How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone In 6 Easy Steps

how to get out of the friendzone

THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW : The Mysterious Case Of Friend-Zone.

It starts as it always does. You meet a cute girl and start hanging out together. She likes talking with you, she is laughing at your jokes, and you think that she might be into you, but you’re too afraid to make a move. Time goes by and you’re still only friends. Finally you decide that it’s now or never. You reveal your feelings. Then she delivers that oh-so-familiar line: “Let’s just be friends.”

Ok, friendship is great, but is not what you want from this pretty girl you can’t stop thinking about! Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened. Sometimes you feel afraid to make a move, because you already feel that you are already in the “Friend Zone.” How to get out of the friend zone and why are the girls you like always the ones that just want to be friends?

From my observations, I can say that there are 2 reasons why women friend-zone men:

FIRST SCENARIO. (Unfortunate but not hopeless): She’s Not Into You.

It’s nobody’s fault. Like men, women have their own preferences. Believe me, most of the times a woman’s idea of the ‘perfect man’ is surprising even to her closest friends!

You can be the cutest guy on earth, smart, funny, with a good-paying job, and even be extremely attractive to other women, but sometimes THAT GIRL IS JUST NOT INTO YOU. She might be flattered that you are flirting with her and she may even respond to your attention in a flirtatious way. If she is flirting, but only wants to stay friends, she probably just enjoys male attention. If you are not completely her type, she probably won’t go and take your relationship to the “next level.” You might seem nice, intelligent, and funny to her, but are simply not attractive enough. Sounds tough, I know. Fortunately, there are some tricks I will share with you that can use to change her mind.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

First, some examples: My best friend is a totally gorgeous girl. She’s intelligent, has an amazing smile and long legs. She really could have any guy! But she was friend-zoning almost every man who approached her. Sometimes there were really hot guys showing interest in her, but she still wasn’t interested in any of them. The reason was simple: she liked only dark-skinned, muscular guys. Whenever cute guys with a different kind of look approached her, she would be friendly – she would flash her big smile and bat her eyelashes, but she never went beyond that. She wouldn’t compromise her tastes in a guy that didn’t match her type.

If you are physically or mentally the opposite of her type, – for example, you are a cute, but quite short man, and she happens to like tall ‘Viking type’ guys – I am sorry, it more than likely will not work out. If you are bartender and she is into guys that work in finance or at fancy consultancy firms, it will be very difficult to get this girl. This could happen for any number of reasons: You are obviously a playboy and she likes decent, shy guys. You are an accountant but she is only interested in artsy types.. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any exceptions, but usually if you are not her type, it will be changing her mind no matter what you do.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

Perhaps you feel that this is not the case? Did she used to date guys similar to you, and could she be into you, but there is something you are always doing wrong?

SECOND SCENARIO. You are doing something wrong, which made her begin to think of you only as a friend.

If this is the case, then there is good news. It’s possible to change her mind and I am going to tell you how.

You can change her mind with these six easy steps:

1) Keep your cool and accept the situation

Don’t beg for her to give you a chance, EVER. She made a conscious decision to not be anything more than friends with you. You must play with the irrational, illogical side of her personality. You’ll do much better if you start putting less focus on her and more focus on you.

2) Focus on self-improvement

Nobody is perfect, so there is always a huge amount of room for improvement. It gives us hope as well, right? Start looking your best. Go to the gym and keep up a healthy diet. Also, don’t forget about the intellectual side of things. Try to be a hot and interesting person. If you feel more confident about yourself, she will probably notice it. Girls love self-confidence and after all, the special girl you want is just a another girl.

3) Spend time with her doing regular things

No candles, dinner, watching sunset, listening to CD’s at your place, etc. Just invite her out to do “friendly” things with you. After all, this is exactly what she wanted, right? Go out and do the things you would do yourself anyway, like going out to buy new clothes and stuff like that. Shopping is actually a good idea for 2 reasons. She will be happy to help you and you will have a good opportunity to ‘accidentally’ show her some of your finely worked out body (see number 2).

