How to Have Sex With a Girl On The First Night

By John Bolt

Posted 5 years agoSEX

How to Have Sex With a Girl On The First Night

You meet a girl on a night out, you’re laughing, having fun, she’s touching you a bit and you are really hoping this will lead somewhere further than a kiss on the cheek. But after a while of flirting, touching, hugging, you here the ever dreaded “well it was nice to meet you”. So demoralizing! But hey, you got her number, she will definitely text you back and want to meet up.

So the next day comes around and you send a few messages back and fourth, she might have even have put in some winky faces. You ask her to hang out but she says she is busy this week, or she may even get “sick” the day of the date. 4-5 days go by and she eventually she just stops texting you, and that cool, sexy girl that you really hit it off with is gone forever.

Why does this happen? She definitely liked you when you met, should you have been more assertive? Were you too nice? Too forward? I think almost every guy has been through at least something similar to this (including myself) But the thoughts that bothered me the most were “Could I have done something more with her that night? She did want me too? Maybe she doesn’t want to see me because I was not man enough to push for something more that night”

How to have sex with a girl on the first night you met her?

There is something very important that I feel like I have to note: going home with a girl the first night you meet her is actually something that very few guys do, especially on a regular basis. Most of the people need to build their intimacy with another person over some time, and it’s nothing wrong about that!

I don’t want you to feel like you have to sleep with a bunch of different women in order to prove your worth or masculinity to other people. With this mindset, you will cause serious damage to yourself and people you let into your life. Happiness come from within, and If you live a life centered around proving your worth to others, you will never be internally happy.

Most guys meet girls through their social circles and they often will see each other again at other social events, so you do not have to be that assertive the first night because you are bound to see each other again. So few guys can actually could approach a girl in a bar/club, and then proceed to have sex with her that night. Even the thought of this will blow some peoples minds, and they think it’s impossible for them to be “that guy”.

I personally used to be one of those guys who thought that it was impossible, the thought of meeting a total stranger in a bar, then taking them home terrified me. It was something that I really did not think was realistic for someone like me, I thought the only guys who could do that kind of thing on a regular basis were exceptionally good looking or charismatic guys.

So I studied a ton, practiced a lot, and went through a lot of rejections, I was actually sexless for three whole years. But I had a personal breakthrough that enabled me to sleep with over 50 women in an 8 month period, mostly from the first night.

For me it has become totally normal and it honestly is not really a big deal for me anymore to go home with a girl the first night. I’m not going to go in great detail as to how it’s done, but I will discuss what I consider the 3 most important concepts.

1. Change your reality

This is best illustrated through an analogy, let’s pretend someone has the idea to go skydiving. What’s the first thing they do? Go on the internet, watch some videos, read articles, talk to people who have done it before. I dare you to find someone who has gone sky diving in the past 10 years who didn’t first watch a video of someone else doing it. Before videos, skydiving was not nearly as popular, it was something that was so out of people’s reality they wouldn’t even consider doing it. Now a days you probably could not meet someone who hasn’t at least watched a video of someone skydiving.

Let’s relate this to going home with a girl, you cannot exactly go on the internet and watch a step by step guide on how do it (yet). There is some material out there if you really look for it, but not a step by step break down like sky diving.

If order to go home with a girl it has be realistic in your mind, it must be within your reality. If you go out thinking there is no way it will happen, it probably won’t. It’s not easy to just switch your state of mind, but I’m a big believer in the old saying “fake it until you make it”, if you tell your self everyday that you are awesome, and you are that guy who goes home with girls, you will slowly start to believe it (But be sure you keep taking action to improve) Start telling your self that you ARE this guy. This is crucial to understand; this is probably the biggest overarching principle of going with a girl on the first night.

2. Man up

Again, very basic idea. A girl is not going to go home with you if she views you as another girl. You need to assertive yourself as a man and from the moment you say hello to a girl, through your masculine body language and the way you behave, she needs to know that you do in fact have a penis, and that you are not afraid to use it (sounds a bit silly but it’s very true). Now, I could write essays on how to build attraction with a girl, but I really do not have time here. But I will talk about two major points that almost 95% of guys mess up on.

