How to Flirt With a Woman in Real Life: 10 Steps To Attract Women

By Patrick Banks

Posted 3 years agoDATING

how to flirt with a girl

We all know a guy that never seems to have trouble chatting up women and getting what he wants from them whether that’s a relationship or a one-night hook-up. He’s cool, he’s casual, and he seems to genuinely enjoy flirting. He’s also no doubt the kind of guy you’d ultimately like to become when it comes to dating and hooking up. However, knowing that is one thing. Actually achieving it is another.

We’re here to tell you that it’s far from impossible. All you need is a proper understanding of how go about things. Here we’ll go over everything you need to know to flirt like an absolute pro. We’ll cover how to read a woman’s response to your flirting and successfully close the deal as well.

1. Focus your efforts on the right women

Contrary to popular belief, not every woman likes or wants attention. Some really do just want to be left alone while others are just more selective about who they’d like attention from. The first order of business is to simply accept that fact and understand that it’s really nothing personal. The second is to learn how to tell who’ll appreciate your attention and who won’t.

No matter if you flirt online or in real life, don’t waste your efforts on women that seem bored or uninterested (because they probably are). Closed body language like crossed legs or shoulders that face away from you are clear signs that she’s really not into you as well. Save your efforts for women that respond to your advances by smiling, playing with their hair, or making eye contact.

2. Put women at ease by smiling

Speaking of smiling, take a moment to consider how you feel when a woman flashes you a truly genuine smile. You feel instantly at ease, not to mention confident that she’s totally into whatever you’re throwing down, right? That’s exactly how women feel when an interesting guy has a really great smile as well.

Make sure your smile is natural, unforced, and pleasant. (It’s totally OK to practice in the mirror until you think you’ve gotten it right.) If you catch the eye of a woman you like, flash her one of your best while making eye contact. You’ll instantly put her at ease. Plus, smiling at someone is a relatively harmless way to express interest. If it’s not reciprocated, no harm no foul. No embarrassment either!

3. Master the art of the compliment

We’ll let you in on a little secret. Whether they admit it or not, every person on the planet – male or female – likes a good compliment. However, there’s a fine art to making sure yours are well-received. To begin with, most women can spot a fake from a mile away, so whatever you decide to say needs to be genuine. It also can’t be too personal.

That said, don’t expect a very good response if you walk up to a strange woman and tell her she has a great ass or an amazing set of tits. Tell her she has a great sense of style or comment on her awesome smile instead. If she’s someone you know a little bit about, it’s hard to go wrong with telling her she’s really good at something she’s into or that you admire the way she is with people, kids, or animals. You get the picture.

4. Get comfortable with eye contact.

Let’s say that you find yourself actually engaged in a conversation with a woman you find interesting. You can ensure she enjoys the conversation as much as you do by practicing active listening. Pay attention to what she’s saying and express your interest by making subtle eye contact.

Don’t force things by holding eye contact too long and definitely don’t stare, as you’ll make her uncomfortable. Make sure you smile, wait your turn to respond to things she says, and give her the chance to flirt back a little bit. Flirting is most fun and rewarding when it actually flows back and forth between the people involved.

5. Reach out and touch someone

Yes, it’s totally acceptable (and even advisable) to touch someone you’re flirting with… especially if you’re looking for some quick casual sex! As with all interactions, and probably even more when it comes to sex, you should be clear about your intentions to make sure you don’t hurt another person. Being fair is one of the best life rules and definitely it applies to flirting as well.

Whatever your aim is, touch is perhaps the most direct way to establish a connection with someone. It can also be a powerful way to turn the dial up on any electricity that’s already been established between the two of you. Again though, it’s all about knowing when and how to go about it.

As with compliments, it’s important to remain appropriate and respectful. Give yourself an in to gently touch her hand or wrist by asking about a bracelet, a ring, or the eye-catching nail polish she has on. Take her arm or lightly touch the small of her back if you’re crossing the street or moving from one area of a restaurant to another. Let your legs or knees touch lightly if you’re sitting next to each other on a bench or at a table. Just keep things subtle and casual.

