BDSM for Beginners: How To Do Bondage & Discipline To Spice Up Your Sex Life

By Elizabeth Morris

Posted 1 year agoSEX

Since the arrival of the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey series, we have been witness to a huge surge of interest in all things bondage. E.L. James as the author can be credited with not only coming from nowhere to literally dominate the fiction market but she can also be credited with bringing the topic of light bondage to the masses.
BDSM for Beginners_ How To Do Bondage & Discipline To Spice Up Your Sex Life

While previously it had been seen as largely a niche interest area, the sexual preferences of the book’s main protagonist, Mr. Christian Grey has aroused a new interest in many. As a result, we have seen huge sales rise in bondage wear and Google search terms like the word ‘bondage’ has increased over 100%. Curious about BDSM for beginners?

Dipping one’s toe into bondage doesn’t necessarily mean having to fit out a room just like Christian Grey’s infamous Red Room of Pain. While the fictional character had the millions to do so, bondage can be partaken without any outlay of money. Light bondage can involve simply hair pulling, blind-folding, or wrist tying, all of which can be done using simple everyday items like bath robe belts and ladies tights.

BDSM is a collective term of three main sets of activities: 

  • Bondage and Discipline
  • Dominance and Submission
  • Sadism and Masochism

We recommend to tak BDSM TEST to check what kind of kink you are! You maybe surprised.

BDSM is a huge topic, becoming talked more openly. As it’s an article about BDSM for beginers, let’s clarify a few popular BDSM words:

femdom – a woman who controls and hurts her partner during sexual activity in order to give her partner sexual pleasure.

dom sub – A dom prefers to be dominant during sex. A sub prefers to submit, i.e. to be dominated.

ball gag – a ball gag g is a round device used in sexual bondage and BDSM roleplay worn by the submissive partner in their mouth. When combined with other physical restraints, the wearing of a gag can increase the wearer’s sense of helplessness and anxiety level within a BDSM scene as it leaves the submissive person unable to speak during sexual activity, which some people enjoy. For some people, gags have connotations of punishment and control, and thus can be used as a form of humiliation. Some fetishists are sexually aroused by the sound gagged people make when they try to speak.

bdsm collar – In a BDSM context, a collar is a device of any material worn by a person around the neck to indicate their submissive or slave status in a BDSM relationship. A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal “collaring ceremonies”, which are regarded as effectively solemnizing their relationship in a similar way as a marriage ceremony. 

clit torture – the act of causing pain to a woman’s clit in order to give sexual satisfaction to both the person receiving it and giving the pain. The painful satisfaction can be achieved by applying creams like icy hot or tiger balm, slapping, pinching, twisting and squeezing with the fingers, the use of clothes pins on it, book binder clips placed on it, among a wide variety of methods. Similar tortures can be used in the tits area, especially during BDSM for beginners.

Do you want to be a DOM?

Remember forever, safety first! Safety, including mental safety of you and your partner, goes first, especially if you consider playing the dominant role. It’s a huge responsibility and great skill to be able to use force in bed, while leave your partners feeling safe and taken care afterwords.

Curious about BDSM for beginners as a submissive part?

It’s totally fine and common! Nevertheless take the responsibility of your own mental health to be able to enjoy it, without doing harm to your mental condition. Trusted partner is the key. It’s also worth talking with a psychologist to be fully aware of the reason why you may want to place yourself in the position of a person who is humiliated. 

BDSM for Beginners: How to Play it Safe

No matter how hard you play there are 2 pillars of BDSM:

BDSM Rule 1. CONSENT

BDSM is all about enthusiastic consent. The dominant partner won’t step on their submissive’s head and then shove it into a toilet without a big ole’ “yes, please!”

Keep it sober or mostly sober. Consciousness goes together with consent.

BDSM Rule 2. AFTERCARE

Whatever you do in your bedroom play it with respect and demand respect from others. Aftercare is a pillar of BDSM to make sure all parties feel nice and chill about what just went down. The dominant partner may bring the submissive ice for any bruises, but the care should also involve emotional care as well as physical.