Every situation that leaves some space for physical contact that leaves her thinking about you are helpful in this situation. Always try to emphasize your sexuality, but in a very polite, seemingly unconscious way.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

4) Hang out with other people and have fun

A little dose of jealousy never hurt anyone. It’s like fueling her fire with desire. Without a little portion of it, any relationship can get boring, so flirt with other women! A lot. You can be the perfect guy, but she can’t know that she ‘has’ you. Ever.

Even If you have revealed your feelings to her directly or you have made it obvious to her, you should try to attract other women too! You will become more valuable in the mind of the girl you actually want. A twinge of jealousy that comes from knowing other people find you attractive is priceless.

The old adage ‘never put all your eggs in one basket’ is very true, so take advantage of it. Start meeting other people. It will get her curious, but also help you get some practice flirting. The more women you meet, the better you become at playing the game and getting the girl you want.

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5) Finally, the difficult part, which probably you are doing wrong: flirting

Never forget the importance of sexual attraction. Of course, it’s less significant of an issue for women than for men, but after all, we have certain needs. Start teasing her and giving her compliments, but avoid elaborate, sophisticated ones. For example, perfume is a safe subject. If she chooses to wear perfume, it means she liked the scent, so it’s safe. It’s also a very sensual compliment. Always avoid teasing or discussing her age or weight. It can only go wrong.

6) Use sensual tricks

Touch her from time to time. I don’t mean grab her ass. I’m talking about touching her arm casually. I know it’s difficult for shy people, but if you play it cool, almost as though it’s accidental, it can work. But always pay attention to how she responds. Moderation is the best solution for everything.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

All in all, you have to be a great observer. Pay attention to her and see if her attitude towards you has changed. If you see that she looks at you differently, touches you sometimes, starts flirting with you herself, notices that you work out, gets jealous when you are flirting with another woman, then these are all good signs! She will probably not make a move, so you must make it yourself. But she will give you hints to encourage you to kiss her or ask for a date.

The last resort: Leverage the friendship

If everything fails, accept the friendship with your crush. Try to banish your romantic feelings for her as much as you can and focus on being a good friend – and stand by your decision. That way you are “just” a friend by YOUR own choice, but by hers.

You might think “Why would I do that, I really want to be more than just friends with her”. If you she absolutely, positively and no circumstances reciprocates your feelings, you just have to move on… and capitalize on the opportunity to hook up with one of her friends!

You are in the perfect position to pull that off, because you have earned the trust and social proof of your crush. Getting to know one of her friend is a piece of cake from here. Just don’t end up in the friend zone again 😉

Take a free QUIZ – How deep are you stuck in the Friend zone

Good Luck!

About the author Sarah Williams

Sarah Williams is an avid blogger who specializes in dating advice. Her interests include gender relations and the underlying mechanisms that drive human interactions. You can check out her thoughts on men, sex, dating and love at Wingman Magazine.

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  • James

    Very insightful and confirms some of my suspicions about women, but of course all women and men are different. But for sure I know women find confidence attractive in a man

    • callmeback

      “but of course all women and men are different”. Nope. Woman are all the same. There is possibly one in a million that is really truthful or whatever. Woman are programmed like that.

    • Lexi

      At the end of the day just make your intentions known in the beginning. If you want to get at some girl, don’t become bff’s with her then expect her to suddenly look at you in a completely different way. If she rejects you then you know from the beginning that she isn’t interested.

    • violettaglass

      It’s confirming some of my suspicions about a certain brand of unpleasant man, that’s for sure.

      If you pretend to be someone’s friend and think that entitles you to sex- you aren’t a “nice guy”.

      • PrivatePyle

        Yeah, but the same goes for woman. If you keep pulling a man in knowing he feels for you and then pushing him away, repeat, repeat, repeat, you’re not a nice gril, you’re just playing mind games and have no respect for your so called friend.

        • violettaglass

          I’m concerned as to how you might be defining “pulling a man” in.

          But personally I’m no fan of mind games regardless of who is engaging in them.

          • psage

            he’s right women have a way of sending mixed signals, just come out ad tell the guy from the start how you feel, i think most men would understand and move on, the longer you string them on giving them hope the worst the outcome when you do tell them the truth.

          • violettaglass

            You are generalising about billions of people.