6. Be confident, not cocky

This probably isn’t the first time in your life someone’s told you to be confident and with good reason. Confident people positively ooze appeal in absolutely any situation. Women find it especially attractive, so it’s definitely something you’ll want to master if you’re serious about being an effective flirt. However, it’s just as important to know the difference between confidence and cockiness.

Confident people not only believe in themselves, but actually have the skills and qualities to back up their positive self-image. Cocky people show off, brag, or posture without the ability to back up anything they’re putting out there about themselves. One is irresistibly attractive. The other is anything but. Get comfortable in your own skin. Learn who you are and become OK with it. At that point, confidence kind of takes care of itself.

7. Keep things light and fun

Have you ever stopped to wonder what’s so darned appealing about a flirting session that’s going really well? It’s actually that light, fun feeling that makes you feel like you’re walking on air for hours afterward. However, that sense of lightness is also the exact opposite of the heavy intensity most men bring to the table when they try to flirt.

Do your best to disconnect yourself from how anxious you are or how badly you want a particular woman to like you. Instead, relax into the moment and simply be. Laugh, smile, and enjoy the interaction for what it is. Keep talking points light and positive at all times.
Use humor to your advantage. We’re serious when we say keeping things light, fun, and easy is truly the key to flirtatious interactions both parties will enjoy. That said, a well-developed sense of humor is one of the best possible assets to have in your corner if you like to get your flirt on. Women love being around men that know how to make them laugh. Laughter is the easiest ways to lighten a mood and make sure conversation continues to flow freely and easily as well.

If used correctly, humor is also a good way to be bolder or more to-the-point than you might otherwise dare to be, especially with someone you don’t know as well. Think mildly suggestive jokes that definitely clue her in to the fact that you’re attracted to her! Just be careful not to take things too far. Subtly racy or risqué humor is sexy and fun. Hardcore explicit sex jokes are just creepy and off-putting.

8. Don’t be afraid to take the lead.

If you’re looking to schedule a date or otherwise establish an ongoing connection with a woman, be the one to take the initiative and open that door. The average woman likes decisive men that don’t just ask her where she’d like to go. Keep a running list of fun venues, events, and date ideas up your sleeve at all times just in case.

It also pays to not only be unique, but specific when it comes to your suggestions. For example, suggesting the two of you go grab a bite to eat sometime is not only too broad, but exactly the thing most guys would do. Instead, try talking up one specific Italian bistro you know and inviting her to go with you for the best margarita pizza she’s ever had sometime.

9. Practice makes perfect

Contrary to popular belief, flirting isn’t something that only happens at specific times and places. It’s good, innocent fun that can happen anywhere and it’s actually something you can try out on any woman. You don’t have to limit it only to women you’re actively trying to date or take to bed.

Try flirting with attractive women you meet in passing at the grocery store, the coffee shop, or the park. Get comfortable with it and focus on the flirting itself, as opposed to the possible outcome. The more you do it, the sharper your flirting skills and instincts will become. Plus, it’s a great way to brighten a drab afternoon and boost your ego a little. Try it and see!

10. Play A Bit Hard to Get with a Girl

“All the world is a stage, and all the men and women are merely players”

                                                                                                 William Shakespeare

Playing hard to get when dating a girl, as much as I seems “fake” or unfair, has been proven to be an effective way to attract and build strong interest in women.

In fact, women use this same tactic on men. To women, it even happens naturally – i.e. a woman might not even be aware that she’s playing with. And if you won’t be hard to get – she will be.

In this post, I will explain why playing hard to get with a girl is extremely effective, and I’ll give you the tips on how to actually do it.

Is Playing Hard to Get Effective?

I am a real believer in “being yourself” in general. I don’t like to manipulate or mislead people.

However, when it comes to dating, I believe it’s different. First, because there is an unwritten agreement between men and women – that dating is a game, and it’s considered legitimate to play a bit.

