A Unique Female Perspective On The Pickup Game In the Nightclub
The weekend is coming. You are going out with your friends to the club, hoping to get lucky. You will be having a lot of fun, all the beautiful ladies falling into your arms. But as you know, sometimes it’s doesn’t exactly go that way…
Clubs seem like the perfect place to pick up girls.
There are already a number of girls drinking, getting their party on. Nobody knows each other, you feel anonymous. It seems like a playground for a single guy like you. And it can be, but it’s also full of traps. Most nights out, not every guy is going to be able to score.
Read why it’s so hard to pick up a girl at the club: what the main 6 difficulties are, and how to overcome them all. Get to know the nightclub pickup game from the female perspective.
Why it is so hard to pick up girls at the club?
Obstacle 1. Huge competition
In the club, you have a lot of competition. Almost all the guys in the club look the same. They wear nice shirts and hold beers. Standing in the middle of an army of clones won’t increase your chances. Could you be the guy not going home alone tonight?
Girls want to meet someone that stands out from the crowd. Come with a group of friends you feel comfortable with. Show that others want to be around you. Most women are really into the outgoing type: social, intelligent, someone that possesses a sense of humor. If you are having fun with other people, laughing, having a good time, she’ll be sure to notice.
You cannot underestimate the attention paid to how a guy looks. Picking up potential hookup partners in the club is based on superficialities. Both sexes base their judgments on first impressions, so make sure you look your best. Exercise so you have confidence in your body. Taking care of your looks will give you a subtle confidence, which is one of the most attractive traits a man can possess.
Groom yourself before going out to the club. If you are going to a regular, casual place, don’t overdress! It will look silly. Avoid the Richey-Rich effect too. The over-polished look might work for some girls, but don’t expect her to order a beer for $2 when you ask her what she wants to drink. If you can’t afford it, don’t play games, honesty is important. Wear regular clothes that you like, making sure they are clean and good quality. Always be mindful of your intended destinations dress code, but don’t be afraid to add some personal details.
Think about some nice scarves or casual shoes with a patterned shirt and jeans. Being overdressed makes you look like you are trying too hard. That’s not the effect you want, is it? It’s a good idea to wear something with details that show off your own style. The main rule to remember is moderation in all things. Don’t put on a half of a bottle of cologne. Put just a bit on and make sure that the smell invokes confidence and smells good. Don’t try to save on a haircut. It’s one of the first things that she’ll notice.
Obstacle 2. You don’t know what she is looking for
There are 3 different types of girls in the club. Some girls are going to the club to show off their new clothes, dance, and enjoy time with their friends. These girls will ignore every guy that approaches them. The second type of girls are those that usually just want to have fun and hookup on the dance floor. The third group, is larger than you might expect, they are good girls going to the club to find “Mr. Right.” They are afraid you only want them for one-night stands and that you won’t call them after that. If you practice detecting the type of girl that is in front of you, you will be able to use your knowledge, approaching each type in a slightly different way, increasing your chances of success.
First type of girl: She is usually pretty, but seems a bit arrogant and doesn’t respond to your moves? If you care less about challenging yourself tonight and would rather have more fun, avoid this type of girl. They’re often hard to get, because they have boyfriends at home or don’t want to meet anyone new in the club for whatever reason. If you want to meet a girl, watch for the signals (or lack thereof) she is giving you.
Second type of girl: If she is watching you and smiling, or even better – gossiping about you with her friend – make a move! This might be a girl from type two – a girl who went out to hookup with guys, the most desired type for you! The story can go one of three ways:
a) You could have misread her signals and the girl wasn’t as into you as you thought. No worries! Don’t take it personally. If you see she’s not interested in conversation, seems bored, don’t invest your time and money on her. Politely say: “It was nice talking to you. Maybe you will see her around.” Say the same if the girl isn’t as pretty or interesting as she seemed. If you aren’t that into her, find someone else! Walk away and find another, more interesting girl. In the club, time is usually a disadvantage. Pretty girls get tired sooner than you might expect and you can end up in the middle of the dance floor—alone—surrounded by guys! Use your party time wisely, mingle while you are still looking fresh.
b) If you came to talk to her and she is even cuter close up and she responds with interest – this is a good sign! If she is clearly flirting with you, touching you from time to time, sending you smiles – she probably wants to get to know you more. Ask if she wants another drink – and if you feel that she isn’t playing you – buy her a drink, but this isn’t the only thing you can do. Be careful here. Unfortunately a lot of girls, especially in expensive clubs, use a few smiles to get free drinks from guys then leave. Follow your intuition. If she is being honest, buy her a drink and go dancing with her. You can also have a chat with her on the sofa in a more intimate place and enjoy the night!