          • psage

            maybe so but most guys will agree with me

          • kafkaesque

            Most ‘nice guys’. There are no mixed signals. You just think any time a woman is interested in forming a platonic relationship that this is confusing. It’s not, see when a girl says ‘We’re just friends’ and then asks you out or something, I think she expects that you remembered her saying you were just friends. That’s not mixed.

          • psage

            fair enough but some women will string you along for months, without giving you a yes or no, it happened to me so i know, i think if we got a hard no at the start we wouldn’t feel as if there is a zone and that its unfair

          • kafkaesque

            That’s not how it works. I used to go out with a girl, she ‘friendzoned’ me while I was fat and went out with me when I had lost the weight. I once pointed it out to her and she denied it. To be honest I’m not that bitter. She didn’t find me physically attractive and then she did, it happens when people change. Men also base quite a lot on physical attraction, we also string women along sometimes. The scary thing about what you are saying is the idea that feelings don’t change. If you can’t handle not getting a hard no, how will you handle it if someone stops loving you? Feelings are weird and nobody owes you an explanation for that. The zone is not unfair, it doesn’t even exist. You should feel happy that someone likes you so much to let them into your life. From my point of view this just seems like people are upset that they don’t get what they want.

          • psage

            i aint bitter as well i have used the experience to start working on me, still friends with the girl but i have told her that i have moved on.

  • Only7inches

    We all live in the friend zone. Think about all the women (or men) that you know, and you will find that 99.9% of them are friends at best.

  • Lemony4ever
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  • Farty Fartsalot

    You only have a shot at getting out of the “friend zone” if she thinks you’re physically attractive. But that’s usually a rare case….

  • Fandom

    When she’s looking sexy one day just ask her if she wants to have sex later, she’ll know you want her even if you’re friends. So she thinks about it over time and might say yes another time you ask her.

  • Exotics

    Friend zone doesn’t exist, spark attraction and seduce a girl, any guy can do it at any time, its never too late

    • Majr Nick

      Tell the girl that Im trying to get with but already said im friend zoned

      • psage

        I in the same boat buddy and it sucks

        • #MGWV

          I just got it a couple days ago it does suck but I mean I’m going to try the one where you flirt with others and hang out with her

          • psage

            For me i got the gut punch recently she came out and said she doesn’t have feeling for me. Its embarrassing because all my friends and coworkers think she likes me and we would be good together because we were always together and they think i am missing out on her. So i have to give some bs readon as to why we aint an item which i usually just say is because i dont want to

          • Servius

            I’ve been there. Walk away.

          • psage

            I did sort of i try to avoid seeing and talking to her but after a few weeks she started to initiate conversations. I talk to her then but it isn’t what it use to be, i try to keep things as minimal as i can without being seen as jerk. So far it has been hard but i realize that i have to move on, i kinda feel as if she feels we could just go back to what we were but i don’t think that is possible.

          • Servius

            If it helps: For me, it was ~25 years ago. She felt I wasn’t much of a leader and I finally actually moved to another state because being near her was too painful. There’s more to the story. I was moving back home from college where I could find a better job, but I moved largely to get away from her.

            She married someone she felt was a leader and now has some status but if reports are to be believed is controlling and abusive.

            I’ve been married 20 years now to a woman who I first made a good friendship with. This time when she said she wanted to be ‘just friends,’ I said no. I didn’t actually have to cut her off but I did make her call me. When we got together again, I made sure to hold her hand and kiss her.

            Everybody’s different but that’s my experience.

            And no, I’ve never forgotten her.

          • psage

            Thanks for sharing that it helps me to know that there are others who have been in similar situations and have gotten through it. I haven’t given up i don’t intend to do that. The truth is this was the first time i worked up the courage to tell someone how i felt. I am going to take my time and look around and eventually i think i will find that special someone

    • Master camelion

      Well don’t you seem overly cocky

  • Josh

    I’ve know this girl for a while. Her and I are really good friends but just recently we have been hanging out alone at her place. She is always touching me and say “hold me hand” but in a joking way. Is she trying to get out of the friend zone and telling me she wants to be kissed?

    • yes, do it!