And second, because playing hard to get has been proven to be highly effective not only in my own experience and not only in the experience of millions of men – it was actually shown in scientific studies.


Here is an example of such a study:

A group of women was presented with several profiles of men. Each woman was told that these men also saw her picture and profile, and the researchers told every woman what the men’s impression of her was.

The first thing that the study has shown was that when a man showed interest in a woman, she tended to like him and feel attraction towards him than towards a man who showed no interest at all. First conclusion here: If you want a girl, you need to show some interest in her.

But that’s not all. The study also showed that was mostly attracted to these guys who showed both signals of interest and disinterest (for example, he liked her photo, but didn’t like what she wrote about herself).

Playing hard to get is exactly this – showing a woman both signals of interest and disinterest all together.

In fact, it’s easy to understand why it happens. Women (and men too, by the way) love challenges. And when she needs to work hard to get a guy, it’s not only a challenge, it’s also a signal that he’s an attractive guy who has many options.

Mix Interest and Disinterest

What we learned from the study above is exactly what you should do with a girl – mix both signals of interest and disinterest. Never be only positive or only negative with her.

You can tell her how much you enjoyed the date with her, and later not to answer some of her calls (“because you were busy”).

Or you can be late for a date, but then carefully listen to what she says and tells you. And you can cancel your date with her, but on the next date really be nice and good toward her.

Last example: you can give her a compliment for something she did, and then tell her that she got you a bit bored by talking too much about herself.

That’s what attracts women the most – when a guy is interested in her, but she needs to put efforts to impress him. It’s also the way to prevent the opposite thing –her playing with you .

Never Show that You Do It on Purpose

Another important element of playing hard to get, is that it has to seem real and sincere. Never tell her that you were late on purpose, or that you didn’t answer her phone because you “wanted her to miss you”.

If she gets to know that you’re doing it on purpose, then it seems lame and impolite.

Playing hard to get with a girl needs to seem authentic – you’re busy men, you have plenty of options in your life, and she needs to impress you, not vice versa.

10 Steps How To Attract Women. 

#1 Purpose: 

Certainty is an overpowering attribute however it’s difficult to have when you are not lined up with your motivation. Reason for existing is having your eye on something that satisfies you and not allowing anybody to hold up traffic. I like to separate the significance of direction like this: Productive, Understanding by, Right, Picking, Of, Someone’s, Excellence. This doesn’t imply that you need to stop your 9-5 and begin something that satisfies you. No, it implies arranging and putting time in what satisfies you. What is your obsession and how might you begin putting time in it? Discovering your motivation can require significant investment, yet it expects you to be straightforward with yourself. 

#2 Honesty and Communication: 

Being proudly fair shows certainty and furthermore shows a lady that you have a ton of respect. Having your own assessment shows a lady that you’re not simply attempting to intrigue and satisfy her. Obviously, you need to regard her yet you additionally need to challenge her. What occurs in a lady’s brain when you do this is that she comprehends that you have a feeling of pride and are grounded in what your identity is. At the point when you are available to correspond and showing trustworthiness, it assembles an enthusiastic association with a lady. 

#3 Manners: 

It’s extremely appealing when you have a feeling of pride in the manner you treat others. In a lady’s brain, this is an immediate impression of your character and future regard for her. Thus, if both of you are out to supper and you’re being inconsiderate to your server, at that point this is a major warning for us! 

#4 Stay Educated: 

A lady needs to have the option to have discussions with a man that she can trade with and gain from. She needs a man that will actually want to share guidance yet in addition some close-to-home things that he has been instructed. This forms an association and shows a feeling of solidarity and strength in a man.

#5 Be Adventurous and Spontaneous: 

A man that can cause us to remain alert is extremely energizing. It keeps the endorphin step up and makes a lady amped up for what’s to come. Try not to be hesitant to design something where both of you can get an adrenaline surge together. This likewise shows a gigantic feeling of pride and certainty. It presents you as a man who doesn’t have a shy, unreliable mentality and that is so appealing to ladies. I likewise need you to remember this when you’re pondering about how to keep a relationship intriguing. 

