Let’s get right to it shall we?
Dating is stressful.
I never quite know what to wear…
I have to hustle to find a good restaurant…
And oh GOD what if she’s boring and the dinner just drones on forever?
Or worse… What if I’m boring and her friend calls ‘because of an emergency’ and she abruptly has to leave??
What about the end… Do I walk up to her door like in the movies and just wait?
Or do I just hail Mary it and go for a kiss?
Before that I also have to ask her out, of course!
Dating is stressful…
Well, at least it used to be…
And it doesn’t have to be for you either.
Let me help.
The Typical First date Story
So you met a stunning woman at a party the other night. You exchanged numbers and everything went along wonderfully. You exchanged numbers as you casually mentioned ‘I’ll text you sometime’. You walked away with a spring in your step, excited and eager to hear from this girl. After that point however, what do you do? I’ve noticed that many guys nowadays are wondering just what to do on a first date?
First, I wanna say something that’s going to make you wanna slap me; I havnt had a bad date in almost 5 years.
Why? Because I know exactly what to do on a first date! It isn’t some big stressful event in which I have to cancel everything, mentally prepare myself for ‘the big night’ – it’s actually the opposite of that. I’m SO relaxed on my dates it feels like I’ve known these women for years. So how should you go about it?
Okay, let’s get something clear here; Kill the dinner and date. Just stop that shit right now.
I personally love watching movies, and eating dinner is my favourite time of the day, and yes I’ve done both of those with women, often in the same night. But the problem with it is that most men use it as their default date. It’s like standard operating procedure. It’s drab, boring, predictable and in no way different.
Look, when a woman agrees to go on a date with you, it is because she is interested in you. Maybe you didn’t understand this sentence properly; When a woman goes on a date with a man, she is interested in understanding his reality – she wants to play around in the context of you. Does she get to truly experience you at dinner and then a movie? I’m venturing to guess that no, no she doesn’t.
So what to do on a first date that will allow her to experience you? Simple; Do what you love. Stop stressing out about your perfect date, and for God’s sake don’t cancel other plans just because a woman agreed to meet with you. I have a rule; I am always on an adventure, and she is always invited.
That’s it! It means that you need to focus on developing a massively interesting life – not for her but because life should be lived that way! And the next logical step is to just invite her along.
You want examples of what to do on a first date dont you? I currently live in Warsaw, Poland. I wanted to walk around the old city, so I invited a beautiful Lithuanian girl to join me. We met up, walked around, got lost in an alleyway and ended up stumbling upon a hidden garden surrounded by a medieval-type fence. It was a super cool place, so I sat her down and got to know her. What an amazing night!
When I was living in Spain, I would walk up to the old Arabic castle with girls, grab a glass of wine and look out at the sea – that was our adventure. In Canada, one of the best dates I’ve ever had was picking up a girl from the bus stop, doing groceries and cooking together.
Dates like these are simple, and they allow her to experience you! She wants to become a part of your world. I would actually say that what’s most important is for you to decide if she can be a part of your world! I love women that are outgoing and adventurous, which is why my dates are the way they are – nothing formal.
What to do on a first date should never stress you out. It should be fun, wild, exciting! So stop worrying so much, and for the love of God stop taking women to dinner and a movie. Instead, invite her to be a part of your next exciting adventure and watch how your life begins to fill up with amazing, beautiful, passionate women.
The Magic Date Formula
My girlfriend and I were lying in bed the other evening when she asked me “what was the worst first date you ever had?”
I thought for quite a long time and I realized that I couldn’t quite remember the last time I’ve been on a really awful date!
You see, once you get this whole ‘dating thing’ handled, you realize it’s actually quite fun!
Yes, dating is fun! It’s normal even… Mature, socially adjusted adults date… It’s really not that big of a deal.
Alright, I know what you want so I’ll just jump right in – you want to know how to make it that easy.
You want my unique date idea formula…
I realized I tended to follow an unconscious pattern when it comes to dating, and I’ve taken the liberty of breaking it down for you.
The formula is: Shared interests (chemistry) + what I want to do + Mischief = unforgettable date.
Chemistry happens in an instant.
Don’t freak out here – I don’t mean she has to be super duper in love with you right off the bat in order to go out on a date here…
What I mean is that most guys are so focused on getting the date that they forget about the context for the date.
