To be honest, the process which has led you to this exact article is extremely fast-paced. In a matter of a few seconds, a few pages began loading and started to present you this unique piece of content. The world is the same – super fast-paced. Everything that we are supposed to do, or everything that we’re doing daily and consistently (school, work, social life, family, hobbies), puts us through an active process of thinking, behaving, and acting according to the given present situations.
If you, my dear reader, agree to play my game and allow me to prove you a point, while also explaining to you why and how everything’s gone wrong, you’ll definitely find this article quite helpful.
So, What the Heck Are You Living For?
Due to the fact that you’re in a continuous movement, and I’m talking about waking up with an alarm clock, almost every hour of your everyday morning, having to wash up, get ready, and start your day. It doesn’t matter what you occupy your time with; you’re still experiencing feelings offered by your workplace and social environment.
Now let me skip to my final point: our everyday’s routines and activities make us forget about the important aspects of our existence. Pay attention…this is possibly happening right now, in your life, without you even realizing it. I don’t want to induce panic or stress, but focusing on the wrong things in life will most definitely reduce the quality of your thoughts, feelings, and quality of life.
“You never know yourself till you know more than your body” – Thomas Traherne
Have you ever stopped for a second to ask yourself a few of these basic questions?
- Who am I?
- Why am I here?
- What’s my life’s message and legacy?
As you can observe, whenever we take a moment alone and ask ourselves these types of questions, we’re basically communicating with ourselves. Better said, we unconsciously perceive our inner dialogue “partner” as a distinct entity. If you can start being aware of this fact, you can now understand that not spending time alone is just like constantly avoiding your “closest partner in life”.
If you ignore yourself, then it means that your whole attention goes on others. For example, when you’re in love with someone, you would do anything for him or her. You’d be willing to spend time and money with that person, perform a lot of mental and physical effort in order for things to go well between you, and you’ll automatically think a lot about him/her.
If you’re willing to do this for someone else, why in the world aren’t you doing it with yourself first?
The Fear of Being Alone
When we’re conscious that what we’re about to do is going to bring the pain (in any form) instead of pleasure, we tend to be afraid of it. In a matter of seconds, few processes that happen inside our brains are causing the fear that we’re talking about.
Fear can manifest itself in many forms. The fear of failure, the fear of loneliness, the fear of unknown…these are all disempowering effects of certain causes. Things that happened in our past, events that changed the way we perceive the world, and all of the feelings that we’ve experienced throughout our lives have led to our present beliefs, attitudes, and fears.
The fear of being alone is characterized by the difficulty of looking straight inside our lives. We’re afraid of being alone because it forces us to start being honest with ourselves. When we take a peek inside our own brain, alone, without distractions, we can spot certain aspects. Some are positive, while some are negative. The fear start from the latest mentioned.
Now let’s get back to the most important reasons for which you must start spending more time just with yourself:
You Get to Know, Accept, and Ultimately Love Yourself Better
First and most important, you must understand the way you think. Your thinking habits are a key influencing factor for everything that you experience. If you change the way you think, you’ll also change all of your feelings and the quality of your life.
You must also pay attention to your emotional reactions which are leading to the most intense feelings that you have experienced or that you’re experiencing daily. Pay attention to the patterns; look at the cause, and then at the effect. Look for the triggers that are facilitating the cause-and-effect processes.
A short example: whenever you have thoughts that are “confirming” how lonely you are sometimes, a feeling of melancholia or sadness may appear. The trigger is that exact initial thought. If you are aware of it, the whole emotional process will be different. You will understand why you’re feeling that way, and you have the choice of replacing that thought with a positive one.
After you gain a better understanding of yourself, you should start the process of acceptance. Being able to accept the way you are, and the way you were born, and being able to feel grateful for life, well, not so many people are actually doing it. The moment you accept yourself, the moment you’ll feel more content with your life.
There’s quite a long road from understanding to loving yourself. Individuals that manage to love themselves will experience a better quality of life: their own self is enough to experience feelings of love, the relationship with others will be improved because of the smaller number of egoistic actions, and they’ll always feel content with themselves.
