The Science Behind The Bloody Friend Zone

By Luke Park

Posted 9 years agoDATING

The term ‘friend zone’ refers to a platonic relationship between two people where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. What are the types of friend zones ?


Reason: We are limited by our own beliefs

Examples:  ‘That person is out of my league’,  ‘I can’t talk to him/her for whatever [insert excuses]’.

The things we do to ourselves that damage our inner well being known as damaging behaviour, excuses and limiting beliefs.

What many Betas do NOT understand is that, their own thoughts, words, behaviour (non-verbal communication- facial expressions tonality and body language) can really hurt their chances of succeeding with their relationships including women and in life.

Your facial expressions and tonality of your voice demonstrate how one really feels. Your posture and body language can dictate how you feel and how you will feel. Practice Non-Verbal Communication exercises to improve and see the difference.

Also, food and drinks can influence your mood. So have and maintain a healthy lifestyle by exercising regularly, having healthy meals and snacks, getting proper rest and sleep.

Practice breathing exercises, meditation and affirmations daily. Slow your breathing (in with the nose, out with the mouth).

Affirmations are self-positive talks which are acceptable in western cultures. Meditation is being mindful of your thoughts and research does support it in deterring depression and anxiety. In extreme cases and once you’ve talked to your physician and specialist; see if Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) are options for improving your behaviour. Results may vary.

The reason why we are taught to sit up and stand up with our back straight and chin up:

  1. Healthy Bone Structure
  2. Demonstrates Confidence

To have your chin up: imagine a string pulling your head and to improve your posture, stand up straight while your back is against the wall. If you require professional medical assistance, look into the Alexander Technique.

Many so called “nice” people try to buy somebody’s affection through superficial, material gifts or show off their expensive items to the person they are romantically or sexually interested in. This is called ‘Love Bombing’ or ‘Love Dropping’.

Another undesirable behaviour is called ‘Lovesick‘ which is falling for somebody too soon. Also known as getting really infatuated, obsessed, and/or possessive. For example, being unhappy that one does not reciprocate such feelings one has. Lovesick can result in creepy behaviour such as stalking, collecting, harassment, assault, catcalling, etc.

Both behaviour are about power and control in very inappropriate states.

A high quality individual does NOT warrant such behaviour. A genuine, honest, sincere, authentic good person does WANT by their choice to get to know the REAL you. Maybe, he or she doesn’t want the whole you all at once. However, she or he does want to get to know YOU, your personality, and character.

One does NOT require an excuse or limiting belief to talk to somebody that he or she finds attractive and interesting. You are human, they are human. Go talk to them! Be Your Authentic Self!

Practical exercises and methods to help you to fight self limiting beliefs:

  • Practice Verbal and Non-verbal Communication. 55% of Communication is Non-verbal (Body Language/Posture), 38% is Tonality (voice), 7% is speech (words, alone).
  • Meditation
  • Breathing Exercises
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
  • Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping)
  • Eat Healthy (Be an Omnivore, a fist size portion for each nutritional value)
  • Exercise Regularly (recommended 3x per day)
  • Proper Rest (half an hr to an hr and half nap)
  • Sleep (recommended 7 hours @ least)
  • Check out alternative medicine such as cupping for healthy blood flow, shoulder pains and internal cleansing
  • Look into Hypnotherapy or Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

In conclusion, get out of your own head, remove your ego, stop coming up with scenarios on why you can’t do something, and develop your inner well being rather than trying to conquer others.

Don’t let the victim mentality or impostor syndrome get to you. Learn to control your emotions and your mind rather than them controlling you. Circumstances do NOT define you. You define yourself based on how you respond. Be PRO Active, NOT Reactive.


Reason: Others really just want to be friends.

Examples: ‘Let’s Just Be Friends’ to ‘I’m not interested’ to ‘I have to go to the washroom. [She or he doesn’t and doesn’t come back after leaving]’

Calibration: Screening the situation and observing people.friend zone

When your potential suitor (the one you want as a partner/lover/interest) is the one to really reject you by either verbally telling you she or he isn’t interested in that way directly or indirectly. Also, the person you’re interested in can communicate that they’re not interested non-verbally.

