Stages of Rebound Relationship: Is it actually for you?

By Patrick Banks

Posted 1 week agoDATING

Getting over what you thought was the love of your life is the hardest thing anyone can ever imagine. All the moments that you shared together, the songs that you would just call yours, even your special places, could act as a reminder of all the hurt, pain, and countless nights you spent crying.

So all you want is someone to be there for you, listen to all your problems, and not judge you for everything you’ve done. And lo and behold, you actually start to think that all you need is someone to get over your previous partner—someone new.  Someone who would help you get over your breakup blues by giving you all the love and attention you think you are missing out on. 

So my friend, you are actually looking for what is called a rebound.  But is it actually for you? For someone who puts all of their heart into their relationship?

Expecting the other to do the same for you?

But, for a second, let’s think about the other person…  your rebound…

Will you feel guilty about using them to get over your ex?

Or perhaps you’ve given up on love so completely that you don’t even care about how you feel anymore and are just looking to have a good time?

But just like all things that have started with a quick spark, they will end with a quick spark.

There is no real foundation laid for the relationship; instead, it is completely based on your desire for attention and need for love.

But I will be honest with you—it is not for everyone.

It requires a serious gut wrenching ability to control your emotions and be focused on your “rebound.”

Please, do not get overwhelmed by the emotions and run back to your ex.

You don’t want to be seen as the desperate one not able to get over his ex, right?

Everyone hates that guy. Trust me.

But if you do find yourself in a rebound relationship and don’t know what is yet to come, then I have listed the stages you will go through.

I have been through the same thing and hope this helps you.

Pre-Rebound

The Pre-Rebound, this is the first stage you find yourself in just after your breakup.

You feel so depressed and down; everything that you do reminds you of her.

 You won’t even feel like getting out of the house until your friends have to drag you out of it.

And then comes the unending rain of sympathy, consoling words, backtalk about your ex, and suggestions to seek mental help. But you know that’s not what you want; you miss her so much, and the thought of her with someone else kills you from the inside. You just want to feel wanted again.

You just want to feel the warmth of another person holding onto you. And then you meet someone new—the exact solution for all you need. Deep down, you know you are not over your ex,  But all your needs will be satisfied, and you think their presence will help you get over them. It does work for some, don’t get me wrong, but in the most case you will often end up as a bigger mess than you started as.

So, fast forward. You work up the courage to ask them out, and guess what? It works!

You have successfully rebounded! This will be better, you say! I won’t make the same mistakes again! I have gotten over my ex! You have, right?

Overlooking all the red flags that you are walking into, you guys decide on a first date.

This will be exciting; you are working on getting your life back on track.

It’s your first date, and you try not to think about your first date with your ex, but the thought is there somewhere in the back of your mind.

Still, you go, and guess what? You guys hit it off. It’s the best time you had ever since your breakup and you start feeling like what kind of stupid person you were moping around when there was a whole world for you to see.

The world appears to be becoming more colorful and bright.

You two plan on meeting again; you are finally feeling happy, and you cuddle your blanket to sleep that night with a huge smile on your face.

The Honeymoon Phase

Things are looking good! You guys are texting non-stop even for nights on end.

It’s like you were made for each other! Your ex? You think she is long gone.

It’s you and your newfound love; the world is revolving around you.

And guess what? You are now spending holidays together, going on fall dates, even spending days together, and giving each other Valentine’s Day gifts.

Your friends find you laughing and smiling again.

Unbeknownst to you, you have a glow on your face. You will be flooded with questions. Who is it? What is the reason for your sudden burst of happiness? But who knew that a rebound relationship was the answer to all your troubles?

They’re there when you need them after a stressful night or a long day.

Filling the gap of your ex perfectly. 

Your ex…. Their thoughts still cross your mind sometimes, but you choose to ignore them.

After all, she didn’t even care for you, right? Remember the pain. And plus, you are happy; you are finding new love in your life. Right!

