The 6 Signs She Wants To Break Up With You (and What to Do Next)

By Sam Romero

Posted 4 years agoDATING

Look, I get it. You do the whole courtship thing, you invest your time and energy in dates, and it pays off – whether she’s simply staying over regularly or you’ve earned the ‘boyfriend’ title, things go well. But soon, you start to notice subtle changes, little things that you can’t quite put your finger on. Is this the end? Here’s how you tell:

1. She takes longer to respond to your texts or calls

In my experience, this is the easiest tell. Once you’re in, she responds like clockwork and once you’re out, she’ll keep you waiting. Now, don’t panic if her timing is off over the course of a day because that’s stage 5 clinger behavior, to borrow the term from Wedding Crashers. But, if her increasing response time becomes consistent over the course of a few days, watch out.

This can go one of two ways. The first is that she stops responding in a timely manner but keeps feeding you excuses. If she provides excuses without being prompted or something feels hinky about them, take that under advisement. If she provides something that feels legitimate, then don’t worry yourself. If her response time drastically changes and she does not feel compelled to provide any explanation, then you can skip straight to the ‘What to do next’ section. You’re probably at risk of being ghosted.

2. She starts prioritizing other things

This can be harder to get a read on – especially if you’re in the early stages of a relationship. After all, she may have some commitments you’re not aware of, or it could just be a natural turning towards other areas of life after that early infatuation stage. That said, if something feels off, then maybe it is.

If she consistently reschedules or cancels at the last minute, or puts off confirming plans in the first place, that’s a red flag. If she’s simply spending more time with school, work, hobbies, friends or family, don’t stress out about it. There’s no need to worry unless this behaviour is coupled with one or more of the others listed here.

3. You don’t spend any time with her friends or family

Women are supreme social beings – they’re includers, for lack of a better word. If you’re in, she’ll want you to meet everyone. If you’re out, she’ll avoid being in social situations with you unless it’s necessary.

Classic example: I was dating a girl, let’s call her Kristen, and she had introduced me to all of her friends and had even brought up meeting her family. Fast forward a few weeks (as much as it hurts my pride to say it), and she went to all engagements with her friends solo. She would come to events with other couples with me, but all mention of meeting her parents disappeared.

Now, it is completely normal for her to want girl time with her friends – you should use that opportunity to catch up with the guys. What I’m talking about here is being completely shut out from her social life outside of situations it would be awkward for her to get out of.

The family scene is different for everyone, but for the most part, if she’s friendly with her family and you’ve never met them, and there is no talk of you doing so, the relationship is probably not heading towards a long-term engagement.

Again, use your judgment and take into account how many factors from this list you’re contending with.

4. Physical contact declines significantly

breakup

I’m not talking about sex yet – we’ll get there next. This is about all of those other little touches that she used to lavish on you whenever you were together. Everyone is different when it comes to physical displays of affection, but typically speaking she’ll have her intimate gestures. These are little ways that she maintains her connection to you and may include hand-holding, kisses on the cheek, touches on the arm, or whatever it is that she does. If you observe a decline in these gestures, it is worth noting.

Every woman is different, so you’ll have to ask yourself if her behavior change seems at odds with what you know of her personality. For instance, I’ve been with some women who overcompensate by being overly affectionate in public to keep up appearances, but then maintain physical distance in private. I’ve also experienced the opposite case, in which an ex-girlfriend avoided physical contact in public towards the end. If you’re not sure if there’s an issue in this area, think about how she behaved when things felt good and notice if there have been any departures.

5. The sex isn’t the same

Sex changes over the course of a relationship, and everyone is bound to have an off-encounter now and again. That said, if she stops initiating or signalling her desire for sex, and this change remains consistent, look for other signs of change. This may be a subtle shift, but you’ll feel it if she lets her interest drop.

Libido does shift after the honeymoon phase of most relationships. It is also natural for desire for sex to shift during times of stress or other changes, but if she makes consistent excuses and puts you off time after time, her lack of desire for this ultimate intimate act may mean she is no longer invested in the relationship.

You might also observe that she just doesn’t seem completely there during sex or that her heart isn’t in it. It may seem like she is less passionate, or that alternatively that she is trying too hard. It could be an off day, or unfortunately for you, it could mean that her heart isn’t in it.

