Dating as an introvert is not easy. If you met me today, you’d probably see a happy, smiling guy chatting with a bunch of people around him. I bet, hidden beneath this social butterfly, you’d never recognize the quiet and shy, introverted guy I used to be…
Introversion is a term coined by CG Jung and was used in his work on psychological types. In contrast to being open to the outside world, introverts turn to their own inner world.
Social interactions used to cost me a lot of energy. I was jealous of extroverts who felt energized interacting with people, because I always needed a lot of time on my own to recover after social situations.
We live in a crazy world dominated by social networking sites, where people willingly give up every scrap of their privacy. From schools and companies to working in open spaces, everywhere you go there’s less anonymity. Every day there’s less room for solitude. Even though the world is tailored for extroverts, being an introvert isn’t that uncommon. Studies show that introverts comprise 30 to 50% of our population!
I’m an introvert and I like it. I’m a great listener and observer, making me a great friend and perceptive. Writing a blog helped me learn how to express my emotions. It took a lot of practice and hard work becoming more social around girls. It’s not something that’s accomplished overnight. It’s a process of enriching your personality and takes place with many small steps.
Eventually, I missed other people and I thought it would be easier for me if I were more social… I was a guy who could enter and exit a room without being noticed… I didn’t want it to be this way! No matter how unique the world inside my head is, it’s not a place where I can find a real girlfriend!
Before I give tips on how you as an introvert can improve your dating skills, I’d like to make you aware of the huge advantages you have attracting girls.
An Introvert’s Rise in the Dating Scene
1) Most girls appreciate taking things slow
Most girls will appreciate your need to take things more slowly to establish a deeper relationship.
2) Low risk of appearing needy
You may want someone’s company but you feel good enough in your own skin that you don’t actually NEED it. Since you feel your best in solitude you appear less needy, the worst mistake any man can make when trying to attract women.
3) You have lots of interests
Introvert’s enjoy introspective activities like writing, reading, drawing and messing around. You like spending time on your own and you’re selective with who you interact. Your time’s too valuable for others to waste on nonsense.
4) You appear more challenging
A guy who isn’t overly active on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest or any other social media platforms appears more mysterious. Girls like a challenge and discovering more about a man step by step. If you’re selective with what you share online, you’re less likely to have something that might fuck things up ☺
5) You’re a good and attentive listener
I don’t have to explain how much women like to be listened to! They may be attracted to talkative men, initially, but after a while they get bored.
6) You have more interesting things to say
You say less, but you actually have things to say. Your evenings spent alone reading or just thinking about what you experience makes you a more interesting conversationalist, when you finally open your mouth. Work on expanding your horizons and trying new things to become an even more interesting person.
7) New Dating Attitudes Work To Your Benefit
Women’s rights and changing dating attitudes favor introverted men. Women don’t have to wait until you make a move and often make the first move.
Even though it’s socially acceptable for women to make the first move there’s a chance your crush is actually waiting for you to come over. Let me tell you how to use your assets and attract women without changing your personality type.
How to Attract and Date Women When You’re an Introvert?
Stick to Places That Feel Good
Introverts don’t like large groups, noisy places or pointless small talk. And that’s fine! Don’t force yourself to hang out in these kinds of places. If noise in a club makes you anxious, it doesn’t matter how many girls there are to attract, you’ll look like a scared child. If it isn’t your environment don’t go there to meet women. It won’t work out because you won’t be relaxed, confident or open to meeting new people.
If you like quiet places, that’s all right. You can meet a girl in a coffee shop, library or at the gym! Give her a smile. If she smiles back, look for an opportunity to talk to her. If she chooses to meet you somewhere you like, it shows that you share some interests. Plus, girls are less judgmental towards guys who meet them in quiet places rather than a smoky bar or a club.
Find a Hobby That’s Social
Find people in your area with similar interests. Are you a bookworm? Join a local book club or go to a poetry reading. Do you like playing video games? Go to game conventions. Do you like drawing? Go take some classes where people draw together in a large group. It’ll be easier to expand your social circle with people who share your passion. Introverts show extraordinary creativity and concentration skills. You’ll meet girls with the same sensibilities as you.
You should definitely consider joining Toastmasters (there’s a club in almost every city). It’s a club of regular people who come together 1-4 times a month to practice public speaking. The topic of your speech is totally up to you and the people in the clubs are very nice and polite, so if you have stage fright, you can be sure there won’t be any harsh feedback, because everyone’s there for the same reason. This might be a big step for some introverted folks, but it’s definitely worth the work!
Practice Chatting With Strangers
Start small. Coming over to talk to a pretty girl at a bar or going into a circle of unknown people and inserting yourself into the conversation requires advanced social skills. To become more social around women, you need to learn how to expand your comfort zone, slowly.
Master chatting with girls you’re unfamiliar with and save your new skills for people you want to get to know later. Use every opportunity you have for training. You don’t have to start out talking to a beautiful girl, chat with any girl, the girl making your coffee or waiting next to you for the bus. Use parties or meals with friends as an opportunity to talk to people who’re in your circle but you don’t know well.
Don’t Get Overwhelmed by People Who Speak Too Much
Remember the saying: “barking dogs seldom bite?” Never let yourself believe that people who speak too much have more to say, because it’s not true. I think people who speak loudly and talk a lot must think of their voices as some music we all must hear, unfortunately…
Really chatty people are usually by no means the most interesting people in the world. I’m sure you have at least as much as they do to say. It’s high time for you to believe that you do too!
Don’t Confuse Shyness with Introversion
Being focused on your inner world isn’t the same as being shy, and it’s not related to any insecurities. I was annoyed when people confused being introverted with being shy. They are two different things. Shyness is conditioned by fear of social criticism; introversion is the human response to social stimulation. Some people need a whole range of stimulation, while others prefer living a peaceful, muted life.
Change Your Conversation Behavior
Nothing motivates more than positive feedback. Try to incorporate behaviors likeable people use to interact with others when you interact with girls.
Speak loud and clear so girls don’t have to struggle to understand you. It also demonstrates your confidence to them.
Smile a lot. There’s no person in the world who doesn’t like an honest smile. Practice smiling in front of the mirror until you’re comfortable and it looks natural.
When you talk to a girl ask open-ended questions so the conversation doesn’t get stuck on “yes” or “no” responses, and follow the conversation. It’ll pleasantly boost her ego.
Don’t Overestimate Beautiful Girls
Be aware that girls have their own worlds full of fears and complexes. She might be great and still be really shy. Never think that someone is out of your league. If you think that you’ve already lost. Girls feel self-doubt subconsciously.
Don’t Control Yourself All the Time
Many people need alcohol or drugs to become confident around women. Why is this? They’re simply eliminating the block inside their heads that makes them control themselves all the time.
Switch off this self-censorship because it’s useless. Simply enjoy being with girls, without questioning everything you say a million times. Don’t be afraid of silence. Once you accept that during your interactions you may experience silence, it won’t be so hard to endure.
So, what are you waiting for now?
Go out and smile at a girl!