    • inf3rno

      Yes. What happened? 🙂

  • know it all

    it has been biologically proven a man and a woman cannot be friends.

    • inf3rno

      Then you have scientific references right?

  • callmeback

    everything what this author wrote is sadly true. Even the so called “special” girls are like that. Even the Juno-kind Girls are playing “games”. And you will hurt yourself immensely if you don´t play with. Period. This will be the second fucked up summer for me because I did not played. Girls are playing right from the start. They don´t know it better. Forget about equality in a relationship. Woman don´t want it. It turns them off actually. Trust me. Actually I did not play with a girl last Year and lost and I played with her the hard to get game and got her back. I was surprised that it worked and how -as a strong independent kind of woman- she wanted that I dominate her. i was shocked and backrapped like a moron and after that she began losing Interest and. And as stupid as I was I revealed my feelings towards her in this period. Fucking loser. Don´t ever tell her that you love her until she says it first. And never talk about feelings and emotions until you had several times sex.

    • inf3rno

      So you decided to sell your soul in exchange of having sex with these bitches? 😀 Tough choice…

    • Master camelion

      I don’t understand this game you are talking about

    • Master camelion

      Can you please explain how to play/win the game

    • kafkaesque

      Judging from what you are saying, your head is pretty fucked up and I imagine the only girls that will be interested in you will also be fucked up. You sound like a complete moron, so most likely attract the same. It’s not complicated. What the fuck is a “special girl”, you mean a girl that you like and therefore think is “different from other girls”. Seriously dump your fedora and join the rest of us in the real world.

  • Pax

    terrible advice. what you do is once you are good friends, begin being slightly less nice to her, pay less attention to her, in short ignore her for a couple days. She will realize you are becoming distant/losing interest and that she in fact does like you, and either will be much more “down” or simply want you or try to use sex in order to interest you in her. After ignoring her a few days bump into her and you will notice the difference in her flirtatiousness and reaction to you.

  • Lina

    Hahah great article! This is a hilarious one if you’re trying to avoid the friendzone in the future 😉 http://aswaggolinastory.com/2014/03/18/the-friendzone/

    • inf3rno

      “In laymen’s terms, you serve as a woman’s gay bff because there aren’t enough homosexuals for the entire female population.” – wow 😮

  • chico

    all yall niggas gay af says gumball waterson of the squad

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  • mybutt

    Anybody else get the feeling that “Sarah Williams” is some picture from Shutterstock?

  • James

    OK so what about a girl that totally was flirting with me getting really sexual. So I returned the favor with the flirting and the banter. Then suddenly she does a 180/and says lets just be friends. It’s totally messing with me because I really like this girl.

    • california23

      She probably wants you to chase after her.

    • inf3rno

      She is probably a bartender in the US, and her job is to flirt with guests to sell more drinks…. 😀

  • The Silent Fan

    Sadly, more often than not I end up placing girls who like me in the friend zone. Just recently after a very long time I decided not to do that again. Ever.

    • inf3rno

      How do you intend to do that? You won’t have any female friends?

      • The Silent Fan

        Oh, i’ll have female friends, I just wont give them a reason to have a crush on me.

  • Andrea Velasquez

    Friend zone is hard, because you want to tell her your feelings but either she won’t listen or just won’t take them into consideration. If you want to caught her eyes and make her fall in love with you, you need to step up your game. Make her feel attracted to you and make her jealous, so she starts wondering about her feelings about you. I have all the tips in my blog: http://watchlatinas.com/7-tips-for-getting-out-of-the-friendzone

  • violettaglass

    Ugh. Maybe, just maybe, these people aren’t attracted to you because you think being nice to someone/acts of friendship entitle you to sex?

  • Anthony Walter

    Wow, this is like not totally bad advice about dating like this. I’ve never viewed friend-zoned as really a bad thing myself except when talking with other guys about it. IMO, it is an honest way to turn someone down romantically but also showing that you don’t necessarily hate them either. I mean woman sexuality is weird and very subjective. It’s only us guys that coined that term ‘friend-zone’ with such negative stigma.