6. The future literally disappears

When the future of your relationship is slipping away, sometimes it literally disappears. In the early stages of a relationship, your girl may actually start slipping in phrases that refer to the future and future plans as a way to gauge your level of commitment. In the normal progression of a serious relationship, these mentions of the future will eventually feel normal and you’ll both come to feel that discussing future plans is a natural occurrence.

If she’s starting to have second thoughts about your relationship, you may notice a sudden dropoff in references to future plans, or that it’s difficult to get her to commit to plans that you bring up. She may particularly balk at plans that require you to commit financial resources beforehand. This is a fairly sure sign that she is thinking of making her exit but isn’t sure how to tell you about it.

What to do next?

Remember, your lady may just be having an off day, or even an off week. You can’t know for sure if something is up, but if she is exhibiting more than one of the things I’ve mentioned above, there’s a good chance that something is going on, and it may be that she is looking for the door.

Relationships do go through rough patches, and if you’re invested in the relationship then the best way to decide if it has an expiration date is to engage in straightforward conversation. You don’t have to level any accusations – just ask her what’s going on.

Now, I realize this isn’t the go-to move for most men. You’re probably thinking, “Me? Bring up an issue – start the talk?” I’ve been there! But the truth is that it’s always better to man up than to be stuck wondering – and it doesn’t even need to be a big conversation.

I’ve found that the best tack is just to follow this formula:

Step One:

Open by asking for her ability to engage in a real conversation. This is important because it lets her know that there is a problem, and will catch her attention. All this takes is something like, “Hey, do you have a second? I feel like something’s up.”

Step Two:

Introduce the issue without introducing blame or criticism. For example, “You just don’t seem as available [or insert appropriate adjective here] as before; is everything ok?”

Step Three:

This is important, gentlemen – wait. Don’t answer the question for her or backpedal. Let her speak next. Don’t prompt her, just let her be the first one to fill the silence. If she asks what you mean, then list a few of the things that you have noticed in a casual tone.

Step Four:

Observe her response. Now, don’t seem aloof – you can actively listen, but you do want to take note of how she responds to this.

If she is overly apologetic and tries to save face, but nothing changes within a week or two, she’s most likely phasing you out. Likewise, if she’s avoidant or defensive, and nothing changes in the week after your conversation, it may be time to call it quits.

You know her personality so you’ll be the best judge of her response. The key is to see if her response at the moment feels genuine. Don’t try too hard – just see how her response feels to you. Then, wait a little while to see if the situation improves. If it does, great, because your relationship will be the better for it. If not, it’s time to move on. Be congenial, but direct, and go your own way. They say there are other fish in the sea for a reason.

Read more about the reasons why women leave men.

Step Five: Go to Theraphy

How Online Couples Therapy Can Help If Your Marriage Is Failing

Look, I get it. You do the whole courtship thing, you invest your time and energy in dates, and it pays off – whether she’s simply staying over regularly or you’ve earned the ‘boyfriend’ title, things go well. But soon, you start to notice subtle changes, little things that you can’t quite put your finger on. Is this the end? Here’s how you tell:

1. She takes longer to respond to your texts or calls

In my experience, this is the easiest tell. Once you’re in, she responds like clockwork and once you’re out, she’ll keep you waiting. Now, don’t panic if her timing is off over the course of a day because that’s stage 5 clinger behavior, to borrow the term from Wedding Crashers. But, if her increasing response time becomes consistent over the course of a few days, watch out.

This can go one of two ways. The first is that she stops responding in a timely manner but keeps feeding you excuses. If she provides excuses without being prompted or something feels hinky about them, take that under advisement. If she provides something that feels legitimate, then don’t worry yourself. If her response time drastically changes and she does not feel compelled to provide any explanation, then you can skip straight to the ‘What to do next’ section. You’re probably at risk of being ghosted.

2. She starts prioritizing other things

This can be harder to get a read on – especially if you’re in the early stages of a relationship. After all, she may have some commitments you’re not aware of, or it could just be a natural turning towards other areas of life after that early infatuation stage. That said, if something feels off, then maybe it is.

If she consistently reschedules or cancels at the last minute, or puts off confirming plans in the first place, that’s a red flag. If she’s simply spending more time with school, work, hobbies, friends or family, don’t stress out about it. There’s no need to worry unless this behaviour is coupled with one or more of the others listed here.

