What to Do When You Can’t Fall Asleep Next to Your Partner

By Patrick Banks

Posted 3 years agoSEX

Sleep is an essential function that helps us get ready for our daily activities. Our body and brain need time to regenerate, repair, and re-establish their own homeostasis (calorie supply, temperature, and oxygen levels), which happens during sleep.
What to Do When You Can't Fall Asleep Next to Your Partner

However, not everyone is capable of getting a full night’s sleep, and this is one of the issues people who are in a relationship and living together face. For some couples, sharing a bed with their partner brings joy and happiness, while for others, bed sharing can become a source of great anxiety and conflict.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, about one-third of the United States population suffers from insomnia. Additionally, they also found in a 2016 survey that two-thirds of Americans either have difficulties falling asleep or staying asleep. With the pervasive effects of sleep-related issues, almost everyone is looking for a solution.

If you are a heavy sleeper, sleeping next to someone might not be a problem. But for others, it can be very challenging due to their partner breathing too loud, snoring, and maybe having restless leg syndrome. Despite all the kisses, cuddling, and pillow fights, your beauty sleep is still vital.

Not Being Able to Fall Asleep Next to Someone Is a Common Issue

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Even celebrities have sleep problems. For example, Tom Cruise sleeps in a specially designed sound-proof room because he’s a habitual snorer. Of course, we don’t think you should follow suit if you or your partner snores.

So if you feel like you need to work on yourself and your sleeping habits to make your partner enjoy his/her night rest, here are some tips that could help avoid this big issue.

What to Do When You Can’t Fall Asleep Next to Your Partner?

1. Exercise Regularly

According to a study, a person who gets at least one hour of exercise a day, four times a week, has a significant improvement in their sleeping patterns. Experts recommend yoga due to its calming effects on the body.

It may be best to work out at a time that suits both you and your partner. In other words, try a morning workout or before you go to bed. The best time to exercise is between 6 am and 9 am when your body is at its peak for physical activity.

2. Eat Healthy Foods and on Time

Research shows that a nutritious diet can help couples fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly. Eating whole grains, fruits, and vegetables can provide energy for your body, but they also provide essential vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients that your body needs during the sleep cycles.

3. Avoid late-night snacks

If you want to be able to enjoy your sleep with your partner, try as much as possible to avoid eating your dinner late. Eating two hours before sleeping has amazing benefits, and would ease your sleeping problem.
Try Sleeping Masks
If you are a light sleeper, using sleeping masks will help prevent light reflections. Even though it might be a little weird at the beginning, after a while, wearing one would be soothing.

When choosing a sleeping mask, consider the fabric, and ensure there is no need for regular adjustments. Test it out so you can avoid ones that put pressure on your eyelids. Light fabric, able to breathe comfortably, conducive, and doesn’t generate heat – these should be features of your sleeping mask.

4. Avoid Sweaty Sheets

Sweating at night might be due to temperature, stress, anxiety, or a physical condition. The struggle is real when it comes to setting the appropriate room temperature for night sleep. It is even worse when you and your partner are sleeping together – that is an extra body’s temperature.

A number of people have difficulties finding the perfect temperature for sleep. Avoiding sweaty sheets is a step in the right direction. There are sheets in the market that saps away the sweats. If you are a sweaty sleeper, you can buy sheets made of materials that allow for more airflow, which reduces sweat and hotness.

5. Get a Doctor’s Appointment

When it comes to sleep difficulties with your partner, the doctors are the gatekeepers. It’s better to get a professional help if possible. This could be helpful if your partner has a sleeping condition that prevents them from getting a good night’s rest. Going to the doctors would help assess your medical fitness, and would also reveal if your problem is health-related.

Take sleep apnea, for example. This is a disorder that causes irregular breathing when the throat muscles relax and no air is able to enter the lungs. As with other disorders, this life-threatening condition is medically treatable.

6. Constant Meditation

One way to limit the sleeping difficulties is by staying in the right frame of mind and not being constantly stressed out. A great way to achieve this is by meditating. For example, you can try doing a quick set of 20 breathing exercises and then go for a walk or sit in a quiet space. After the session, just sit back and reflect.

Meditating for at least ten minutes daily helps relax your mind, which, in turn, improves your sleep issues. Yoga is one of the ways to do this. Research shows that people who meditate have higher levels of oxytocin, which promotes intimacy and trust. That’s why meditating when you are with your partner makes a difference.

7. Limit Your Night Time Browsing

Studies have shown that more frequent use of the internet and electronic devices, such as smartphones, can have an adverse impact on a person’s sleep. It’s tough enough for the two of you sleeping next to each other, so try your best to limit your internet time.

Late-night browsing not only leads to sleep deprivation through a constant flow of information to the brain, but also the phone backlight might be disturbing your partner. Turn off your cell phone, and avoid electronics for a few hours before bedtime.