Conflicts and Reality

This stage of a rebound relationship is when you notice things taking on the same tone as the previous relationship. You are getting busy; maybe they will ditch you on a few dates?

Or even maybe your rebound starts showing their true colors? This is the most difficult stage of a rebound relationship, as somewhere fear starts to creep in. They are not what you all thought they were.

You are feeling a distance somewhere between you two, and you start comparing them to your ex. It takes no time for things to turn toxic. You start expecting them to be a replacement for your ex, but this is not about shoes; they are humans too. They won’t be able to replace anyone.

Now everything seems to spiral reality hits you! You have just been looking for another version of your ex. Constant bickering and fighting will make you fed up with your life, as both of you expect different things from your relationships. Trust me, it’s only going to get worse from here. They will understand that you were really just using them to help you move past your ex. And you will just come up to be a bad human.

Nostalgia and Comparison

At this point, you will realize how rebound relationships work. You will start realizing that they will start to avoid you. Things are looking bleak, and you feel like you are in for another heartbreak. You will lapse back into the sadness that you felt when you broke up. As a result, you will begin to disconnect from reality and fall back into depression.

Is that how you really want to end up? Is this how you imagined things to go?

Many umpteen amounts of questions will start revolving around your head as you will fall into the abyss of self loathing and overthinking. It will feel like you are in a cycle of never ending sadness.

Comparing how situations have never changed, even with your rebound love.

But it is important to go out and take your mind off things by meeting your friends and family instead of burying yourself in solitude.

The Epiphany

This is the last stage of rebound relationships. In this stage, you are hit with the sudden realization that you should not have gotten yourself into it. You will accept that you are not over your ex and are still coping with their loss. Disappointments, canceled plans, and daily conflicts take over the relationship.

It is now as far from the honeymoon phase as it once was. You will eventually decide to part ways and leave each other with sore hearts. Yours now more than ever. But what’s even more scary is that the experience that you had in your rebound relationship might even scare you into going into any other relationship ever.

You might become so detached from reality that others might even consider you to have a lot of baggage or even be damaged. All of this could have been prevented if only you had taken the time to truly move on from your ex and start fresh. 

Does Rebound Ever Work?

First of all, I would just tell you that if you are going into a rebound relationship, never go in with the hope that it will necessarily all work out.

If it works, you might be among the very few who actually managed to make it work. In my opinion, I would stay away from it at all costs because the foundations on which it is based are actually shaky.

The thing is, you just don’t get over a serious relationship just like that, there are consequences for these actions. In the rarest of cases, if it ever works, it means you found someone who understood your feelings and helped you get over them. The rebound might even qualify as successful if you both part ways with no bad blood between you, but you’re still over the ex.

So I would say, in my humble words as the self proclaimed “Love Guru,” that they will work about 20 percent of the time. 

How Long do Rebound Relationships Last?

Again, don’t worry; I have your back.

If you are ever going into a rebound relationship casually with nothing serious in mind,  (until it eventually gets serious with one party),  I would bet it would last probably around one third of the previous relationship. It won’t strike me as a surprise though if you would actually make it work….If you are interested in figuring this out, here are some tips from your friendly neighborhood love guru.

  1. The most important one of all, never look at your rebound like a rebound. Just let them keep the ball rolling, don’t think of it as your rebound, but actually a new relationship all together.
  2. Don’t…..and I’ll say it again don’t look at your rebound like a substitute for your ex. It will make them feel used and it will be a whole another mess.
  3. One of the most important steps is to open up your heart to feel again. It will be of no use if you don’t allow yourself to love again and look at this rebound relationship just as a means to pass your time.
  4. Curb your expectations, don’t allow yourself to expect your new partner to be the same as the one you had before. This expectation will force them to act as a replacement for your ex and trust me, it won’t end well.
  5. Consider this relationship to be long term, if you will look at the relationship as something you are prepared to lose early on, it won’t work. Focus on your goal to stay together for a long term.
About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.