We love sex. We should, it’s a fantastic gift we can share with each other. However, there’s a good chance you’re doing it wrong. If you’re a child of today’s media culture, the image you’ve been presented is an event that is serious, dramatic, even borderline violent. Clothes are torn, bodies slammed against walls, furniture is knocked over, and the act itself culminates in pelvic cracking thrusts and heaving chests that look more like something from a Crossfit gym than a bedroom.
How many times have you made this work? Nobody’s listening, so answer yourself honestly. Does that work? How many awkward moments were there during your time together? Unscripted sex isn’t iMax worthy like you’ve been shown. Sex is sweaty, noisy, slimy, occasionally smelly, and somewhat awkward at many times.
The seemingly simple act of changing from one position to another is damn near comical. Suddenly we all become amateur gymnasts as we flop around and twist our appendages to find that mutually agreeable place that we begin coupling again. Bottom line, sex can be somewhat hilarious…if we let it.
That, my friends is a wonderful thing, because we also love to laugh. It’s the natural progression of joy that we pursue in almost every area of our lives. Think back to some of the best times of your life. The images in your mind drift to graduations, births, great nights out with friends, career successes and the like. These moments will have giant smiles and laughter aplenty. It’s highly likely you’ll get a smile on your face as you remember; they might even bring a light chuckle as well. Laughter is a powerful force for good in our lives.
Both sex and laughter are scientifically tied to positive chemical effects in our body. Changes in levels of endorphins, serotonin, epinephrine, and cortisol have been studied for both laughter and sex. The results are clear, both activities make us feel great.
So, in light of these two extremely satisfying activities of gratification, why does our culture seem to frown on interaction between the two? Do a quick search on the net for “best sex scenes” and nearly every result is all serious, all the time. Very few smiles are found in these scenes, which is typically the exact opposite of what happens when you think of one you love.
While we’re on the net, make a dictionary search for “serious.” The first two entries in the definition say “characterized by deep thought” and “of grave or somber disposition.” The thesaurus results aren’t any more tantalizing. Synonyms like “deliberate, severe, sober, austere, downbeat, and funereal.” Aroused yet? Probably not.
So why, do we buy into this image? Face it, as a culture, we’re inundated with others setting and selling unrealistic expectations every area of our lives. Whole industries center on telling you that “you’re doing it wrong.” Whether “it” is fashion, fitness, cooking, your career, or your relationships, it’s likely that you’ll find at least one magazine and a television network to tell you how to improve yourself. Sex is no different. Even removing the entire pornography industry from the equation there are plenty of “mainstream” media outlets that hammer you daily with false expectations for your sex life. It’s time for you to reject these images.
You naturally know how to enjoy sex. Trying to live up to the cultural standard we’ve created is essentially a mental cock-block that we place upon ourselves. Admit it, from time to time, we all get sucked into these cultural ideals for our lives that are perpetrated by popular media.
I have no problem if someone feels like engaging in 50 Shades styles of pleasure, but it pushes our view of what is normal to an almost unattainable level, setting us up to steal the joy from one of our biggest pleasures in life. Your sex life is not a stylized, black and white Calvin Klein still image. The act of sex is the most relevant, base part of your existence and relationship with your partner, so stop holding yourselves back by taking it too serious.
Sex makes us feel better than most anything in our world. Laughter runs a close second. It’s in our nature to combine things we like. Peas and carrots, cake and ice cream, mac & cheese, Forrest and Bubba, Cookies and milk. Seems to me sex and laughter go together as naturally as peanut butter and jelly! (On a side note, why not combine all four of those…it’s a blast!)
So, when it comes down to the basics, why should you add a combination of sex and laughter to your repertoire? Here are five great reasons to contemplate.
1. It feels amazing
The chemical processes that happen to your brain and body during sex and laughter are similar. They both make you feel great through the release of endorphins and other chemicals, so why not maximize the feeling?
2. It’s real
You don’t want to admit this, but your attempt at steely eyed, clenched jaw, six-pack flexing, cheap porn style thrusting is a pathetic attempt at intercourse. Here’s why. All the porn you’ve seen is staged to interest men. Ever see a woman’s reaction to that? It’s not theatrical moaning of ecstasy…it’s usually an eye roll and “seriously?” Drop the pride and showmanship and you’ll please both of you better because you’ll tune in to her, not the crap images you’ve seen online.
3. It’s confident
Two things commonly listed in surveys that women find to be a turn-on are a sense of humor and a confident man. The two are tied together, especially in the bedroom. Want to set the mood for a good time? Give her your best flexing, aroused, superman pose in the buff before a romp instead of trying to rip off her panties. She’ll smile, laugh, and want you more than ever.
4. Sex is supposed to be fun dammit!
You’re not going to court, you’re working each other into a frenzy of shared pleasure. Life has enough stress and serious moments, take the opportunity to make this time all about feeling great together. You’ll enjoy it more and things will be less awkward when you’re done.
5. Sex is naturally humorous
Face it, you do it enough, one of you is going to fart. You can be mortified and try to continue, or laugh together while still enjoying the act.
I know you’re skeptical. You’re picturing someone nowhere near as suave as you laughing their way to the bedroom. Of course they need that, they don’t have your moves or experience, right? Drop the facade of pride for one night and try remembering these tips the next time you’re planning a romantic evening. Not only will it be a surprise for you, but the variety can be a great departure for your partner as well.
A final tip as we depart. In light of all the positivity your love life will experience from a little laughter in the bedroom, don’t go off like the joker. There’s one very critical thing you should never laugh at; your partner’s body. Don’t be an insensitive jerk, because body image is frequently an issue for those of the fairer sex. Don’t compound that with no tact and poor timing.
On the other hand, the rest of the act is fair game. Let loose a little and add the arrow of laughter to your quiver. You’ll both be glad you did.