How many times have you misinterpreted what she actually meant on a date? And do your dates often have ‘family emergencies’ during dinner? Not to mention the long waits you go through when she goes to the bathroom, only to realize she snuck out the side door.
Let’s face it: while meeting or dating, the toughest hurdle to overcome is just approaching. The problem that most guys face is that they never put any thought into approaching girls, or completely overthink it. When guys are finally face-to-face with a woman they like, it’s too late. As soon as they open their mouth to speak, their mind freezes and they start mumbling.
One-liners may help you get the attention of women initially, but how are you going to keep the conversation going? As the saying goes, “canned material is great fuel to get started, but horrible to run on.” Structure and routine tends to kill the fun, the spontaneity and adventure of flirtation with the opposite sex.
So, if you are stuck in the dating world and finding it difficult to inject some fun into interactions, then these tips can help.
1) Be Present; Allow the Moment to Unfold
Does your heart start tap-dancing when you see a beautiful woman? Approach anxiety hits every guy, some more than others. It ranges from simple simple nerves and butterflies to full blown panic attacks for some guys. I myself used to struggle tremendously just to say Hi, often feeling nauseous when asking a girl for a date or drink.
Allow various worries, judgments and assumptions to pass by you. Instead, engage in what is happening now, in this moment. This is easier said than done, though.
To be present, try to focus on the emotional vibe of the interaction. To truly hear what your date is saying and respond appropriately, look beyond the content of the conversation (“what” is being said). Instead, let yourself feel the emotions behind the conversation. In doing so, you will be able just about any conversation topic, and so will she.
2) Nurture Yourself
Before a date, chill out with some soothing and romantic music for relaxation. We all know that music makes us feel good, and science backs this up: our favorite tunes trigger pleasure centers in the brain. In other words, pop in your earbuds and your mood will improve, helping to calm your nerves.
Go for an outfit which makes you feel comfortable, look good, and ultimately be confident. The truth is, it’s better to err on the side of slightly over-dressing than under-dressing. It’s important to remember that, although your looks aren’t that important, they still help. You can still look fly even if you aren’t traditionally attractive, so take a bit of time to work on your style.
And lastly, take care of your body with exercise, and your mind with healthy mental habits like reading and meditation. Spend time recognizing and appreciating your positive qualities; this will help them come out naturally in your conversations.
3) Be Comfortable Being Anxious
Getting anxious on a date-night isn’t new. Many people suffer from pangs of anxiety and this makes the date horrible. It is important that you don’t label anxious feelings, thoughts and sensations as bad or perceive them as a self-defense mechanism.
Anxious thoughts breed nervous-breakdowns and fear. It makes people seem less-friendly and shy. So you need to break the cycle by stepping back and reminding yourself that your anxious phase will move on and try to replace it with positive thoughts.
One revelation for me personally was meeting with so-called “expert” seducers – professional dating coaches who’ve taught thousands of guys how to improve their dating lives. What really opened my eyes was that, despite approaching tens of thousands of women over many years, these guys still felt anxious while doing so. They had just accepted that small bit of fear as normal and made the decision to act anyway. You can do the same.
4) Be Curious
Generally, having an attitude of openness and childlike curiosity about your date and dating experience is essential to having the dating life you want. Try to focus on getting to know more about your date by asking questions and listening attentively. If you are curious, it adds new experiences, and becomes more rewarding while freeing yourself from anxious thoughts.
5) Take an Attitude of Fun and Laughter
Laughter is an instant mood-booster and ice-breaker. Even if you are not humorous by nature, you could try your hand at humor by recollecting something funny that happened at work.
Breaking an awkward silence is important for making the date memorable. Plus you never know, your date might also be anxious!
Having fun and laughing is tough when you’re anxious, but if you can adopt an attitude that everything is a silly, amusing game (even your own anxious feelings), then you’ll be able to relax and enjoy the date.
6) Have Confidence in Confidence
This mindset totally changed my few of what it means to be confident. Once I really ‘got it’, my ability to approach and enjoy dates skyrocketed.
We all hear things like: “Be confident.” “Have a positive approach.”
But what we don’t hear is that confidence isn’t something that you have, then “apply”. Confidence is actually created when you do something courageous. In other words, it’s not the “confident guy” who approaches a beautiful girl on the sidewalk. It’s the normal guy who approaches that girl who becomes confident.
Trust that by taking bold, decisive action in your dating life, confidence will naturally back you up. The more you take action, the more you’ll understand that confidence builds as a result of the actions you take. Likewise, you can sharpen your dating skills as you gain experience.
Keep in mind that your upcoming first date is a just another event in your life. It takes a little time and effort on your part and can be easily dealt with. It doesn’t mean the end of the world, if your date doesn’t go as expected.
7) Ground Yourself Before Leaving The House
It is important to have a positive vibe while you are going on a date. Anxiety can pull you down, but you have to calm yourself. Try to focus on your breath, breathing slowly and deeply, while encouraging yourself with something comforting and calming.
Motivate yourself with pep talks like “I am open to new experiences”, “I am enough”, and “Let’s see what happens”. These are small yet powerful reframes which can transform anxiety into fun.
8) There’s No Such Thing As Perfection
It is important to let go of trying to be perfect. Being flawless is directly linked with anxiety. It is a literal impossibility – your concept of perfection does not exist. Come back to reality, accept that everybody has shortcomings and move on.
9) Other Ways to Treat Anxiety
Many medications – whether they be over the counter or prescribed – working by increasing GABA (a neurotransmitter in the CNS that regulates the nerve activity in the brain), making you calm and relaxed. Nootropics are one such group of supplements, and there are thousands of people using them beneficially.
With continuous exposure to dating, you can reduce the power anxiety has over you. Plus, you get a better chance of finding your ideal partner. Sounds challenging, but with constant practice and the guidelines about anxiety supplements explained in this article, you can become the confident guy that you’ve always wanted to be.