We all know a guy that never seems to have trouble chatting up women and getting what he wants from them whether that’s a relationship or a one-night hook-up. He’s cool, he’s casual, and he seems to genuinely enjoy flirting. He’s also no doubt the kind of guy you’d ultimately like to become when it comes to dating and hooking up. However, knowing that is one thing. Actually achieving it is another.
We’re here to tell you that it’s far from impossible. All you need is a proper understanding of how go about things. Here we’ll go over everything you need to know to flirt like an absolute pro. We’ll cover how to read a woman’s response to your flirting and successfully close the deal as well.
1. Focus your efforts on the right women
Contrary to popular belief, not every woman likes or wants attention. Some really do just want to be left alone while others are just more selective about who they’d like attention from. The first order of business is to simply accept that fact and understand that it’s really nothing personal. The second is to learn how to tell who’ll appreciate your attention and who won’t.
No matter if you flirt online or in real life, don’t waste your efforts on women that seem bored or uninterested (because they probably are). Closed body language like crossed legs or shoulders that face away from you are clear signs that she’s really not into you as well. Save your efforts for women that respond to your advances by smiling, playing with their hair, or making eye contact.
2. Put women at ease by smiling
Speaking of smiling, take a moment to consider how you feel when a woman flashes you a truly genuine smile. You feel instantly at ease, not to mention confident that she’s totally into whatever you’re throwing down, right? That’s exactly how women feel when an interesting guy has a really great smile as well.
Make sure your smile is natural, unforced, and pleasant. (It’s totally OK to practice in the mirror until you think you’ve gotten it right.) If you catch the eye of a woman you like, flash her one of your best while making eye contact. You’ll instantly put her at ease. Plus, smiling at someone is a relatively harmless way to express interest. If it’s not reciprocated, no harm no foul. No embarrassment either!
3. Master the art of the compliment
We’ll let you in on a little secret. Whether they admit it or not, every person on the planet – male or female – likes a good compliment. However, there’s a fine art to making sure yours are well-received. To begin with, most women can spot a fake from a mile away, so whatever you decide to say needs to be genuine. It also can’t be too personal.
That said, don’t expect a very good response if you walk up to a strange woman and tell her she has a great ass or an amazing set of tits. Tell her she has a great sense of style or comment on her awesome smile instead. If she’s someone you know a little bit about, it’s hard to go wrong with telling her she’s really good at something she’s into or that you admire the way she is with people, kids, or animals. You get the picture.
4. Get comfortable with eye contact.
Let’s say that you find yourself actually engaged in a conversation with a woman you find interesting. You can ensure she enjoys the conversation as much as you do by practicing active listening. Pay attention to what she’s saying and express your interest by making subtle eye contact.
Don’t force things by holding eye contact too long and definitely don’t stare, as you’ll make her uncomfortable. Make sure you smile, wait your turn to respond to things she says, and give her the chance to flirt back a little bit. Flirting is most fun and rewarding when it actually flows back and forth between the people involved.
5. Reach out and touch someone
Yes, it’s totally acceptable (and even advisable) to touch someone you’re flirting with… especially if you’re looking for some quick casual sex! Touch is perhaps the most direct way to establish a connection with someone. It can also be a powerful way to turn the dial up on any electricity that’s already been established between the two of you. Again though, it’s all about knowing when and how to go about it.
As with compliments, it’s important to remain appropriate and respectful. Give yourself an in to gently touch her hand or wrist by asking about a bracelet, a ring, or the eye-catching nail polish she has on. Take her arm or lightly touch the small of her back if you’re crossing the street or moving from one area of a restaurant to another. Let your legs or knees touch lightly if you’re sitting next to each other on a bench or at a table. Just keep things subtle and casual.
6. Be confident, not cocky
This probably isn’t the first time in your life someone’s told you to be confident and with good reason. Confident people positively ooze appeal in absolutely any situation. Women find it especially attractive, so it’s definitely something you’ll want to master if you’re serious about being an effective flirt. However, it’s just as important to know the difference between confidence and cockiness.
Confident people not only believe in themselves, but actually have the skills and qualities to back up their positive self-image. Cocky people show off, brag, or posture without the ability to back up anything they’re putting out there about themselves. One is irresistibly attractive. The other is anything but. Get comfortable in your own skin. Learn who you are and become OK with it. At that point, confidence kind of takes care of itself.
7. Keep things light and fun
Have you ever stopped to wonder what’s so darned appealing about a flirting session that’s going really well? It’s actually that light, fun feeling that makes you feel like you’re walking on air for hours afterward. However, that sense of lightness is also the exact opposite of the heavy intensity most men bring to the table when they try to flirt.
Do your best to disconnect yourself from how anxious you are or how badly you want a particular woman to like you. Instead, relax into the moment and simply be. Laugh, smile, and enjoy the interaction for what it is. Keep talking points light and positive at all times.
Use humor to your advantage. We’re serious when we say keeping things light, fun, and easy is truly the key to flirtatious interactions both parties will enjoy. That said, a well-developed sense of humor is one of the best possible assets to have in your corner if you like to get your flirt on. Women love being around men that know how to make them laugh. Laughter is the easiest ways to lighten a mood and make sure conversation continues to flow freely and easily as well.
If used correctly, humor is also a good way to be bolder or more to-the-point than you might otherwise dare to be, especially with someone you don’t know as well. Think mildly suggestive jokes that definitely clue her in to the fact that you’re attracted to her! Just be careful not to take things too far. Subtly racy or risqué humor is sexy and fun. Hardcore explicit sex jokes are just creepy and off-putting.
8. Don’t be afraid to take the lead.
If you’re looking to schedule a date or otherwise establish an ongoing connection with a woman, be the one to take the initiative and open that door. The average woman likes decisive men that don’t just ask her where she’d like to go. Keep a running list of fun venues, events, and date ideas up your sleeve at all times just in case.
It also pays to not only be unique, but specific when it comes to your suggestions. For example, suggesting the two of you go grab a bite to eat sometime is not only too broad, but exactly the thing most guys would do. Instead, try talking up one specific Italian bistro you know and inviting her to go with you for the best margarita pizza she’s ever had sometime.
9. Practice makes perfect
Contrary to popular belief, flirting isn’t something that only happens at specific times and places. It’s good, innocent fun that can happen anywhere and it’s actually something you can try out on any woman. You don’t have to limit it only to women you’re actively trying to date or take to bed.
Try flirting with attractive women you meet in passing at the grocery store, the coffee shop, or the park. Get comfortable with it and focus on the flirting itself, as opposed to the possible outcome. The more you do it, the sharper your flirting skills and instincts will become. Plus, it’s a great way to brighten a drab afternoon and boost your ego a little. Try it and see!