How To Make People do Your Bidding

We here at Wingman understand that most—neigh, all—of you who read are good—no, great—people. But sometimes when you need something done, you need it DONE.  That’s where I come in. I feel like I’m the man you guys turn to to learn all about this world and what makes people tick. So, being the honored, respected, handsome, well-endowed comedy writer that I am  I’m here to give you all the tips needed to make sure people are more inclined to do your bidding so you can, say, become a super villain.

5. Ask People for Favors

The first thing you need to get out of your way are all of those pesky neigh-sayers.

   Oh fuck you!!

Luckily my personal friend Ben Franklin gave me a tip on how to turn haters into friends; just ask for a favor.

This worked for him in his own life. He had this political opponent that was stopping him from achieving even greater fame, so he asked to borrow a book. The opponent agreed because he wasn’t a…well a…you know a…

…and when my ol’ buddy ol’ pal Ben returned it he thanked the man and had a short conversation on their thoughts about the book. Ben would later go on to say that not only was that opponent removed, they actually became good friends. You don’t have to ask your enemies for a book but maybe a pen, piece of gum, or maybe $100. Any of these are good choices for turning haters into friends.

4. Get them to laugh

As a comedy writer for the internet, I understand that I have to walk the very thin tightrope between what’s acceptable and what’s not. I do this because I like to write comedy and make people laugh, mostly because it makes me feel good. But there is another reason why I do it. A few studies have recently came out showing that, when someone laughs at your jokes, they will most often agree with what’s being said. Take this Bill Burr joke for instance, the study showed that people who laughed at that more commonly associated women with housework and child bearing, instead of working and making money.

And think about all the comedic women on sitcoms. With few exceptions the one who’s always the intelligent critical thinker is the one who is either a stay at home mom or has some unimportant 9-5 job. While the comedic foil or almost antagonist is the corporate owner who scoffs at the idea of sex.

So that’s why I write comedy, not only to make you laugh but also TO RULE THE WORLD!

3. Startle Them

            This by far is by far the oddest entry on this list. You might have thought that scaring a person would hurt your chances for a favor but studies have shown that you are, in fact, wrong.

You see, as it turns out some smart research dudes went to the mall and found out that whenever they startle someone they were up to 90% more likely to sign a petition right after. It didn’t even matter what the petition was for, just that the people were scared after it.  Now, on to the next topic, and might I say, it’s…

2. Here’s a petition to ban Donald Trump from the UK

I wonder if this will work…

1, When All Else Fails

Just ask. People are honestly pretty nice sometimes. They’re generally willing to do stuff for you if you just ask nicely. So in conclusion, why don’t you guys do me a favor and take this article that made you laugh and

                                                                                                       BOO!!!

…share this on facebook and twitter.

Till next time. Peace!!