#6 Humor: 

At the point when a man can make us snicker we begin to impart an exceptional attachment to them and ladies constantly need to associate with somebody that carries joy to the table. So in the event that you appreciate some perky chitchat, have a good time, and ensure both of you take an interest. 

#7 Be Motivating and Uplifting: 

This can likewise be summarized as energy and allure! There is something so alluring about a man that has energy and causes you to feel glad and good. It sort of makes a lady think, “I need what he has.” Then, we begin to think, “Man, I feel so great around him. I accept he could be ‘The One.'” If you don’t have the foggiest idea what energy and magnetism resemble at that point, consider Will Marcus! 🙂 

#8 Goals and Values: 

This is tremendous! A man without objectives has no course. A man without values has no self-control. Ladies lose fascination when we need to convey the heaviness of discovering what your identity is. This isn’t shouldn’t be her work. Thus, you should know this prior to hopping into any solid relationship! 

#9 Mindset/Does not squeeze the result: 

Peruse my Confident Male Mindsets blog. This has a HUGE change in the elements of moving toward ladies and drawing in ladies. At the point when a lady feels like you are not urgent to surge things so you can be together, at that point she will respect and regard this and be much more pulled in to you. It’s not to say you will come in with this “player” attitude and say, “I needn’t bother with you, I don’t need you, I’m so cool.” No, it’s about your ability to set aside the effort to develop something useful for both of you. By doing this, you become a pioneer and ladies are pulled into a man that can lead! 

#10 Builds Sexual Tension: 

Men, this is critical! In the event that you hold out on sex with a lady and show that you need to see where this abandons bouncing in excessively quick, you will score some HUGE pats on the back. 

Reward Tip: Has Style! The explanation I left this as a little something extra tip is that I for one accept everybody draws in various individuals and they have their own preferences. So pick your very own style and ensure you introduce yourself such that it causes you to feel certain. Not every person will need to wear metropolitan stylish clothing. You may take care of a business that likes to ski and do outdoorsy things. At that point stay up with the latest with your “logger” style. You may be a radical dislike to wear sharp dress shoes. All things considered, at that point ensure you smell extraordinary, have tidy garments and stay aware of your bohemian style. This is the thing that I mean about introducing yourself well. Own your look and be sure! 

In spite of the fact that I should say, metropolitan road style and business style are two of my undisputed top choices, combined with a decent cologne! 

The Most Effective Method To Attract A Woman: The Key To Success! 

The most ideal approach to draw in ladies is knowing your singularity as a man and approving of being separated from everyone else. A lady can detect when you are forlorn and are looking for outside approval from her or from a relationship to feel acknowledged or adored. A man that feels confident all alone is a man that is appealing to ladies all in all. As well as following these tips, my recommendation to you is to comprehend that the more you put yourself out there and can deal with dismissal, at that point the better your interaction will turn into. 

On the off chance that you are a man that struggles conversing with and playing with ladies, and keep yourself down as a result of it, at that point you will not go anywhere with regards to pulling in a lady. 

You need to tumble off multiple times before you figure out how to ride effectively. Recollect when you were a child. You didn’t surrender and once the preparation wheels fell off you fell a couple more occasions, yet you kept on getting back up in light of your assurance! 

So have some assurance in dating. I realize it very well may be hard yet that is the reason having the correct mentality will make the circumstance such a great deal less depleting. This easily falls into place when you work on seeing how to cherish yourself, approving of being distant from everyone else, and sorting out who you are prior to whatever else. 

Such countless individuals look for connections to make up for a shortcoming and this is the reason there are such a lot of sorrow, thus numerous separations. We need to begin dating right and pulling in the correct ladies into your life! You need to quit dating down and fire dating up! So having the correct discussions and focusing on a lady being into you will be fundamental at the times of fascination.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.