Listen; the reason I enjoy my dates so much (and the reason they enjoy them with me) is because when we meet, it’s light, fun and enjoyable from the get go.
I express myself full, say shocking things, am completely outrageously funny, ask them super deep personal questions, discuss spirituality and aliens, and find out what they like.
Contrast that with the average guy who is so anxious and needy that he spends the entire conversation in interview mode desperately forcing a connection.
Pro Tip: Just ask her what she loves doing. Let her talk about her passions and then find something you both enjoy… And invite her to do that with you!
What I want to do
Gentlemen, contrary to popular belief, very few women expect to be wined and dined on a first date.
I’d go so far as to say that even less women actually enjoy it.
Free food is great – but let’s mix it up a little.
Don’t scramble around desperately searching for things you think she would like, instead, invite her to do something you like.
This is the big disconnect between men and women when it comes to dating: Men desperately scramble to find a way to impress her…
My fellow men, understand this; When a woman agrees to go on a date with you, it is because she is looking to play in the social context of you. She wants to go on a trip in your reality. She wants to feel your strength of truth, your love for life, your edge, your unshakable thirst for adventure and your mischievous vulnerability.
She doesn’t want the pre-packaged date she had a thousand times.
She wants to find the man who stands out.
Pro Tip: what are your passions?
My first date with my current girlfriend was spent with a bottle of wine, walking the old city of Warsaw until we found a cool secluded garden, under a big tree and we just sat and talked for hours.
When I lived in Spain, I took women to the beach to do yoga as the sun set or up the mountain to the old Moorish castle overlooking the city.
When in my native Montreal, there’s a super cool tea house with low couches in the city center where I hide out usually, I would just tell my dates to meet me there.
What do you like to do? Invite her to join you!
This is perhaps my favourite part.
Maybe because I’m secretly evil…
Look, the bottom line is this; You want a larger than life girl? You have to be larger than life.
You have to step out of the mold. You have to be magnificent. You have to be consumed by a burning desire to move forward, to grow as a man, to leave behind a mark, to be remembered, to accomplish something larger than yourself or her or even the entire world!
That edge is what you channel through mischief.
You don’t have to be James Bond to be mischievous though. It’s as simple as leaning a little over your boundaries (and hers).
I was once sitting at a cafe with my girlfriend. It was pouring rain outside. We were talking and I looked at her and got an idea…
“Tell me girl… Have you ever been kissed under the rain?”
An excited smile spreads across her face “No… Never”
I pull her outside, walk into a charming alleyway covered by trees and I pull her into me…
Being mischievous is as simple as letting your inner naughty boy come out.
You could be sitting and talking about anything and then ask her where her favourite place to be touched is…
You could have an entire evening planned out but then change plans to interrupt and join in the salsa class you walked by.
Like I said – she wants to experience you. So do something memorable together and you will be memorable.
Listen brother… Dating is fun. You have nothing to stress about.
Did you notice I never said show her how great you are? Because I don’t want you always focused on how you can impress her, on how you can make her like you.
Nope. Instead, if you just focus on having fun together…
If you just focus on the chemistry, on doing what you like and inviting her along, and on being mischievous together, she can’t not like you. Your amazingness will show on it’s own.
Why You Should Never Take Her to Dinner on the 1st Date – 10 Unique Date Ideas You Never Heard Of
The take-her-to-a-French-restaurant thing is so yesterday’s fashion, and it seems that everything we can do is repeat (endlessly) the been-there-done-that situations, even though we want to have THE perfect date with that one girl. It probably required a bit of an effort to ask her out, so make sure that the date will be fun for both of you!
A first date is not something you can repeat until you do it right, and just as first impressions, it can set the tone for the rest of your relationship or none-relationship, so hitting the right spot is very important. We must face it, in the era of apps like Tinder, not every first date can be as cool and as romantic as The Enchantment Under the Sea Dance from Back to the Future (1985), where you get to find the love of your life and witness the birth of rock-and-roll, but a man can try.
So, if you are wondering how to get closer to George McFly’s “charm” or at least how to have a solid adventure story to share with your buddies at the pub, here are a few ideas to boost your imagination.
1. Make It Competitive
If you cannot hide your inner geek, why not show it off? Take your date to a video game arcade, and show her some of your best moves. It would be best to have several options on the table. Maybe your girl on high heels will not be in the mood for a zombie fight, but she could enjoy Mario Kart or air hockey.
