I moved to Athens in October 2008.
During the first weeks in the city, I was bored because I didn’t have friends, so I decided to call some old classmates studying there.
One of these classmates I contacted was Chrisa.
I have known Chrisa for a really long time…
I had some feelings for her, and occasionally we came close in high school. But our relationship stayed strictly platonic. Every time we hung out, she told me about the bad boys she fell in love with, how she always ended up hurt, and how much she would like to find a nice guy like me (but not me). And I was listening to her with patience and hope… Hope that someday she would recognize my value and somehow become my girlfriend.
Long story short:
I called Chrisa, and we met in a coffee shop near her home.
I hadn’t seen her for two years.
I hoped that this time she would see me “differently.”
Yet, when we met, it was like the good old days…
She told me stories about other guys, how she continued to date the wrong men and a few other spicy stories…
When we left the coffee shop, I drove her to her house like a good gentleman.
However, when she was about to leave my car, she hesitated…
She asked me if I would like to see her house.
I couldn’t believe it!
Could it mean that Chrisa finally decided to give me a chance after all these years? I mean, she had slept with all these wrong guys. Maybe she had finally realized that I was the right man for her!
I followed her with excitement to her flat, and we sat together on her couch. I tried to find something that smelled like attraction, but she just sat there telling me more stories…
Then, out o the blue, she invited me to her bedroom to show me the “love of her life.”
I smiled because I thought she wanted to escalate sexually. So, I rushed to her bedroom. On her bed, there was a big white teddy bear. She sat next to him, hugged him like a three-year-old child, and explained that he was “the real love of her life!” I also sat next to the teddy bear, and we began chatting.
We just sat there and talked…
After half an hour or so, she began to tell me about a bartender. That dude occasionally came to her house, and they had sex next to her teddy bear.
As she told me this story, I saw how she was staring at me, and I had enough.
To Chrisa, I was just another teddy bear. In her mind, it was like a female friend. That was why she told me all these stories. She didn’t try to escalate.
When I realized that, I became furious with myself.
Because I realized it was my fault.
I always was so nice and non-sexual to her…
I became angry.
And, at this moment, I made a decision.
I moved closer to her with determination and began touching her thigh.
Every time I remember the expression on her face, I laugh. She was caught totally off guard! Imagine how you would feel if you hung out with an old buddy and then he suddenly began to touch you sexually…
That was exactly the expression on her face.
She just didn’t see me as a man and didn’t expect that to happen. After her initial shock, she moved away from me immediately and stared at me like I had done something bad. I stood up, smiled, said goodbye to her, and left her home.
Back then, I had no clue that she would be the last woman in my life that put me in the friendzone.
But to be honest, Chrisa didn’t put me in the friendzone.
I put myself in the friendzone.
I played it safe with her for years.
I never showed my intentions nor claimed her like a man.
I behaved like a female friend, which is why she treated me exactly like that.
You must get that:
No Woman Puts You In The Friendzone.
You Do That!
You “sell” yourself as a friend to women.
And women have no other option but to perceive you as a friend.
What usually happens is this:
There is a girl you like, but you don’t have the courage to claim her. So, you hide your desire and suppress your sexuality. You behave as if she were just a friend because that way, she won’t reject you. You can be close to her, and maybe, maybe… she will become attracted to you somehow down the road. Until then, you are nice to her. You are doing her favors, listening to her stories, and doing anything to please her.
You won’t get girls that way ok.
On a few occasions, this strategy can work, but most of the time, it backfires completely. Not because women don’t appreciate nice guys but because life is ruthless to weak hypocrites.
Because lest be honest man.
In reality you are a hypocrite when you are playing this game.
And if you get lucky and somehow manage to get her, your relationship will never be good.
Because she won’t respect you.
How on earth can she really respect you?
You have hidden your desire for x months or years because you were afraid she would reject you!
She can’t respect a man like that.
She will feel contempt for you because she will perceive you as weak.
I know some guys who say they are ok with women seeing them as friends.
Are you really ok with a woman you like to see you as a friend and sleep with other dudes?
Do you realize what being friends with a girl means?
As Jordan Peterson, the famous clinical psychologist, put it, when a woman tells you she “sees you as a friend,” what she really means is this:
“I don’t think your genes should survive another generation.”
Believe me, buddy.
You don’t want women to think about you that way. This will crush your self-esteem.
Women perceive men in two ways:
A) You are a real man. She may feel attraction for you, or she might feel not. In any case, sex with you is a possibility in her mind. She knows that under certain circumstances, you can and will get her.
B) You are something less than a man. Therefore, you are not worthy of being in a sexual relationship with her. She might even like you a lot as a friend, but she never fully respects you because she perceives you as weak.
If a woman puts you in the second category, she can’t get attracted to r you. I have seen many men with a gazillion female friends who never get sex.