8. Talk to Your Partner About the Problem

The first thing you should do is figure out whether or not you’re both experiencing the problem. Talk to your partner and find out why you’re not sleeping well together. If you and your partner finish discussing your sleeping problems, it’s important that you both decide whether or not you want to sleep next to each other.

You could also set ground rules on sleeping positions and bed corners. This would improve your time sleeping together.

9. Use Natural Remedies

When you’re having a rough night of sleep, try taking an Epsom Salt bath, an essential oil, or herbal supplements. The first thing that you’ll need to do is give yourself some time off from all your other responsibilities.

You could also try some relaxation techniques like yoga, deep breathing, visualization, or listening to soothing music.
Try Separate Blankets
The ideal size of a single, large blanket is 20-by-24 inches. This size is enough for a single adult (4’4″ to 6’0″) and is small enough to allow each person to have their own space.

Even though cuddling is sweet and romantic, having your own blanket at times would reduce the problem of sleeping next to your partner.

10. Try CBD or THC

Insomnia led some people to start using marijuana as a sleep-aid, but what works best for supporting the full sleep cycle, CBD or THC?

Which is Better for REM Sleep – CBD or THC?

Rapid Eye Movement sleep, commonly referred to as REM sleep, is a specific phase of sleep classified by the seemingly random movement in the eyes. It typically occurs about ninety minutes after falling asleep. Most people know of the REM cycle as the phase in the sleep cycle when you dream. This makes it a unique phase different from all other phases of sleep.

The distinct nature of REM sleep is why the sleep cycle is commonly split up between REM sleep and non-REM sleep despite non-REM sleep containing three stages. While all of these stages contribute to a healthy sleep cycle, REM sleep and non-REM sleep have significant differences that are not seen between the three stages of non-REM sleep.

THC Induces Sleep but Reduces REM Sleep

Now that you understand the importance of the REM sleep cycle to your overall health, can you use either CBD or THC to support a healthy sleep cycle? According to an article discussing the CBD/THC relationship from Online Dispensary Canada, THC & CBD work even better when taken together, something described as the entourage effect. When looking at them individually, however, THC seems to act as a sedative meaning it can help someone fall asleep and stay asleep, it also seems to reduce the amount of time spent in the REM cycle.

This is because people regularly associate marijuana use with a lack of dreaming. It also explains why people who stop using marijuana after using it regularly for an extended period of time experience intense dreaming.

After experiencing a deprivation of the REM sleep cycle, the body tends to rebound by entering the REM cycle faster and more frequently. So, while THC seems to help some people fall asleep, it tends to actually decrease the amount of REM sleep you experience.

When Would THC Work Well for Sleep?

Even though THC seems to reduce the amount of time spent in the REM sleep cycle, that is exactly what some individuals need for a healthy sleep schedule. This particularly holds true for individuals suffering from PTSD or regularly experience nightmares. By reducing the amount of time spent in the REM sleep cycle, you also reduce the amount of time you spend dreaming. 

While dreaming is healthy for most people, if you regularly experience night terrors or suffer PTSD, just thinking about dreaming can cause a sense of fear and dread. This is why some users feel that THC is an extremely effective sleep aid as it reduces the amount of time spent dreaming allowing them to fall asleep easier without the fear of nightmares. While they may not experience the full range of benefits from a healthy sleep cycle that includes REM sleep, it’s still far better than not receiving enough sleep overall.

What About Using CBD for REM Sleep?

Additionally, CBD does not seem to affect a person’s natural sleep cycle. This means that unlike THC, CBD can help with inducing sleep while also maintaining a normal REM sleep cycle. However, it’s unclear whether the benefits to sleep come from the CBD itself or the terpene myrcene which is commonly found in high-CBD strains.

Myrcene is regularly found in high-CBD strains of marijuana as well as a few other plants including mangoes, basil, thyme, lemongrass, and hops. Studies suggest that myrcene acts as an effective sedative that helps people fall asleep. This is the main reason that hops are commonly associated with a sedating effect. Some people believe this terpene is why people associate CBD with helping users fall asleep. This confusion is only made worse by the fact that most scientific studies on using CBD for sleep use CBD alongside other cannabinoids and terpenes. All of these factors make it difficult to determine exactly what causes the sleep-enhancing effects so many users associate with consuming CBD.

However, this confusion seems to dissipate by the fact that people who use pure CBD isolates still claim that it helps them fall to sleep. While this is only anecdotal evidence that could be explained by the placebo effect, most people who use CBD seem to agree that it helps with sleep. Despite all of this confusion, whether it’s CBD or myrcene causing these sedating effects people associate with CBD does not matter a whole lot to the end-user.

If you use a full-spectrum CBD product which most people in the field recommend anyways, it will most likely contain myrcene and CBD so that you can benefit from both.

