How to Respond When She Developed Feelings, But You Are Still Not in Love

By Deen Tichy

Posted 7 years agoDATING


The three letter word – I love you might sound too beautiful but when it comes to oneself it can get a lot more tricky. There’ll surely be a time in your life when someone will come up to you and say these three magical words but you wouldn’t have an answer to the same.


Because you’re still not in love with the person. What you feel right now might be the liking factor but it is definitely not being loved. Hence, there’s an eerie silence filling your head and the situation where you’re supposed to respond in a way that the other person doesn’t get offended or hurt.

How do you manage to do that? Well, there are numerous ways where you can either fight the situation (positively) or flight from the same without saying anything in return.

Don’t lie about how you feel

We know and understand that there’s a lot of pressure building up at that moment because your friend/colleague/acquaintance/someone you adore or have been seeing for a while is waiting for your reply. DO NOT BE PRESSURIZED. It would do no good to you and it won’t be beneficial in any possible way. It is okay not to love someone but have a liking or probably not even that.

Talk about how you feel – freely to the person. Tell him/her how you feel and what do you think about them. You can tell the person that “I think things are moving way too faster than they should. You must take things slow and steady, giving time for a lot of thinking”. This would be an apt answer for the moment to get yourself and things under control.

Tell them that you’re not looking for a committed relationship

This might a passing affair for you or a casual relationship that you don’t see a future in. However, if your partner (not literally) has misunderstood the situation, it is your responsibility to make things okay. Hence, you must make it clear in due time that things aren’t going to get serious from your end and you wouldn’t sign up for a long-term committed relationship.

It is not their fault that they fell for you because there are people who fall in love easily whereas; there are those who find it a tricky task. Everyone tends to move at their own pace without anyone else’s interference. It is you (and others) who must respect what the other person feels for you. If you guys are in sync with each other, you’d understand the situation quite well.

Hence, in both the circumstances, it is okay to be who you are.

Tell them – I don’t can give you what you want

Deep down your heart, you know that you won’t do justice to the person or the relationship if you say yes in return. This is the moment to be true and tell them that whatever you’re looking for that relationship, you won’t be able to give it. Be it a lot of time, the commitment of being around all time, talking on phone or texting, comforting or consoling and a lot more. If you are sure that you won’t be able to give any of it (which every relationship needs), tell them the same.

This would be an ice breaker for them and a polite way to say no to the other person’s proposal. Don’t lie at any stage while confronting this situation. It might make the person mad at you and it won’t serve any good either.

There is no chance at all

If the person who put his heart out in front of you is someone whom you don’t know and is no way near you, telling them straight in their face would be a better idea. Don’t beat around the bush and be nice with them but politely tell them that there’s no chance of “us” being together. Leaving any sort of hint by being extremely kind and showering the other one with your pity that this cannot happen will make things worse. The other might take it the wrong way and think that deep down your heart, you’re considering his/her proposal.

Don’t do it or else you’ll end up suffering in the long term. Just go ahead and say that it is not possible and there’s no chance.

You’re not the kind of person

This might come a little harsh but again- lying is not what you would to end up doing. Gently and politely, tell the other person that he/she is not the kind of person that fits the position. After all, even if you say yes and end up being a part of the relationship, it won’t do any good to you or the other one as well.

Hence, it is better to say no and that you’re not interested because the criteria don’t match. Make sure you’re polite in whatever way you want to confront the person.

Work-life balancing issues

Being a man myself who has parents to take care of and situations that cannot be ignored, I find it juggling between work and personal life quite a job. Hence, I don’t find it quite feasible to bring in another person who would surely expect more time and effort from my end. This is not wrong but in order to give her/him something in return, I would need to have that much of time.

Likewise, there’ll be others who have far greater responsibilities and less time to commit to any kind of relationship. Hence, the idea is to make the other person understand that if he/she wants to be in the relationship, things would get a little jittery because of minimal interaction and even lesser meet ups. Psychologically, this is one reason where men as well women find it a task to commit and it is even more difficult to say no a proposal. However, there’s nothing you can do about it other than making the person itself understand.

Tell them you’re in love with someone else

This is the tricky idea but it works the majority of the time this works. You might be or might not be in love with someone else, but the idea is to sell your thought to the other person.

You might be great friends with the partner (not literally but the one who proposed) and love hanging around with each other. But, you can tell them that you are in love with someone else if you don’t want this to happen. However, the only condition is – use this when you are sure that you aren’t EVER going to come to the same person. The friend of yours can help you on this end who can be the witness and can be treated as the backup plan.

There are consequences too when you say no to someone for someone else. The person might get cranky and react in ways that you don’t possibly know. So, you got to take the situation according to the person.

Tell them you’re confused

Nobody would want a person who is confused about taking decisions. This, in general, is the safe decision that can get you relieved from the stress and tension. Confusion can be between a lot of things. They can be something from the above-mentioned things or probably all of them together. At the end of the day, you are confused and cannot sign up for a relationship.

Hence, you need to look confused (not disgusted) and at the same time patient while telling the other person that you aren’t sure about how things will be when you guys get into a relationship. The other end can be that you can say no by saying that you are confused between the other person who proposed you a while back and this person. This might sound funny right now, but I have seen people saying the weirdest of ways in order to get rid of the relationships that might turn into a burden later and must be paused in the beginning itself.

We don’t want relationships to fall apart because the ones you have are priceless but starting a new one must definitely take time. After all, it is not easy to rewind time and play back the track with the certain edits. All you got to do is – understand the situation and react in the respective way that can help you say no without a lot of hassle. Are they enough for you to say no? Do let us know your feedback on the same.

About the author Deen Tichy

I'm Deen Tichy, a passionate blogger. I love to write about Dating, Love & Relationship as well as Men’s Fashion & Lifestyle. I've been in this field for quite sometime and have written for some really well-known sites dealing in the same fields. You can connect with me at my blog - Fashion Industry Network and Facebook.

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