I often asked myself:
“How can it be possible that this guy hangs out with so many women and still can’t get a girlfriend?”
And when I carefully observed how these guys behaved in front of the girls, I always saw that they were non-sexual. Even when they tried to say something sexual, it felt “harmless.” Like they were just friends, and so women felt very comfortable around them.
And it is very, very, very difficult to turn the game from a friend to a lover. I have seen guys who manage to do this, but it is extremely difficult. You must be experienced with women and know exactly what you do.
It is certainly NOT something I would recommend.
Usually, what happens is this:
Once In The Friendzone,
Forever In The Friendzone.
And the friendzone is a dark, dangerous, and toxic place to be.
It leads to suffering.
Therefore, the next time you think of suppressing your erotic desires and becoming “a neutral something” to a woman you like, know that you will create a sick relationship with her.
She will take advantage of you.
And you will do things you don’t like.
I guarantee you that.
Because deep down, you will be craving to get her, and that will push you to do her favors.
She may even ask you to do humiliating things, which you won’t be able to refuse.
For example, I once knew a guy. He was in the friendzone with a girl he liked a lot. She asked him sometimes to go to the airport to pick up a dude who came to Athens occasionally to sleep with her. And he couldn’t refuse to do that because, well…
They were friends!
Don’t do that to yourself.
Don’t bring yourself into difficult situations.
Ok, but how do you exit the friendzone, you may ask?
I will be totally honest with you.
Getting out of the friendzone is like escaping from a high-security prison. You should never get in there in the first place. That is why your buddy Phoenix will help you become a man that NO woman can put in the friendzone.
As we have discussed earlier, you get in the friendzone mainly because you suppress your sexuality.
Therefore, the solution is quite simple:
Have The Courage To Communicate Your Desire Every Time You Like A Girl.
And by communicating your desires, I don’t mean to be a jerk or do something inappropriate. Showing that you are attracted to a woman can be achieved even in a very discreet way.
Let me tell you a story to demonstrate what I mean.
Long story short:
I once rented a villa near Athens together with some friends. We had this place to host parties with girls and have fun. At one of these parties, I invited two tourist girls who had come to Athens for a few days.
One of these girls was from Brazil and…
She was really, really attractive.
During the party, we just chatted, and I touched her a little bit socially.
That was all.
Later, when I found the opportunity, I went with her to another room, and finally, we were alone. We sat there on a couch and started to talk again. Nothing special happened at this place.
We just talked.
I didn’t try to kiss her.
I didn’t even touch her at all.
However, after a few minutes, she stood up and wanted to leave the room. I stood up too, rushed, and stopped her. We came face to face, and the following conversation happened:
Me: We have a good time here. Why do you want to leave?
She: Because if I stay any longer, I will sleep with you.
During this discussion, we stared into each other’s eyes very sexually. And when she said, “I will sleep with you,” I hugged her, and we began to kiss passionately…
As I said, I didn’t do anything to her.
I just talked with this girl.
Yet she knew that our relationship was sexual.
It never crossed her mind to “put me in the friendzone!”
Because everything I did was sexual, even if I didn’t do or say anything sexual! The way I gazed at her was sexual. She knew exactly how I felt. I stared at her with desire and total confidence. I didn’t hope to get her. I knew that, eventually, I would get her, and that made her attracted to me. That is why she rushed to leave the room. She knew that if she stayed any longer, I would make a move, and she wouldn’t be able to resist her lust.
I was super confident, sexual, and had zero neediness.
You don’t put a man like that in the friendzone.
And that is the man YOU must become.
You must become strong and confident.
You must become a badass that shows his intentions without fear of rejection.
Then NO woman will ever, ever put you in the friendzone.
The first step to becoming such a man is to make peace with your sexual nature. You are a man, and it is normal to desire attractive girls. That is how life works.
The second step is to accept that all girls won’t like you. It is ok. You don’t like all girls either. Some may just not be ready for you yet, and they will become in the future.
The third step is always to show interest when attracted to a woman. Of course, how much you will show your desire depends on the situation. If there is a girl you like in a party, you can be more direct. On the contrary, with a woman you like in your work, you must be careful and very discreet.
But always show that you like a girl if you feel that way.
Even if you do that just by staring at her sexually, as I did in the story, or implying something indirectly. Maybe you just make a compliment like, “you look really pretty today.”
Something that is really important here is also to see the woman’s response to your approach. If you feel she isn’t comfortable with what you are doing…
I didn’t just stare sexually at the Brazilian girl.
I saw her reactions, I saw she liked me, and I became more sexual. If she didn’t like my behavior, I would stop and stare at her in a normal way.
There is a big lesson here.
You don’t just do what you want when you are flirting. Instead, you observe how the girl feels and act accordingly.
And with that said, we came to the end.
You know now what you must do to never enter the friendzone.
Just do it.