BDSM releases endorphins, which can lead to both dominants and submissives experiencing a “drop.” Chill down together and connect after sex as well.

This infographic address the subject of bondage for beginners. It gives some insight as to getting started in this area; what you need, how to set the scene, and other important points to know before your first foray into this exciting world.

BDSM for Beginners: How to do Bondage?

Bondage For Beginners

BDSM for Beginners: 7 Fifty Shades Of Grey Inspired Ways Of Having Sex

Christian Grey’s pleasure-pain dynamics of having sex are quite provoking to most people. If you have watched the movie, then there were things you saw that are beyond the imagination of most people. Reading the book by EL James, isn’t any less erotic. What “Fifty shades of Grey” did is that it touched on the issue of sex, a topic often avoided.

Most are times people shy away from this subject but this movie left a number of them feeling inferior in bedroom matters. You don’t need to go to the extreme to enjoy the love making sessions but spicing things up a little will introduce profound excitement in your sex life more than you know.

A recent study showed that over fifty percent of people in relationships don’t feel satisfied in their sexual lives and feel the need for more adventure.

Well, if you are one of them, look no further as in this article we are going to look at a few ways of having sex inspired by Christian Grey and yours truly, Anna girl (the naïve one). Here we go with BDSM for beginners why evoquing the mainstream ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ version of that:

1. Go blind

Ian Kerner, the author of “The Big Book Of Sex” will tell you that minimizing one of the senses (in this case sight) enhances other senses such as touch. Blind folding also spurs imagination of the one blindfolded, arousing their feeling at the same time.

To spice things up even more the one who can see should have a surprise that the other doesn’t know about. Avoid the mistakes men make in bed. It can be a feather tickler or an ice cube. In essence, the surprise should be used to stimulate the sense of the one blindfolded before the real action begins.

2. Pain For Pleasure

Biology will tell you that when pain is combined with pleasure, the brain releases dopamine, an intoxicating potent hormone that arouses feeling of passion in a person. Light spanking can be incorporated in foreplay or intercourse as it’s known to enhance orgasm. Ensure not to infringe too much pain in your partner to the extent that they are hurt. As much as there is need for that feeling of intense passion, hurting them is out of the question.

3. Invest in Sex Toys

Sex toys are used to intensify the mood. In Fifty Shades Of Grey, Ana has this toy she refers to “Ben Wa Balls” or jingle bells if you like. After dropping the naïve attitude, she wears this toy every time she is out with Grey. In some way she is aroused at the slightest of touch, which for Grey is mind provoking. It not only stimulates pleasure points during wear, but also helps in toning pelvic walls. We have already talked about ball gall and BDSM collar before, which are also typical accessories in BDSM for beginners, as well as more advanced practitioners.

landscape_1424205476-fifty-shades-grey-sex-stunts

4. Take Her Prisoner

By virtue of being tied and can’t break off the ties, women are more aware of their bodies as sexual objects and the intense pleasure and focus that follows is out of this world. All you need to do is to restrain her somewhere such that those things she would naturally want to do she can’t. The feeling of her losing all the control to her man (to do whatever he wants with her) is bound to leave her extremely aroused.

On the other hand, the man will want her even more by seeing her in a hopeless state. Men also can be restrained. For example, you may tie their legs to a chair and then perform foreplay will definitely increase their focus. Take this time to devour their various body parts without their involvement. For this, you may use some cuffs (kinky by the way) or just a silky soft rope.

5. Watch Porn Together

I know that doesn’t sound like something you can tell your partner to do with a straight face. It sounds like something only teenagers find exciting. At first they may think you are crazy but convincing them why I think will be appreciated. The thing about porn is that it stimulates the mind, the largest and most powerful sexual organ known. By watching these steamy erotic films, the two of you can steal some sex moves and positions, which as you try, are both exciting and increase desire for each other.

