How to Cheer Up Your Girlfriend: 13 Things You Should Do When Your Partner Has Rough Days

By Dr. Karen Finn

Posted 9 years agoDATING

How to Cheer Up Your Girlfriend


Guys, here’s your mini-instruction manual for the woman in your life!.

If you’re like most men, there are times you wish your lady came with an instruction manual. Sometimes we are confusing and just plain bizarre. Right?

Well, I believe the reason you think this about us women is you’re assuming we think and feel exactly like you would in the same situation. And when we don’t, you’re left feeling shocked and confused.

How to Cheer Up Your Girlfriend

Now I’ll bet you’re a really great guy who really wants to help when the woman in your life is having a bad day. You’ve probably tried solving her problems and even distracting her with presents or activities because that’s what works for you.

But instead of her being thankful, somehow all your efforts just seem to make things worse. And, to top it all off, you’re left feeling frustrated and lonely.

First, let me put your mind at ease. Chances are her bad day has nothing to do with you. (She would tell you if it did, right?)

So there’s no need to feel frustrated, hurt or even defensive when she’s just not her usual self despite all your efforts to make things better. She’ll be back to normal soon enough and even quicker if you offer her your genuine support and love.

Think that’s exactly what you’ve been doing? Well, you have if she was a guy. But she’s not. She’s 100% woman. So let me tell you 4 things you can try the next time your honey is having a bad day that she will immediately interpret as you showing your genuine support and love.

1. Ask if she’d like to talk about it

If she does, listen to her, empathize and for Heaven’s sake DO NOT try to solve the situation unless she specifically asks you to. And even then only gently offer suggestions of things she might consider.

Watch this video for a fun take on how a supportive, yet bumpy, conversation like this might go.

2. Ask if she’d like some me-time

Sometimes women just need a break from everything. Me-time may mean that she wants to take a bath, go get a massage or a mani/pedi, exercise, or just be left alone. But being left alone doesn’t mean you should leave the house (unless she specifically asks you to).

It does mean that you’re in charge of whatever needs doing – taking care of the kids, making dinner, or feeding the dog. Whatever needs doing, do it all on your own.

3. Give her a hug

Tenderness and support can go a long way to calming her frazzled nerves. Don’t be surprised if she’s stiff at first and then begins crying as she softens into the hug. Just continue holding her gently until she pulls away.

4. Ask if there’s some way you can help

You may or may not get an actionable response when you ask this question. Whatever her answer is, do your best job of being supportive.

Don’t worry if she doesn’t take you up on any of your offers the first couple of times you try to help her through a bad day. Just be sure and let her know you’re there for her.

As she gets more and more used to the fact that you’re there to help, she’ll begin leaning on you when she could use your strength to get through a bad day.

You’ll feel better because you know you’re helping her. She’ll feel better because she’ll know you really care about and understand her.

However, without the spells of bad fortune a relationship might go through, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good moments as much, and luckily, there are a number of things you can do to help your partner through her tough time.

5. Take Care of Your Partner’s Everyday Tasks

When you’re going through a rough spot, your otherwise basic day-to-day responsibilities can suddenly seem a lot more of a grind to get through. Simple things somehow become darker and heavier and can get in the way of the time and space you need to sort through what’s bothering you and mentally bounce back.

By taking care of these little jobs (vacuuming, grocery shopping, doing the laundry…etc.) for your partner, you can help smooth out the healing process and make a significant difference in the time it takes for her to shake off what’s bothering her.

One thing to remember, it’s possible that your partner actually enjoys these more mundane tasks as a way to keep his mind off of what’s bothering her, so you should find out first if taking over these small jobs is something she would actually want you to do.

6. Don’t Pry

Pushing your partner to talk about what’s bothering her can cause her to feel pressured or even intruded upon. We all need our space, and if your partner wants to open up about what’s bothering her, she will.

If you do really feel like getting your partner to talk is critical to her feeling better, then by first opening up yourself about something difficult that you went through in your life, he might appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your more private experiences and feel better about revealing what’s going on in her head.

7. Don’t Keep Poking at the Wound

If your partner is already feeling down about something bad that happened, repeatedly bringing it up with her could only get in the way of her getting over the lousy experience. Sometimes things just happen that emotionally knock you out of your loop and it simply takes the time to get yourself back on track.

Excessive talking and questions about issues might only lead to your partner’s frustration and then she’ll not only be dealing with what the original problem, she’ll be having to deal with you too.

8. Respect The  Mood Your Partner’s In

If your partner’s feeling down, constantly pushing her to snap out it or telling her that whatever she’s upset about isn’t so bad, might only make her irritated with you. We all have things that bother us, and by trying to minimize the problem – or even worse – being perceived by your partner that you don’t take her issue seriously, it’s possible you’ll only make it more difficult for her to get past her tough time.

9.  Don’t Take It Personal

Even though it can be easy to think you’ve done something wrong, most of the time your partner’s bad mood has nothing to do with you.  To even be in a healthy relationship you need to be secure in yourself, and there are many variables (other people they deal with, their job, things that happen in the past, something that they heard or fear) that go into a person’s life that can affect how they feel, and you have to remember that as much as you might now about your partner, you probably don’t know nearly as much as you think you do.