Another trap you could fall into is being too competitive. If you can’t refrain from using harsh words while playing video games, it would be better to avoid this option, at least until the fourth date. If you notice that the girl isn’t too good at a game, cut her some slack until she gets the hang of it.
2. Be Children for a Day
No matter if your date is a self-proclaimed fashionista or a bookworm, she will love the idea of a trip down memory lane, where she will get a chance to be a child again.
A play date may sound like something your mothers would have taken you 20 years ago, but now you have the chance to do it just the way you want it. You can visit the local playground and swing side by side or go climb a tree or something. Also, you can go to an amusement park for a merry-go-round tour.
3. Start with a Song
A date in a karaoke bar could be embarrassing, but why not give it a shot? You can do it – you have done it in the shower, right? And so what if you can’t hold a tune, showing a girl you know how to have fun will earn you a major plus. Just do not force her to get on the stage until she is fully prepared and relaxed. If that doesn’t happen, offer her an easy duet. Just steer away from ballads that are too romantic.
4. Wine Tasting
If you want to add a specific dose of style to your first date, take your date to a wine tasting event.
There is nothing more refined than tasting fruity and herby aromas of sweet wines while getting to know a person. If you are not very familiar with wines, do not try to fake it, because eventually you can get caught in your ignorance and sound ridiculous. If you really want to step up your game, you can try to learn a thing or two about different sorts of wines.
5. Theatre in the House
Visiting a theatre is a great first date idea, and much more unconventional than going to the movies. Still, if you want to make it even more unique, you can stage a perfectly romantic room in your house and bring the fun and art to you. How? Well, you can stream a theatre play online. First find out if your date really likes the theatre and then try to determine what she would enjoy watching the most – perhaps an opera, or a comedy? If you find the perfect play, and stage a room moderately but romantically, you will surely amaze your date and have a great time yourself.
6. Chef of the Kitchen
If your culinary skills don’t extend further from poorly cooked scrambled eggs, you can try taking your date to a cooking class. You can get two major benefits from this sort of date: first, your date will see that you are willing to learn new things (and that you think the kitchen is not a place only for women) and secondly, you will enrich your menu, regardless of the date’s final outcome.
Almost every major city has “cooking for couples” one night classes, so give it a try. Creating a succulent dish together on your first date seems like a great opening for future get-togethers.
7. It’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Baby
Taking your date to a rock concert might seem like a bad idea since you will not get a chance to talk and truly get to know each other. However, there is a plus side to this.
If the two of you have a great time, the door is open for a second date, when the pressure is not that high and when you have better chances of acting naturally. So, what do you say, loud music, a cold beer and jumping up and down never sounded better, right?
8. Ever Heard of Sapiosexuality?
This seemingly strange word means ‘someone who gets sexually aroused by the power of someone else’s intellect’. If you are wondering how to use this information, we’ve got a great suggestion for you – a trivia night.
Luckily for you, pub quizzes have become a regular thing, and it will be easy to find some on the evening of your date. The good or the bad side (depending on how you look at it) of this date is that you both have to call a couple of friends to form a team. True, it will take away the romance and the privacy, but it can also release some tension and make the evening more relaxed.
9. Shall We Dance?
Of course, you will. She will adore you for that! It seems like there isn’t a lady in this world who doesn’t like to go dancing. Just remember Jim Carrey’s reference from Yes Man (2008): “Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball”. Whether you take her to club dancing, a ballroom, tango or salsa session, it is up to you.
Keep this in mind: Latin dance has a certain dose of passion that cannot be replaced with others, and the physical contact is another perk. If you are not very skillful in coordinating your moves, choose a slow dance, like tango, rather than an energetic one like salsa.
10. Adrenaline Rush
An adrenaline date is not something one would expect, so it is best to find out whether your date is up for the challenge. You do not have to give her the whole story, just say you would like to do something incredibly crazy and adventurous, and wait for the reaction. If you get the approval, consider taking her to bungee jumping, skydiving, a zero gravity flight, a storm chasing tour, etc.
Perhaps these were not the most romantic or dreamiest dates ever, and not a single one of them can guarantee a “safe passage” once you get on unfamiliar ground and see if the “goodbye” in front of her door will include a goodnight kiss or just a simple “take care”.
Still, they are interesting enough to make her wonder what you will do next. So it is high time to leave out your standard dinner at Mario’s and use your imagination to organize the perfect first date.
