You know, the term ‘Alpha Male’ seems to have gathered a bit of a bad rep over the years. What should be a positive and self-affirming state of mind has been interpreted as a gruff, overly masculine, and sometimes overly aggressive outer façade. But I want to help men the world over reclaim the term and learn what it is to be a true alpha male.
You see a lot of people misinterpret the idea of being an alpha male as simply being ‘dominant’ over other men and women, when in reality; ‘dominance’ is just a tiny aspect of the bigger picture.
So in today’s article, I’d like to break down and analyze the traits and characteristics that I believe contribute towards a true alpha male state of being. Starting off with…
Some years ago I went to meet my college friend, Sean, who was quite popular with the ladies. As I approached our meeting place, I saw him standing in the distance and I thought: “He looks great!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m straight, but there was something striking about him and he looked fantastic.
I wondered what made him so distinctively better looking than other guys and why women were so attracted to him. At the time, my other friends and I looked quite similar; we were average looking guys who liked going out. What set Sean apart from us was his alpha male attitude and body language.
I told myself that if I wanted to become an alpha male, I should follow his example. With this “certain something” sometimes you’re born with it, but if you’re not that doesn’t mean you can’t learn something and change. I fully believe every guy can become more popular with females and get more respect from his male peers by making simple changes to his body language and behavior.
What’s an alpha male?
Your first answer might be that an alpha male is a seductive, confident man who’s appreciated by both men and women. The guy’s a leader, who openly displays his dominance and is a confident pursuer of women.
That’s true, but that’s not everything. Being an alpha male isn’t related to your appearance.
What? You don’t believe me?
How often have you seen good looking guys who still seem to be missing that “certain something?” They’re getting regularly put into the friend zone and other males don’t take them seriously. At the same time, you’ve likely seen a guy who doesn’t look as good looking but is significantly more successful.
Why is that?
Alpha male is a state of mind
Why are alpha males more attractive to females?
The well-known “Feminine Intuition” developed as humans evolved and is nothing more than an innate ability to read body language and choose a valuable partner Women don’t look for the most physically attractive male, necessarily, but they are looking for certain characteristic traits to show up in male body language.
An alpha male, by the way, he carries himself, sends signals to others that he’s the leader, the strongest individual, the most valuable male in the pack. What woman wouldn’t like that?
An alpha male lives inside all men; it’s what makes us manly. There’s a big difference between the ladies and us. And women love when you show it!
Fake it until you make it
The way you carry yourself sends valuable information out into the world. American psychologist Ray Birdwhistell’s research shows that indirect conversations 35% of the information comes from words and the other 65% comes from the body.
Throughout movie history, you can find plenty of great examples of Alpha Males.
Think you’re like one of them? Let’s find out!
The Alpha Male’s Body Language
Have you ever been out at a club or a pub and noticed how when some men walk into the venue, every woman in the joint automatically seems to scan them out? What it is about these men that stoke the curiosity of the opposite sex? Two words – body language.
Here’s a little experiment that I want you to try out – the next time that you’re out on the town and feeling insecure or anxious, I want you to pay attention to your body language. Are you hunched over with your shoulders slouched? Does it feel like you’re trying to shrink yourself so as not to take up too much space? This is exactly the opposite of what an alpha male would be doing.
The alpha male’s posture is as relaxed as it is assertive. Stand tall with your shoulders back and your chest out. Take up as much space as you need to be comfortable; without being a total slouch. Straighten your neck and back and hold your head high.
Either place your hands on your hips or put them in your pockets with your thumbs out; and never hold them across your chest. And as always remember, balance is key. You don’t want to overly exaggerate your posture. That just looks silly.
Do you want to go even further with working on your posture? Check out how to unlock your Hidden Survival Muscle.
The next time you watch a Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt movie, pay attention to how their characters move on the screen. The alpha male’s movements are always slow but deliberate; every action feels relaxed but purposeful. When you walk into a room, an office or a bar, walk in slowly but with purpose. If it helps, imagine yourself as the world’s greatest gladiator walking into the Coliseum to do battle.
How to Stand like an Alpha Male
Stand in front of a big enough mirror to see your entire body. Look and ask yourself if your posture expresses your masculine power? Does it display the dominant force of the most important individual in the pack? Does it project enthusiasm and confidence? If you answered no to any of these questions, you have to work on your posture and attitude.
Visualize yourself as a masculine man, who feels powerful. Your posture has to express this exactly. A crouching and hunched posture characterizes people who fear their environment. Sit and stand up straight and openly display your chest. By doing this alpha male behaviour, you’ll be giving a subconscious signal to others that you’re not afraid to attack.
Place your feet apart, a little wider than shoulder width. Your whole posture should look solid and masculine. Keeping your legs apart emphasizes your sexual strength.
Keep your head confidently up and look straight ahead, not over or away from people, and not at their feet. Straighten your neck and back, it’ll give you a few extra centimetres height and also show people that you’re not afraid of confrontation.