While researchers still do not know the exact function of REM sleep, a number of studies show the importance of this stage of the sleep cycle. One study even found that rats deprived of REM sleep die in a matter of just four to six weeks. Other studies have shown various lab animals exhibit increases in aggression after prolonged periods of REM sleep deprivation. Researchers have also theorized that proper REM sleep could contribute to:

  • Preservation of memory
  • Neural ontogeny
  • Defensive immobilization
  • Oxygen supply to the Cornea
  • Recovery of the monoamine receptors in the brain

To sum this all up, while THC can help with sleep, it also reduces the amount of time spent in the REM sleep cycle. On the other hand, CBD can also help with sleep but it maintains your natural sleep cycle meaning your body still goes into the REM stage of sleep as it normally would.

11. Buy a King Size Bed

If you feel uncomfortable sleeping next to the roaring sounds of your snoring partner, there is a solution for you. With a king-size bed, you can sleep comfortably in any position. A king-size bed has more support so that you can sleep side by side. So get a large bed and start enjoying your sleep.

Don’t forget about a high quality mattress, though. A king size bed is nothing without a good mattress to match it. This can be a difficult choice as there’s a huge variety available so take your time to choose the right one. For example, if you’re a side sleeper, there’s a good chance that not all mattresses would be ideal for you, so you would surely want to get the best mattress for side sleepers. The same goes for anyone that has any sort of back pain or other physical issues.

Getting the perfect mattress can truly transform your sleep – and your life, in the process.: Nowadays, you can get a soft bed in a box for side sleepers ordered online and shipped right to your door!

12. Maintain a Healthy Sex Life

The most effective and proven sleep strategies for you and your partner are to increase your libido and sexual activity. Getting in touch with your sexuality is one of the best ways to sleep better. Your sexual desire is important because, with the right stimulation, it will lead you to better sleep.

The more you and your partner engage in love making, the better you’ll feel, and you’ll wake up more refreshed.

13. Sleep In Different Beds

One of the simplest ways to increase sleep time is sleeping in different beds. Some couples even sleep in different rooms on a regular basis, so no one feels sleep deprived or exhausted in the morning.

While having separate beds might be ideal for you, I do not actually suggest it. But if it feels like the last resort and a better remedy to your situation, then go for it.

14. Invest in the Best Mattress You Can Afford

Human beings are known to be extremely adventurous in their sex lives from the positions they attempt to the new places they set out to be intimate, and it leaves a lot to be desired. The one thing that always remains constant for everyone is the mattress; regardless of the time or place, most people always end up having sex in bed on a mattress.

How a Mattress Can Destroy Your Sex Life

The mattress plays a big part in your sex life and, therefore, can determine how the experience will be, considering this is one of the most intimate times in a person’s life. It is necessary to note that even though the mattress is used for intimacy, it can also give a negative impact on your sex life.

The type of mattress you use can negatively affect your sex life in the following ways:

How a Mattress Can Destroy Your Sex Life

1. Non Responsive to Motion

A mattress that is not bouncy may be very uncomfortable during sex. The idea that a firm mattress is the best for sex is not all true; the responsiveness from your mattress can make sexual encounters so much better.

Although a firm mattress may work for some couples due to quicker orgasms and less traction because of the pinned down effect, it may not be what a more intimate person is looking for. The idea is to get the other partner in rhythm with you but this may be impossible if the mattress is just stiff.

2. Noisy is Not Appealing

Many people would prefer their intimate moments to remain private. A mattress that does not have noise reduction may be the reason why a couple cannot be intimate anymore. Making love is not supposed to be a public affair hence if the mattress you use “makes noise” then there is a very high likelihood of your sex life suffering due to the embarrassment you face. Get a quiet mattress to make sure what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.

3. I’m Getting Infections after Sex

A lot of people make the wrong assumption of picking up an infection from the partner, yet your mattress could be the main issue. A mattress that is not microbial and hypoallergenic could easily lead to a couple rolling around with bacteria and germs.

If this issue is not properly addressed then the sex life automatically becomes a casualty. Men are likely to be blamed for this. The fact that women respond faster to infections than men has made them get blamed for what is not anybody’s fault.

4. Sex is Uneconomical

The cost of a good quality mattress may be too high for a lot of people, hence the need to maintain it when they buy. A good mattress is supposed to not only endure the weight the couple carry but also be durable over time.

The chances of the mattress sagging and the couple requiring to purchase a new one because of intimacy may be the reason why the couple does not engage in as much sex anymore. Hard economic times have hit all sectors; the thought of buying a mattress just because sex is making it sag is not even a priority anymore.