6. Use A Feather Tickler

As much as infringing pain on your partner can arouse them, something soft like a feather can arouse them even more leaving them on the edge. It should be used to caress each other’s body, and in that time heighten each other’s senses all over the body.

7. Mind Provoking Conversations

There is nothing that turns on a man more than naughty word from his woman. Simple cheeky texts at unexpected hours can leave him on the edge any day. These are the little things that will make him want you even more. The thing about the human mind is that it is able to conceptualize things so fast that even the slightest of provocations can turn him (or her) on.

Spicing your sexual life is a must, if you and your partner are to have a long lasting relationship without both or one of you feeling deprived. Remember this might be a reason for some of them to cheat. Don’t fear experimenting new things with them. Kill the normal routine that in no time leads to boredom, and start trying out new things. Important to note is that this advice is directed to married couples majorly.

The most important thing with bondage is that all parties are 100% comfortable with the notion. If one party is interested in trying it out they should intimate this and discuss it with their partner. Tentative steps can be taken to introduce light aspects into bedroom play and as a result, the experience won’t intimidate or isolate either party. With enough planning and equal input and understanding, the move into bondage can become a very rewarding side to a couple’s sex life and bring a new dimension to it.

A Beginner’s Guide to Butt Plugs and How to Use Them

Modern times have brought modern exotic sex accessories such as butt plug tails, cat tail butt plug, and many more things that enhance sexual gratification and pleasure.

Every individual expresses his sexual fantasy and identity uniquely in bed. A lot of kinky fantasies and fetishes have been expressed and accepted by people from all around the world. Butt plugs could be a good kinky accessory in BDSM for Beginners.

Anal sex and Butt Plugs, too, have received a huge acceptance from people who love sex and tend to explore their sexual fantasies. If you, too, are a person who is curious and wishes to explore the sexual world of pleasure, you might want to try the butt plugs as an accessory. 

However, as a beginner or a layman, you might want some guidance on how to use butt plugs. 

Are Butt Plugs meant for you?

Before you actually dug into the right way to use a butt plug, are you even sure if or not the butt plugs are meant for you! How are you supposed to be sure of it?  

Butt Plugs are basically anal plugs that double the pleasure of sex. These accessories are used by all people regardless of sex, orientation. 

The first sign that the butt plugs are meant for you would be your interest in anal sex. If you have a thing for anal sex and are intrigued by it, butt plug tails and cat tail butt plug might be the ultimate kinky accessory for you. 

On the contrary, if you are not an “ass man” or somebody who would like to lend and derive pleasure while playing with your female’s other hole, you might want to reconsider your want of butt plugs. 

How does it work?

If you are man into butt plugs, you must know how to use it on your partner or self as per your inclination. The butt plug is basically a heavily lubed plug that you would use to play with your partner’s or your anus and to loosen it up for the real thing. 

Although it might sound all too easy, it is true that if you handle the butt plug wrong, you might end up in the ER and the night of sexual passion and exoticness shall turn into ridicule.

Given the fact that the anus is surrounded by a lot many nerve endings, it acts as a vacuum and it is certainly not as wet and friendly as the other female hole, you need to handle things slowly and softly. 

Otherwise, there is a high chance that you might hurt the person with the butt plug inside him/her. Rough handling intentionally as a play/ or unintentionally might tear and hurt the anus causing injury and bleeding. 

The key to pleasure by butt plugs

There are several types of butt plugs available in the market and all you have to do is pick the one that excites you the most. The shape of almost all the butt plugs is quite the same and is designed specifically to ensure maximum pleasure and no harm. The tip of the plug is made thin to easily enter the hole and then the shape widens in the middle to fill it up. The ending or the neck of the butt plug us again made thin and is attached to a chord or tail as in the cat tail butt plug. The tail or the chord lends you the option to easily pull the plug out.

No one wants the plug to be lost in their hole; as I guess it won’t be the way you would want to get popular after making it to the ER.

