When it comes to things girls wish men knew about women, there’s a substantial list– you could call us women instead of girls for a start– but this list pares it down to the top five. Small improvements are better than not trying at all. Here are the top five things we of the female persuasion wish men knew about us.
One – A Little Goes a Long Way
For men, it might feel like their girlfriend or wife wants them to change who they are entirely. In most cases, that couldn’t be further from the truth. After all, we’re with you for a reason. While arguably, peoples’ wants and needs change and mature over time, usually when we ask you to change something we feel like it’s a small thing that would make a huge improvement. That’s why the first thing girls want you to know about them is that a little goes a long way.
Consider this: your partner finds it frustrating when, for a few weeks, you come home from work and immediately start texting your friends and making calls to organize your pal’s epic stag party. You’ve been looking forward to it for months, and your dedication to the cause has you spending every spare moment either on the phone making calls or on a website for planning a weekend of bungee jumping, clubbing, and chasing an adrenaline rush. Not to mention that the ultimate guys’ weekend will have you gone for three days of awesomeness. Your partner is upset about the lack of attention and support.
In an alternative scenario, you express the importance of this event to her and apologize for how much time it’s taking. Instead of diving into planning mode, you take an hour to talk about each other’s’ day and enjoy a meal together, before investing more time in your party planning efforts. She’s happy that you’re spending some time with her and you go on to have an incredible, stress-free stag party weekend. The key takeaway here is that we’re usually only asking for small changes and that something as simple as a compliment or ten minutes of your undivided attention can make a big difference.
Two – Our Minds Work Differently from Yours
You’ve probably seen that meme where the man and woman are lying in bed, and the woman is wondering if her partner is ok, if he’s thinking about another woman or if something is terribly wrong. The man is usually thinking about some obscure movie plot hole or cars. While the meme is a bit of a gender stereotype, it does have a great point.
Our minds work much differently from yours.
Scientists indicate that there are four main ways in which the female and male brains operate differently: processing, chemistry, structure, and activity. It’s these differences that explain why men tend to be more logic-based in decision making while struggling to understand the emotional side of something, and why women are superior multi-taskers.
So, when it seems as though you and your partner can’t get on the same page about something, it might be because you have different brains. We need you to understand that we have more chemicals in our brain that assist with bonding and emotion, and more connections between our memories and five senses. The way around this? Calm, open communication to work around issues.
Three – Our Bodies Don’t Work Like Yours
Are you ready for the uncomfortable “birds and the bees” talk? Because here it is. You’ve probably already noticed that our bodies don’t work the same as yours. We’ve got things added where you don’t, and we have things missing where you do. Beyond that, how our bodies respond to stimulus are different, even if that stimulus comes from someone we are immensely attracted to.
In terms of sex, our bodies don’t always pick up the vibe as quickly as yours. Our lack of perceived interest or inability to turn on like a light switch doesn’t mean anything against you; it just means that you’ll have to take your time to elicit a response. Even so, there are a million different factors that could make us want to curl up in sweatpants and go to sleep rather than stripping down and getting sexy.
A woman’s moods and emotions directly impact her libido. A long stressful day with the kids may cause a man to want to unwind the natural way, whereas a woman might feel too frazzled to function. This also circles back to the previous two points about a little going a long way and having different minds. At the end of a long day, we’re going to feel much more willing and able to get freaky in the bedroom if you’ve helped us out with the kids, etc.
Four – We Need You to Talk Candidly
One of the biggest challenges couples face is the difference in how men and women respond to problems and arguments. Generally speaking, men put things away, bottle them inside, and prefer to move on after a fight. Women tend to be more expressive (because of how our minds work) and want to talk about everything.
It’s worth noting that this is a blanket statement. There are plenty of women who would rather keep their emotions contained and bottle everything up and plenty of men who are expert communicators and know how to express themselves.
Regardless, we need you to talk about your problems or at least acknowledge that there is one. One of the main concerns in a relationship, especially when it comes to differences between men and women is money. Men tend to have more of their confidence and emotions tied to their role as a provider, and often try to hide money problems from their spouse. This can lead to nasty surprises, bankruptcy, and even suicide.
Here’s the thing: we know that you grew up in a world where men are supposed to be stoic and keep their emotions reigned in, and we think it’s a load of garbage. You can still maintain your manliness and communicate when there’s a problem. If you’re stressed about money, tell your partner. If you’re having a really terrible week at work, tell your partner that’s why you’ve been quiet lately. Don’t turn us into the meme woman lying in bed wondering what’s really going on.
Five – There’s No Cookie-Cutter Woman
You can scroll through the pages of Google, looking at all the different things that women want men to know about them, and end up without a real answer. That’s because there’s no cookie cutter that creates uniform women and dresses them all the same. We’re individuals, with different experiences, personalities, interests, dilemmas, minds, goals, and dreams.
You may be reading about how women are so great at expressing themselves wondering what kind of strange, emotionally restricted creature you ended up with.
Alternatively, you may read about how women are slow to respond to sexual stimulus and wonder how that lines up with the forward-thinking, sexually active wife you have.
You might have laughed when you read about a little going a long way because your girlfriend really does want you to change completely (which is either a problem with her or you, but definitely a problem with your relationship overall).
If there’s nothing else you take away from this, take this: we’re all different, despite what how our brains and bodies are wired to operate. So how can you figure out what women want you to know about them? Stop thinking about how women operate and look specifically at the women in your life as individuals. Consider your mother, your sisters, your friends; do they all have the same wants and needs?
How to Figure it Out
You may have noticed that there’s a common thread in all of the suggestions above: communication. To keep your relationship on track, both you and the woman in your life need to communicate like adults and tell each other what you need. Talk about your struggles and your triumphs, your wins and your challenges. Take the time to calm down and speak to each other respectfully, listening attentively, and really thinking about what the other person is saying before jumping to conclusions or responding.
If you really want to know what girls want you to know about them, ask. Ask the woman in your life what she wants to experience and feel, what would make her happy. If you ask this of every woman you ever meet, you’ll likely get a different answer each time, with everything tying back into a central theme: we want you to care about us and put work into developing this relationship for years to come.
And sometimes, we just want you to feed us and tell us we’re pretty. Is that so hard?