I used to have this rule back in high school and college. It was an anti-friend zone rule, and it had a slogan, too: “If a girl ain’t talkin’ about me, I don’t wanna hear it.”
Here’s the explanation.
Around, let’s say, junior year, I realized I was too much of a “nice guy” (note: I mean a cliche nice guy). And as a “nice guy,” I was prone to falling into that abyss known as the friend zone.
Now, everyone knows a major tell-tale sign you’re in the friend zone is when a woman talks to you about another guy. So, at some point, I resolved I was having none of that. Speaking specifically, “having none of that” meant not tolerating any conversation about a male not named Joseph.
In general, though, this meant not going out of my way to entertain any girl who only wanted to be “just friends.” After all, I had enough friends already. As a result, I generally didn’t value any friendship with a female friend who I didn’t have some type of romantic interest in (terrible, I know).
Midway through college, I realized this policy was problematic, even if it wasn’t disastrous. But after college? Like, in real life? The rule is not only problematic… It’s totally untenable. So, I decided to change my ways for a couple of reasons.
First, there’s the obvious fact that woman are, you know, people. And I suppose that shouldn’t take men 20 years to figure that out — but that’s another topic for another day.
Second, there are so many advantages of being in the friend zone (which, by the way, is just a fancy term for having the self-control and maturity to be genuine friends with a woman you might otherwise be attracted to). In fact, I’ll go even further. Whether you’re a super thirsty guy, or just a church boy waiting for “the one,” you should definitely learn how to use the friend zone effectively. Hear me out. I’m no dating expert, but this is just a simple matter of mathematics and probability.
The more women you can count as good friends, the more likely you are to be introduced to their good friends. And if your good friend is attractive, cool and accomplished, there’s a good chance her friends are as well. I mean, birds of a feather, right? But seriously, just think about what can happen with good women on your team. You can get invited to more events where good women are (duh).
You could also get introduced to a woman you’re possibly attracted to, while those introductions are likely to come with a ringing endorsement. And that woman you’re attracted to? If you don’t hit things off with her at first, you can try again next time (because there’s always a next time when you know her friends). Now think about the opposite scenario.
If you don’t have a solid group of female friends who, themselves, have solid groups of female friends, you’ll most likely try to meet women at a bar or a club. At that point, you’re walking up to random people and going for a Hail Mary. Good luck with that. As for parties, without good girl-friends (emphasis on the hyphen), you’ll be the one walking in with a crew of guys. Good luck with that as well.
Also, if you do end up meeting a woman, and things don’t work out with her, there’s no telling how long it’ll take ’til you meet another good prospect. Good luck with that, too. Now, when I say I’m an advocate of the friend zone, I’m not telling you to become Forrest Gump with Jenny. I’m also not telling you to become Sir Jorah with Daenerys. And I’m definitely not telling you to become Professor Snape with Lily Potter (*cringes*).
But I am saying next time a woman wants to be “just friends,” think about it. Why? Well, first and foremost, a good friend is a good friend is a good friend. But great female friends, especially, can be so good for your dating life. At the end of the day, there’s no way around it: the more girl friends you have, the more likely you are to meet someone worth making your girlfriend
Are you in a friendzone? Take our friendzone quiz!