What size should I Choose?

Size does matter; and matters the most when you are talking in the context of butt plugs. There is nothing to be confused about when it comes to the size of butt plugs. All you have to and should do is buy the smallest size available. 

Yes, you read that right. If you are a new user, there is no option for you to go big. You should choose the smallest size and work your way up from there. 

People who picked bigger sizes have expressed that they were not able to use the big size for a long time after buying it.

A friend of mine chose to buy the medium size cat tail butt plug against the suggestion of some users. Buddy couldn’t put it in for another decade. The anus won’t let the plug near it; and the shopkeeper would never really want it back. That plug had o wait for 10 years to get into the hole it was meant to.  

Buy small; enjoy big would be the mantra when you consider the size of the butt plug. 

What about the lube? How much is necessary?

You must remember the fact that the rectum does not behave like the vagina. Its mouth does not water on seeing a handsome butt plug or on even the real thing. The anus does not self lubricate. It is why the lube becomes so necessary to be used to make your butt plug fantasy a success.

Now comes the question of how much lube to use and what type of lube to use? There are water-based lubes and silicone-based lubes available in the market. both have their advantages. the silicon-based lubes tend to be soft, and are therefore perfect for new users, but they do tend to break silicon made butt plugs.

You can also use water-based or home oils based butt plugs but they tend to be of a lesser impact than silicon-based lube. This is because the silicone lube is thick and lasts longer giving you the freedom to continue your exotic sexual fantasy for longer. 

How do I put it in and how do I take it out?

Patience is the key to smooth sex with a butt plug. Your mind and body both need to be ready for the action before you actually get into it. Foreplay is a must to trigger your body and to get the hormones rushing in your veins. 

Touching and playing with the anus before it is invaded by a butt p0lug is necessary. Using your or your partner’s finger to excite the anal area would be a great idea. Take your time and let your partner or your body anticipate the action. 

Once the anal area is sensitized, take the well-lubed butt plug and gently glide it in the anus. 

Different people prefer different positions for the insertion to go smoothly. Doggy style is the most preferred by a larger set of people. 

Once the -plug is in, remember that relaxation is the key to anal pleasure. Deep and slow breaths help you stay calm and then your nerves take on the excitement that the butt plug brings.   

If you are concerned about the way of taking the plug out, we recommend that you get it done by your partner – gently and slowly while you breathe slowly and deep and savor in all the pleasure.     

How do I keep it safe and clean?

Sex is fun even if it gets messy but it is equally important to keep it clean and safe. A condom is supposed to the protection while having sex and the same applies when you get into butt plug sexual fantasies. 

Your butt plug might carry bacteria from your GI tract. If you are a woman, be very cautious and ensure that you do not transfer any bacteria or infections from your anal tract top your vagina as it might pose serious problems.  

Other than keeping the plug clean, take it gentle and soft when playing with the butt plug. Make sure that the pleasure is not hindered by any unwanted bruises in the anal area. Make sure that you buy non-porous material based butt plugs such as glass and silicon if you are using it with multiple partners. We say so because on-porous material based butt plugs do not get soaked in bacteria from anus. 

Conclusion

After considering all the “How” and “why” of the Butt plug use, you are now all set for your sexual adventures. Sex is undoubtedly the base of a romance between two humans. The horizons of sexual practices seem to widen with every rising sun, and we are all loving it. 

Butt plugs and other such sex toys open your mind and body to sublime experience which might be unknown to you. Before all, it must be accepted that it is in everyone’s right to experience any sexual fetish that might wish for, and there should be no stigmas attached to it. 

We hope our instructions and information might prove helpful to you in achieving the pleasure that you seek for. 

Keep your mind dirty and the butt plug clean! 

About the author Elizabeth Morris

Elizabeth Morris is the resident sex-pert @ Carvaka and holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Human Biology. Carvaka is an online retailer who specialise in adult toys and specifically Vibrators.