If their entire body from head to toes isn’t facing you, chances are he or she just isn’t interest nor attracted to you. In addition, you can look into their eyes (signs of arousal) as they’re the window to one’s soul and pay attention to one’s micro expressions to see if their smile when they’re around you is sincere.

Genuine smile indicators to look for include: wrinkles in lower eye-lid, nasio-labio fold, crows feet wrinkles, raised cheeks, and upturned mouth (Dr Paul Ekman).

Also, learn about proxemics (study of body positioning) and kinesics (study of physical gestures). Space boundaries consists of: Public Space (3.6 to 7.6 m), Social Space (1.2 to 3.6 m), Personal Space (.45 to 1.2 m), and Intimate Space (0 to .45 m). A person may be attracted or interested in you when he or she breaks your personal or intimate space. Do NOT look for all these signs and nor assume somebody is giving you indicators of interest (IoIs). Unless you see clear signs of interest.

To properly read each sign and people in what they’re sub-communicating, follow the 3 Cs Guideline:

1. Context 

What one non-verbal cue means in one scenario may be different in another.

For example, if one is inside and they’re crossing their arms, it could mean they’re cold. If they’re outside and the weather is sunny and hot and you know the full context of what’s going on, then they could be insecure or hiding something (uncomfortable).,

2. Congruency

Make sure one’s verbal and non-verbal communication are consist/linear. For example, if one says their confident verbally and their body language says their shrugged, then their non-verbal language is really saying they’re not confident. It’s like integers (a positive and negative together is an equivalent of a negative; +/- = -)., and

3. Clusters 

 Observe and evaluate things based on parts rather than the entire picture. For example, you observe and evaluate a part of the essay (sentences/paragraphs) rather than the entire essay (The Definitive Book of Body Language).

How to recognize if she is attracted to you?

Here are some signs to look for whether one is interested or attracted to another:
Body Language

Eyes display arousal, their pulses are rising (also a sign of anxiety), they have a genuine smile, they’re mirroring your non-verbal language (body positioning), their feet (direction of the subconscious mind) are facing towards you, they’re displaying open body positioning (for example, their palms and hands are facing towards you) rather than being defensive.

Mirroring Behaviour or Postural Mirroring is intended to create complementary transactions at the physical level. Individuals will arrange their bodies so as to mimic the person they are interacting with.

Grooming Behaviour is intended to promote the attractiveness of the person doing the grooming. Individuals will re-arrange various objects such as body parts, clothing, etc. to present the best possible image, particularly when meeting someone who is a potential sexual partner.

Examples include: Hair Wiping and Clothing Manipulation (adjusting clothes- i.e. collar).

Other indicators of interest: Laughs at your jokes with you including when they’re not hilarious, she asks you for your name with a genuine smile on her face, she approaches you and compliments you, she asks for your contact information, she touches you.

The three components to influence and persuasion are having to appeal and influence 3 parts of our brain:

1. The Logical Brain (Neo-cortex),

2. The Primal Brain (R-Complex),

3. The Emotional Brain (The Limbic System).

Always assume attraction is present even before approaching. Attraction happens long before you approach. Passive Value is what you’re wearing, being well groomed, and your physique. Active Value: What you say, how you say it (things you do from the beginning of your approach to after you approached). Don’t change their mind, change their mood. Invest in each others’ time and energy. We’re all emotional beings.

Want to check how deep are you stuck in the bloody friend zoned? Take the friend zone quiz!

About the author Luke Park

Hi, I'm a Social Justice Activist and a passionate opportunist. I'm the founder and owner of The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation company along with The Social Adaptation Project blog. My passions include interdisciplinary fields of psychology, relationships, communication, leadership and motivation. When I first heard about the Pick Up Artist/Seduction Community back in the beginning of high school, I thought it was absurd and assumed with tunnel vision and confirmation bias that the industry is full of bad apples. So then I moved on and forgot about until prior to graduation. Near the end of high school, I heard about the industry again, did my research and discovered that there's ethical and moral people out there. They teach men and women social, people, presentation, and communication skills. Then I realized they are dating, relationship, and life coaches on teaching people how to sexually, romantically and socially connect with others. Think sex, romance, and social education. Ultimately, I'm in this to be the right man for the right woman while being my authentic self and teaching others those skills to have a transforming life. I've been on both sides of the zone which allows me to be compassionate with those who have been rejected and those who have rejected others.

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