What to Text a Girl You Like (and Make Her Want You)

By Patrick Banks

Posted 9 years agoDATING

I have to admit it; I’ve always had a love-hate type relationship with text-game. On one hand I’m really an analog type of guy so any sort of communication that involves a keypad and a screen tends to annoy the shit out of me. Yet, at the same time I appreciate text-game because it lets me continue interactions and build attraction with girls that I’m interested in, even when I don’t have time to set aside to make a proper phone call.

I wasn’t always good with my text-game, though. I used to treat it like any form of face-to-face interaction and I would fail miserably at it. Girls who were previously into me would start flaking on me and even stop replying to my texts. So I set to work on re-engineering my text game and understanding how it’s different from any other form of game. Today I’d like to share that knowledge with you.

Don’t wait too long to send the first text

First things first, there’s an old adage that you should wait at least a couple of days before texting a girl for the first time. I’ve realized that that’s a load of bull. People move at such a fast pace these days that you really don’t have a couple of days to spare after meeting a girl and texting her. And attractive women in particular have so many options available that you really can’t afford to leave a window of opportunity for some other dude to sweep in and act faster than you were willing to.

So how soon do I text a girl after meeting her? Sometimes within an hour. In fact, the longest I’ll ever wait is a day. This is especially true if a girl was really into you in person. You’re better off striking when the iron is hot, so to speak, rather than waiting a few days to seem “cool” or “aloof.” In fact, the only time I’ll ever wait than a day or two to text a girl is if there was nothing particularly special about the interaction that I had with her. In these types of situations I try to use text game to create a completely fresh interaction.

Don’t be boring or generic

One of the most important steps of great text game is creating a good conversational hook. Whenever you text a girl for the first time always assume that she’s already doing something incredibly fun or interesting. This way you make sure that you’re text is interesting enough to make her want to devote her complete attention to texting you.

So forget about those generic “Hey, how was your day?” texts. They won’t get you more than a polite response. A few fucking hours later!

What I like to do before I text a girl for the first time is I imagine myself on the receiving end. I ask myself if I’d feel happy, excited or curious to get this message myself. And if the answer is no, I go back to the drawing board.

Some sample lines you can try out when initiating the conversation:

“Hey fool, I’m luring girls to my house with candy. Which do you prefer, Snickers or M&Ms?”

“I think you gave me cooties the other day.”

“I bet my weekend could kick your weekend’s ass!”    

Use call-back humor

One of the primary goals of early text game is to get a girl to remember the feelings of attraction that she felt when she first met you, and one great way to do this is with call-back humor. Something I always like to do when I number-close a girl is to give her a funny nickname.

Sometimes I’ll even save her number as “Smurfette” and get her to save mine as “Smurf Daddy.” So the first time I text her I say “Hey Smurfette, I hear you’ve been eating too many giggleberries.” Doing this takes a girl back to the emotional state she was feeling when she was with you in person and feeling attracted.

Don’t be too eager

One of the biggest mistakes that guys make with text game is that they come across as too eager. And the funny thing about text game is that it can sometimes be easy to come off eager even without realizing that you’re doing it. For example, texting a girl a bunch of boring questions, sending long-ass replies to her single word texts or hounding her with repeat texts when she doesn’t reply are all signs of neediness that a girl will catch onto.

Match her vibe

The easiest way to keep any overly eager texting behavior in check is to always match a girl’s texting vibe. For example, never use a lot of emoticons unless a girl uses them a lot in her texts to you. Or for example, never end a text with xoxo unless a girl does the same.

Don’t text her too much

Have you ever been in a situation where you met a girl, started texting her, had a few great conversations only to have her start to turn colder and more unresponsive over time? The chances are that you had her, but you bored her with being too available.

You see, attractive women don’t want a man who’s always there at their beck and call. They want a man who’s in demand and unavailable. This is not the type of man who’d text them all day and always reply within a couple of minutes.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should always leave a girl hanging for a reply for hours on end, but it can work to your advantage to be a bit unpredictable with your texting patterns. Sometimes reply within a few minutes of her texting and sometimes wait a few hours. And when you do reply late, don’t make an excuse or give an explanation for your late reply. This will keep her guessing and keep her interested.

Always escalate

Let’s be honest, no matter how fun your text convos with a girl are, your goal should always be to escalate things so that you finally meet her in a physical location. This is why you should always remember to escalate your interaction. If you don’t, a girl who is actually attracted to you will at some point start wondering where the interaction is headed. And if she doesn’t feel like it’s going somewhere interesting or exciting, she’ll start losing interest in you.

One important thing to remember here though is that when escalating through text you should always calibrate according to the levels of comfort you’ve got going with the girl. For example, if you invite her over for a movie and she suggests coffee instead, you need to understand that she is attracted to you but isn’t comfortable enough to meet you alone at your place.

Don’t take things too seriously

One of the most important things I’ve learned over the years, as far as text game goes, is that having a devil-may-care attitude is the best approach. You’re bound to have women flake on you now and then, and you’re bound to text a woman when she’s just having a bad day and not feeling all that responsive. The point is to always maintain a calm, relaxed attitude and not take any flaky behavior seriously. If a girl doesn’t reply to a question, don’t bring it up again the next day.

Simply text her normally and introduce a new topic of conversation. However, if a girl hasn’t replied to a few of your messages over a couple of days, you might have to go back to the start of this article and rethink your strategy.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

7 thoughts on “What to Text a Girl You Like (and Make Her Want You)

  1. good stuff mate. I am talking to this amazing girl and pretty much everything has gone the way I needed and I wanted to maybe try some sexting very slowly and this article answered all my questions. One thing I think the guys should remember is a lot of time you can use these methods but tweak it to match the type of person you are and she is.

    1. Good to read something positive on here for a change.

      I know you wrote this message 2 years ago but how did it work out for you man?

  2. Not a smart idea. Boring can be better. Plus that having conversations by text and texting too much is also better when it comes to girls. Be annoying.

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