What to Say On Tinder? Tinder Conversation Ideas That Work!

By Patrick Banks

Posted 5 years agoDATING

what to say on Tinder

So you’ve crafted the perfect bio on tinder, finally, every girl out there knows you’re number one in the world at pillow fighting and that your hips don’t lie congratulations! But now what?

The thing that can make or break you in the ‘wonderful world’ of tinder is what you say, “hi, how are you?” maybe the bread and butter of the conversation world but girls don’t want bread and butter, they want ham and cheese or probably a pizza. So what do you say?

The scenario: you’ve just matched with “smoking hot” Sarah, you wait a few minutes because you don’t want to look as eager as a pig at feeding time and now you want to grab her attention… I don’t know about you but when I want to grab someone’s attention I usually shout their name and surprisingly (or not) this works on tinder.


Suddenly there’s a million questions going through her head but one thing’s for sure; Sarah wants to know what you want. It doesn’t matter if she answers with: yes? Hello? What? Why are we shouting? Or by shouting your name back, you’ve got her attention.

Now comes the fun bit, talking to her and my best advice here is if you’re not having fun neither is she, so let’s go through some basic concepts:


Completely underrated, I cannot tell you how many fake marriages I have saved by telling a girl on tinder that I have bad news, the divorce papers have just come through, the court date is Saturday and I’m keeping the dog.  Something about fictitiously telling a girl you’re leaving makes her fight for the relationship you never had (or at least the dog).

The great thing about roleplay is that you can play these characters, you can ask her how things got so bad, you can remind her of that trip to Paris with the romantic dinner where she had indigestion and you can tell her the sex was too good and you were fired for missing work. It’s fun, it’s interesting and most of all with an unlimited set of previous experiences you always have something to say.

Finding Common Ground

The title is a bit misleading because this is what I like to call “certain common grounds”

Simply say, “Can I ask you a question (beautiful)?” followed by, “have you ever…” and fill in the blank with something along the lines of:

  • Been to Antarctica?
  • Won a Nobel Prize?
  • Solved world hunger?

You get the point, regardless you’re looking for a no. Once you have that ever important ‘no’ you hit her with, “no way, neither have I, we have so much in common!”

It’s a beautiful little trick that can work anywhere in a conversation; as an ice breaker; as a pick-me-up in a lull; anywhere really.

Make Boring Questions Interesting

This is a very important concept, take boring, mundane questions and turn them into unique and interesting ones.

When girls hear the everyday questions like, “how are you?” they all turn on auto-pilot and give their pre-written, pre-determined, vanilla answers (and so they should). How much effort and imagination does it take to come out with a question like how are you? None and so the response matches the question. Instead of asking a predictably dull question add just a little imagination and it can go a long way.

“Did anything make you smile today?” Suddenly she’s off auto-pilot and you’ve got her thinking (don’t be surprised if you get, “you,” as a response to that question).

You can do this with any question, just take two seconds to think of another way to approach it and if you can’t think of a question look at what she just wrote, girls will always add things in to responses that they want you to ask questions about, you just asked her about her favourite film and she brought up that she does ballet, coincidence? No! People like others to take an interest in them so just read between the lines a little buddy.

Talk With Passion

Girls love a man who is truly passionate about things he does; says and thinks. Nothing can kill a conversation more than an unpassionate response such as, “I work in accounts, it’s alright,”

No! Just stop! If you can’t get enthusiastic and passionate about something then neither can whoever you’re talking to, energy is contagious so convey the energy you want to be reciprocated. “Not to impress you but I’m basically Sherlock Holmes for numbers,” is a much better response.

If you’re not passionate about something then the trick is to talk about things you are passionate about, if she asks about your job and you hate it more than taking a cheese grater to the family jewels then jokingly say something like, “if I told you that I’d have to kill you,” in fact, come to think of it, you can use that to get out of any unwanted questions… Mr Bond.

Be Cheeky

First thing’s first, you need to know the difference between banter and just being an idiot, being cheeky is when you ask her what she’s doing today, she replies with, “nothing,” and you say, “that’s far too exciting for me, I’m going  sky diving today but I’m sure that’s too boring for you”.

Being an idiot is in the same situation replying with, “that’s a f***ing s*** answer, try again,” while some girls might take the second one as a joke, most girls will just hate you and I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up on a tinder fail page along with the self-admitting bed wetter’s.

The key to being cheeky in conversation is keeping a girl on the cusp where she doesn’t know if she wants to kiss you or slap you so saying, “if you play your cards right I might treat you to anything off the menu at McDonalds,” is the right area.

Fake Romance

We live in a world where every girl wants a prince charming but if you say you want to like under the stars, holding hands, staring at the night sky, you’re a weirdo.

The trick to giving girls what they want but not being a weirdo is doing it in a joking way. You want to be doing the equivalent of saying that in an overly romantic voice then breaking out into laughter halfway through because you can’t take it seriously anymore; this way the girl gets to live out this fantasy in her imagination but she knows you’re joking and so you’re not a weirdo (it’s a win, win).

The best example of this is the romantic dinner in Paris from before, “do you remember Paris? The candlelit dinner under the stars, you stared into my eyes, leaned in close to my ear and whispered, ‘I have indigestion,’ oh the romance,” builds this fantasy in her head but makes her know you’re joking.

Future Plans

This is an easy one, if you’re throwing future ideas for dates (even if you don’t say it explicitly) then it makes a girl know you’re interested in doing things together. Even if you don’t do these dates, the idea of them in a girls head means she is mentally acting them out plus girls always like a guy with great date ideas.

For example; say a girl has just told you she loves vodka, you tell her: “There’s this vodka bar I have to take you to some time, they have every flavour you can think of, popcorn, caramel, old socks… it’s ok we all know you want the sock flavour,” in her head she’s already planning the trip with you.

Putting Words in Her Mouth

This is one of my favourites and I guess it fits under being cheeky but I’ll treat you to a paragraph because I spoil you guys.

There are a few ways you can go about this, you can correct her so if she says, “you’re quite funny,” you can reply with, “*the most hilarious guy who has ever existed, awwww thanks,” or you can put words in her mouth.

e.g. “What’s that? You want me to sneak into your window tonight? WOW that’s forward of you but okay then… if I have to”.

Cheeky and effective.

In conclusion

The most important thing to remember from all of this is ‘if you’re not having fun then neither is she’ just make sure you’re enjoying yourself, drive the conversation in the direction you want, give out the energy you want back and don’t take it too seriously. Follow these guidelines and you’ll be every girl’s pizza in no time.

If you REALLY want to get your online dating game to the next level, you should check out this playbook here.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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