c) This girl seems to be very into you, you find her cute, but she’s difficult to approach. She is friendly, but doesn’t want get too personal and just prefers polite talk. She asks a lot of questions such as: what are you doing in life, where are you from originally, what are your hobbies are, etc. In this case, you are probably approaching the third type of girl, a good girl that wants to find a boyfriend in the club. She likes you and, probably after a few drinks, she would like to make out with you, but her biggest fear is that you only want her for a one-night stand and that you won’t call her after that.
Especially for the third type of girl, you have to make her feel that you are a good guy (and hopefully you are). Be friendly, but not too touchy. Tell her how great it is getting to spend time with her or how much you enjoy the conversation (even if the main subject was the club or taste in drinks) and how nice it would be to go eat together in a few days. She may know that you intend to treat her as a lady, making her feel comfortable with you.
On the other hand, if you are 100% sure that this is just a one-time thing; it would be cruel to make her think otherwise. Don’t say that tomorrow you are leaving for a few weeks to go somewhere, and that it was great to meet her and that you hope to spend more time with her, later when you get back.
Obstacle 3. Girls know that you came there to pick them up
You are a hunter, but no girl wants to feel that she is “your catch.” Don’t behave as though you want to pick up every girl in the club. Make good observations of all the girls around you. If you want to have fun, choose a girl who is aiming for the same thing. Talking to plenty of girls in one night doesn’t maximize your chances! The chance that the girls notice you talking to all the rest of them is high. If one girl rejects you, all of the ones that saw you get rejected will also reject you. Nobody wants to be a “second choice” or “third choice”!
Also, one tip to think about you when you are trying to get a girls number: Everyone knows that you are going to the club to pick up girls, and that guys often want to have mindless relations with girls from club—take her number when she is alone. Most girls are afraid of their friends’ judgment. To take her friends out of the equation, make sure you ask her for her number when she is alone.
Obstacle 4. It’s too loud to talk
The club is usually pretty deafening, you end up screaming garbled phrases to each other, which often don’t make sense. In these kinds of circumstances, body language is what counts most. Avoid looking like “the guy who came to hookup” Don’t stand around all night long holding a beer, like you have a stick up your butt. Move around, have fun with your friends, dance a bit. Don’t try to look like you’re having fun – actually have it! You will stand out from the boring guys.
Loud music is an advantage, if you are not into dancing. When you approach a girl, you have an easy excuse for bringing the conversation into a more intimate environment, like a corner sofa or an outside balcony.
Obstacle 5. Alcohol
Everyone feels more confident after having some drinks. But sometimes after a few drinks too many, we start to feel a little too confident, like we own the place. Don’t think girls won’t notice if you’re drunk. You don’t have to drink soft drinks the whole night, but make sure you are not drunk when approaching a girl. You will be different from all of those guys making fools out of themselves, dancing badly, and sweating everywhere. Drink one alcoholic beverage and alternate with water to pace yourself.
Be mindful of her needs, listen, and make sure her glass is always full. All girls like attention.
Obstacle 6. You are just a stranger to her
No matter how good of a guy you are, in a club you are just a stranger to her. She is in new surroundings and it’s a very late at night, so she might not feel safe and open to everyone. Don’t be like most guys: drunk and looking at girl’s boobs like that’s all they have to offer. Show her that you are a good guy. Come with friends who look clean and nice, so she can get a feel of who you hangout with.
If you really want to be successful tonight, don’t spend 100% of your time with your guy friends. No matter how good of a guy he is, he is being compared and associated with you, spending too much time with him might decrease your chances of success. Yes, he will attract other girls to your circle, but it’s best to be your own man.
Being totally anonymous works in your favor. You can show exactly who you are, when you are at your best. Come in the best clothes, show how much your cool friends like you, and that you are a fun guy and really enjoy being out.
Prepare yourself by learning some interesting small talk. You can always say things that make you seem better without lying, especially concerning your career/studies. Jobs are an important subject to many girls; so make sure you are prepared to talk about what it is that you do. For example, being unemployed and dreaming about owning your own company doesn’t sound as good as; “I currently took a big step toward becoming independent and created my own company”. Of course, it cannot be too improbable, in case she starts asking questions.