    I mean the only difference really is SEX right? If you are one of those guys that has to absolutely have sex for your ego or other satisfaction, then just pay for it or find easier desperate women while remaining friends with the one you like. Best of both worlds ;P ….or better yet, go out and actually find a new girlfriend that likes you sexually while keeping friends with the girls you’ve been friend-zoned previously.

  • Xhite Dove 2

    Hmm, I think friend zones are pretty awesome as you get social proof. Fight for being out of the friend zone. Disagree with her on some points, and have a world view. *by world view I mean that have your own perspective about how you might change the world with your life.

    Maybe she might idealise you and recommend you to one of her friends if she isn’t interested. Building your own plan for your life can be pretty rewarding.

    Hope this helps,

  • cloud9

    ive had a past with this girl and done sexual things with her but i feel as if im back in the friendzone what do i do

    • kafkaesque

      Grow up, move on.

  • Iben Subandi

    i have done number 2,3,4 and finally she sees me as her very best friend :'(

    • inf3rno

      Then all you need to get the extra benefits! 😀

  • Servius

    Big Disagreement here:

    There’s no such thing as just friends. What she’s really saying is she wants to take advantage of your affection without actually committing herself to you and she thinks you’re too weak to walk away.

    Correct response is to say, “That doesn’t work for me. There’s no such thing as just friends.” Not angrily, just as a matter-of-fact.

    Cut her off. If she starts to pursue you, that’s great but she must start giving Public Displays of Affection and be a real girlfriend.

    You’re going to feel like this is risky but the fact is, you have no chance otherwise. You’re going to think that it takes strength to stay beside her and never give up but it takes strength to walk away and make her come to you.

    The irony is, friendship really is the basis of a lifetime love affair but you have to make her commit to you.

    Just like if she puts out without getting a ring and never winds up with a husband, if you give her your affection without getting commitment in return, you’ll never get her anyway.

    • kafkaesque

      Seriously? Do you hear yourself?

  • kendrick Palmore

    Obviously the girl your tying to impress knows you like her for more than just a friend. They do that on purpose when they don’t feel the same way.

  • Tango

    In my experience, girls always are careful while choosing guys, you may be hell attractive, smart, intelligent but what girls see first whether they’ll receive affection from you and you’ll take proper care of them. Girls friendzone guys because most of the time they’re confused about their feelings towards guy, it depends on guy how he takes it, if guy accept being in friendzone then end of game but if he wants to get out of friendzone then everything is possible, for me its a great chance to stay in friendzone for while, it gives you chance to attract the woman you want. Just be a man she wants in her life, she’ll fall in love with you for sure.

    • inf3rno

      I am not sure whether this is true. Maybe in some cases. I was friendzoned by my love of life, and I already friendzoned ugly girls, so I know both sides. I think in most of the cases you are simply not attractive enough. Alcohol can help sometimes! 😉

      • Tango

        Well in some cases being attractive might be one of the criteria but in my experience its not always the reason in all case, I have been friendzone by my love of life too but finally she accepted her feelings for me all she wanted to be careful not to get hurt in relationships. Even I had friendzone lots of girls not because they’re ugly but when you love someone from heart you’ll not have feelings for other person. About alcohol its just a stupid excuse for people who give up 🙂

        • inf3rno

          There is always hope then! 🙂

          • Tango

            Yes, there is always hope, but never act clingy or desperate… be confident guy… let the girl fall in your love 🙂