Many men don’t know where to put their hands. Females have their bags or hair to play with, but we’re usually barehanded. Hands can send a lot of messages so you have to decide what kind of info you want to convey. Hands placed along your body’s trunk are neutral. Hands placed on your hips speak of readiness for action. When you place your hands across your chest, you look defensive and closed off. Similar messages are sent with your legs.
An Alpha male usually keeps his hands and legs open, sending non-verbal messages about his lack of fear. When he stands, he keeps his hands behind his back, displaying courage and power, openness and confidence.
If you like to keep your hands in your pockets, keep your thumbs out! If you put your hands in your pockets with your thumbs out, you’re signalling confidence and a little cockiness.
Exercise to get better posture. When you’re in the gym or at home stretching with weights, the key is learning how to pull your shoulders back. Puff out your chest and pull your neck back. Hold this position to get a full stretch. This is much more like stretching with weights than it is lifting weights or by unlocking your Hidden Survival Muscle.
How to walk like an Alpha Male
Whether you’re walking on the street or entering an office or bar, your walk can really make an impression on people. When an alpha male enters a room, he’s not afraid; he walks slowly, taking balanced steps. Correcting your walk doesn’t take long, just a few days and it really impacts how other people perceive you. Show people that you know your place as a man and that you have a vision for where you want to be in life.
Pay attention to how big of steps you take. Walk with moderately spaced, balanced steps. If your steps are too small you may seem feminine or like someone who’s always catching up with other people. On the other hand, huge steps imply that you’re clumsy. Take medium, shoulder length steps.
Your walk should seem controlled and balanced. The more you train your focus on walking, the more it becomes routine. Proactively train yourself to control your walk, so your habits change naturally. You can even ask a friend to record you walking to see if your steps are balanced and under control.
Don’t forget about your smile. Remember – smiling is contagious. Once you’re happy your great mood will easily spread around.
How to sit like an Alpha Male
An alpha male takes up exactly as much space as he thinks he needs. He sits straight but comforably. If he feels like sitting nonchalantly he does so with his legs up, if circumstances allow. When you sit down somewhere make sure you feel comfortable. Lean back, expose your torso and show that you’re not afraid of any confrontation.
You can put your hand on the back of a chair or the couch where you’re sitting. You can horizontally bend your left leg at the knee and rest your left ankle on your right leg, so when you get up to walk you show everyone that you’re powerful. Don’t close off your posture with your hands because it will seem like you’re trying to defend yourself.
How to look at people like an Alpha Male
Never underestimate the power of your look. They say that eyes are windows to your soul, so make sure your eyes express self-confidence, strength and have a playful sparkle.
An alpha male isn’t afraid to look directly into people’s eyes. It can be difficult if you’re not used to it, so practice. When you’re entering the room keep your head high and look at everyone. If you talk to someone, look from one of their eyes to the other, then down to their mouth. This keeps your eyes moving and focused on your conversation partner.
Work on your attitude, because if you’re worried about something or you’re afraid it’ll show up in your eyes. It doesn’t do you any good. Just let go of your worries; you can’t solve any problem by worrying anyway. Simply focus on your conversation and don’t be afraid of looking into your counterpart’s eyes. Please, don’t stare though.
How to Behave Around Women like an Alpha Male
Your behavior around women depends on your personal style. Women like men who feel comfortable in their own skin, so your behaviur should help you feel your best. An alpha male has high self-esteem and doesn’t care too much what others think about him and he isn’t afraid to behave as he wants. He expresses his opinions, needs and desires in a direct way.
Even in front of a beautiful woman he never sees himself as someone who’s out of her league and he isn’t overwhelmed by interaction. He can appreciate her beauty and truly want her but he doesn’t need her.
He likes to tease women and isn’t afraid of physical contact. Women love men who are a bit naughty and playful. Exactly the same as you like easy going and flirty women! An alpha male fully enjoys the company of a beautiful girl and lets his inner animal free.
He’s playful but never crosses lines of saviour vivre or good manners. Depending on your culture there’s generally nothing wrong with playful touching or hugs, but grabbing someone’s ass would obviously be considered unacceptable.
They’re aware that women love gentlemanly males with great manners and expansive knowledge. Catch up on some old movies and acquire some basic notions on how a true gentleman behaves: how to smoke cigarettes, let a woman enter the room first, take her coat and etc. You can even light a cigarette for her. It all depends on the situation but it’s always better to have too good of manners than to seem, well… ignorant.
An alpha feels 100% manly so he likes to make it known who the man in the relationship is on each date. It comes naturally, by chance. He doesn’t have to say it, but women simply feel that he’s the strongest.
Talk to a lot of women, not so good-looking and pretty, older and younger. Get comfortable with female company. But always keep in mind that you’re a 100% strong, confident MAN and act like one. Women will love you for it!
Becoming an alpha male is a complex process and changing your body language is just part of it. Take care of your body to look as good as you can so you can carry yourself with confidence and feel great in your own skin. Follow your passions and always seek to broaden your mind to simply become a better person.