3. You don’t spend any time with her friends or family

Women are supreme social beings – they’re includers, for lack of a better word. If you’re in, she’ll want you to meet everyone. If you’re out, she’ll avoid being in social situations with you unless it’s necessary.

Classic example: I was dating a girl, let’s call her Kristen, and she had introduced me to all of her friends and had even brought up meeting her family. Fast forward a few weeks (as much as it hurts my pride to say it), and she went to all engagements with her friends solo. She would come to events with other couples with me, but all mention of meeting her parents disappeared.

Now, it is completely normal for her to want girl time with her friends – you should use that opportunity to catch up with the guys. What I’m talking about here is being completely shut out from her social life outside of situations it would be awkward for her to get out of.

The family scene is different for everyone, but for the most part, if she’s friendly with her family and you’ve never met them, and there is no talk of you doing so, the relationship is probably not heading towards a long-term engagement.

Again, use your judgment and take into account how many factors from this list you’re contending with.

4. Physical contact declines significantly

breakup

I’m not talking about sex yet – we’ll get there next. This is about all of those other little touches that she used to lavish on you whenever you were together. Everyone is different when it comes to physical displays of affection, but typically speaking she’ll have her intimate gestures. These are little ways that she maintains her connection to you and may include hand-holding, kisses on the cheek, touches on the arm, or whatever it is that she does. If you observe a decline in these gestures, it is worth noting.

Every woman is different, so you’ll have to ask yourself if her behavior change seems at odds with what you know of her personality. For instance, I’ve been with some women who overcompensate by being overly affectionate in public to keep up appearances, but then maintain physical distance in private. I’ve also experienced the opposite case, in which an ex-girlfriend avoided physical contact in public towards the end. If you’re not sure if there’s an issue in this area, think about how she behaved when things felt good and notice if there have been any departures.

5. The sex isn’t the same

Sex changes over the course of a relationship, and everyone is bound to have an off-encounter now and again. That said, if she stops initiating or signalling her desire for sex, and this change remains consistent, look for other signs of change. This may be a subtle shift, but you’ll feel it if she lets her interest drop.

Libido does shift after the honeymoon phase of most relationships. It is also natural for desire for sex to shift during times of stress or other changes, but if she makes consistent excuses and puts you off time after time, her lack of desire for this ultimate intimate act may mean she is no longer invested in the relationship.

You might also observe that she just doesn’t seem completely there during sex or that her heart isn’t in it. It may seem like she is less passionate, or that alternatively that she is trying too hard. It could be an off day, or unfortunately for you, it could mean that her heart isn’t in it.

6. The future literally disappears

When the future of your relationship is slipping away, sometimes it literally disappears. In the early stages of a relationship, your girl may actually start slipping in phrases that refer to the future and future plans as a way to gauge your level of commitment. In the normal progression of a serious relationship, these mentions of the future will eventually feel normal and you’ll both come to feel that discussing future plans is a natural occurrence.

If she’s starting to have second thoughts about your relationship, you may notice a sudden dropoff in references to future plans, or that it’s difficult to get her to commit to plans that you bring up. She may particularly balk at plans that require you to commit financial resources beforehand. This is a fairly sure sign that she is thinking of making her exit but isn’t sure how to tell you about it.

What to do next?

Remember, your lady may just be having an off day, or even an off week. You can’t know for sure if something is up, but if she is exhibiting more than one of the things I’ve mentioned above, there’s a good chance that something is going on, and it may be that she is looking for the door.

Relationships do go through rough patches, and if you’re invested in the relationship then the best way to decide if it has an expiration date is to engage in straightforward conversation. You don’t have to level any accusations – just ask her what’s going on.

Now, I realize this isn’t the go-to move for most men. You’re probably thinking, “Me? Bring up an issue – start the talk?” I’ve been there! But the truth is that it’s always better to man up than to be stuck wondering – and it doesn’t even need to be a big conversation.

I’ve found that the best tack is just to follow this formula:

Step One: Openly ask

Open by asking for her ability to engage in a real conversation. This is important because it lets her know that there is a problem, and will catch her attention. All this takes is something like, “Hey, do you have a second? I feel like something’s up.”

Step Two: Introduce the issue

Introduce the issue without introducing blame or criticism. For example, “You just don’t seem as available [or insert appropriate adjective here] as before; is everything ok?”