It goes without saying that you won’t rock in the bedroom while being tired!! Your quality of sleep should be your priority. Harvard Health have produced a useful guide towards establishing good sleep hygiene, and the basics are easy to follow. Set a regular bedtime and stick to it; turn off devices that give off blue light, and move around briefly if you can’t immediately get to sleep.

Harvard also noted the importance of a good bed; this is a view echoed by sleep experts BedTester.com, who note the impact of a good mattress on your posture and your ability to get a good night’s sleep.

5. I Cannot Enjoy Certain Positions

Different people sleep in varying positions and the type of mattress they use determines the level of comfort they will feel. We have those who lie on their backs, stomachs and sides. The same applies to sex positions, different people enjoy different sex positions but your mattress may hinder you from enjoying intimacy.

An example would be the latex mattress which has 2 layers – the medium one would be good for side sleepers and of course anyone, and the medium firm side that works for back and stomach sleepers such a mattress would be good for everyone if they just stuck to the correct side. Moving to the other side may be uncomfortable and will surely kill the intimacy.

6. It Gets Too Hot

Most people cannot enjoy intimacy when they are uncomfortable. Some mattresses may get too hot and this will obviously kill the intimacy because it may give the feeling of “drowning”. The mattress you get intimate on is not supposed to be a water bed unless that is the intention or the agreement with your partner. And even if it was, I do not believe that sweat would be appealing. A quick fix may be a cooling mattress.

7. Sleep Still Matters

There are couples who prefer to be intimate in the morning. There are others who prefer to do it several times a night. This means that they will require to be well rested since intimacy is actually a very physically tasking activity. An uncomfortable mattress will instantly kill the mood since no one can be intimate if they feel tired and maybe even in pain because of the discomfort caused by a mattress. The more comfortable the mattress, the better your sex life will be.

So what factors can you consider to ensure your sex life is not affected by your mattress?

Don’t Let Your Mattress Ruin Your Sex Life

The Mattress Needs to Respond Easily

Having a mattress that makes sex feel like action in quicksand is not good at all. Get one that is in with rhythm with you. This will ensure that both you and your partner are getting the best from each other.

Non-Impact Absorbing

A good mattress for sex needs to be bouncy. It is believed that bounce creates a rhythm that makes intimacy more enjoyable. This just means that the mattress cannot be rigid.

Low Key is the Way to Go

Being the neighbor whose sexual activities is known is not at all pleasing. Intimacy is meant to be an extremely private activity. Ensure to get a mattress that does not cause noise disturbance to those around you and cause you any embarrassment.

It Has to Be Durable

There is no way to actually know this 100% unless you literally test it. A good mattress for sex should be one that stays put even after several “tests” without getting distorted or sagging. The testing would have to be monitoring how the mattress reacts to your lovemaking.

Comfort is Key

At the end of the day, the main use of the mattress is to be slept on. Be sure to purchase a mattress that you will sleep and get well rested because this will impact your sexual performance. A tired body won’t perform, and in as much as sex is a physical activity, your state of mind determines the final outcome. If you are tired, it will be sure to show.

Size Matters

I know that size is not supposed to be a consideration during sex, but for the mattress, it is. Choose a mattress that will be able to accommodate the 2 of you comfortably without either one of you falling over. The bigger the bed, the better for everyone especially the couple.

It Better Be Made from Non-Toxic Material

A great mattress has to be made from non-toxic material because your body is in constant contact with it. It is necessary to get a quality mattress that will not infect you with strange infections and cause any other body or internal injuries.

Buying a mattress is already a hectic task, but with coming up of technology, it has been made easier. The online platforms have paved the way for anyone who would prefer to shop from home.

Purchasing; this only requires the user to get onto a website that sells the mattresses. The best bit is that they usually have descriptions to the mattress so you can just select the ones you want to your specifications such as type, size and costs.

Mattresses are not very cheap to buy, hence the need to get the best rates whenever you can. Any kind of discount would also be great. To buy a quality mattress, this is where coupons come in. A coupon is a voucher that gives the bearer an entitlement to a discount on a product. A mattress coupon would be a great way to buy a good quality one without digging too deep into the pockets. There are coupon websites available for anyone who is interested – using a website like this is a sure way to get to a reputable mattress coupon website.

Sex and mattresses go hand in hand. To be able to enjoy sex, you must be willing to put in the work. This means that you should ensure you research thoroughly before getting one. Be sure to seek opinions of different people, especially your partner, so that you can be sure to be getting what is comfortable for both of you. Intimacy is important and therefore it is necessary to get a quality mattress no matter the price. Be sure to look out for sales and discounts all the time and look online for good deals. Compare prices between sellers to be sure you’re not getting ripped off.

Bottom Line

Sleeping together should never be a big issue for people in a relationship; it is something that could easily be solved with understanding and love. I hope these 13 tips help improve your night sleep with your partner and contribute to a healthy relationship that would last forever.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.