How to Be a Great Lover: Tips & Strategies to Spice Things Up

By Patrick Banks

Posted 8 months agoSEX

For many couples around the globe, sex is a vital part of their relationship, sometimes even the most important one. As such, it deserves all the focus and talk around it. However, with all the conversations, insecurities about sexual performance often come to the surface, whether resulting from past experiences, trauma, anxiety, or just simply getting into your head. 

If you’re one of those who’s been doubting your sexual talent or just wondering if your partner is satisfied with your sexual life, we’re here to help. In today’s article, we will share some of our favorite tips and strategies to spice your sexual life and become a better lover. 

Don’t worry; you won’t have to do any acrobatic maneuvers; we’ve focused on the simple tips and tricks that can make a world of difference. 

Focus on the Good Things

In the early stages of a relationship, known as the Honeymoon Phase, we always see the best in our partners. However, as familiarity sets in, complacency can erode this attraction and push you and your partner apart. Avoiding this requires continuous effort and positive affirmation from both sides. Cherish your partner and let them know they are appreciated for what they do every day. Focusing on the positive aspects makes your partner feel better about themselves and boosts their confidence, improving all aspects of the relationship, including sex. 


Embracing open communication fosters trust and creates a space where both partners feel understood and accepted. Share your sexual desires, fears, and boundaries, and listen to your partner’s desires, fears, and boundaries. Listening to your partner prevents conflicts and strengthens the emotional connection, creating a more supportive and harmonious relationship.

Beyond verbal communication, pay attention to non-verbal cues. Your partner’s body language can speak more than words, so by being present in the moment, you can read her mind and discover what arouses them.  

Plan Your Time for Each Other

Time often slips away while we focus on everyday activities like work, family, and other mundane tasks. Because of this fast-paced life, it’s important to have dedicated time for you and your partner, where you can fully and unobstructedly focus on your relationship. Scheduling moments of intimacy safeguards your relationship and sex from the chaos of daily and gives you something exciting to look forward to. It doesn’t require extravagant plans; simply set aside some time during the evening, morning, or afternoon, whatever suits your schedule, to focus solely on each other.

Set the Mood

Set the stage for intimacy by creating an environment where you can relax and get into the mood. Find a private area away from noise and interruptions, put on some music, and dim the lights to create a sensual atmosphere that excites your partner even before you start with foreplay. 

Focus on Foreplay

Foreplay isn’t a mere prelude; it’s the time to set the stage and ensure both partners are mentally and physically ready for the main event. Take time to explore your partner’s body and enjoy light kissing, hugging, and touching before proceeding to penetration. 

By prioritizing foreplay, you’re not just prolonging the orgasm and increasing its intensity; you’re creating a more satisfying connection with your partner.

Think of Your Partner’s Pleasure

Being a better lover means recognizing that both partners play different but crucial roles in mutual satisfaction. During sex, shift the focus from personal satisfaction to mutual pleasure, especially if your partner is struggling with orgasm. Pay attention to your partner’s responses, both verbal and non-verbal. By being attentive to their needs, you make your partner feel appreciated and more confident in the bedroom, contributing to better performance and overall sexual experience. 

Embrace Variety and Adventure

Break free from monotony and routine by infusing variety into your intimate life. Experimentation demonstrates a willingness to explore and adapt with the goal of keeping the flame alive. By embracing new experiences, you prevent stagnation, ensuring your connection remains dynamic and continually evolving.

Incorporate Sex Toys 

Including sex toys in your intimate life can revolutionize your sexual relationships and provide a getaway from the routine. Sex toys are more than accessories; they are a gateway to a more satisfying experience that can ignite your passion and fill you up with anticipation for the next time you get to use them. Some of the most popular sex toys to use with a partner are:

● Vibrators: Available in various shapes and sizes, vibrators produce vibrations and pulsations that stimulate erogenous zones. They are great to use for targeted clitoral stimulation during sex or foreplay, but you can also use them to explore other erogenous zones throughout the entire body, adding an extra layer of excitement during sex.

● Dildos: Dildos come in an array of materials, sizes, shapes, and textures, making them suitable for a variety of sexual activities. Whether used for vaginal or anal play, dildos for her offer a realistic feel, enabling deeper penetration and a fuller sensation. Coupled with vibrators, they enhance the overall experience and can contribute to more intense orgasms for any gender. 

● Bondage: While primarily designed for BDSM activities, restraints, blindfolds, and other sensory exploration tools can be thoughtfully incorporated into role-playing scenarios or kink exploration. Open communication and mutual consent are crucial during power dynamics and sensory play, deepening trust and communication between partners. 

● Remote-Controlled Devices: Controllable from a distance through a remote device or app, remote-controlled sex toys offer a new level of exploration and pleasure. Hand the control to your partner for added spontaneity during foreplay or intercourse, or take the reigns yourself and stimulate your partner from a distance. 

● Sex Swings: A sex swing elevates sexual satisfaction by enabling diverse positions, introducing a weightless sensation, and enhancing pleasure through controlled movements. It adds spontaneity and excitement to the sexual routine, allowing you and your partner to explore different angles and sensations.

● Nipple Clamps: Designed to be worn during foreplay or sex, nipple clamps add a heightened sensitivity and contribute to a more varied and exciting sexual experience for both partners. Make sure to adjust pressure levels based on comfort and preferences. 

● Erotic Board Games: Erotic games offer a playful and interactive way to explore intimate activities. Playing these games adds a layer of fun and communication and encourages openness and shared exploration, making them an enjoyable addition to your sexual routine.

Be Attentive Afterward

The post-intimacy phase is often overlooked but holds significant importance. Engage in post-sexual intimacy by expressing affection through good morning texts, sharing your thoughts, and discussing the experience, both yours and your partner’s. By investing in the aftermath with attentiveness and care, you’re demonstrating a commitment that the connection doesn’t end with the physical act but continues with building an emotional bond.


As we highlighted at the beginning of our article, being insecure about sexual performance is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, almost everyone has had their doubts about their sexuality, skills, and talent. But by doing a few things differently, the results can be surprising. All that’s needed is to talk, try, and be open to experimenting with your partner; the rest will follow. 

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.