Step Three: Wait

This is important, gentlemen – wait. Don’t answer the question for her or backpedal. Let her speak next. Don’t prompt her, just let her be the first one to fill the silence. If she asks what you mean, then list a few of the things that you have noticed in a casual tone.

Step Four: Observe her response

Observe her response. Now, don’t seem aloof – you can actively listen, but you do want to take note of how she responds to this.

If she is overly apologetic and tries to save face, but nothing changes within a week or two, she’s most likely phasing you out. Likewise, if she’s avoidant or defensive, and nothing changes in the week after your conversation, it may be time to call it quits.

You know her personality so you’ll be the best judge of her response. The key is to see if her response at the moment feels genuine. Don’t try too hard – just see how her response feels to you. Then, wait a little while to see if the situation improves. If it does, great, because your relationship will be the better for it. If not, it’s time to move on. Be congenial, but direct, and go your own way. They say there are other fish in the sea for a reason

Step Five: Go to Theraphy

Speaking for my gender; two qualities define a man: we rarely talk about our feelings and hate asking for help. Combining the two –asking for assistance about our feelings- is an affront to our masculinity.

We love to think of ourselves as active, and problem solvers. But when it comes to mental and emotional issues, men need to quit bottling up their feelings and talk it out. Your mental health is as essential as your physical health. Failure to address negative emotions can have negative impacts on your life.

When to See a Therapist

Depression is the main reason why men should seek help from a professional. We go through a lot in our lives-jobs and relations- which may trigger trademark symptoms like lack of energy, sadness and a constant feeling of stress. For older men, it can result from financial anxiety surrounding your retirement, death of a friend or loss of independence like losing the ability to drive. If left unchecked, these feelings can result in other health problems like rapid weight loss, declining libido, and insomnia. It may even lead to destructive habits like dependence on opioid or alcohol.

 If you check carefully, failing marriage is among the leading cause of stress in most young men. Sailing through the hardships of marriage isn’t easy. It’s even worse considering no one learns to be good at marriage. To most people, it’s always a trial and error until you identify what does or doesn’t work. Well, your partner may be great, but there’s still the chance that you may screw up.

But in falling and facing your marital problems heads on, you’ll grow stronger by day. But what happens if the situation is beyond your comprehension? Do you initially look to divorce or work through your problems?

Couples’ therapists help young men and women make sound decisions regarding their future. You’ll learn how to improve communication, seek forgiveness and repentance to save the relationship. Even better, you have the option nowadays to see a therapist online, which offers support via instant messaging, video conferencing, or telephone conversations. Even if you’re not sure how to fit traditional therapy into your schedule, you no longer have an excuse as the online route significantly improves efficiency. There are many large companies that offer this type of therapy, some of whom are listed by E-counseling. Here’s how online therapy helps save your marriage.

  • Improves your sex life

When are you likely to get busy? When you’re tense and stressed, or when you’re happy and relaxed? Exactly.

Studies show that depression and anxiety can make men limp in the bedroom. According to research in Switzerland, erectile dysfunction meds seems to beuseful when you combine them with therapy.

Even better, if these problems arise from sexual anxiety, counselling helps empathise and communicate with your partner. Such a simple gesture can help relieve some performance pressure.

For instance, connecting behaviour, such as emotional vulnerability and listening can do wonders for women. It’s the greatest foreplay of all for any woman. So, you’ll get credit without lifting a finger.

  • Accessibility

Online marital therapy is highly accessible. As a couple, you can get assistance at any time of day or night. Currently, different experts and companies offer these services. All you need is to register an account and enjoy the services it provides.

Some couples live in a remote area where there’s no family therapist in the neighbourhood. The lack of an expert in your field shouldn’t be the reason you call it to quit. Invest in online marriage therapy and address any challenge or issue you may be having together. These services are available at the touch of a button.

  • Affordability

Financial constraints are one of the leading causes of marital disagreements and divorce. If you don’t have enough money to meet your needs, how will you afford the services of a general therapist?

Well, you don’t need to worry. The cost of online marriage counselling is cheaper than in-person marriage counselling. Some companies will provide these services for free.

In addition to saving money on rates payable, e-counselling gives you other options to save money, for instance, you don’t need to travel to a therapist’s office. Also, you don’t need to take time off from work to make to your appointment.