10.  Be Honest About The State of Mind Your Partner’s In

While it might seem easier to simply tell people that your partner is doing fine, doing so could very well give the wrong impression to other people and if they’re around your partner, they could act in a way that’s not beneficial. By offering a realistic assessment about where your partner’s emotionally at, it will give people a chance to adjust their behaviour accordingly so they can take the appropriate demeanor and show support.

11.  Be There

Going through a tough time is unpleasant enough, but if you’re isolated with no real support, things can get pretty unbearable. However, by staying close to and communicating with your partner, your support will go long ways to getting her on her feet again.

12. Keep Your Partner At the Front of the Line

Even though real-life can make this tricky, prioritizing your partner over your other commitments will really benefit her. Simply showing how much you care will do a lot to lift your partner’s self-esteem, and that in turn should speed up the recovery process.

13. Know How To Deal With Your Own Frustrations

If you’re not careful, the feeling of helplessness that sinks in when you have to watch your partner suffer can drag you into a funk as well and then things will only get that much tougher. Just remember that feelings come and go, and even if it seems like you’re watching your partner go down on a sinking ship, you can’t let yourself fall apart because who then is going to swim out to save him?

Remember, relationships aren’t necessarily easy, if they were, people wouldn’t always be saying you have to work at them. And the reality of life is that the next tough time for you or your partner can always be just around the corner. However, it’s how we navigate the bumps in the road that ultimately determines our happiness, and if you follow the tips in this article, you’ll definitely have a better chance of helping your partner’s rough time go by smoother – and from that point on, your bond should only be that much stronger.

It’s totally OK if your girlfriend is going through the rough times or have occasional bad mood. You already know how to cheer up your girlfriend then. But what if her bad mood is nearly permanent and negatively impacts your well being? If she refuses taking adequate matters like talking to a professional therapist, maybe it’s time to reconsider what healthy relationship is and what it is important to maintain only the healthy ones.

3 Reasons Why Is It Important to Be Healthy in a Relationship

If you are struggling to find a balance between your relationship, self-care and social life, not to mention any other responsibilities, you are not alone. Here are a few reasons why you need to make your health a priority, even when you are no longer single.

1. It Feels Great to Look Great

Whether you are single or happily committed to someone, putting on your favorite outfit, and loving how you look is a fantastic feeling. If you have always been one to eat healthily and workout before a partnership, it is crucial to your well-being to continue those habits into every new chapter of your life. It can be hard on your body to fluctuate in nutrients and weight, so keep in mind how important consistency is to how you feel.

Finding a significant other that also enjoys a healthy lifestyle would be a home run, but you could also give advice and motivation to a lover that struggles to be health-conscious. It is easy to let movie nights and extra desserts catch up with you, but taking advice from the Tony Horton could help you avoid putting on any excess weight in a relationship.      

2. Happiness Should Come From Within

While there is so much happiness to be found in your significant other, you don’t want your relationship to be the only source of your joy. It is essential to have freedom and self-sufficiency in a romance, and a great way to do that is through having hobbies. Working out and cooking delicious and healthy meals is a pastime that will keep you both busy and in shape. Relying too much on another person for satisfaction can lead to heartbreak and disappointment.

Never give up your independence in a relationship, and always fight to make yourself a better person, regardless of who you love. A couple that can be successful as a unit and as individuals are much more prosperous than those who struggle to understand their self-worth away from each other. If you care for your person, encourage the development of your partnership by being secure in yourselves.   

3. Remember the Effects of Forgetting a Healthy Lifestyle

If your body is accustomed to meeting certain micronutrients, maybe you don’t quite realize what your customs are doing for your body. Working out not only leans your muscles and burns fat, but it also helps fight stress and keep your heart healthy. Have you always pictured yourself being a parent one day? Lifting weights and eating right increases your fertility and gives you the energy to be a first-time parent.

Now that you realize how you can improve your life with healthy decisions, can you imagine how it might feel if you weren’t? If you are not taking steps to care for your body, you can struggle with mood changes, breakouts and headaches, all things that may cause friction with your partner. With all this said, it is possible to be too invested in your well-being, which can mean experiencing the same adverse effects as forgoing a healthy lifestyle altogether. Finding a balance may be time-consuming, but the results are more than worth the effort.

You may be surprised by how much in your relationship relies on taking care of yourself. If you are ever struggling in your partnership or having issues with your significant other, check and make sure you are both taking the steps needed to be a strong couple. This is all not to say you can’t have a few rest days or enjoy good food on vacation, but it is about being steady in your efforts. A healthy lifestyle is the stepping stones you need to be ready for a long term commitment.

Finding that special someone that makes you feel whole is an indescribable feeling. It takes a lot of energy to build a trusting foundation with your significant other, which may take away from the time you spend taking care of yourself.

About the author Dr. Karen Finn

Dr. Karen Finn is a life and divorce coach. She works with clients to help them deal with unhappy relationships. You can get free advice or email her at for a free consultation. Don’t let the worry about divorce ruin your life, help is available as soon as you’re ready.

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