What to Do When You’re Attracted to Your Wife’s Hot Friend  

By Rachael Pace

Posted 5 years agoSEX

What to Do When You’re Attracted to Your Wife’s Hot Friend


When you find yourself attracted to your wife’s friend, usually men have one of two reactions.

The first reaction is to shrug it off. You noticed an attractive girl. So what? You’re married, not dead. Just because you’re attracted to someone other than your wife doesn’t mean you’re going to do anything about it.

The second reaction is panic. This usually sets in when you realize your attraction to your wife’s hot friend isn’t going away and the feelings you are having are starting to cause relationship conflict.

Whether you’re dating or married, dealing with relationships issues sucks. Here’s our relationship advice for men who are attracted to someone other than their wife.

Having a Crush Isn’t Cheating

First things first. Acknowledge your feelings and remember that just because you’re attracted to someone else doesn’t mean you’re a bad husband.

Granted, this would probably hurt your wife’s feelings if she knew about it (or maybe she’s super cool and can also acknowledge that her friend is a total bombshell).

Regardless, having a crush doesn’t mean that your marriage is doomed or that you don’t love your wife anymore. It just means you’re human. Humans like other people, humans are attracted to one another.

But the biggest piece of relationship advice for men in this situation is a Spidey classic. With great power comes great responsibility. You’re not a bad dude if you are sexually attracted to your wife’s friend – unless you act on it.

Practice Smart Self Control

Odds are you aren’t a guy who’s looking for drama in his marriage. But drama is exactly what you’re asking for if you dwell on your attraction to your wife’s friend.

Think of it this way: If you planted a seed and you kept obsessing over it, watering it, and putting it in proper sunlight – that seed is going to grow. But if you plant the seed and leave it alone, it will shrivel up in the soil.

Similarly, you want to make sure you’re not nurturing the feelings/attraction you feel toward your wife’s friend.

That means no fantasizing about her when you’re getting off, not going through her photos on IG, and not imagining what it would be like to be in a relationship/have sex with her.

If you leave your feelings alone, your crush will eventually pass. Just be patient.

Consider Your Own Happiness

Many people think that getting a crush on someone else means you aren’t happy with your wife. This is not necessarily true.

You could be perfectly happy with your hot, smart, fun wife. You guys could get along great. That’s why you married her, obviously! Crushes just happen sometimes, even when you don’t mean for them to.

But if it’s been a while and your attraction/crush for your wife’s friend isn’t going away, it might be beneficial to take a step back and consider whether you’re happy in your marriage.

If the answer is no (or if the answer is that you’re happy, but feeling a little bored these days) then you need to take the steps to improve your marriage. Spice things up in the bedroom, have a regular date night, start communicating together more often and endeavor to do new things together. This can really help you get over any relationship boredom you’re feeling.

Focus on Your Relationship

If your crush is spiraling out of control, it’s probably for the best that you not hang out with your crush for a while (or indefinitely). Avoid her on social media, excuse yourself if your wife invites her over, and do not – I repeat DO NOT text her/chat with her alone.

Instead of using your feelings for evil, try using them to benefit your own relationship.

For example, you may be feeling horned up by your wife’s BFF. Use that pent-up sexual energy to pleasure your wife and go wild in bed. Bonus: studies show that sexual satisfaction boosts marital satisfaction and happiness. So, I consider this option a win/win for both you and your wife.

Stick to the Reality

Your attraction to your friend’s wife is raging. On top of her being a total hottie, she’s also sending some pretty flirty signals your way. This could be nothing – just her being playful. But, deep down you start to believe that if you asked her to meet up for sex, she’d be into it.

If you’re entertaining the thought of having a torrid, sexy affair with your wife’s friend: STOP.

One huge piece of relationship advice for men fantasizing over their wife’s friend is to stop glamorizing a terrible situation.

Try and consider the reality of what it would be like to cheat on your wife. Here are a few guarantees of what would happen

You’d have nervous but hot sex with her gorgeous friend.

You carry on sneaking around behind your wife’s back, lying and breaking her trust

You constantly worry that your wife’s friend is going to end up pregnant

And here are just a few variations of how your affair will probably end:

You get away with the affair and feel guilty

You are so nervous about getting caught that you start projecting, believing that your wife is cheating, too

The friend develops feelings for you and wants to pursue a relationship. When you say you’re not leaving your wife, she says she’s going to tell her about the affair.

Your wife finds out about the affair/you tell her about the affair. Now your marriage is in shambles, you’ve potentially broken your children’s hearts, and you’ve hurt your mistress’ feelings, too.

No matter how you slice it, nobody wins in an affair. The idea may be alluring, but they’re certainly not as glamorous as Hollywood would have you believe.

Sure, sex is fun, but for the most part, cheating is a nerve-wracking annoyance that almost always blow up in your face.

Here’s our number one piece of relationship advice for men: Don’t let your attraction to your wife’s friend cause issues in your marriage. Acknowledge your feelings and move on. If necessary, take a break from spending time with this person so that you can avoid developing an emotional attraction to this girl.

About the author Rachael Pace

Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and
helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world,
offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a
featured writer for Marriage.com , a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

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