How to Make Good Impression On Woman On A First Date
A first date with someone you barely know can be a stressful situation. It’s like entering a new, unknown land. Not only do you not know the best way to approach that particular woman, but you want to impress her without showing fear.
7 great tips you should remember when you want to attract women during a date.
Here is a strategy on how to interest a woman you like. How do you behave so your dream date will not turn into the last date?
First: Emphasize your best values
An analytical approach will be useful here. You have to think about what kind of man women would look for in general. Even better, what kind of man the woman you are taking out might like the most? If you don’t know, ask her friends, family, or just look at the other men she has dated. Facebook would be a great tool to utilize for this. Don’t pretend to be somebody who you are not, but if you know she really likes a strong man, show her that she can feel safe with you. If she likes intellectuals, think about what highbrow movies you’ve seen or books you’ve read. In general, emphasize the side of you that you think she will like the most.
There are some general male qualities that every female appreciates – like wisdom, honesty, a sense of humor, and fidelity. Be punctual, smart, and natural.
If you like sports (as in participating in physical activity, not watching football all day with a beer in your hand) tell her about it. Almost all women love fit men. If you have some interesting hobbies, don’t be shy about it. It’s always interesting to listen when somebody is talking passionately about something. Avoid going into too much technical detail though. Instead, keep the story simple with good intonation and a soft voice.
Second: Listen to her!
Women love to talk. They also hate to see when somebody is not paying attention to what they are saying. Follow her words and ask some interesting questions. Make an effort to listen to her! If she is passionately telling you a story about her beloved cat, ask her to show you a picture. Later, say convincingly that is cute. Get involved with her world and don’t be impatient.
Listening to women is good for at least two reasons: It’s saving you from saying something stupid and it’s giving you a huge opportunity to impress her next time. For example, if she says she love Indian food, then research where the best Indian food in town is and take her there.
Third: Look good
She will look at you closely. She will have a few hours to just focus on listening and looking at you, so look as good as you can! Quick reminder for guys who need it: we live in the 21st century. There are products for literally everything that could disturb your good look, so take care of yourself! I don’t tell you to show off and pretend to be somebody you are not, but spend some time grooming yourself properly. Choose the clothes you feel comfortable in, but they must be modest and elegant according to your personal style. Make sure that your clothes, hair, and nails are perfectly clean. Don’t forget about your breath. Have some chewing gum with you. Use perfumes, but don’t overuse them. Quality is more important than quantity in everything. Elegance for men is made by details. Wear nice watch or scarf. The curious female eye will surely notice it!
Fourth: Be natural and friendly
Don’t stress out too much before and during you date. After all, this gorgeous woman is just another human being. If she decided to date you, then she likes you. So feel comfortable and confident. Smile at her. You can use your smile to encourage her to flirt with you. If something goes bad – for example, you or her spilled some wine on the table – say with a smile that it’s for good luck. Show her your sense of humor. Never joke about her, especially about weight and age. Those won’t go well no matter what you say.
Fifth: Show her your gentlemanly side
Simple things: be polite, punctual, attentive, and don’t swear. Open doors for her, take her coat when she is going to sit. Give her some compliments. The safest are about her clothes or perfumes. They don’t necessary have to be pretty, but if she choose them then she thinks they are! These kinds of compliments will also make her think that you have good taste.
Gentleman have to be able to talk about everything. Make an effort and try to lead as intelligent of a conversation as you can. Avoid difficult, controversial subjects like politics or religion. Don’t dig into any subject too much, especially if you see that is not her cup of tea. Ask about her work, music, sports, ect. Control your body language.
Avoid any violent or anxious movements. When there is a pause, don’t talk nervously about stupid things. Instead comment on the interior of the restaurant you are in, the food, or some latest news you read. If you go out on a date, pay the bill for both of you. Don’t do it in ostentatious way. When she is in a bathroom, go to the bartender or waiter and pay the bill when she can’t see it.
To sum it all up:
Prepare well for this date. Smile and have friendly conversation, behave naturally and politely. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Just play up the advantages you already have. She has to be attracted to you, not an artificial image of you! If she agrees on having a date with you, it means that she is interested, so stop stressing out and just enjoy company of a beautiful woman!
Like a breath of fresh air!
Ahhhhhh… Life is good brother 🙂