This is the science of evolutionary biology, and it focuses on how evolutionary processes affect the diversity of life on earth… and in this case, in our dating lives.
With this in mind, today I’d like to talk about why women test men… and what you can do about it. But first, you must understand the concept of a “shit test.”
I remember when I was in 7th grade, I had a gigantic crush on a girl named Rachel. She was perfect in my eyes, and one day, we both got to spend some time together after school.
All was going well, until out of nowhere she commanded me to do something. “Tie my shoe,” she said. She didn’t yell, and I thought the request was a bit strange, but I complied anyways.
I figured it didn’t hurt to get on her good side… right? Well, then she issued another command.
“Go check in that window and see if there’s anyone in there,” she told me. Again, being a naïve and eager young kid, I checked for her. Shortly afterwards, her parents picked her up.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was the very first time I was shit tested… and I failed.
What is a “Shit Test”?
I know it may seem funny, but that story perfectly illustrates what a shit test is. Shit tests are little tests that a woman will give you, to test who you really are, and what you’re made of.
Believe it or not, you’ve definitely encountered one of these before… and if you didn’t know what a shit test was until this article, you probably failed it.
Here’s a few common examples of shit tests:
- She asks you to do something unreasonable (“Buy me a drink,” when you just met her three minutes ago)
- She teases you about a potential insecurity (“Why are short guys always so confident?”)
- She feigns disinterest (after she makes the first move)
- She asks if you’re a player (This is one of the biggest signs she’s interested in you)
There’s an infinite number of ways a woman can test a man, but it really all comes down to one thing: she wants to know who you truly are, and how confident you are in yourself.
It’s in The Biology, Baby
Now, I know what you’re thinking… why can’t women just ask us? Why do they need to use these indirect methods of seeing how confident we are?
Well, to illustrate, let me tell you a story. Let us return back to evolutionary biology. Over millions of years, women and men evolved to be attracted to that which secures their genetic future. For men, this is fertility – for women, this is utility.
In other words, men are attracted to a woman’s appearance (yes, it’s shallow, we know), because this displays her ability to bare healthy children. For millions of years, if a woman’s hips weren’t the right shape, both she and the child would die in child birth.
This is why men are generally attracted to women in their early 20’s, with wider hips, for example. Wide hips are a “fertility signal” which show that not only can she survive childbirth, but the child being born can, as well.
Women however, evolved to be attracted to a man’s competence, because high competence signals he can protect her and her children. Men didn’t have to survive anything during childbirth, but they did have to ensure that she and her child could survive afterwards.
…and in a harsh, barely civilized world, this meant a man must possess several things, like physical fitness, social intelligence, inner confidence, and ambition, to start.
With more physical fitness comes better food (a la hunting) for his family. With more social intelligence comes a better ability to lead and unite men to help protect her. With more inner confidence comes more willingness to take risks… and with more ambition, comes a higher likelihood to accumulate resources, and succeed.
As a side note, this is also why women tend to be more attracted to men slightly older than them. Older men have had time to develop themselves, and thus can make a woman feel more safe and secure. They also tend to be more emotionally mature.
Now, this isn’t to say that we’re simply mechanical monkeys who only care about these things – obviously, falling in love with someone’s personality and maintaining life-long intimacy are crucial for having a healthy, long-term relationship.
…BUT, in the initial dating phase, these attraction signals play a huge role – and that’s exactly why women test men.
Why Women Test Men (The #1 Reason)
Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for – the answer to our original question. Why is it that women test men? Why does this happen so frequently in our dating lives?
The answer, again, is in the biology. Women want to know if you’re truly as confident as you act, and they want to know if they can trust you in the long run.
This is, fundamentally, why women test men. They want to know what you’re truly made of, and if you would actually be a good investment of their time and energy.
“But why can’t they just be honest and ask me?” I can hear someone asking. Well, the answer is simple – it’s because most men aren’t honest from the start.
A lot of men act more confident than they truly are, say they earn more than they really do, and act as if they’re more popular than they really are… and this happens all the time.
So, what’s a woman to do? She can’t just blindly trust what every man says. She needs a way to discover the truth about who you truly are. So, she gives you a quick “shit test.”
If you’re acting like you’re truly confident, she’ll probably poke fun at your insecurities to see how you react. Take, for example, the following story.
Even Brad Pitt Can Be Insecure About His Height Sometimes
I was out at the pool one day with my friends, and a girl came up and started talking to us. She was definitely interested from the start, but was curious and wanted to know more.
We got to talking, and she was giving me some indicators of interest (signs she likes me). She was playing with her hair, giggling at my jokes, and just generally having a fun time.
But then, the test came. “Normally I only like tall guys…” she told me. “How tall are you?” she asked. This is a very subtle form of a woman testing you.
“5’8”,” I said, without missing a beat. I’m generally on the shorter end of the spectrum, and yet I have no problem dating beautiful women, even if they’re taller than me.
She gazed deep into my eyes, as if expecting me to say something else. “Huh,” she said, as if she was making some sort of internal decision. Believe it or not, this was a shit test.
