Here’s the situation. You are in the bedroom, and your partner enters, suddenly, you felt like you want to have sex with her. But she refused to do so. Sounds familiar? You should not feel bad about it. Maybe you start getting pissed because you just wanted to feel intimacy. But maintaining intimacy is something more complex, it is not all about sex.
Sometimes, having sex is not possible. It might be because your girlfriend is stressed, her body is painful because of the upcoming period, or maybe you are not feeling well too. Situations like these, do not mean that you can’t be intimate with each other. There are many exciting ways in expressing your intimacy and love.
For me, intimacy does not always mean having fun in bed. It even goes beyond the bedroom. Intimacy being about the closeness. It is about creating a lasting relationship while maintaining it. Any relationship needs intimacy, and it is important with or without physical intercourse.
For that reason, here are some suggestions as to how to maintain intimacy in relationships without sex. And believe me, the more intimacy you build, the more sexual aroused your partner will become.
Just one touch
Touching each other can contribute in keeping intimacy on track. The physical contact can be in the form of hugs and kisses. You can even run your fingers through your partner’s hair and touch her cheeks. Finding yourself in beds can be an avenue for more intensive touching. You can massage each other and feel relaxed from the tiring day.
Find and spend time together
In this way, you can share interests which later on open new roads for intimacy. If you are together and don’t like to go out to malls, you can have dinner at home and watch movies in your bedroom. Spending time in a comfortable place will develop new interests. If you like something athletic, have exercise or do sports together.
When you have different interest on activities, try to support each other. You can also schedule alternate date nights and feel as if you’re the new couple. Finding time for both of yourselves is critical. If not, the connection might get ruined. So allowing togetherness given the undivided attention is more than just the two of you doing the physical thing on your bed.
Try weekly check-in
There are times that you tend to forget the feeling because you are exhausted with work. It is an essential way to keep the relationship on track despite your busy life. Research on conflict reconciliation and intimacy in couple relationships shows the prolific significance of how couple talks and how they manage to solve their problem.
That is why it is critical to monitor your partner, ask questions, check how’s her day because even if it’s obvious, she might want you to do that. By doing so, she will feel like she has your attention and that you care about her.
Initiate explicit talks
Silence means boring. It may be a sign that you have nothing left to say. You should never let this happen as much as possible. Keep talking even if she is not asking for it because who knows, she might want to get involved with your life more than what you know. Just by simply sending a flirtatious text message may give a big difference in maintaining your intimacy.
You can also share your dreams last night, how is your day at work or why did your boss scold you. If you avoid sharing these matters to your partner, she may take it seriously which could be big a problem.
Do something new and extraordinary
You can do new and extraordinary things together. Investing time to do new things for your lover shows that you are thoughtful and that you are respecting her feelings as well. She knows that you can’t cook, but still trying to is a plus in maintaining intimacy.
You can also do chores together. Doing things out of her expectation will be translated in a way that you love her so much.
Stare at each other’s eyes
People believed that eyes are the aperture that connects you to sex life. Staring each other means you want the same thing but sometimes it means you are giving your attention. You may think it is weird, but if you give it a thought, it is a good way to build and maintain trust and intimacy with your lover.
Doing this from time to time will remind you of your first time together in bed, your first date, even your first kiss which will help you build stronger sexual and emotional cord.
Conduct pillow talk session
A lot of couples regularly confer their feelings which they can only open up in a bedroom context. Via pillow talking sessions, couples channel their deepest emotions. When the talking ends, the bed now simply become a space to soothe daily stress and everything becomes a good memory.
This is also the perfect time to renew sexual relations from the time you got married. Questions like, “What has changed in the bedroom before and after the relationship began?”, “Do you bring the problems in the bed with you?”, and “Is there a problem that you didn’t tell me yet?” are mostly discussed during that time.
Be sensitive to each other’s feelings
As years pass by, there are many physical changes that everyone encounters. You must handle problems like this with care and sensitivity. Telling drastic physical changes without caution can only cause quarrels that might affect your intimacy with each other.
Sometimes you got carried away, and tell your lover things that could hurt them emotionally. Gentleman, please refrain from doing so, and begin to have a genuine talk about problems and address solutions at the same time. Don’t leave your partner hanging in the air. Ideally, you can discuss the lifestyle as a couple to shift on the healthier side.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
The vulnerability is indeed one of the secrets of making long-lasting relationships. It is an essential element in an intimate relationship. It is understandable that everyone wants to show they are self-sufficient, autonomous and formidable. However, when you are in a relationship, you must allow the idea of becoming vulnerable to maintain equilibrium and real intimacy.
A couple should be able to depend on each other. The feeling of being needed, supported and appreciated promote the idea of maintaining intimacy.
Dr. Brene Brown, a renowned expert on vulnerability, asserted that it is a strength rather than a weakness even if it is not always comfortable. She justifies that it is about “sinking into” the ecstatic point in our lives that we dare to let ourselves show what we truly are.
Express Gratitude at all times
Being in a relationship can be compared to a parent and child tie. If you notice, whenever their child did something good, they compliment to express their gratitude. Same with this situation, you still have to express your gratitude for it uplifts the spirit of your partner to do something more next time because even doing something so simple could put a smile on her face.
Expressing gratitude is an imperative way of maintaining healthy relationships and communication.
Spend Purposeful Time Apart
This part is hard for some couples who used to be always together. But this process is the best way to acknowledge your partner. Taking some space and deliberate time alone will give you a sense of excitement and make you feel free again.
Experts advise the idea especially to couples who feel tired and confused about their present relationship. When you are apart, you tend to feel the longing that has not felt before when you are together. After that time apart, you reunite feeling renewed, and you can start everything fresh.
Do several of self-loving activities
It is easier for a person to offer love to someone else when they feel the same about themselves. Attending personal responsibility can lift up all the pressure towards your partner. It will also leave you with more energy to share it with each other.
Almost all couples’ problem includes responsibilities. Since they keep on saying that they are not free of responsibility, they tend to create an unloving and unhealthy relationship alive. Before taking off a person’s burden or sharing the love with them, it is better to achieve it personally first. Both self-care and self-love is a huge gap to relationships.
Creating clarifications towards the needs and things that needed healing can create a bump in a relationship. Engaging in activities that will help increase your self-love can help you share the love with others.
Keeping intimacy alive is a lifelong process. As long as you are in a relationship, you should allow her to get to know the facets of your identity as a person. Communication is a monolith when it comes to relationship intimacy.
At all times, you must communicate because your partner doesn’t have the power to read minds. Just a touch is an expression of your love. Intimacy only takes place when both are self-revealing and supporting each other. You should not base it on what you do on a mattress with your partner.