    • Dale Nesbith

      Real talk tango

  • Khaleafa

    Man check it out.. I’m a muscian and met this Sag at one of the churches I played at. We started out as friends and hung out with people together and got close. Like Super close! I got twins from a previous relationship and it was new to her but she didn’t mind at all. It got to were I was with her ALL the time. We talked everyday. When I wasn’t at work, with my twins, at rehearsal or at a gig, I was at her crib. We kissed and showed affection and all that, but never had sex. I figured she wasn’t going anywhere and I was certain I was gonna get it anyways;) I never pressured her for sex and she felt more comfortable cause of it. The other guys she talked to were more aggressive than I was and it annoyed her at times. She told me this. I felt like I could get more aggressive, but hey it wasn’t needed;)
    Long story short. It got REAL.. My twins mother started to hate her and got threatened by our relationship. Social media spying and all smh. It was very embarrassing. My Sag eventually wanted a serious relationship with me. She loves me and I loved her the same. I stalled till I couldn’t anymore. She sent me a text while I was at work explaining how we should stop all the kissing, touching and acting like we’re together of we weren’t. I totally straightened up and was like “ok. I’m ready. I’ll do what I have to do to make us work” and it was too late. She said she couldn’t say that she would try anything serious with me. She said I was all over the place and I’m always changing phone numbers and on top of that I had problems out of my twins mother smh. I guess she got sick of it.. I’ve been in the friend-zone for about 5 months now. I still try to see her maybe twice a month in some casual way. And we text from time to time. Whenever I see her I get good compliments. And it’s even been sex jokes thrown around if I wear a suit around her0_0 lol.. All in all I think it’s something still there. She’s doing her thing and I’m doing mine. I figure I’ll play it cool even tho I still have STRONG feelings for my Sag and just make sure I look GOOD when she sees me and make sure I give her good & funny convos everytime we communicate. Seems to work. I see her more now;) wish me luck;)

  • A-Dogg Matthews

    If a woman says that she wants to be “just friends” with you, just end the friendship politely because it’d be a waste of time you can’t go beyond the friend zone. Tell her that she’d be one friend too many for her to be just friends. Women come and go a lot and there’s plenty of fish in the sea that are willing to go beyond the friend zone if that’s what your main mission is. Again, if a woman you like say she just want to be friends with you, politely decline the offer, cut her out of your life permanently and move on.

  • Dakota Carlisle

    Me and this girl were kissing and cuddling and then a couple days later she says that she is really sad because she is thinking about her ex and then
    she told me that she wanted to stay friends forever. What do I do now

    • Master camelion

      She is probably just hurt and You should give her a little time then maybe (key word maby) listen to the comments on this page

  • Ryan Fleiszig

    I’ve been talking to this woman for about 2 weeks now she’s always busy with work because she works 60/70 hours a week. Now the only way I can talk to her is by text I’ve met her in person and she agreed to go out on a date with me when she has time off work. So my question is how do I play that.

  • jack mariani

    i though that the freindzone wasnt real but i have a crush and my best freind of 6 years she always jokes around how we could never date and if i were to ask her out either are freindship would end or in a much slimmer chance she might go out with me and ive taken her out before but she thinks its freinds hanging out. we both get along so wel but i dont think that she shares the same feelings. we text each other every night from 11 pm til 2-3 in the morning. Im texting her as i right this now but i now there is now way to get out of this

  • Master camelion

    Could someone please explain this game that everyone keeps taking about

  • psage

    finally got the courage to walk away last night i told her i was moving on, after she kept asking me how come she doesn’t see me around anymore, i said i hoped that we could be friends even though it sounded like she was upset because i flat out told her i didn’t want to hang out like before, for the first time in a while i feel as if i have hope for the future.

  • faa world

    impressed !!! while i was reading this article, i thought it must be of some male author.But to my surprise, The author is Female!!! WOw..amaizing article.Love it.

  • Syed Imran AL-Hasyir

    We have been loving each other for 2 years,today she said she friend zoned me,what do i do?

  • Guillermo Barreiro

    I’m deep. In the friend zone, even after 4 dates, dinner the two of us alone, I never make my move, this is all my fault, I was to supportive and helpful, damn so. Naive

  • Jim-Bob

    the real problem is that american women are attracted to stupid things. that is why the “girl who could have anyone” winds up stuck with an a**hole or abuser. the wrong attributes are mistaken strength, and i blame feminism for that. if a woman is taught to be as strong as a man, but biologically craves someone “alpha”, that limits her choices to an archetype that is often given to mistreatment. The reason I specify American women is that I have lived in other countries that do not share this problem

  • disqus_LJj4uJgP1Y

    If she puts you in the friend zone just fuck her friends

  • Vladimir Krstic

    Oh for fucks sake I don’t wanna play these stupid games, I’m gonna call her and straight up tell it how it is, I can’t deal with this bull shit anymore.If you flirt with her and she gives you a flirty reaction but still doesn’t want anything form you she is playing with you, understand that. Make it clear that you ain’t playing anymore.