Playful Tiger Syndrome (Physical Contact)

I want you to picture a girl holding a baby tiger. She is playing with the tiger, and the tigers paws are all over her. “aww you’re such a cute little tiger”. It’s fun for her, it’s entertainment. But does the girl view the tiger as an assertive animal? Does she respect the tiger? Is she scared of the tiger? Does she feel like this tiger could protect her? NO!

So this is related to physical contact, so many guys will initiate physical contact that has no backbone to it (AKA they are the baby tiger) she may think you’re cute but she is not in danger. Now when I say in danger, I don’t actually mean you are physically threatening her. But she needs to know that there is a possibility that you two could go behind an ally and have sex. Like I said before, she needs to know that you have a dick and that you are not afraid to use it.

I’m not going to go into detail here, because as I said I know many techniques to do this, but my best piece of advise here would be to touch the girl in the way that really turns you on. The most basic concept in pick up is “She feels what you feel”

Layering in Statements of Intent

Not to sound like an infomercial or click bait, but this is almost like a cheat code for at least building some attraction for nervous guys who are not great with girls. Statements of intent are just simply verbal statements that let her know that you are interested in them in a beyond friend to friend capacity. It can be as simple as “you look cute in those glasses” and can extend outward to “I want to lock us in a room together for a month and have sex with you and only take breaks for food and water” This is an example of probably the most extreme statement of intent you can give, there are different levels and it is best to start off slow and build up.

My Personal Professional Tip: I really hate “lines” to use on but this is something I like saying. “So were you always hot? or were you a nerd and then you became hot?” Statements like this let her know that you are interested. And the great thing about this whole concept is, is that it negates physical contact and more complex attraction strategies, although everything works better with physical contact.

3. Learn to be in control

Now this is a very tricky point to put into a short text. It relates back to being assertive. Sometimes a girl may not know exactly what she wants. If she feels well around you, she may go with the flow and agree on your suggestion. Is that simple! No push, just a simple suggestion.

The best way to illustrate this point is through an example. Picture yourself with a girl, you are having a great time, attraction is there, she seems very interested.  If you just said “let’s get a cab home right now” and then you just wait for her to respond.

The chances of her going home with you are very, very, VERY low, no matter how much attraction there is. You have to guide her there slowly, For example:

“Let’s over there it’s quieter, we can chat more”

“Uhg I’m really hot, can we go outside for 5 minutes for a quick oxygen break?”

“People are smoking out here, let’s walk away from the bar”

“Let’s go for a quick walk”

And so on…

Throughout this process you must be assertive and controlling. When you say let’s go for a walk, grab her hand and start walking. Obviously if she resists or says no you stop, but you honestly do have to guide her there.

So fellas, that pretty much is the very very basic idea of how to sleep with a girl on the first night, if you ever read a headline along the lines of “Do this one thing and you will be going home with girls every night”, it’s BS. It takes practice and time to get good! (like anything else)

So, to recap the 3 main concepts are:

  • Change your reality
  • Man up
  • Take control

This not an easy thing, and many guys will not be able to do it right away, don’t get discouraged! Enjoy the journey and the process. It took me a while to get to where I’m at today. If you are interested in my journey, you can take a look at my eBook at the bottom of the page. I go over my entire journey of being sexless for 3 years to sleeping with over 50 girls in 8 months. This journey really changed my life, and it started me on a path so enlightenment and self discovery.

Treat the women in your life with respect and honesty. Don’t ever mislead or play with their emotions. If your intentions are to simply to have fun with a girl, which is totally fine, don’t mislead her and tell her you are looking for something more. However, your path to enlightenment may involve getting into a relationship, there is no single right way to things. 


About the author John Bolt

If you are interested in my journey with girls, or other trips, you can check out my book: 'Enlightenment'. Feel free to send me emails at with any questions about anything, I love helping people! 

I do offer some coaching as to how to build attraction with women, however it is something I only do on the side and I only work with a very select number of clients (first Skype session is free :)