  • Privacy

Privacy is a cause for concern when seeking professional care, include marital therapy. Intimate couples don’t like it when others know that they’re having challenges in their relationship.

E-counselling offers extreme levels of privacy. All counselling sessions and records are kept secure and confidential. Remember, since you’ll be doing the exercise from home, you’ll be storing these records at home. Plus, there’s no risk of meeting friends, acquaintances, workmates or family members at a therapists house.

Does Your Online Therapists Gender Matter?

If possible, try not to focus on their gender. Research says that the therapist’s gender doesn’t affect the success or failure of your treatment plan. So, check online and look for an online therapist with a fantastic working experience.

However, some young men may be comfortable with women. There are situations where a woman can have an edge.

For instance, if you’re going through a tough fight or challenges understanding your woman, a female therapist would be better poised to address your problems.

But if you prefer to work with a therapist who specialises in treating men, do your research till you get the right therapist.  

How Do You Communicate in Online Therapy?

With online counselling, you can lie on your bed or couch, and have a chat with your therapist. There are a few ways in which you can speak your mind: audio, text, or video.

  • Text Based Messaging

Talking to your online therapist via text isn’t the same as chatting with your friends on WhatsApp or Messenger. However, it’s the most common method of communicating in online counselling.

Here, the texts are asynchronous meaning you send a bunch of texts and your therapists responds later in the day. In most cases, they’ll give their replies at least two times a day.

Online therapy allows you the flexibility to share any problem. You can text the therapist on your bus ride home, in between your classes or during your tea break. Don’t wait till the weekend to have a chat with your therapist.

  • Audio Messaging  

Using audio messages gives some benefits than text-based messaging. It allows you to deliberate or discuss a specific problem in detail.

Maybe you’re feeling nervous on your first date. Record a message and share with your therapists who will read and hear the nervousness in your voice. Also, you can record what’s in your mind when doing other tasks like shopping or preparing dinner for your family.

  • Video Conferencing

Are you new to online therapy? Video messaging and sessions make it easier to shift from face to face discussions to online treatment. They are highly affordable and convenient.

Video messaging entails two options: record a video and share with your therapist or have a face-to-face conference online. With the latter, the only difference is that you don’t visit the therapist in their office probably because your couch is more comfortable than the one in your therapist’s office.

Again, depending on your therapy plan, and your preferences, the choice on how to have a chat with a therapist is entirely yours. Remember, therapy is about communicating in any method you’re comfortable.

Starting Online Therapy

Starting online therapy isn’t as difficult as you think. Many facets of online therapy are simple and convenient than traditional therapy. All you need is to get the right therapist for your case.

With online therapy, you can easily switch therapists. You don’t have to ask friends for a recommendation or go hunting on google or look for a list of providers in your insurance. It’s simple, switch and try again.

Even better, your current therapist can share your recovery details with the new therapist. Of course, if you consent to the process.

With this, you’ll not be starting anew with your new therapist. It’ll be a continuation from where you left. The seamless switch allows you to continue with the progress making it easier to meet your personal therapy goals.

Since you’ll be sharing your results daily, you’re able to speed up the recovery process. The more weight you shed daily, the easier it becomes for you to address the challenges you’re having with your wife.

According to scientific research, 67 percent of people who remain in therapy can get quality results. So, be sure to follow these therapy sessions for at least three months. That’s the only way to ensure you get value from these sessions.

Conclusion

As a couple, you must nurture, defend and strengthen your emotional bonds if you want the marriage to last. Like any other relationship, turbulence is common. But if you can’t solve these issues on your own, use e-counselling. Here, you’ll get a licensed and competent therapist to assist you. Since you’ll be keeping records and documents for these sessions, you can evaluate them from time to time to see whether there’s any progress or not. 

Read more about the reasons why women leave men.

About the author Sam Romero

Sam Romero is an up and coming relationship consultant catering mostly to guys in the USA, Canada, United Kingdom and Australia. He's on a one-man mission to help other men learn what went wrong in their last relationship, and how to get it right starting from now so that they can get the woman they love back. Sam's vision is that every guy who comes to his website GetHerBackGuide.com will walk away a more attractive man capable of getting his next relationship right, whether that's with his ex or with someone new. He seeks to ensure that no man who finds his website ever has to go through relationship heartbreak again.