So you’ve met a girl and you took her out on a date. Things are looking good and starting to get heated. You’ve covered bases 1 and 2 but you are ready to run home. Before you go spend $100 on rose petals and wine, take a look at these prime cuddling positions that set the mood without her even knowing.
But first, why does it matter? If she is into you, doesn’t sex just like, happen? Nah. Sex, like anything in your life, is a well-orchestrated affair. When was the last time you just got washboard abs without trying? Never? Yeah. Same.
A bedroom is innately an intimate place. It is the location where you spend the most time with yourself, and with your significant other. Your bed has been a haven for you at your lowest points and has probably seen some things no one else wants to know about.
Now, it is home to two. Your body language in bed can say a lot about your feelings for the other person there, and can significantly impact how they feel about you. How you hold her (or don’t) can make her feel safe, protected, valued, or conversely, like you don’t care about her. If she does not feel safe, she is a lot less likely to put her love down on you if you know what I mean.
What is the key to getting down to business in bed? You guessed it. Touching, touching, and more touching. According to a survey conducted on 1,000 American’s sleep and relationship satisfaction, “positions that already involved quite a bit of contact translated to sex most easily.” Ironically, many of the top-ranked positions that lead to sex are also ranked as the most obnoxious for both men and women. Take a look at how they broke it down:
It looks like most men do not like the idea of swallowing a mouthful of hair or sweating enough to fill a small swimming pool during the night. However, you might be thinking that sleeping and cuddling are different things.
You’re right. Cuddling is used for temporary enjoyment while sleep is a necessary energy source. So it is no surprise that extremely intimate positions are favoured for sex but not for a full night of sleep.
Though sleeping preferences vary by gender, there is a distinct trend of close proximity in the positions that lead to the most sex. Sex is a two player game that requires some heavy petting, intimate proximity, and strategic body placement. So turn down the lights, get comfy, and prepare to be learned a thing.
Without further adieu, these are the top 5 sleeping positions that lead to sex from bottom to top.
5. The Leg Hug
Your legs happen to be one of the most expressive parts of your body, as they are the first thing to move in a “fight or flight” scenario. They are also come into contact with other people less often, so it is noticeable when they do. If you and your girl are just starting out, this may be a solid move to test the waters and express your attraction in a way that is intimate but not overbearing.
If you are already in a long term relationship, this sleeping position could mean great things for both your night and your future. Patti Wood, author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body Language, says “It means your lives are intertwined, that you function as a pair. You probably finish each other’s sentences and take care of each other.” So whether you are trying to have sex for the first time or the hundredth time, the secret to love making might be found in a game of footsie.
4. The Nuzzle
The nuzzle involves you laying flat on your back and having your partner drape her head and arm across your chest.
Con: this position can get a little warm. Pro: Your bodies are close, eye contact is a thing, and she feels cozy and protected in your arms. Take it from the experts–Shirley Glass, a psychologist and marital therapist, says that “there’s a high level of trust here,” the nuzzle provides a “strengthening sense of comradeship and protection.”
This popular position ranks #1 as the most obnoxious for men, but only #5 as the most obnoxious for women. Perhaps taking a step back and thinking about your partner will get you to your end goal faster than focusing on yourself.
3. The Side-By-Side Snuggle or “The Shingles”
Your sleeping position can say just as much about your personality as it does about your sex life. People who sleep on their backs are thought to possess big personalities, or strong egos. “The Shingles” is when both partners lay on their back, but one partner leans into the other.
According to Mindbodygreen, “when one partner complies and lets the other play protector, it means you really understand each other, and indicates confidence in the relationship.” Confidence is key, especially in sex. This position sets you up as an alpha presence, and keeps your hands available for a little foreplay.
2. Big Spoon
This is the 2nd ranked most annoying position by both men and women, but it is also the second ranked position for getting it on. Perhaps both partners know exactly what they are doing when they place themselves in this frisky fix. Patti Wood calls it a “vulnerable position that’s sexual, but says, ‘I trust you’.”
Mindbodygreen lays down the facts and states that the Big Spoon position is only preferred by about 18% of couples. So what is it that makes this annoying position so attractive? It probably has something to do with your you-know-what rubbing up on you-know-where, not to mention room for your hands to roam.
1. The Tangle
This may seem like a no-brainer. Your faces are close, your bodies are touching, and yet this is the top-ranked most annoying sleeping position for men. Who wants someone else breathing in their face? Apparently new couples. This is a preferred sleep position by new couples, meaning it might be the best position in the honeymoon phase, but its not sustainable. Basically relationship psychologists characterize this sensual hold as an outward expression of passion. You and your partner literally can not get enough of each other.
Mark Quinn, cofounder of Herobed says, “It’s that position which satisfies those couples that can’t get close enough to one another sleeping in an embrace, cheek to cheek with legs intertwined.” But Elizabeth Flynn Campbell, a New York psychotherapist says this position could mean you are “too dependent on each other to sleep apart.” A more sustainable version of this position is the Unraveling Knot, where partners start off tangled up face to face, do their thing, and then go their separate ways for a quality night of sleep. It’s the perfect balance between sexy and stable.
Check out the metrics of this list from Mattress Advisor’s study:
How you snuggle isn’t the only thing that can help you make moves. Sex is less likely if your partner is stressed or tired. In an article published on The Conversation, sex therapist and author, Dr. Laurie Mintz, writes, “It is now clear that a hidden cause of sex problems is sleeplessness and that a hidden cause of sleeplessness is sex problems.”
It all has to do with hormone imbalance. When you are stressed, your body produces cortisol, which temporarily increases glucose levels. What does that even mean? No one knows. But it gets the people going. Literally. In another interview, Dr. Mintz explains that this increase in glucose kicks your fight or flight response into gear, making it even more challenging to fall asleep.
Not only can you improve your chances of getting it on by making sure your partner gets a good night of sleep, but you can have a better night of sleep after orgasming, meaning better sex the next day, too. This is a cycle I am down to hop on. Don’t go from 0-100 if you can tell she has had a stressful day. Try helping your partner relax first and then ask if they want to engage in sex. Even something as simple as a prolonged hug can help reduce cortisol levels and get her in a better mood.
Your key takeaway: Sex comes from a balance of intimacy and attraction. Sex doesn’t just happen. It takes time and effort to get your relationship with another person to the point where you both want to slip under the covers. This goes for one night stands and long-term relationships.
Sex is never guaranteed, nor required, so the best thing you can do is set the stage with the right kind and amount of touching. If you don’t have a real sex partner this time, there is always a possibility of having sex dreams 😉