Early Morning Sex, a Quicky in the Kitchen, Goodnight Naughty Games… How to Have More Sex in Marriage

By Rachael Pace

Posted 6 years agoSEX

Stuck in a Sexless Relationship

You and your partner have been having crazy sex. You’ve done it everywhere from your bed to the bathroom at the club. When it comes to your sex life, you’ve hit the jackpot.

Then suddenly your wild intimate connection drops off the face of the earth. This is a giant problem – and not just for the shallow reasons you might think.

Sex is fun, feels amazing, and is clinically proven to reduce stress because of the oxytocin released after orgasm. Beyond the feel-good aspects, having sex with your partner also deepens your bond.

Stuck in a Sexless Relationship? Here is Why

Studies show that the more satisfying sex a couple has, the more likely they are to verbalize their love for one another. It also heightens emotional intimacy in couples, which is extremely important for maintaining or creating a healthy relationship with the object of your affections.

Needless to say, if you are in a sexless relationship, you’re in a vulnerable position.

A lack of intimacy between partners can start to make you feel insecure, irritated, and drains the emotional connection between you and your spouse. It often leads to cheating, breakups, and emotional exhaustion.

What Qualifies as a Sexless Relationship?

It may surprise you to know that being in a sexless relationship doesn’t mean that you never have sex. When professionals talk about being in a ‘sexless marriage/relationship’ they are usually talking about couples who are only getting it once a month to only a couple of times each year. Or, yes, not at all.

Why Your Sex Life is Lacking

Do you have any right to complain if your sex life is on hiatus? Maybe you’re having sex once a year. Maybe you’re having sex once a month. Once a week, even! No matter what your circumstance, if your sex life has changed from the way it used to be – you’re bound to get a little *eh-em* frustrated.

Are you in a sexless relationship?

Not all libidos are made the same. You may be absolutely crazy about your significant other. She may be smart, funny, and beautiful – but you just don’t share the same sex drive. Or, there’s a deeper issue at play here. These are 5 reasons why your spouse isn’t putting out.

1. Your Emotional Connection is Lacking

People, women especially, are more likely to be intimate with their partner when they feel an emotional bond. Not that there aren’t girls out there willing to be your booty call, but odds are the majority are looking for some sort of emotional connection.

One study reports that women are more likely to have an orgasm when they’re with a loving partner – not a hookup encounter.

This is because women are more trusting of their spouse due to the aforementioned emotional connection. They feel secure knowing that their spouse (you!) are looking to please them and don’t care how long it takes or what is involved in getting them to cross the finish line.

Make date night a regular, weekly occurrence. Spend time out doing something fun, exciting, and romantic. Once you make time to work on your emotional connection and build chemistry, we can almost guarantee you’ll see a change in the bedroom.

2. You’re Bad in Bed

Pro tip: women want to orgasm just as badly as you do. If you aren’t hearing the moans of a satisfied lady or are getting the sense that she’s putting on a show (READ: faking it) then you have some major problems in the bedroom.

If your spouse isn’t getting orgasms from you and suddenly your sex life is flatlining, the two are most definitely going to be connected.

The best way to get your partner off is to communicate with them. Don’t pressure her to climax or make her feel rushed or embarrassed about it.

The bottom line? You want your girlfriend/wife/partner to orgasm. They want to orgasm. So start communicating about what your partner needs emotionally and physically to make that happen.

  • Romance her more beforehand? Hello, Romeo!
  • More foreplay? You got it!
  • Dirty talking? You’re there!
  • Slow down during sex or incorporate toys? Sounds like a dream!

Whatever her request is, answer it with enthusiasm. She’ll love seeing how willing you are to pleasure her in bed.

3. Excessive Stress is Strangling your Sex Life

Are either you or your spouse experiencing severe stress in your lives? Then DING DING DING! We believe we’ve found the source of your lack of intimacy.

Perhaps your girl is going through a drastic change in her family life. Maybe she has just been fired from her job, is stressed out at school. Or maybe you find you are both arguing nonstop in your relationship.

Whatever the case may be, stress can be a huge killer on romance.

Studies show that stress can have a negative impact on your metabolism. This means that if your girlfriend is super stressed, she may be experiencing sluggishness, weight-gain, or severe bloating. This can start to make her feel self-conscious about her body, which won’t exactly incline her to strip down for you.

Or, she may just feel sick to her stomach or anxious all the time. Bottom line: stress is not sexy.

4. She’s Interested in Someone Else

Unfortunately, one of the reasons there is a lack of intimacy in your relationship is that your girl is interested in someone else.

Your partner might be having an emotional affair with someone else – talking to and confiding in them the same way she would do with you, just without the sex.

She may also be having a full-on physical affair, which is why she’s so reluctant to be intimate with you.

Or, it could be a matter of her having a simple (but fleeting) crush on the new guy at the gym or some dude at her work.

Whatever the cause of her sexual distance is, it’s best to communicate calmly about why she’s pulling away from you between the sheets.

5. Issues with Mental Health

The brain is often considered to be the most important ‘sex organ’ and here’s why.

The brain is where neurotransmitters begin the journey to tell the rest of your body that you’re feeling turned-on. It is highly responsible for desire, fantasizing, sensation, and especially – orgasm.

Needless to say, suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD, eating disorders or other issues with mental health can be a huge factor in the sudden lack of intimacy in your relationship.

If your partner is feeling depressed, odds are she probably isn’t feeling too horny. Perhaps she feels bad about herself emotionally or physically. Or it could be that the medication she is taking for her mental illness is wreaking havoc on her libido.

Whatever the case, mental health can put a huge damper on your sex life.

It’s important to find out why your sex life is lacking in your relationship. While ups and downs in libido are completely normal for couples, sometimes a lack of sex may signal that something is wrong with your relationship. Communicate openly with your spouse and address any issues so that you can get back into the bedroom!

About the author Rachael Pace

Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and
helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world,
offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a
featured writer for Marriage.com , a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

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