “Hey which is better dogs or cats?”….

7. Quality, not Quantity

  • Do you like spam? No one does. Don’t spam potentials if you want them to become dates. In an age where “You’re the 100,000thvisitor”, “FREE if you sign up for…”, “{Name}, You have been selected for…”, and other spamming are prevalent, our BS meters have become expertly calibrated.
  • We all know that clever message sent which doesn’t contain anything relevant to our profiles or at least our names is a bulk send. Many find it offensive which is why you never got a response. Sorry, not sorry.

8. My number is 555-555-5555, email is click@delete.this, find me on IG, twitter, etc.

Don’t include contact info, it comes off insincere.

  • No one is going to call, email, follow, or snap you. A: That’s time-consuming if the link isn’t clickable. B: It makes it look like you’re interested in getting attention instead of giving attention.


Sexual innuendo (and not so innuendo) usually don’t bode well if uninvited.

  • YIKES is the response when someone is interested in someone only to find out they’re treating the site as a virtual brothel. There is a time and place for that and the first message is usually neither. Caveat: IF you’re on an adult dating site this could be considered getting to the point that they may appreciate.
  • Rule of Thumb: Like the three date rule, wait three messages before mentioning something sexual, your success rate should improve immensely. Also important if you’re reported doing this in LOV you will be banned for a week…Sorry, not Sorry.

10. Measure twice, cut once

Re-read your messages.

  • I’m a bit analytical, so I tend to measure five times before cutting. Not suggesting you do this but at least give the message one last glance to catch spelling, grammar, logic, and other flaws. Sometimes autocorrect can be the biggest C*** block.*Don’t spend too much time on this otherwise you’re overthink and stress out.

11. Make it fun 

Being humorous can be a great advantage. Study finds that Playfulness Is the Most Attractive Quality Ever.

  • Humor is an attractive quality no matter who you’re talking to. There are different types of humor. Play to your strengths: I find most Millennials err on the side of sarcastic humor so know your audience. Also be careful not to offend a flaw in online communication is the lack of subtext that comes from voice infections, body movement, and other subtleties detected in real-life interactions.

12. I saw you like ______ I’m also a fan of ________

Call out something specific from their dating profile pic.

  • I’ve seen this one work several times for both sexes. We like having our ego stroked and if you noticed something we have it makes it real. I got this message from someone whom I had no interest: “Hey I have a picture of you wearing that shirt on my Instagram.” Part of me wanted to ignore this, but the other part of me couldn’t resist. My response was “you’ve managed to stroke my ego, which deserves a follow. Well played.” (If you’re curious: it didn’t work out).
  • Take away here is, sometimes…it’s Ok to be a little…Creepy

13. 3 Favorite Things. Go!

Unusual greetings have an advantage in that they stand out from the crowd. It also shows creativity.

  • If you’re reading this, you are officially banned from saying generic openers such as Hey, Hi, Hello, Wsup, etc. as an opener (honestly you should know better). Think about figuring out a statement where these can be the last word.
  • Example:
    • “You must have a thing for flannel, Hey”
    • “So what’ll be the location of our destination wedding? Btw Hi.”
    • Warning, none of these, have been tested. Try them and let me know the result on Twitter.

14. Wear your Heart on your Sleeve Fellas

If you’re a guy try being vulnerable.

  • When it comes to men vulnerability is the sexiest thing next to humor, both of these make you seem less threatening. In your first message try the non-apathetic approach. Word’s such as sorry, kinda, awkward but…, apologize, and similar work wonders in your response rates in both first and subsequent messages.
  • For women the opposite of everything I just said.

15. Take Me To Church (well maybe not yet)

First message should be Atheistic. Religion too early makes some uneasy.

  • Not telling you to denounce your faith but like the amount of people you’ve slept with, there’s a better time to discuss this. Know your audience, although I wouldn’t recommend putting religion into your online dating profile, if someone mentions religion as a clear deal breaker it could be a good idea to mention religion as a common interest.

There you have it all! Now you and your friends can avoid many of the online dating pitfalls people fall into. We encourage you to use this list before sending your next message. Then report back here with your results.

About the author Sarah Williams

Sarah Williams is an avid blogger who specializes in dating advice. Her interests include gender relations and the underlying mechanisms that drive human interactions. You can check out her thoughts on men, sex, dating and love at Wingman Magazine .

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