What do most shorter guys do, when asked about their height? They get insecure, come up with all sorts of justifications, and try to talk themselves up.
“UHH, I’m only 5’8”, but I earn a lot of money!” or “I’m 5’8” … yeah, yeah, I know… I’m pretty short,” or something else of that nature.
What does this communicate to a girl, though? That you’re insecure. You’re insecure about your height, and you feel the need to justify it, or to self-deprecate in a non-humorous way.
While it may seem subtle, the devil is in the details – and when I nonchalantly answered her question, I passed her test. She was interested, but wanted to see if I would get insecure and start justifying myself. I didn’t, because I knew it was just a test.
Are women attracted to tall men? Obviously – it’s one of the 8 Scientifically Proven Traits That Women Find Attractive. But I know it’s only one of eight, and most guys don’t take the time to work on themselves, so they’re batting at 2/8 out of best.
If you’re a regular reader of this blog however, and you’re actively improving yourself, you’re probably batting a 6/8 or even an 8/8 at your best. So, why should you be afraid to acknowledge a few of your faults? Well, the answer is, you shouldn’t.
In fact, sometimes, being completely honest with our faults can actually make us more attractive to women – because it shows true confidence.
Other Ways Women Test Men
I get tested about being “too fat” all the time!
Now that we’ve established why women test men, let’s talk a little bit more about the how. Most of the time, these tests are very subtle, like the example I gave above – she asks a question about something many men are insecure about, and sees how you respond.
These questions typically relate to things like height, physical fitness, income, or social status.
Here’s another example. I’m a fitness model, so I’m in pretty good shape (not to brag, of course). This naturally opens me up to being tested about my physique.
Even though I’ve got six pack abs, girls will sometimes test me about these things. “Hmm… I don’t know if you’re muscular enough for me,” or “I don’t know… you look kind of fat to me.”
Again, they’re testing to see if I’m confident in who I am. They know that I’m muscular (obviously, I’m a fitness model!), but they want to see if I’m CONFIDENT or not…which is why anytime a girl tests me, I just use one of these two strategies, and pass it every time.
How to Pass Her Tests: The Only 2 Things You Need to Know
The biggest key to passing a woman’s tests is to simply be unfazed. If you get flustered and insecure over some light-hearted banter, you’ve immediately failed the test.
That being said, there are two strategies I like to employ, any time I get a shit test:
- Amplify the Frame
- Re-Frame Her Frame
Using these simple, yet powerful methods, you can literally pass 99% of a girl’s tests. Let me give you an example of the “fitness test” I mentioned recently.
I was at the pool recently (I go quite frequently, in case you couldn’t tell), and a girl came up to me and we started talking. We were hitting it off quite nicely, and then she asked what I do. I never quite know how to answer this question, since I’m a cryptocurrency-trading, fitness-modeling, dating coach/blogger, so I gave her the typical response that I tell people.
“I’m a fitness model,” I told her. “Really?” she replied jokingly. “I can barely even see your abs,” she said as she brushed her hand down them. Now, what would most guys do? They’d get insecure, imply that she’s blind, or something dumb like that.
What did I do, though? I used the first strategy, which is to amplify the frame. “Yeah I know, I’ve been really pigging out lately – I love my cheeseburgers,” I jokingly told her, with a smile. She cracked up and started laughing, because she unconsciously knew that I’d passed the test.
This is an example of “amplifying the frame,” where you take her joke and 10x it to the amount of absurdity. Another way to pass a woman’s tests is to re-frame her frame.
So, if she makes a joke about me not having abs, and how it’s a bad thing, I could say something like the following, and imply that it’s actually a GOOD thing:
“Yeah, you know what? I always get girls who only like me for my abs, so I think it’s finally time to start getting fat so I know girls only like me for my personality. I’m planning on putting on 300 pounds in the next year, so hopefully I have the courage and discipline to achieve that goal.”
Obviously, it’s a joke, and yes, women do care about looks (and your personality), but the point is I took her joke, and led it down a different road. It’s not that losing my six pack is “bad,” but rather that it’s a good thing, because now girls will only like me for my true personality.
Using just these two simple strategies, you can literally pass any test a woman throws your way.
In conclusion, women test men because they need to know what we’re truly made of. When a man sees a woman, it’s pretty obvious to him if he’s attracted to her or not.
Women take more time, however. They need to know who you are, and what your personality is like, because confidence is always the biggest turn on for a woman.
This is why women will test you – they want to see if you’re truly confident. They’ll test your insecurities, time and time again, until you learn to be secure with yourself. In many ways, this is a blessing, because it forces us, as men, to grow up and develop true confidence.
If you find yourself being tested, don’t worry. Just memorize the two strategies I gave you, get some more practice with them, and you’ll be acing her tests in no time.
How Women Feel Guys Out – The Secret To Attraction
I have seen some glaring misconceptions in the dating in the modern times. Most of the advice is geared towards being the “charismatic type”. “Be the center of attention”. The problem herein is some guys can’t pull this off due to one thing: they are introverted. Introverts are usually great listeners, prudent and observant. But how to make these qualities an asset in dating life?