One thing that I’ve noticed with men who are not alpha is that they always seem to speak really fucking fast. It’s as if they’re worried that if they stop talking people are going to stop paying attention to them. Alpha males on the other hand speak in a slow but deliberate manner. They aren’t afraid to include pauses in their conversation. They know that even if they let a moment of silence drag on for a minute, people are still going to be hanging onto whatever they say next.
This manner of speaking has a powerful effect on people, but it might take a little practice. So make a conscious effort to begin with. Imagine that you’re Marlon Brando from The Godfather if you need to. You wouldn’t worry about someone not hanging onto every word you say now would you?
The ability to hold strong eye contact is another integral part of being a true alpha male. People who are insecure or intimidated don’t hold strong eye contact. Their eyes always dart about as if searching for a more comfortable spot to rest on.
The alpha male, however, is present and his eye contact conveys that. So don’t be afraid of looking people in the eye when you talk to them. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but make a conscious effort and it’ll feel normal over time.
Let’s set the record straight, the notion that an alpha male is some overly serious, macho gruff-pot is a complete lie. Whenever you walk into a bar with a ‘tough’ or ‘serious’ look on your face, you’re not telling people that you’re alpha. You’re just telling them that you’re not very happy with your life and that you probably aren’t getting laid much. So don’t be afraid to have a nice, relaxed smile on your face at all times.
Now while there are a few exceptions (think Steve from The Tao of Steve) alpha males, in general, are well groomed. This doesn’t mean that you need to wear Tom Ford suits and designer eyewear. But paying attention to your wardrobe, your facial hair and overall grooming can go a long way. You wouldn’t ever see James Bond in an ill-fitting suit and bad hairdo, would you?
The Alpha Male’s Personality
Now here’s where we get into the interesting stuff. While the alpha male’s body language is relatively easy to emulate, an alpha personality might take a little longer to cultivate. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor is a true alpha male.
Alpha males lead interesting lives
Who would you rather hang out with at a party – Wolverine or Scott Summers? Part of the allure of an alpha male is that they all seem to lead such interesting lives. There’s never a boring moment around one. Now you might ask yourself, “what if my life isn’t all that interesting?” Well for fuck’s sake, go out and make it interesting.
Alpha males don’t qualify themselves
One of the biggest differences between an alpha male and a so-called “beta” is that the beta will forever be trying to prove something to himself and to others. Every time a guy brags about his car or his job, what he’s really conveying is that he’s terrified that people won’t like and accept him for who he truly is. The alpha male on the other hand doesn’t brag about the car he owns, the places he’s been to or the girls he’s been with. In fact, he doesn’t feel the need to. He is confident enough in himself to know that people will like him for him without him having to prove anything to anyone.
Alpha males are confident
Now confidence can be a bit of a tricky concept to understand. Think about it, what actually is confidence? Well, I’m a firm believer that the only thing that creates true confidence is competence. For example, take the character Gannicus from the T.V series Spartacus (which you totally should watch, in case you haven’t). He’s supremely confident and forever cocky, but he backs this up with some mad skills with the sword.
So it doesn’t matter if you’re a software programmer or a rockstar, the key to embodying true alpha male confidence is in becoming the best at whatever it is you do. There’s a reason why the Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world probably get as much action as the Brad Pitts and Johnny Depps.
Alpha males live in their own reality
One of the most alluring things about the alpha male is that he’s in his own reality. For example, think about Marlon Brando from The Godfather. If an unknown man were to walk into his office with a gun, he’d probably pour two drinks and ask the man to sit down. This mindset will take time to cultivate, but once you do, you’ll realize that having your own strong reality can help you saunter through most of life’s situations with ease and grace.
Alpha males are bold
Most men go about life shying away from the unknown and the unfamiliar. Alpha males on the other hand embrace life’s challenges and are never afraid to take a risk. They’re forever ready to speak their mind and stand up for what they believe in.
Alpha males have a sense of humor
One of the most important characteristics of an alpha male is that they don’t themselves or the world around them too seriously. David Duchovny’s character Hank Moody from the T.V series Californication is one of the best examples of this that I can think of. Hank’s nonchalant, devil-may-care attitude not only gets him out of some pretty messy situations, but it also gets him into the pants of some pretty gorgeous women.
The Alpha Male’s Social Skills
At the end of the day, one of the most important aspects of an alpha male is in his ability to take control and lead whatever social situation or group he’s in.
They are able to be the center of conversation
Alpha males in general love being the center of attention and are able to hold the focus of one person or a hundred people with equal ease. When you’re out at a club or a pub, you’ll notice how some men seem to hold court over a large group of people. These alpha males will usually be the ones leading the conversation and the ones who everyone turns to for approval and guidance.
At the same time, true alpha males are also humble in nature. They aren’t afraid to compliment and appreciate others. They don’t feel as if this lowers their own value. Instead, they know that they are a source of value and validation to others.
They are able to lead
All alpha males are natural leaders. And here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter if you’re the captain of a sports team or the CEO of a startup, the ability to lead and direct a group of people is powerful alpha quality.
Alphas keep leading especially when it comes to interactions with girls. They behave gentle, confident and always make sure that women see them as sexual beings, not kind of another female friend… Practice makes the master!