Men are often labeled as players who have more trouble committing than women. So why is it that women do most of the leaving?
One of the largest studies on divorce, conducted by law professor Margaret Brinig and economist Douglas Allen, found that women file for divorce twice as often as men do. My personal experience in regards to pre-marital relationships has proven that females also do most of the dumping. Women seem to hold the highest standards and are more often concerned about their relationship, making them the one to do something about it.
Interestingly enough, women are also cited to move on more quickly after a breakup. A study conducted by Professor Robin Simon for the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that men suffer the most from breakups, based on their general psychology. While women are more likely to talk to their friends about a breakup, men often keep their emotions inside. This can cause negative effects on their mental health, and often leads to harmful behaviors such as excessive drinking.
So, why else do women initiate breaking up? And is it possible to stop her from leaving you before it’s too late?
Reason #1: She feels unappreciated or ignored
The number one reason why women leave men is because they feel neglected. People rely on relationships for three basic needs: love, support and attention. When a partner feels they are not receiving these things, they become fed up and often check out.
Neglect is also a large reason why women cheat. Studies say that while men are more likely to cheat for the sex, women are likely looking to fill an emotional void or receive the attention they are lacking.
Women are more likely to cheat because they are unhappy in a relationship. A biological anthropologist found that while only 34% of women who had affairs were happy in their marriage, a larger 56% of men were happy when they cheated.
So, how can you keep your woman happy and faithful?
Solution: Appreciate her
Remember all of the reasons you fell for her. Remind her as much as possible. It doesn’t get old to hear that you’re loved. Check up on her throughout the day. Ask her how she’s doing. Let her know that you’re thinking of her. Small gestures can go a long way, especially for a woman who has felt neglected in the past. All she really wants is your time and affection, and maybe to stop leaving your beard hair in the sink.
If you can’t satisfy her basic needs, if something is holding you back or if you think her requests are too big, then let her go. She deserves a man who will give her what she wants. She deserves a man who will make her feel worthy.
If you doubt that this person exists, she’ll probably prove you wrong.
Reason #2: You cannot see eye to eye
Since women are more likely to examine the relationship, they’re usually the driving force that keeps it alive. She’s probably the one suggesting changes that can be made or ways to improve communication. This often leads men to believe that women have unrealistic expectations. They find women to be spoiled and unappreciative. If this is the case, the man might feel taken for granted, resenting his partner for her dissatisfaction.
At this point, neither of you can see eye to eye. When both partners believe they are in the right, salvaging the relationship becomes impossible. She wants things to change and you want her to accept them as they are. This stubbornness will get you nowhere fast.
If you don’t want a breakup in your future, there are a few ways to solve this problem. It might just require a little flexibility on your part.
Solution: Be open to change
If you want to save your relationship, you have to accept the fact that things aren’t perfect. If they were, you wouldn’t be on the verge of crumbling. While it’s easier ignoring the obvious issues, sugarcoating doesn’t solve anything. Things have to change, including you.
This doesn’t mean that she’s always right; however, she’ll be more likely to admit to her own imperfections if you do, as well.
Communication is key; so, talk to her. Leading an open conversation will stop resentment from building. It will also prevent you from bottling up your emotions and sabotaging your wellbeing.
Men often regret not expressing themselves enough during a bad breakup. Communicating will not only show her that you’re making an effort; it will give you peace of mind that you tried your best. If you play your cards right, she’ll appreciate your honesty and your concern.
It’s also important that you listen to her side. Put yourself in her shoes. Try to understand how she feels. Even if you don’t totally agree, trying will make her more likely to look at your side, as well.
Worst-case scenario, you agree to disagree.
Reason #3: She has a better support group
Just as women are more likely to talk to their friends about a breakup, women are also more likely to discuss their discontent with friends during the relationship. In this sense, women have more people they can confide in. Strain in the relationship therefore affects men more because it threatens their sense of identity and self-worth, unlike their female counterpart who has a larger team of supporters.
Solution: Communicate better
This is another reason why communication with your woman is so important.You want her to talk to you about her concerns first and foremost. If she feels like she can’t talk to you and instead turns to her friends, their advice might be to break up with you. And you don’t want that.
It’s also important for you to obtain your own support system, someone apart from her that you can speak to about issues in the relationship. This will help you sort through your own feelings before hashing things out with her. These friends will also help you deal with a possible breakup in a healthier manner.
Reason #4: They have already cheated
Using another person to transition out of a bad relationship is a common reason why women cheat and eventually leave their partner. Some women often do it consciously. Others don’t even realize they were looking for an escape route until they’re already out of the relationship.
It’s possible that this situation might just be a way to feel better about infidelity, an after-thought to help her deal with your regret. “I cheated because I wanted out. I did it for a reason.” Unfortunately, it’s difficult to prove the underlying reason for infidelity.
In my personal experience, I have found that men are less likely to admit to cheating, and more likely to stay in the relationship after they’ve cheated. Women, on the other hand, tend to confess more often and/or end the relationship out of guilt, before the truth even gets out.
Other, less common, reasons why women cheat, include:
- Bad sex
- The thrill of sexual novelty
- Lack of self-esteem
- Sexual addiction
Solution: Keep her sexually attracted to you
Sometimes the real problem is strictly physical and there are a few measures you can take to keep that sexual spark alive. Find out which of your qualities she is most attracted to. Does she like it when you work out? Or when you’re showing off your athleticism? Or when you’re being active in general?
Women are attracted to the alpha male qualities you incorporate into your lifestyle. For me personally, I’m most turned on when my boyfriend is working with his hands, whether he’s fixing a part in his car or just lugging around heavy equipment. It’s all the things he does that I can’t do myself. It’s that feeling of need and the reassurance that he can fulfill that need, which translates into the bedroom.
Some of my friends of mine find men most attractive right after working out, when they’re nice and sweaty and swollen. Others are attracted to guys with certain hobbies, like musicians or artists. Find out what her “thing” is and play it up as much as possible. You’ll have her wrapped back around your finger like she was at the beginning.
After the attraction is back, make sure your sexual communication is on point too. If it’s not, neither of you will receive the pleasure you desire. Explore different methods. Discuss your favorite positions. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to try something new, as long as they’re comfortable with it. Keeping yourself and your partner engaged is the key to a happy, sexually fulfilling relationship.