You probably wouldn’t even notice if you bumped into them in the streets as they are often preoccupied in their own world. Being introverted doesn’t mean you have approach anxiety. In fact, I consider myself introverted and just don’t care for approaching a large group of people. Regardless of what the dating coaches say, I just don’t feel inspired to do so. And that’s fine!
What really matters is…
Women are experts at feeling you out
And what they want to feel is that you are a proactive, interesting man.
Being proactive simply means doing what INSPIRES you. I’m talking about doing what inspires you without having any self-limiting beliefs about not being able to achieve it. This is about YOU, not someone else. Finding and doing what truly inspires you makes you an inspiring and therefore attractive person.
Women are simply REACTING to you because they feel inspire by the passionate way you act. You don’t have to push yourself to become someone you are not. Just because someone advice you to do this or that, does not mean that you have to do it.
In fact, get rid of the world “have”. You don’t have to do anything. You can if you want to, but that’s IF you WANT to.
This is what being pro-active is all about. It is about making executive decisions in your life in REAL time. If you feel like making a really bold move to a girl, do it! However, you should allow her to have her own reaction. This leads to the second part.
Be non-reactive to people emotionally. Respect other people and allow them to say what they want, even if it is negative of some kind. You know that it has no bearing on you. They have no power to touch you if you don’t give it to them.
Dominance = Attraction
What I mean by dominance is being a strong, decisive and always a respectful person.
Women like men who are well balanced and self-aware of what and how they want. Just think a bit less and follow your instincts. Next time you’re in a conversation, be the proactive guy.
Women like men who are well balanced and self-aware of what and how they want. Just think a bit less and follow your instincts. Next time you’re in a conversation, be the proactive guy.
Talk about what YOU find interesting to talk about. The other guys in the group will try to bait you into being reactive to their frame, but you know better. Watch how people react to you and balance the conversation according to that. Steer the conversation back and forth between good emotions and bad emotions. The most important: have fun with it!
For me, when someone approaches me in conversation about something that has nothing to do with me, I just FLAT OUT ignore them. Actually, I don’t ignore them, I just give them a nod and a totally expressionless face and turn away. Guess what they do after this? They try to seek my APPROVAL!
They try to get me to validate them. After time, they start to SUCK UP to me! This is some powerful stuff if you practice it on a daily basis. Having the right frame of mind prevents you from being sucked into a stronger person’s reality. Whoever has the strongest reality owns the women, basically. This is like being able to see through the matrix of evolutionary psychology and it is probably more practical than anything that I have ever used.
Extroverts vs Introverts
- Extroverts = Obvious charisma
- Introverts = Mysterious charisma
Both have their place in women’s hearts. The problem with most dating advisors is that they try to come up with universal attractive qualities while walking back and forth between mystery and charismatic.
That is what style calls an “unnatural”. You get stuck in your cerebral brain if you try to be adapt to polar opposite personalities. But in the end, it just becomes a gimmick. And women can sense the incongruency.
Recognize which polar opposite you are. Some are in between. Sort of like a 6’9 center/forward in the NBA. But most are not. A quiet guy trying to approach a group of strangers is like a 6’1 point guard trying to dunk over people. Realize that no matter what personality type you are, it has it’s place in the world. Otherwise, your genes would not have survived millions of years of breeding.
Extroverted game: Center of attention, charismatic, charming, Alpha male attitude, Likes the sound of his own voice, social group leader, Mr Popular, Entertainer type, Good story teller, anything that is “high watted”.
Introverted game: Mysterious, suave, cool calm and collected, indifferent, challenge, confident, has control over emotions (doesn’t try to attention whore himself), romantic, sexy, reclusive, anything that is “laid back”.
If you try to mix the two personality types together, you get someone who will freak women out. One minute he is mysterious, the next minute, he is storytelling to a group of people. One minute, he’s being charismatic, the next minute, he’s being indifferent. It’s not congruent! And it’s not consistent! And last but not least, it looks like an obvious game! Women are smart. Who the hell do you think you’re fooling?
The Real Deal on Attraction
Here is the real deal on attraction. If you are an introvert, there is something very powerful that you can do without hanging yourself like a Christmas ornament. I got this from Tyler Durden. Be pro-active. Do things just because. Because you want to. Be totally non-reactive to people’s reactions towards you. Make bold moves and allow people to have their reactions without getting your ego involved. This will created an insane amount of attraction. This is what the other side of charisma looks like
Be proactive in your actions. Make bold moves. Be emotionally non-reactive to people. Allow people to feel however they want to feel about you. You don’t need their approval. Nor are you seeking it. You are demonstrating high value by this powerful frame of mind.
So the next time you are talking to a girl, ask yourself “What is the boldest move that I could possibly make without scaring her away?” Then do it, and allow her to have her reaction without trying to control it. This is the secret of the “naturals”. Do you ever see them get emotionally reactive to women? No. No. They do BOLD things with absolutely no expectations of how they want the girl to react. They could care less.