Loving yourself comes from a lot of time spent alone, a lot of introspection, and a lot of patience. It’s the “next big thing” that you experience after you have managed to accept yourself.
You’ll More Control Your Life, Instead of Allowing Life to Control You
People that learn to control their lives are way more happy and successful than those who allow themselves to be controlled by life. The continuous movement that we all have in our lives, the thing that I was talking about earlier, it constantly controls your time! It’s obvious that our most important resource, the one that we can’t take back, is time.
Your responsibilities are present here for a reason: you’ve put them in your life, and you have committed to keeping them on track. All of your activities and responsibilities together are causing a huge mess in your brain. You forget about the fact that you must control your life instead of letting it control you.
The moments of solitude that you’re willing to have will definitely help you reflect upon and analyze your life. It’ll help you figure out where you are, where you wish to be, and what you’re actually willing to do in order for that change to become a reality. I’d suggest taking thirty minutes each and every day alone, and reflecting upon your present situation. After you become genuinely aware of your present state, you can start deciding your future.
Brian Tracy once said: “One minute of planning saves 10 minutes in action”. It’s extremely important for you to take notice of what this really means and apply it in your own life and in your own unique case. Start planning your future, and then commit to take consistent action towards your desired result.
You’ll Become the Master of Your “Inside Battles”
An inside battle, or better said contrary thoughts, is often present in a person’s mind. Moreover, these inside battles that we’re often having with ourselves are coming as a result of having to face a scary decision, having to deal with obstacles and setbacks, and obviously having to assume responsibility for our choices and actions. Simple, huh?
When you’re sitting alone, no distractions, all calm and relaxed, you can finally start analyzing your problems, and reflect upon the decisions that you have to make. You can finally stop the external noise – what friends, family, and experts say – and base your decision on your own thinking. You can be the master. For that, it takes a bit of courage of assuming responsibility for your own gut.
The society doesn’t matter in this case; it’s all you and…you. Your inner self and your egoistic self are trying to merge into something compatible. Pay attention to this:
When you’re able to synchronize your heart, thoughts, and actions, you will be able to succeed with anything that you want. This is the core method of accomplishing almost anything in life. If you want it from your entire hearth, have it constantly on your mind, and you’re also willing to take action until you have it, you’re most likely to succeed.
I urge you to reflect upon this tip that you’ve just received, this strategy of thinking and planning, and then immediately set aside an action plan. Commit to it, and change your life for good. All this if you’re willing to spend time alone and really take your life into your own hands.
You’ll Develop an Efficient Problem-Solving System and Routine
Life throws us a lot of problems straight in our face. They come from nowhere, and we have no control over when they appear. A person’s ability to face his challenges and problems is directly proportional to his success in life. Problem-solving is a skill that we all develop throughout our lives. The difference is that some of us do it better than others.
Those who can successfully use their brains to develop efficient problem solving systems and automatic processes, those will truly enjoy the effect of their good thinking. Spending time alone allows you to develop this system; it continuously grows as long as you keep using it and consciously improving it.
Ultimately, it all becomes a habit of thinking that you no longer have to look for. It’s going to happen in your subconscious, and it’s going to feel natural. That’s what you should focus on: creating productive habits of thinking and efficient problem solving internal processes.
The Quality of Your Personal and Professional Relationships will Drastically Improve
When we manage to manage our inner issues, our inner battles, we can then stop the impulse of affecting others because of our own problems. People do this often; because of their problems, they’re fighting, arguing, and causing problems that aren’t supposed to be present in any type of human relationship.
Moreover, when you take some time alone, you can understand yourself better, analyze your reactions; make standards concerning who you want to spend time with, and so on. Again, by taking time alone you’re basically analyzing your and other person’s behavior. You can take some time and carefully plan your reactions and responses in certain situations.
Needless to say, the more alone time you have, the more you’ll improve your inter-human relationships; it doesn’t matter what type of relationships you have – personal or professional, it’ll all work better.
The time you spend alone is extremely beneficial for your present life and your overall future. Do not be afraid to take moments of solitude and reflect upon your life. Successful people do it, so why wouldn’t you? Start assuming responsibility for your life and face your demons as soon as you can!